


Inked on My Wrist, Carved in My Heart

by Rainy_Summer



Series: NCT SOULMATE AU [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Author wants to focus on characterization first, Author wants to focus on friendship as well, Bestfriends RenHyuck, Blame shifting, Defense Mechanism, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, MarkHyuck romance will take a while, Multi, Narcissism, Psychological Projection, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Toxic Relationship, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Will have a happy ending, Your bias will not be a perfect mary sue, eventually, perspective, scapegoating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 151,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21591445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainy_Summer/pseuds/Rainy_Summer
Summary: Donghyuck's struggles involved moving forward after being rejected by his soulmate, getting his life back on track, and worrying about his bestfriend's own relationship issues. Life got harder when new people and people from his past started popping out of nowhere, and began ruining his once peaceful routine.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: NCT SOULMATE AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556095
Comments: 995
Kudos: 1114





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This turned into a series after the norenmin one shot. I wanted to make this a soft AU, but, oh well, change of plans, I guess?

Donghyuck opened his mouth wide and allowed Renjun to spoon feed him. He kept his eyes glued to the pages of the hand out that the professor had provided as a coverage of the exam. He only managed to read half of it last night, and by last 'night' he actually meant at three in the morning. The exam would be after lunch, and he was desperate to at list skimmed on all of the pages, hoping that he was suddenly, miraculously been blessed with a photographic memory. He really needed an extra hand, perhaps, literally. 

"I remember the time when you actually know how to use your hand to eat properly, " Renjun commented after putting Donghyuck's spoon down, and picking up his own chopsticks to feed himself. 

"I missed those days, too, " He answered without lifting his eyes from the pages of the paper in his hands."Unfortunately, I've got a midterm to pass. "

"We all have midterms, " Jeno told him matter-of-factly, and maybe with a little hint of jealousy because one of his boyfriends was paying more attention to Donghyuck than to him. "But we could eat with our hands. "

Donghyuck turned to Jeno squinted his eyes before faking out a sickeningly sweet smile, the one that would clearly be repulsive for the latter. The audacity of this boy. If Donghyuck remembered correctly, during their last year in high school, he had to endure watching him be spoon fed by either Nana or Renjun, every single time. Every. Single. Time. 

"But I have more midterm exams to take than you, " he replied, although, he must admit that using that as an arguement didn't make him feel any better at all. 

Donghyuck had not been a model student during his freshman and sophomore year. He had spent most of his times doing arguably the most useless, regretful, and unspeakable things. He ended up failing most of his subjects, thus, needing to repeat them. His parents kind of gave up on him already, that when he started to pick himself back up and straighten out his life, he was already on his own. Well, not really. He had his three friends, especially, Renjun. 

Still, he was not yet done reaping the fruits of his past actions. When his parents gave up on him, they stopped sending him money. He had to earn it himself. His summer break had been dedicated to summer jobs so he could save up for his tuition, meaning, he could not take up his back subjects during summer classes. 

In the end, he ended up squeezing them on his four remaining semesters, just so he could graduate on time. On top of that, he had a part time job at a fast-food and at a department store, just so he could cover up his daily expenses. 

What a very exhausting life, yet, he must endure, because enduring would always be better than mopping like a sore loser. Donghyuck was not a sore loser, at least, not anymore. 

"It would not have happened if you didn't slacked off, " Nana commented. Donghyuck rolled his eyes. He didn't need to check his watch to for he knew what time it was already. It's Nana bitching time. He didn't need to be a psychic to find out what he would say next. 

"It would not have happened— " Nana dramatically paused before continuing, "—If Renjun did not allow you to. "

Donghyuck momentarily paused from reading, his eyes leaving the papers on his hands in favor of staring at Nana, or rather, glaring at him.

Seriously? This again? While their having lunch? Donghyuck wished that Nana would pick a better bitching hour, better during at night, when sleep had taken over him so that he would not be forced to deal with Nana's new found attitude. 

Renjun sighed before placing down his chopsticks. He already lost his appetite to eat. "If you want to pick a fight with me, pick another subject, " Renjun said calmly, and Donghyuck could only wonder how he could remain calm while dealing with Nana. "Leave Donghyuck out of it. Have you forgotten how he had been back then? "

Nana looked ready to fired back, but after looking at Donghyuck, he decided against it, senses finally coming into him. Jeno, who was thankfully sitting between his two boyfriends, raised a hand between them. 

"Cease fire, " he said, and their table fell to silence. Funny how it was Jeno who was now playing Nana's role when connecting his two soulmates. In Donghyuck's opinion, however, Jeno was not any better than Nana when it comes to treating Renjun. But, he never voiced out his opinion, because he didn't want to set fire to something that was already heating up. 

Donghyuck returned to his reading materials, but was already too distracted to absorb any information, all thanks to Nana bitching hour. Nevertheless, it was easier to just look blankly at the pages rather than to watch the tension that was rising from the three. 

Sometimes, he really felt guilty. For more than two years now, he had been one of the subjects of Nana and Renjun's arguments. It wasn't Renjun's fault that those things happened. Donghyuck brought it upon himself because he had been very stupid. But then again, he wasn't all that they argue about, there were other things, and most of them were petty. 

Sometimes, he really felt annoyed with Nana. He felt like he was just trying to find something to argue about because he was frustrated with his life, and Renjun suddenly looked like a human punching bag to him. Granted that the two of them never fought physically, yet, it still did not sit well with Donghyuck that Renjun was always on the receiving end of his negative emotions. For what reasons? Just because. 

It was quite ironic that he was now picking Renjun's side because among the three, Nana was his friend first. Still, for the past years, it had always been Renjun who was always present. Renjun was taking care of him, while taking care of both Jeno and Jaemin, while still being one of the Dean's listers. He might as well just wear that shirt with an S on it. But even Superman has kryptonite. Sometimes he was afraid that Renjun would just suddenly fall down and Donghyuck hope that he would be there to catch him. 

He sighed. Thankfully, they were able to finished lunch peacefully despite a few moment of disruption of peace. Hopefully, he would manage to survive the exams as well, despite the distractions. He couldn't fail anymore, because he already failed way too much for this lifetime. 

●●●

"I'm free as a bird! " Donghyuck exclaimed as he and Renjun walked together in the nearby park, opening his arms and flapping them up and down, as if he was flying. The midterm week was over, and Donghyuck felt contented with how he answered the questions. While he was far from topping the exams, all he ever needed was to have a passing grade, and he eas pretty confident that he could have them. 

"Until how many weeks? " Renjun asked in a playful tone. " Until essays and projects started piling up again before the finals. "

Donghyuck glared at him before playfully pushing his friend. "Let me live. "

Renjun chuckled. "It's okay, though. After this semester, there's only another one left. And then we're free. "

Donghyuck nodded. Soon, everything would be alright and they could live the way that they want to. Maybe, after that, he could face his parents again, show them his diploma so that they would be proud of him, and then finally, they could live as a family again. All Donghyuck ever wanted was to redeem himself, and to win the love of his family once again. 

He had not seen them for too long. After that phone call, after that furious phone call from his mother, he had been too ashamed to show his face to them. He didn't have ghe right to, because he had been a bad son, a disappointment, and a cause of pain to his parents. 

Their family was not well off. They were struggling a lot financially. Still, his parents did their best to send him to the university that he like, because he wasn't smart enough to earn a scholarship. But, he failed them. He wasted their effort. He wasted their money because he was too focused on chasing something that was not worth chasing at all, instead of chasing a better future for himself and for his family. 

But, he was okay now. He was a different person, a much better one, with better goal and straightened out plans for his life. 

The two of them grew tired of walking under the sun, and decided to take a rest. They spotted a bench under the shades of a large tree, and the two of them sat there. Renjun fished out his phone in his pocket. Donghyuck took a peek and noticed that there were ten missed calls and thirty messages. All of them were from one person— Nana. 

Renjun rubbed his face with his hand in frustration before calling Nana. 

"Yes, " he said. Donghyuck tried to listen but he couldn't make a word out, although it didn't take a genius to find out that he othed person on the line was bossing Renjun around, and it didn't sit well with him that someone as smart and as strong as Renjun was agreeing like an obedient puppy to the person on the othe line. "At the park. Yes, that one. Okay. Okay, I'll meet you there. "

The call ended. Renjun sighed. "Jaemin wants to join us. He's bringing Jeno. "

"You could have said no if you don't want to see him, " he said upon observing his friend. He can see that Renjun clearly needed a break, especially from Nana. 

Renjun groaned. "A no for Jaemin would be turned into an ammunition for the next war. These days, the easiest thing to do is to say 'yes Jaemin' to avoid arguments. "

There was once a person who told Donghyuck that the concept of soulmate that the society was believing in was a total hoax. It wasn't true that finding your soulmate would make everything fine. It wasn't true that just because you're soulmates, would mean that the two or more of you would be good for one another. Looking at Renjun now, he was starting to think that it was true. 

Renjun found his two soulmates in high school. Donghyuck was there. He already witnessed his struggles to enter the already established relationship between Nana and Jeno. Yet, even until now, he was still struggling. 

He was starting to wonder if they were good for him. But he kept his thoughts to himself. He needed to be a good friend, and Renjun needed him to be one. He should be one. 

He held Renjun's hand and squeeze it firmly, a habit that the two of them formed to assure one another that they have each other for support. "Everything would be alright. I'm here. "

Renjun squeezed back. "I know. " His friend stood up, straightening out his clothes. "I better check if they're here already. Come with me? "

Donghyuck shook his head. He was still pissed with Nana on Renjun's behalf, and maybe with Jeno as well. He needed to make sure his own emotions were in check before he meet them, or else he would trouble Renjun as well.

"I'll just wait here, " he said, fanning himself. "It's too hot to walk. I'm tired. "

Renjun rolled his eyes playfully before he nodded, then he jogged forward to where he perceived Nana and Jeno would be. 

Donghyuck closed his eyes and took a breath of fresh air, as fresh as they could get in the city. It was rare to have moments like this. Relaxation had been a luxury for him. With his messes up schedules in school and part-time job, he was even lucky to get at least three hours of sleep, daily. 

Not like he was complaining. The tight schedule had been a good distraction for him. He had no time to spare. He had no time to think about stupid things. He had no time to think about him. 

Him, who broke his heart. Him, who left and never return. 

Donghyuck shook his head. He would not think about him. Not now. Not again. He was over that phase, and it had taken a lot for him to get back on his feet, and he would not sink down again. 

He took a deep breath again and closed his eyes. He counted to ten with each breath to calm himself, like how he read in a magazine, for Donghyuck was too broke to afford a therapy. 

He smiled. He was okay, and the things in the past would remain as things of the past. He opened finally opened his eyes, squinting at the sunlight, until his sight adjusted to the brightness. His eyes landed on a person standing a few feet from him, and he could only frown at the sight before him. He blinked several times, because he was sure that his mind was playing a trick on him. He shook his head and will that the person in front of him disappear. He didn't. He was still there no matter how many times Haechan opened and closed his eyes. 

He's not real. He cannot be real. He had been gone before.. The person in front of him was supposed to be a ghost of the past. He shouldn't be here in the present. 

"Haechan? " the person said, and he started to step closer to Donghyuck. "Babe, is that really you?"

Nightmare, Donghyuck thought. This had to be a nightmare, a crazy, ugly nightmare that he wanted to wake up from. 

●●●

In retrospect, Donghyuck should have known better. No secret would forever remain a secret and Renjun had even warned him about it. 

"One day, your lies will explode in front of you. By then, don't come crying to me. I will not comfort you."

Renjun wasn't even supposed to find out about what he had been doing, But Donghyuck had been to careless to leave his 'props' scattered on the bed, for his roommate to see. 

"Who the fuck is Lee Haechan and why is your face plastered on his documents?" Renjun eyes grew wide in confusion as he asked Donghyuck. 

Lee Haechan was actually Lee Donghyuck. Sort of. 

Donghyuck finally found Mark Lee. The Mark Lee that whose name was written on his wrist. His Mark Lee. He was able to confirm his own name on the latter's wrist. There was only one problem— the said Mark Lee was opposed to the idea that soulmates should be together, and Donghyuck overheard him saying that he would run away from his soulmate once he found him. He ended up introducing himself as Haechan, because he chickened out. 

That simple lie turned into something bigger, and before he knew it Mark Lee was madly in love with Haechan. The two of them ended up dating—or perhaps, Mark was dating Haechan 

"You are sick, Hyuck, " Renjun told him. "You cannot get away with this forever. You need to tell him the truth. "

"If I do, he will leave me!" He reasoned.

"Not if he loves you! " Renjun answered back. 

Maybe he should have known back then to just heed his friend's advice, after all, Renjun had always been the smarter one between them. But Donghyuck would rather listen to his heart, and his heart had been really stupid, stupid to beat for someone who was shallow, someone who would leave him for a stupid reason. 

Mark was growing suspicious of the bandage around his wrist. His boyfriend was suspecting that he was self harming. He felt guilty about making him worry about nothing, but he was too afraid, he was too selfish. He would not risk losing him. If he needed to be Haechan forever, it's fine with him. As long as he could be with Mark forever. 

But then again, no secrets remained undiscovered, and Donghyuck had never been prepared for repercussions of his actions. 

One night, he fell asleep on his boyfriend's bed only to wake up with the bandage on his wrist removed, showing the absence of scar but the presence of the name Mark Lee inked on his skin. 

It was easy to see that his boyfriend had put two and two together, as he was staring at him furiously. 

"Who are you? " Mark asked in a mootonous tone. 

Donghyuck gulped before answering, "I'm Haechan." He tried to reach out to hold Mark's hand, the same way thay he was trying to cling to the last remnants of his lies. 

Mark shook his head, pulling his hand away. "Let me ask again, who are you? "

He cried, he tried desperately to hold Mark's hand. "I'm sorry, " he said 

"I'm asking for a name! "It was the first time that Mark ever screamed at him, and it was frightening. 

"Donghyuck, " he answered, lowering his head in shame. "I'm Lee Donghyuck, your soulmate."

And with that, everything was over. He tried to beg countless of times. He apologized over and over again. Mark never listened. then, he left to God knows where. No goodbye. Nothing at all. He disappeared just like that and left Donghyuck to deal with his one and only heartbreak. 

●●●

"Haechan, " Mark was now kneeling in front of him, holding Donghyuck's own shaking hands. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you. I tried to call you after you stopped messaging me, but the number was not anymore in used. I tried to find you, but I don't know where to look. I'm sorry. I really miss you! "

Donghyuck drank the presence of Mark Lee kneeling in front of him. He could not believe his eyes that he was seeing him again. 

He began breathing fast. His ears started ringing, his eyes starting to be blurry with tears as buried emotions began to resurface once again. 

"Haechan? " Mark started touching his cheeks. He whimpered in panic. "What's wrong? "

"Donghyuck! "

The scream of his name pulled him out of his anxiety. 

He turned to the voice and spotted his friends watching them with worried eyes, and he quickly searched Renjun's eyes for support. 

"Do you know him, Hyuck? " Nana asked him. 

He stared back at Mark, the latter's eyes looked desperate and his lips were mouthing his name, his fake name. 

Donghyuck shook his head and watched as Mark's expression turned from shock to sadness. 

"No, " he said, his eyes maintaining connection with the other. "I don't know him. I don't know him at all. "


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Like what I said in my other fic, the typhoon left us with no network coverage for three weeks and with no electricity for month. I am back now, and I guess I'll try to update this at least once a week. 
> 
> Thank you for those who waited for this. Love ya 💚

Donghyuck couldn't help the anxiety that was creeping up inside him as the four of them walk back to his and Renjun's shared apartment. He couldn't help the familiar feeling that he thought would never visit him once again. His heart was beating fast, almost wanting to leap out of his chest, and his stomach squeezing tight, as a familiar acidity desperately tried hard to climb up his throat. All that Donghyuck ever wanted was to stop walking, to sit down wherever his feet had lead him to and to curl up to himself. He couldn't, because the moment that he did, then he would return to the same dark place that he was before, the same dark place which led him to despair and desolation. He didn't want to go back there, not when he thought he already found the light again. 

So he continued to walk, he continued to walk fast, unaware that that he was already creating distance from his friends. 

Donghyuck's mind was still occupied with the thoughts of a certain someone, a certain person that Donghyuck had tried so hard to forget. He thought he already succeeded, he almost thought did. He already survived living without him visiting his thoughts and dreams for so long. He was okay, until that person decided to come back again.

He couldn't understand the reason why that person, Mark Lee, had to return. He couldn't understand why he had to appear in front of Donghyuck after going missing for two years. He didn't understand why, why now and not when his pillows were drenched in tears because of him. Why now when Donghyuck already learned how to harden his heart and stop crying. 

He could barely sense the presence of his friends behind him, he knew he was walking way too fast. Still, he couldn't slow down, he was afraid to slow down, afraid that the shadows that he learned to run away from would catch up with him. He could faintly hear their conversation, he could hear but he couldn't understand. Their words sounded gibberish from a distance, and even if he wanted to focus on whatever it was that they were saying, he couldn't. He had to walk fast. 

Mark said he missed him, and Donghyuck wanted to laugh bitterly. How could he when he was the one who left? How could he when he did not even return a single call. How could he, when it wasn't him who couldn't eat nor sleep while wondering if the one who left him would ever come back. 

He didn't have the right to miss him, and he didn't have the right to return to his life again. 

"Stop! "

Haechan almost fell to the ground after suddenly halting from walking too fast. He almost stumbled after loosing his balance, almost, but thankfully he didn't and when he look around, he was surprised to see that he was already in front of their apartment. 

His legs were shaking and his breath was ragged as he turned around to where the voice originated from. It was Jeno's. He thought at first that Jeno was speaking to him. It only occured to him that he was in fact, talking to his two soulmate, when Haechan spotted them meters away from him.

Jeno was standing between his two soulmates, his palms pressed on each of the other two's chest, separating them. Haechan wasn't sure when, but sometime when he had been to lost inside his own thoughts to care about what was happening around him, Renjun and Nana managed to get into a fight with one another. It seemed to be different from all of their fights before, and even Jeno's posture looked tense as he stood in the middle. Jaemin still had his fist in the air. 

They fought several times in the past, but not once did it ever turned into something physical.

It was as if he had been awaken suddenly, he had been pulled out of his own world. He started sprinting towards them even if he was already tired from walking too fast just a while ago. He felt guilty for spacing out, for not paying attention to what was happening around him, and for only thinking about himself again. Most especially, he felt apologetic to Renjun for not paying attention to him. Donghyuck felt like he was failing to give back what Renjun had given him. 

There was no question as to whose side Donghyuck had picked when he reached them, when he pulled Renjun away to hide the smaller behind him.

"Will you stop it, Nana? " he asked, not even bothered by how biased he sounded like . He didn't know what their argument was even about, and maybe he didn't care as well. What Donghyuck was sure of, however, and God, he had every reason in the world to believe that whatever it was about, it was definitely Nana's fault. He was sure that it was Nana who started it, once again 

Nana looked at him offended, appalled that he once again for picked Renjun's side. Even Jeno seemed annoyed as well that he decided to take sides instead of acting neutral. 

It wasn't like Nana would do anything about it. It's not like he would try and pick a fight with him. It was always with Renjun, and as much as Donghyuck tried to think of a reason why, he still could not understand why Nana would pick on him of all people. 

"I was merely talking to him, " Nana reason, putting his fist down but still sending his glares past him towards Renjun. "I was just saying that had he not left you alone, then you would not have met your ex again. It was him who got all defensive and snappy at me."

Behind him, he could hear Renjun trying to control his breath. He could sense that he was trying so hard to control his emotions and not retaliate.

"I told him to leave, because I was too tired to walk with him. But then again, he wouldn't have left me alone if you had not asked him to meet you."

"Ah," Nana laughed sarcastically. "I see. So it is my fault now. Well sorry for wanting to meet up with my boyfriend."

It was then that Donghyuck was reminded again of how much Nana had change. He was no longer the easy going Nana that he was in high school. This Nana that was in front of him was a stubborn and prideful stranger. Someone who Donghyuck could barely recognize.

"I am not blaming you, either" he clarified. "I am just saying that Renjun was not to blame as well. Because if it was up to him, he would have made sure that Mark Lee would not be able to come near me."

"Yeah," Nana agreed passively. "He was perfect Renjun after all. Nothing could ever go wrong when you're with him."

Donghyuck wasn't sure if it was a slip of tongue, but those words had given him a bit of a glimpse as to what was going on inside Nana's mind. It was a faint idea, but somehow made sense. Making sense out of it, however, still wouldn't make it right.

"If it had been me who was with you during those times, then you wouldn't have gotten hurt at all. Because I would have discouraged you from pretending to be someone else."

"Renjun discouraged me," he explained, calmly this time. "But I was too stubborn to listen. It wasn't his fault, Nana. Let it go."

Stubborn as he might, Nana knew when he had lost a fight. He would never want to admit defeat, but would not be dumb to keep up with the fight.

Nana turned his attention to Jeno, before pulling him by the hand. "Let's go, Jeno."

It was as if Donghyuck was an audience as much as he was a part of a drama that was playing. He looked at Jeno who was staring past him at Renjun. He looked conflicted, he looked torn, caught in between his two soulmates. Donghyuck would have pitied him, it must be difficult, being pulled into opposite directions. Donghyuck would, if he didn't know what Jeno's decision would be. He would, if he didn't know that Jeno would hurt Renjun, too.

Donghyuck heard Renjun sighed in defeat behind him as Jeno turn around and walked hand in hand with Nana. Jeno did not pick him again. Jeno would always pick Nana over him.

Donghyuck turned around to confront his friend, but the sight that he saw was something that frightened him. The expression on Renjun's face as he watched his two love walk away from him was something awfully familiar to Donghyuck. It was the same expression that he had before when he hopelessly watched Mark walk away.

●●●

The apartment that Donghyuck and Renjun were sharing was already their second one. The decision to move out of the first one was something that the two of them agreed upon, even though that decision was mostly influenced by Donghyuck's circumstances. 

The decision to live together in college was something that they didn't plan. It was a spontaneous decision. They shared the same major and the same University, so it was only practical for them to share the same roof. The only opposition that they had encountered was that of Jeno, who back then, had also wanted to live with Renjun. Renjun, however, thought that it was still too early in their relationship for the two of them, soulmates and boyfriends, to be living on their own together. That it was a step that he would want the three of them to take once Nana returned. (Back then, Nana was still in Japan, where he was undergoing treatment for his leg injury. ) Besides, Jeno had a different major, and although they were sharing the same University, So-Shi University was pretty big, and there was a bit of distance between their departments. It would be hard for them to find a place which would be convenient for the both of them.  
Living with Renjun started out first as means of practicality, but as time went by, Donghyuck realized that it was one of the best decisions that happened in his life. 

Renjun was, as his experiences would tell, the most reliable person in the world, the one true friend that everybody wanted to have but didn't deserve. As small as he was, he had one of the biggest heart in the world, too big to love and care for his two soulmates and his friends. Donghyuck was lucky to be his friend. He would never regret that first time when he approached Renjun, a transferee, in the cafeteria during high school to befriend him, because the latter cried in class after being scolded by their teacher. (Later on, he found out that Renjun wasn't really crying because of the teacher. He was crying because of the two other people, two other people who would make him cry over and over again in the future.) 

They had left their former apartment at the beginning of their junior year, and it had been a symbolic moment for the two of them—most especially to Donghyuck, who had left behind the darkest days of his life on their old apartment. 

The second apartment was relatively smaller than the former and a lot cheaper. The economical aspect was mostly beneficial to Donghyuck, he was sure that Renjun could do better, he could afford better, but being the good person that he was, he didn't want to leave Donghyuck on his own, especially since the latter had just been beginning to pick up his life. He needed a person to help him walk again, and back then, the only person who could fill in that place was Renjun. 

The new apartment compromised the two of them to share a single bedroom, where there were two single beds for each of them. Not like it bothered the two of them, although he was sure that Jeno was appalled by the idea. (Jeno, however wasn't the one paying the rent, and he was merely sleeping over for sometime. Those visits, however, became rare when Nana began to demand so much of his time.)

Donghyuck plopped down on his bed, and Renjun copied him. The two of them looked at one another from each other's bed. 

"Are you okay? " both asked the other at the same time. Then they laughed at their synchronization. 

"You should answer first, " Renjun insisted. "It must have shocked you to see Mark once again. "

Donghyuck nodded sighing deeply as he recalled their short interaction earlier. "I never thought that I will see him again."

For so long, Donghyuck had hoped and prayed that Mark would return to him. He had waited for so long, and he had nit done anything else other than to cry as he waited. He had waited until he had finally grown angry, and then he had grown tired of being angry that he all he had wanted was to not feel anything at all.

His thumb began to rub a spot on his wrist where Mark's name was supposed to be written in cursive. Donghyuck thought that he had finally erased all traces of his soulmate on that day. Obviously, he was wrong. 

"He told me he missed me, " Donghyuck said, recalling the words that Mark had desperately spoken to him. 

"Do you—," Renjun hesitated if he should ask or not, before deciding to go on with his question. "—Do you believe him? "

Donghyuck shrugged. Mark looked sincere when he kneeled in front of him earlier, when he apologized for leaving him. But so was his love until he decided to take all of his love away and left Donghyuck with nothing. 

"Does it even matter? " he asked. "I have no plan to ever meet him again, much less to welcome him with open arms. I'm okay now. I'm not the same person from before who was desperate to have his soulmate in his life. He's not my soulmate anymore. I don't need a soulmate. "

Renjun watched him with admiration, before a sad smile formed on his face. "I wish everybody is as strong as you. I wish everybody could let go. "

Donghyuck was surprised to hear what Renjun had said, and he abruptly sat up from the bed. Renjun's relationship with his soulmates was rocky, and it involved a lot of tears and fighting. This, however, was the first time (after that one before their high school graduation) that Renjun alluded to giving up, to letting his soulmates go. 

"Do you want to break up with Nana? " he asked, certain that Renjun was referring to the person who was always picking a fight with him. 

"Both of them, " Renjun answered. 

"Even Jeno? " He asked just to clarify, to which Renjun nodded in confirmation. 

"They're a package, " Renjun explained. "I cannot have the one without the other. "

"Besides, Jeno would always pick Jaemins's side over mine. Jeno loves me, but not as much as he loves Jaemin. And Jaemin, Jaemin used to love me. I don't know what happened, I guess not anymore. "

That seemed to be a plausible explanation, an acceptable reason to come up with such decision. He could, however, see that Renjun was still hesitating. 

"If that's what you think, then what's stopping you? "

Renjun turned to stare at the ceiling, to stare at the glow in the dark stars the the two of them placed there. They got scolded by the land lady, and she charged them a little extra, but it was fine, especially since during the nights when they cannot sleep, those stars provided a good distraction from all the bad thoughts. 

"I already fought for them for quite long, and it would be a waste to give up now. But at the same time, I am not sure if it there was still anything worth fighting for. "

Donghyuck laid back down on his bed, and copied what Renjun was doing. In all honesty, he didn't know what to say, and of all of the people in the world, he was sure that he was the most unqualified to give an advice. He had been in the same position before, he didn't when to give up, even if he should give up. It wouldn't be right to encourage Renjun to give up, because even of it worked for him, he wasn't sure if the same case would happen with Renjun. Donghyuck had his own opinion of course, he thought that Renjun deserved someone better than his soulmates, but he didn't think that voicing out his opinion was necessary. In the end, it's still up to Renjun to decide. 

"You know that no matter what your decision will be, I will be with you, right? "

Renjun hummed in agreement. In the end, that was the only thing that Donghyuck could do for his friend, to stand by him the same way that Renjun stayed by hia side when he desperately needed someone. For now, he would focus on Renjun, and he would try to completely forget about Mark Lee. Donghyuck would never see him again, and he could just brush off their encounter as a dream, a nightmare, a frightening one that wasn't really a reality, and thus, would not bother him again.


	3. Chapter 3

If anyone who knew Donghyuck in high school would see him diligently folding his shirts early in the morning, then they would probably be surprised. They would probably think that the Donghyuck that they knew was kidnapped by an alien and was replaced by an impostor. Heck, probably even his Mom would think that way, had she and their entire family not cut off their communication.

He hadn't really been the most orderly person back then. In fact, if he thought that he could still work around the mess inside his bedroom back home, the he could still postpone cleaning in favor of doing the things he deemed more important, like maybe playing League of Legends or Overwatch.

Yet, here he was now, almost half way of his last year in College, folding his clothes neatly, arranging them based on their colors, and making sure that nothing would be crumpled in his and Renjun's shared closet.

Mess and chaos felt frightening in ways that the old Donghyuck, who had not experienced what he had, would probably never understood. He liked things to be in their rightful places, and he hated it when even a small part of a paper was sticking out of its folder. He wanted everything to be in order because he liked to think that he got his life in order as well. He wanted to feel in control.

It was the fear in him that most probably created this behaviour, the fear that he would once again revert to the old him—a mess of flesh and bones with no movement—someone with no direction. He hated that stage of him, and if he could, he would erase the existence of that stagnant Donghyuck.

Softly, he closed the door of the closet, making sure that those on the clothes hanger would not stick out. He then checked the time on the digital clock on the old desk that he used as his study table. It was eight thirty in the morning, meaning he still had thirty minutes before his first lessons on a Monday morning, just enough for him to be on autopilot mode and do his morning routines mindlessly. He wouldn't have excess time to spare to over-think about nonsense things.

Renjun was already gone by the time Donghyuck woke up, already gone to his seven thirty class. Donghyuck could never understand why Renjun would pick a schedule so early, especially on a Monday morning, but he figured that like him, it was Renjun's own way of feeling in control of his life—by starting his day early.

Speaking of Monday, this day marked the third day after Mark showed himself , and after that he was back with his disappearing act once again. It was not like Haechan was waiting for him or anything, nor was he thinking about him. He wouldn't do that, especially not on a Monday. Monday was too hectic for him, because his day would begin at nine and would end at twelve in the morning (which would be Tuesday already) after his shift at McDonald's. He was too busy to think about him.

Doing his morning routine was easy because he didn't even have to think about what he should do. His own body already memorized what it should do, and before he knew it, he was already out of his and Renjun's apartment.

What should normally happen on a Monday morning was for him to go straight to the university after he closed the door of their apartment. It was not part of his schedule to stumble upon their land lady, who was unlocking the door to their next door unit. He wasn't supposed to see her on Monday, he was only supposed to see her whenever she would collect rent from him and Renjun, which should not be until a couple more weeks. He felt a bit disturbed by the slight difference from the usual, and he felt ominous that because a fluctuation happened early in the morning, more unusual things would happen the whole day. He, however, quickly pacified himself. What could meeting his landlady on a Monday morning could do to him, anyway? He figured that it wouldn't be much to say hi and be polite.

"Good Morning, Joohyun-noona! "

Their beautiful landlady who had just recently dyed her hair dark brown to mimic her natural hair color turned to him. "Oh, Donghyuck!" She exclaimed upon recognizing him. "Are you off to uni already? "

"Yes, I am, " he confirmed before asking, "Are we going to have a new neighbor? "

"Yes, you will, " Joohyun confirmed. "The new tenant is from abroad, I already forgot where, but I think, he's someone your age. "

"Ah, then we will probably get along," he answered, already trying to squeeze 'welcoming new neighbor' to his schedule.

"You should, or else I would charge you extra if I lose a potential tenant because you're not a good neighbor. "

He knew that Joohyun-noona was only teasing him, but he also felt like she wouldn't be above asking reimbursement for the lost of potential rent. Just the thought of additional expenses was already making him shiver with fear. He created a mental note to be a model neighbor.

"Do you have any idea why he decided to move to Seoul? "

"I'm not really sure, but I heard it's something to do with his soulmate. "

Donghyuck instantly felt pity for whoever the said future neighbor would be. He must have risked a lot to flew all the way from another country to find his soulmate, only to be disappointed later on. Well, maybe not, because not everyone could end up like him and Renjun.

He glanced at his tacky looking wrist watch, the only watch he could afford. It was already eight forty-five, he really should get going or else, he would risk being late, which hadn't happened for more than a year. He quickly bade Joohyun goodbye and rushed out of the gate of the apartment complex.

Donghyuck looked around to check if there was any other thing that would be out of the norm. The amount of cars passing through were just how Donghyuck remembered them to be on a weekday. The old uncle was still there walking his somehow too aggressive Labrador and scaring away other passerby. The aunty who was selling imitation gold jewelries was already at her usual post as well. There was absolutely nothing out of the norm. He sighed in relief. Everything was how it should be, everything would turn out fine.

●●●

If there was a list of things that Donghyuck hated in particular, motorcycle riders who couldn't seem to respect traffic regulations would definitely on one, more specifically, those barely adults who didn't even have a license, who thought they were immortal's who wouldn't die even if they collided with a bus. That's like David vs Goliath, but with no God on the rider's side because even God himself was embarrassed on his behalf.

He only wanted to pass by peacefully and reach the Uni fast, but no, a lot of people were crowding around the accident. Maybe Donghyuck should add that to the list, too, the overly curious bystanders. Like, really, okay, there was an accident, fine, but you're not a doctor, you're not the police and your not the rescuer—you can't do anything about it. Leave. Move on, and stop blocking people who wanted to keep up with their routine.

There were still a lot of blood on road and the body of the victims are still there. Donghyuck wasn't sure if they were still alive or not, nor did he even have the time to stop and check. Besides, he was more focused on not letting his breakfast escape his stomach. Damn, he didn't spend money on food just to throw them up.

Thankfully, So-Shi U was only ten minute walk from their apartment, that he was able to reach his class a good couple of minutes before the professor would arrive.

He fished out his phone on his pocket to check messages, having heard it rung several times already. True enough, there had been several unread messages. All of them from just one sender.

_From: Renjunie ≧﹏≦_  
_Mon at 8:48 am_  
_Are you awake?_

_From: Renjunie ≧﹏≦_  
_Mon at 8:49 am_  
_Don't tell me you're still sleeping?!_

_From: Renjunie ≧﹏≦_  
_Mon at 8:50 am_  
_Waaaaake upppp!!!!!!_

_From: Renjunie ≧﹏≦_  
_Mon at 8:51 am_  
_Seriously Donghyuck! I'll kill you if you're still not awake by this time! You have a class at nine!_

_From: Renjunie ≧﹏≦_  
_Mon at 8:52 am_  
_Donghyuck!!!_

_From: Renjunie ≧﹏≦_  
_Mon at 8:53 am_  
_Lee Donghyuck!!!_

_From: Renjunie ≧﹏≦_  
_Mon at 8:54 am_  
_LEE!!!!!!! DONGHYUCK!!!!!!!!!_

Donghyuck smiled despite his initial annoyance over the unusual events on his Monday morning. Renjun's message was a constant, it had always been for more than a year. And although Donghyuck had already passed that stage when he needed constant reminders, Renjun still had his schedule memorized as if it was his own. He figured that reminding him had also been part of what was normal for Renjun. He quickly typed out a reply.

_To:Renjunie ≧﹏≦_  
_Mon at 8:58 am_  
_Calm down, Mom!_  
_I'm already in class while waiting for the professor._  
_Text you, later, need to put my phone on silent._

_From: Renjunie ≧﹏≦_  
_Mon at 8:59 am_  
_I hate you!!!!_  
_I thought something happened because your not replying!!!_  
_I just had a mini heart attack 😑_  
_K. Bye. Take care._  
_AND I'M NOT YOUR MOM!!!_

He smiled before finally turning his phone off. While other people might find Renjun overbearing, Donghyuck felt nothing but gratefulness towards his friend. It felt nice to have someone fussing over you. Someone who cared, and aside from Renjun, there was absolutely nobody else who was asking him about his well-being. Of course there's also Nana, but he too had so many issues that he could rarely check on Donghyuck. It's not like he's holding it against him, he understood that not everyone had the time to fuss all over him twenty-four seven. The only thing that he was holding against Nana was his attitude towards Renjun.

Jeno on the other hand, was just a friend by extension. Besides, it's not as if he could even think about taking care of Donghyuck when he could hardly take care of himself.

The door finally opened, and the professor entered the room, thus began the usually boring normal lecture on a Monday morning. Per usual, he could already feel his lids dropping because of the monotonous voice of the professor. A cup of coffee would have probably done the trick of keeping him awake and alive, but he reserved the right to drink one later, before his shift at McDonald's. He wanted his coffee consumption to be limited to one cup a day, because the last thing he needed on top of all his expenses was a medical bill to pay for a heart disease.

While he couldn't do anything to about his professors boring nature, he could at least try to keep himself awake by letting his mind wander off somewhere else. The professor would give copies of today's lecture, anyway. She always did. All Donghyuck had to do was to try and act like he was interested in the lecture so as to please the professor. He couldn't afford to be on her bad side, because for students like him who was not the brightest of the bunch, getting on the good side of the professor could earn him a better life, or rather better grades.

At the corner of his eyes, he could spot the two lovey-dovey students whispering to each other, and they were miraculously still escaping the professor's radar. He hardly even know them, in fact, Donghyuck was still confused which is which between the two. Hyunjin and Jeongin, Jeongin and Hyunjin, they weren't twin, they were soulmates who somehow looked like each other. Perhaps, it was because the two of them were always together. Inseparable.

He couldn't understand why some people could be so lucky—how some soulmates could have a fairytale ending while others could not. Why some had it easy while some like him and Renjun had to try hard yet still fail.

Some, like Yeri who was sitting at the very back didn't even have a soulmate. Back then, Donghyuck had considered that to be the worst fate ever, a cursed luck. Later on, however, he came to realize that perhaps, if your soulmate was o ly going to hurt you, then it would be much better to have no soulmate at all.

Hence, he erased him.

The sound of the door closing behind the professor took him out of his thoughts. The lecture was finally over, and he mentally crossed off his 9am class on his schedule. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, he thought as he collected his notes and put them inside his bag. Perhaps, the chain of unusual events already ended at the motorcycle accident scene he stumbled upon, amd maybe, everything was already back to normal—or so he thought. Because when he fished out his phone to check the if there was a new message, he found one from an unknown number.

_From: Unknown Number_  
_Mon at 10:58 am_  
_I'm coming over to your apartment later._

●●●

_From: Unknown Number_  
_Mon at 5:00 pm_  
_Didn't you receive my message? I said I'm coming over to your apartment later._

It was already eight in the evening when he read the last message. He was already making his way to McDonald's, where he would be working until twelve in the morning. While a part of him was easy to dismiss the message as a random prank, the other part still felt nervous about the potential threat of a random stranger breaking into his and Renjun's apartment. But then again, what kind of burglar would announce his plan? That was like an ultimate recipe for botched robbery.

There's also a possibility that the person who was messaging him was someone that he knew. Still, there was hardly anyone who knew about his and Renjun's new address. It would have been easy to just reply and ask whoever it was who was rudely messaging him without even introducing themselves. The problem was Donghyuck didn't want to.

There was one person who immediately came to his mind when he read the message—Mark. He didn't know how he could possibly knew about Donghyuck's address, when even the Haechan address he gave out was bogus. It was also possible that Mark didn't really know, and that he was just messing with him because of unexplainable reasons, after all Mark was good with that—having unexplainable reasons.

He didn't want to reply. He didn't want to deal with him. He didn't even want to confirm that it was indeed Donghyuck he was messaging.

He put back his phone on his pocket as he arrived at McDonald's. He decided that he would only message him once he felt it necessary.

The scene inside the staff locker room was another fluctuation to his normal Monday.

There was absolute chaos inside. One, of them, Jungmi, was crying in hysteria on the floor, with some of the other crews trying to coax her.

"What happened?" He asked Jisung, his former hoobae in high school, who like Donghyuck, was in dire need of cash hence willing to work on ungodly hours.

"She received a call that her younger sister was found stabbed at home," the younger answered back.

Donghyuck shivered at the mental image. First he had stumbled upon a motorcycle accident. Now this. If this was a novel, then this would be the time that he, as the protagonist would think that the two separate events were connected, and that he, a very curious citizen should begin investigating. Nope. He was too busy to poke his nose on other business.

"How was the sister? "

"She was already in the ICU. The suspect was found already. It turned out, it was the very person who was texting her younger sister—a stalker—but they had been too lenient to brush it off. "

Donghyuck shivered once again, this time. He couldn't help but feel nervous about the similarity. Coincidentally, his phone on his pocket began to vibrate. His shaking hands took it from his pocket, and he almost drop it once he read the message.

_From: Unknown Number_  
_Mon at 8:15 pm_  
_It's not like I'm asking permission from you, anyway. I'm on my way._

He couldn't help but feel nervous, but not for himself. Renjun should be home already by now, and he worried about what would happen once the stalker found him there. He quickly dialed Renjun's number but all the heard was the monotonous voice asking him to try again later.

Damn Renjun's habit of charging his phone before he sleep because he was afraid of leaving it plugged in overnight.

He could alert the police, but he was afraid that they would come late, and that by that time, something had already happened to Renjun. He couldn't let that happen.

His thumb hovered above the unknown person's number. If he was texting him, then that person was most probably after him. He had no business with Renjun. All Donghyuck had to do was to call him, and give him a different location and alert the police, then after that, everything would be fine. Right. It would be fine. He wasted no more time dialing that unknown person's number.

His heart was thundering as he heard the other line ringing. For someone who was so invested on coming to his apartment, he was surely taking his sweet time picking up his phone.

Finally, the person on the other line picked up. Donghyuck on the other hand was already second guessing his plan. It felt like his throat was locking up. He couldn't speak, heck, he couldn't even breathe.

The person on the other line mist have already grown tire of waiting for him that he decided to speak first.

"What? I'm driving. "

Even if he could rarely hear that voice, Donghyuck could never mistook that for anybody else.

●●●

"Lee-Fucking-Jeno, what the fuck? "

Jeno was probably at the bottom of his list of people who was most likely to message him. In fact, despite being in the same circle of friends (ehem, quartet, ehem), he was kind of surprise that Jeno would even know his number. It wasn't like there was something they would talk about.

"Why the fuck did you even message me and why the fact did you sound like a psycho stalker? "

"Firstly, here's no sound because I didn't send you an audio message. "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes despite knowing that Jeno would not be able to see him. He didn't know if the other was trying to be funny, but if ever he was, then damn, it was ao not funny.

"Secondly, you are not one of my boyfriends, so don't get the illusion that I would ever stalk you. "

_Ha! So you do admit that you're a psycho stalker to your boyfriends._

"Lastly, I'm just trying to confirm if my memory served me right that you should be out until twelve. I don't want to ask Renjun because I wanted to surprise him, and I wanted us to have privacy. So, are you? "

"Yes—"

"Okay, I'm hanging up now. " Then the line immediately ended.

 _Rude_ , he thought. How dare Jeno just dismiss him like that? Damn. He really couldn't understand the tough luck that Renjun got to have him as a soulmate.

 _You're one to talk,_ his head supplied.

At least now, he could finally breathe. Although he didn't like Jeno very much, he would rather it was him than any psycho stalker.

He placed his phone inside his locker, and he quickly changed into his uniform. He really wished that the clock would struck twelve faster. He wanted this Monday to end quickly, and hopefully, there wouldn't be any more disturbance to his evening.

He quickly made his way to the counter to wait until a customer would enter the door. One thing he liked about the schedule was the lower number of customers to serve. Most nights, there would only be a total of fifteen customers through out his entire shift. Most of them looked like college students who needed food to fuel their energy for late night studying, while some looked like they had just finished partying and decided that greasy burger patties would taste good after drinking a questionable amount of liquor—like the person who just entered the glass door.

The person swayed from side to side as he walked towards the counter. The guard on duty was already eyeing the person with caution. The person, however, hadn't done anything yet that warrant the guard to kick him out.

"Good evening, sir, welcome to McDonald's! What can I get you? " He asked cheerfully as the person reached the counter.

"Two Whopper King, please! One for me, and one for my bestfriend! "

A confused drunk—rare, but not unheard of at this hour. By his pronunciation, Donghyuck could also conclude that he was a foreigner.

"We don't have Whopper King in McDonald's, sir. " He answered politely, finding the situation comedic.

"B-but, it's my bestfriend's favorite! "

"Maybe you'll bestfriend would like our Big Mac, instead? My own bestfriend love it, " he suggested. He was sort of tempted to recommend everything on the menu, because he could sense that the customer would actually accept all of his suggestions, seeing how his eyes brightened up just by mentioning that his own bestfriend love their burger (Renjun actually didn't, but it didn't matter.)

"Okay! Then give me two Big Macs, two large cokes and two large fries for my bestfriend that I love this large! " The customer said, creating a big circle with his arms.

Donghyuck couldn't help but chuckle at the customer's antics as he punched the order. He briefly wondered if somehow, the bestfriend would feel second hand embarrassment on for him. Speaking of.

"Oh, here's my bestfriend! " The customer exclaimed. "Hey Mark! "

Donghyuck's fingers suddenly stopped working, his own body felt numb. Just when he thought his Monday, could not get any worse, here was Mark, appearing without notice once again.

It was as if everything was in slow motion. His head moved up in tantalizing speed, and his eyes moved to meet the newcomer's stare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Updates are going to be rare with this one, probably even rarer than Damage Undone. I'm getting a little bit busy this days, and as much as I wanted to upload at least once a week, I don't think I can. Plus, I am working on two fics at the same time. I thought about putting this one on hiatus first until I finish Damage Undone, but I have a feeling that that one is not going to end anytime soon and chances are I might forget the right feelings to write this one. So, I'll try to update as fast as I can, but I'm not sure If I can do it weekly. Thank you for your patience 💚


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I have given a glimpse of Donghyuck and Renjun's small apartment it the previous chapters but I wasn't able to so, I'll just put them here, I guess? 
> 
> Also, I love all the comments, especially those towards the norenmin side story because to me, it indicates that I am reaching what I wanted to achieve in the story. To clarify, yes, this is related to the first part of this series but if ever you noticed a difference, most especially towards Jaemin's character, it's not because he automatically turned into a massive asshole as a new story was created. At the end of the first part, Jaemin was not around if you would remember. He was away for a period of time for a specific reason. That was when the changed begin and as to why and how, I would rather just show through the story. 
> 
> Also, sorry for the lack of Mark. I promise that he will show up soon. 
> 
> Thank you!

It wasn't him. 

Yes, the customer's bestfriend's name was also Mark, but it wasn't the same Mark that Donghyuck knew. 

It's not as if he was expecting him anyway. It wasn't as if he was looking forward to meeting him again. More importantly, it wasn't as if he was annoyed that despite Mark's claim that he missed him, the former had not done anything to look for him again. 

Donghyuck was not disappointed at all. 

He massaged his neck as he climb the stairs leading to his and Renjun's unit. It was 12:30 in the morning, and it was already the beginning of his Tuesday, but to him, his Monday was just about to end, and God, how he wish that there wasn't anymore unusual thing that would happen. 

Unfortunately for him, his new neighbor (?) had different ideas. 

He sighed at the sight of the scattered large boxes in the hallway which were: one annoying him and his sense of order, and two, blocking his way to his unit. 

He contemplated knocking and speaking to his new neighbor about them, but he decided against it. He was too sleepy, and too cranky to be able to act like the good neighbor that he promised his landlady to be. 

It could wait until morning, (12:30 am was still night for him, he hadn't gotten any sleep yet) where he could give new neighbor a piece of the croissant that Renjun liked to get on the bakery at Tuesday morning. Then, maybe, he could welcome new neighbor in their, well, neighborhood, and maybe amiably discuss with him the importance of respectfully using the common areas such as the hallway. Then maybe they could be friends and maybe he could get on Joohyun noona's good side and get a discount on their monthly rent. 

The latter was probably impossible, but anyone could dream, right? 

For now, for now he would wiggle his way pass these boxes to reach his door. (Why were there so many, anyway?)

He finally reached the door and blindly began searching for his key inside his backpack. Knocking wasn't an option, because Renjun would be fast asleep by this time, and although Renjun loved him, Renjun loved his peaceful good night sleep more. (Not really, but a disturbed sleeping Renjun was still not a beautiful sight to see.) 

Donghyuck heard the familiar clicking sound as he unlocked the door and opened it as silently as possible. 

He left his shoes by the door, where all of their other foot wears were neatly organized, then he tiptoed his way to their mini living and dining room. (It was just the small space outside their bedroom where an old couch was placed along with an old wooden table and two old wooden chairs,so yeah, living room and dining room.)

He tiptoed his way in, his socked feet lightly touching the floor. He switched on few lights to brighten up the room and admire the interior. 

The apartment wasn't much, it was boring and too minimalist, and definitely not instagram worthy. Yet, to Donghyuck, it was perfect, despite the slight chipping the the paints on the wall that he found irritating at times. 

This humble apartment was his home, and even though it was still a few months away, he knew that he would definitely cry when the time when he and Renjun would have to move out to a different place as they chase their future career. 

He would have a hard time saying goodbye to these walls who protected him when he was weak and watched over him as he gained strength. 

Donghyuck shook his head. He was too sleep deprived to be emotional. 

He quickly but silently made his way to the bedroom to fetch himself a change of clothes, only to be greeted by a new sight again. 

Or maybe it wasn't really new, because in the past, it had been a regular occurrence to have Jeno over their apartment to the point where Donghyuck was tempted to split the rent into three. 

He hadn't forgotten that Jeno came over to their apartment, it wasn't something that Donghyuck could easily forgot about especially with that imaginary psycho stalker concept he had. He had just not expected him to stay over since him and Renjun having sleep overs became rare once Nana returned from Japan and Jeno began living with him. So yes, he was quiet surprised, and maybe Renjun had been as well. (Wasn't that Jeno's goal as as far as he could remember?) 

He wasn't sure how the two of them managed to squeeze themselves in a bed fit just for one person, but then again, Renjun was on the smaller side so they could make it work. 

Renjun looked peaceful under the dim light of the night lamp. He look contented as if he didn't find being crush inside Jeno's arms suffocating as the taller spooned him from behind. 

He stared at them for quite longer, admiring the way they fit together as if they were made for each other, which they were since that was exactly the concept of soulmate wasn't it. If only it could be like this for them everyday, and if only it could like this for everyone. But no, it couldn't be, there would still be a Nana for Jeno to return to in the morning and there were still people like Donghyuck who were rejected by their soulmates. 

But, it would be okay. Renjun and him would still have each other, so they'll get by. 

He averted his eyes after a while, realizing how rude he was being for staring and for intruding a private moment. 

He tiptoed his way inside to grab clothes and then his pillow and blanket as well. 

While he had a separate bed in the room, separate bed inside the room, he wanted to give the two of them privacy. He would let Renjun enjoy the moment on their own because God knew how long it would take again before this moment will be repeated. 

So yeah, sleeping on the couch, he thought to himself as he closed the bedroom door behind him, would be the last unusual event that he would add on his unusual Monday (Tuesday.) 

●●●

Donghyuck's back and neck hurt when he woke up in the morning like he expected it would. What would he expect from sleeping on the couch too small to fit even Renjun? 

When he opened his eyes, Renjun was already setting the table with a plate of freshly made croissants that they have every Tuesday morning and their cups of coffee which didn't smell like their usual instant brand. He had an idea why Renjun was treating him with an expensive coffee that morning. Probably as a "thank you for giving us privacy" or "sorry for the inconvenience" gift. Although most of the time, he would feel embarrassed over being handed out freebies, he could consider this as an exception. His aching body deserved that expensive coffee. 

His eyes zoned on the cups of coffee once again and counted. Two. There were only two cups. He scanned the room for another person who was already noticeably absent at, Haechan checked his phone, at six forty-five in the morning.

"If you're looking for Jeno, he already left. He said he have an eight am class and he still have a lot of things he needs to get done so he can't join us for breakfast. "

He observed Renjun as he sat down on the chair and began eating his breakfast. He looked... lively, so filled with energy early in the morning and he has not finished his coffee yet. 

"You look happy, " he commented and Renjun beamed even more. 

"I am happy. "

No, Donghyuck wasn't a genius, but no one, and most especially not him, needed to be one in order to figure out the reason why. 

"Let me guess, it's Jeno, right? " to which Renjun nodded. 

"He's... making efforts. I can see that. He have a lot of things to do but he came over last night just to surprise me. I really didn't know anything, he didn't even call me. "

"He called me last night. " 

"He did? " 

Donghyuck nodded in affirmation. "He called to confirm if I really wouldn't be home." He left the part about the mysterious messages and psycho stalker. Renjun was too happy to turn this conversation into a horror slash suspense thriller. 

"I didn't know he have your number. "

"So did I. "

As far as Jeno was concerned, Donghyuck was a tiny speck of dust, an extra to their group of three. He's there, but he's not really important. 

He made his way to the table to join Renjun for breakfast, but not before returning his pillow and blanket back on the bed where his brain kept insisting they belong. 

"So, did he surprised you with flowers? Teddy bears? Balloons? " He asked with every bite of his croissant, then mentally reminding himself to save some for new neighbor as he planned last night. 

"No, " Renjun answered. "But it's fine! " He quickly defended his boyfriend. "He probably didn't have enough time to prepare anything for me, but at least he reserved some time for me, right? "

It wasn't like he was actually expecting Jeno to do those things, but he was also not expecting Renjun to be so defensive about it. But then again, that had been a recurring theme when it comes to Jeno. Back then (when everything was still sunshine and rainbows), Donghyuck would always tease Jeno for doing the bare minimum for his boyfriends, and for being the one who needed to be pampered the most. Back then, Renjun and Nana would both jump on his defense. It had been fun. Good old days. 

He was only joking when he said those words, but now he felt like a pessimist who rained on Renjun's parade. 

"Right, " he said. "Being a business major seems like a difficult life. "

That seemed to do the trick and Renjun was back inside his happy bubble of once again. "Yes! Yet he spent his free time with me. "

If anyone would listen, they would think that Jeno had not only slept over last night but proposed a marriage to Renjun with how happy he was. Somehow, he couldn't help but feel sad that Renjun would feel this elated at the tiniest bit of attention that he could get from his soulmate. After all, it only proven how much he was being neglected. Nevertheless, he couldn't show it. At least not today. So he forced himself to smile as Renjun continued with his story. 

"He apologized to me, " Renjun said, to which Donghyuck raised his brow in surprise. "He said that he was sorry that he was not spending much time with me like he used to, and that he promise he would change that. "

_And you believe him?_ He wanted to ask but he kept his mouth shut. 

"I missed this. I missed us. I thought we could never go back to the way we used to. But maybe we could? Maybe there's still hope for our relationship? What do you think? "

Even if Renjun was asking him, Donghyuck was sure that the former already have an answer in his mind, so no, saying that he's just going to get hurt in the end, was not worth saying. 

He looked back on the conversation they had before, about Renjun's plan to break up with both of his soulmates. That idea seemed so distant as Renjun stared at the bright future that he was imagining. Renjun already made a choice, and his choice was to give it another chance even at the cause of another heartbreak again. 

"Do what makes you happy, Renjun, " he said, even if he knew that what they had in mind about Renjun's happiness was clearly different. 

●●●

Donghyuck stared at the humble piece of croissant that was placed on a way too big for it plate. He couldn't help but feel embarrassed at his humble offering of peace for his new neighbor. He contemplated running towards the nearby bake shop to by some cake but his rationally (and his wallet) prevented him from doing so. He was a broke college student, who couldn't afford splurging out for welcoming gift. Plus, he was reminded of his mother's words that if he wanted to make friends, he just needed to be himself. So, here he was, the broke college student that he was, who could only give one (1) piece of croissant to his new neighbor. 

He bravely knocked on the door and plastered his brightest and friendliest smile. 

Nothing. No one came to open the door and greet him. 

He tried again. 

Still, there was nothing. 

Donghyuck checked his watch. It was already eight in the morning, and he expected that by this time, new neighbor was already wide awake and ready for a small chit chat. What kind of self respecting adult would still be asleep at eight? 

_Those who worked during night shift._

Right. So maybe Donghyuck might have been a little bit impatient and judgemental, but on his defense, his class would start at nine so he couldn't wait for new neighbor all day. There were still several boxes scattered on the hallway, so speaking to his neighbor (as friendly as possible) about the important of not blocking the way could also not wait anymore. 

"What the fuck are you doing outside _my_ door? "

Donghyuck's whole body jumped in surprise at the sudden voice. The croissant almost leaped to the floor if it hadn't been for Donghyuck's fast reaction. He might not have been blessed with Renjun and Jeno's intelligence, but he was gifted with fast reflexes. 

Quickly, he plastered the friendly smile again before turning around to greet the person whom he presumed to be his new neighbor. 

The person in front of him looked quiet handsome with his bleached blonde hair, small face and slanted eyes, and not to mention his nose, which Donghyuck presumed to be at ninety degrees angle. 

"You can ogle me all you want, but your name is probably not Johnny Suh, so sorry. " 

Donghyuck's smile turned into a grimace at the sudden deja vu. That was exactly what he would say to people whom he caught staring at him before, except of course for the name of his soulmate. 

Wow, this person was smaller than him by like five centimeters, but he had the attitude as tall as Park Jisung, his one hundred eighty centimeters (and still growing) giant friend. 

"You must be our new neighbor, " He said as cheerfully as he could. 

"Why the fuck do you care? "

_Okay, rude._ He didn't understand what he did to deserve being snarked at this early. He had to make adjustment to his routine just so he could meet him. He only wanted to be a good neighbor and he didn't understand what warranted him to be the target of his new neighbor's morning mood swings. God, new neighbor seemed to be a more difficult person than Jeno. 

"You have nothing else to say? Then move out of the way! I need to get everything done so that my soulmate could finally pay attention to me. Move! "

Okay, so he was being a massive asshole because he wanted to be noticed by his soulmate which Donghyuck presumed to be Johnny something. How pathetic. Why be a bitter person to everybody just because of a person who's name was tattooed on his wrist. 

Okay, so maybe Donghyuck had been a bitter and pathetic person in the past, but he was long over that, and he was already able to see how shallow it was to make your world revolve around a specific person. That was in the past, so he was allowed to judge now. 

"Actually, I have more things to say, " he said as he continued to block new neighbor or rather very rude neighbor's access to his door. He wouldn't bother with honorifics even if very rude neighbor seemed to be older than him. Joohyun-noona said that his very rude new neighbor was from abroad so he figured honorifics wouldn't be that much important. Besides, according again to Joohyun-noona, they didn't have much age difference anyway. More importantly, he was too rude to be addressed with honorifics. 

"Actually, I came here to tell you that you shouldn't leave these boxes in the hallway because it causes major inconvenience to people who needed to pass by quickly. And while you're at it, reflect on how stupid your decision is to travel across the seas just to see your soulmate who doesn't even think of you the way you think about him. Goodbye! "

He didn't give his very rude new neighbor a chance to recover from shock as he quickly turned around and made his way back to his own unit while shoving the one (1) piece of croissant inside his mouth. 

Hopefully, by the time that he needed to come out again and go to his class, very rude neighbor and his annoying boxes were out of sight, preferably out of the building as well. 

He would rather risk getting Joohyun-noona pissed than have to encounter that annoying shorty again. 

●●●

Tuesday passed by quickly, and peacefully despite his encounter with his neighbor earlier. Before he even knew it, he was already half way through the day. 

He had a large gap between his nine to twelve class and his four to five class, and there was no better way to spend his free time other than to work his ass off. 

Okay, maybe there were better ways, like maybe getting more sleep or revising his lessons, but Donghyuck was a broke student who needed to earn money. So yes, working was the better option. 

He scored this job at the department store through Jungwoo's help. Donghyuck knew him through his boyfriend and soulmate, Xuxi, Renjun's brother. 

Jungwoo used to be a sales attendant as well, but he was promoted to a management position once he got a degree. Part-timers weren't supposed to be a priority in hiring new staff, but Jungwoo had a soft spot for cute things and Donghyuck was cute, not to mention, boyfriend's brother's best friend. 

He was qualified. 

He felt a little guilty for getting leverage over the other applicants, but Renjun said that he wouldn't be getting the money for free. He would be working for it, anyway. Besides, Donghyuck was desperate, so he couldn't be bothered to think and wait for other options. 

It baffled those who knew him as to why he would settle working as a department store sales attendant and a fast food crew. It wasn't that they were looking down on the job, but Donghyuck was a music major, he could have tried to find a part-time job that's more related to his major. 

He did in the past. Most of them were nightmares, with the most notable one being when he became a lounge singer at a small hotel. He didn't even want to think about that event, and he couldn't without his stomach turning inside out. 

The fast food and the department store job worked for him, even though he could only use his voice by asking for orders and batch codes and sizes. Of course, in the future, he wanted to work in a field related to his degree. He would very much prefer to be a singing instructor to young and adorable little children. 

But that was still a semester and a half away. For now, he would try to enjoy his part-time jobs. 

Even if customers at times were massive pains in the ass. 

"So you're telling me that you couldn't get this dress in my size?"

The customer pointed at the blue halter dress once again, as if asking more aggressively could change Donghyuck's answer. 

"No, ma'am, I'm sorry. This is one-size-fits-all."

The customer's face looked even more agitated, and Donghyuck knew that trouble was brewing. Damn his friendly looking aura that allowed him to be here instead of the storage area where most of the male staffs were. 

"Well it clearly doesn't fit me! "

"I'm really sorry, Ma'am, if you want, we can just look for something similar. "

"But I want this specific dress in my size! "

_Just ask for the manager,_ he pleaded silently. _Just fucking asked for the manager before I lose all of my brain cells._

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but there's nothing I can do about it. "

He wished he could just turn around and walk away, but that would be rude. 

"So what now, am I supposed to be the one who should adjust? Should I cut off parts of my own body just to fit inside that dress? Are you body-shaming me? "

He couldn't believe how fast things had escalated to the issue of body-shaming. All he did was to provide the information that that particular dress was a one-size-fits-all. He was just a sales attendant and he was not the manufacturer, hence, he couldn't see why he had to be the one on the receiving end of the customers wrath. Damn those companies who manufactured dresses as one-size-fits-all yet couldn't fit every single sizes. 

"And I'm telling you again, ma'am, I cannot do anything about it other than to offer you alternatives. "

"And I'm telling you again, I want this specific dress! What can't you understand about that? My soulmate is cheating on me so I need dress prettily for him to see what he could potentially lose. Now get me a dress in my size! "

So that was it. The customer was being mean to him because of her soulmate, the same way that very rude neighbor did earlier. Why should he be bothered with their soulmate problems when he had his own soulmate problem to deal with. 

"Ma'am, regardless of the clothes you're wearing, your soulmate will leave you if he wanted to and you can't do anything about it. "

It was probably a mean thing to say, not to mention, not really something he should say as a sales attendant. On his defence, the customer's attitude had already exceeded his maximum tolerance as person. (Plus, he had always been sensitive about soulmates, so, yeah) 

"How dare you? " the customer reached inside her bad to grab her phone, and Donghyuck wondered if it wasn't too late for him to run away. He knew what was coming and God, he wanted nothing to do with it. 

The lens of the customers phone was pointed at him, and he wasn't stupid to not figure out that the person was recording a video of him. 

"So this is the person who body shamed me, "

He didn't bother listening to whatever lies the customer was telling, all he wanted to do was hide away in the staff room. The last thing that he needed was for his face to be plastered around the internet and be judged by people who were too gullible to believe everything they would read and watch. 

But, the customer was persistent on harassing him, and Donghyuck swore he would light up a black candle later at home for her amd her soulmate not to end up together. 

People were already watching them and murmuring, and he couldn't help but feel anxious about the situation. He wished that the other staff would come to his aid, but no, no one wanted to get themselves be involved. They didn't want to risk getting themselves fired, because that's exactly what was going to happen to Donghyuck. Fired because "customer is always right". Fires and with a thousand of bashers in the internet. 

It was all the dress' fault for not being able to fit this customer. No, it was the soulmate thingy that made this woman crazy that Donghyuck needed to blame. 

Why do soulmates (his own and those of other people's) only brought him hardship amd misfortune? Couldn't they like cut him some slacks? He only wanted to leave his life peacefully without them bothering him. 

"You know that he could sue you for harassment, right? "

Donghyuck halted his steps when he recognized the voice. He couldn't be imagining things again, could he? 

He turned towards the direction where the voice came from, and true enough, the person standing next to a very tall person was no other than Mark Lee. 

"I suggest you stop harassing my soulmate. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, there's Mark, again. Hi Mark. 
> 
> I just want to say that I know that body shaming is a big issue and I didn't mean to trivialize it in this chapter. However, there are times when people exaggerates things like what the customer did in this chapter, and sometimes, that to is a problem when people begin looking too much under what's on the surface even if sometimes, what's on the surface is basically everything already and there is absolutely no underlying meaning. That's when over sensitivity becomes a problem. 
> 
> But rather than trivializing body-shaming, the main point of that scene aside from reintroducing Mark again, was to point out the issue about those over entitled customers, as well as how social media shaming suddenly became people's favorite option when dealing with conflicts. 
> 
> I don't intend on offending anyone, but if ever I did, I'm sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be wary of the tags. Self harm is implied in this chapter, it's not graphic, but it might still be uncomfortable for some.

_Donghyuck could still remember that day clearly. It was raining like in every cliche break up scene in dramas, where one person would walk away from the other person who would end up having their tears disguised by the pouring rain._

_Donghyuck had been standing for God knew how long, under the rain, outside the apartment complex where Mark lived in. He had been staring up at the window that he knew belonged to Mark, hoping that his soulmate would look outside and notice him, and then appreciate the efforts that he was willing to exert just to fix them. Hopefully Mark would feel touched and he would realize how petty it was to break up over Donghyuck's little lie when that lie arose from his desperation to be with Mark. His knees were threatening to give up, but his determination remained strong. He was drenched from head to toe but his fighting spirit remained burning. He would not give up._

_Ever since that day, that day when Mark found out about his real name, about the fact that the two of them were soulmates, he had tried everything to stay as far away from him. As if he didn't want to have anything to do with Donghyuck anymore._

_It didn't make sense. It's just a name. So what if Donghyuck was his soulmate? What was so wrong about that? He couldn't understand why Mark would avoid him, simply because they were soulmates. Weren't everyone hell bent on finding theirs? Heck, Renjun even travelled overseas for his own, so why? Why can't Mark be like everybody else?_

_It didn't make sense, but just because he couldn't understand, didn't mean that he would give up easily. No. Mark had already fallen in love with him as Haechan, and there wasn't much difference between Haechan and Donghyuck except for their name. He could make Mark fall in love again if Mark would just let him apologize, he would apologize even if he really didn't regret doing what he did._

_Mark came out of the building carrying a black umbrella with him, and like a cliche scene in the drama, he headed towards Donghyuck's direction. Except it didn't seem anymore like a break up scene, but that part where the leads would kiss and make up and have their reconciliation. He couldn't help but smile. He was right. Mark still loved him despite what he was trying to show, and he still cared for him enough time not let him drown under the rain._

_"You really wouldn't give up, don't you? "_

_The two of them were under the same umbrella, the closest distance they had ever since that day, close enough for him to be happy and once again._

_"I wouldn't, " he answered, not even bothering to hide how elated he was upon seeing Mark again. "I have already gone too far to give up now."_

_That might not have been the answer that Mark wanted from him, because Mark's face had darkened upon hearing those words, that Donghyuck felt a little bit afraid that Mark would suddenly turn around and leave. Only a little bit. He was sure that Mark still loved him enough to not leave him like that._

_"I could just leave you here, you know. It's not like you're still my responsibility. We already broke up. "_

_The words stung, but Donghyuck could still ignore a little bit of pain in favor of being hopeful. "You wouldn't, right? "_

_And of course, Mark didn't, just as Donghyuck thought._

_The apartment was still the same as Donghyuck remembered it to be. It had only been days, after all, and not years. Only, it was a little bit messy, because Donghyuck had not been there to help him clean up._

_He found himself sitting on the sofa where he and Mark used to fall asleep while watching Hollywood films that Donghyuck could barely understood, wearing the same old shirt and sweatpants that Mark would lend him whenever he slept over, and drinking the same brand of imported hot chocolate drink that Mark's aunt loved to give him even though Mark himself found it too sweet for his liking._

_Everything was so familiar and homey, if only Mark was sitting next to him instead of standing with his back against the wall, a safe distance away from Donghyuck._

_But that could wait. Donghyuck could still wait, and he had a feeling that he wouldn't have to wait that much longer._

_"So how do you want me to address you? Donghyuck or Haechan? "_

_"I told you, I could just be Haechan for as long as you wanted me to be. "_

_Mark didn't seem to appreciate his answer, and Donghyuck couldn't understand why. He had given the best answer that he could come up with and he had given Mark his utmost consideration. Wasn't his name Lee Donghyuck the only problem? Then fine, he could be Haechan, and maybe in the future, he would apply to have his name changed legally. Then the problem would be solved, and he would not anymore be the Lee Donghyuck who's name was written on Mark's wrist._

_"You really don't understand what you did wrong, do you? "_

_Mark still looked angry, but he wasn't screaming anymore, so Donghyuck took that as a good side. Everything was going well._

_"I know I lied, but Mark, I only did that because you wouldn't have let me get close to you. "_

_There were several emotions on Mark's face as he shook his head at Donghyuck: sadness, disappointment and most notably, anger._

_"You think it's stupid, don't you? That I would avoid my soulmate when the rest of the world are desperate to look for theirs? You think it's shallow, don't you? You think that my reasons aren't valid, and you think that lying to me about who you really are isn't really a big deal. You don't even seemed sorry at all. "_

_"I am sorry! "_

_"You're not, Haechan. You're not sorry at all. You just wanted to make excuses. "_

_And maybe that was the truth. He wasn't sorry at all, and if ever he was given the chance to re-do everything again, he might do the same thing all over again. All he wanted to do was for him and Mark to go back to how they were before and to get over something that was to simple to even break them._

_"You're very much the same. Both of you only care about yourselves. "_

_Whoever it was that Mark was talking about aside from him, Donghyuck had no idea. An ex-boyfriend, perhaps? But Mark was wrong. Donghyuck was not only thinking about himself. He was also thinking about Mark. Soulmates needed each other and Donghyuck was sure that Mark needed him as much as Donghyuck needed him._

_"You should leave. "_

_The rain had already stopped pouring outside but Donghyuck didn't feel like leaving at all. It felt as if he didn't accomplish much in convincing Mark to accept him again._

_"It might still rain, " he reasoned. "I don't want to get sick. "_

_He knew it was a cheap tactic, but he wasn't above guilt tripping to get what he wanted. He was desperate, and a desperate person didn't have the luxury to be picky with his method._

_"I'll call you a cab so you don't have to walk. "_

_"I might not be able to pay for it. "_

_"I'll pay for it. "_

_"I can just stay here. "_

_Mark let out a exasperated sigh. "Please, just leave. I have too much on my plate, and I can't deal with you right now. "_

_Mark looked tired, now that Haechan had taken a good look at him. The bags under his eyes were visibly darker than it used to be, and it seemed as if he had also lose weight because the jeans that he was wearing looked a bit lose. He didn't like seeing Mark like that. He had more reasons to not leave him alone._

_"I want to take care of you, Mark. Please. "_

_Mark hid his face against his palms as he groaned in frustration. Whatever it was that was bothering him, it was only right that Donghyuck as his soulmate would share his pain, right? So he shouldn't leave._

_"Donghyuck, " it was the first time that Mark ever called him by that name, and it felt good to hear Mark calling him by his real name. If only Mark didn't sound so sad. "I know that you mean well, okay, and maybe despite my disagreement to your methods, you really don't have any bad intention at all. But, Donghyuck, hear me out when I say that right now, what I need from you is space. "_

_"You don't need space. We don't need space, Mark. I know that. "_

_"I know what I need more than you do, and you should stop thinking about what's best for me, for us, and just start respecting my decisions. "_

_When Donghyuck had gotten inside that cab that day, and had given Mark one final look through the window, he wasn't really happy with his decision. He didn't want to leave without getting anything fixed. But Mark had been adamant in delaying their reconciliation. Donghyuck had no other choice but to relent, at least for a while._

_As he rode the cab back to his and Renjun's apartment, he couldn't help but hope that the space that Mark wanted from him would only remain for a short while. That Mark would miss him, too, and would come looking for him._

_It took him a year to realized that he had been hoping for nothing at all, because that day had been the last he had seen Mark. He disappeared, and as much as Donghyuck wanted to look for him, Mark had left no traces behind. There were no reply to his messages, there were no return to his calls. All that was there was the monotonous voice telling him to call again later followed by the beeping tone which acted like the accompaniment to his crying. Because what else was there to do aside from crying his heart out?_

_Until one day, he realized he had lost almost everything while chasing for someone who wasn't there, someone who was probably having a good time somewhere else, without a single thought to his suffering his soulmate whom he had left behind._

_He had to erase him, every single traces of him left on Donghyuck, so that he too, would be free._

_So he did._

_He became free._

_But not really, because sometimes, the memories and the pain would still visit him like the ghost of the past, haunting him and bringing back what he had tried to leave behind._

●●●

Saviors of the damsel in distress usually came in the form of a knight in shining armor and not in the form of a ghost that the damsel in distress had been trying to hide away from.

But hey, life had never given Donghyuck the fairytale romance that he had wanted so why was he even surprised?

"I found you again, at last, " Mark said as the two of them were sitting inside the cafe on the same mall where the department store that Haechan was employed was located. His boss had allowed him to leave and breathe after that stressful situation he lad experienced.

Ha! As if he could breathe well while sharing the same space as Mark-Fucking-Lee.

He wanted to laugh. He found him, he said, as if he really had been trying to look for him and it wasn't just a mere coincidence that they met in the department store.

"You shouldn't have bothered helping me. I could have handled it myself. "

Which wasn't true, of course. The situation that he found himself in was not something he could have solved on his own. If it wasn't for Mark and that very tall person who was with him, who by the way seemed to be a lawyer or at least someone knowledgeable in law, Haechan would probably be one, fired because how he acted didn't really spell out excellent customer service (customer and always right bullcrap); or two, a victim of social media bullying.

None of those two happened. Instead, his boss ended up siding with him, and with the help of the tall person, Mr. Maybe-Lawyer or Maybe-Not, they were able to convince over-entitled customer to delete the video, and by convincing they meant threatening her with online libel case among others which were too unfamiliar for him to remember.

Maybe he should thank Mr. Maybe-Lawyer or Maybe-Not, after all, he had more participation than Mark in terms of helping him.

He just couldn't bring himself to thank Mark. What should he tell him anyway?

_Thank you for helping me, but still, fuck you for being gone for long._

_Saving me once could never save you from being the absolute asshole that you are._

_I'm surprised you didn't disappear when I needed help, weren't you good with that? Leaving me behind when I needed you the most?_

Because one good thing could never change all the bad things he did in the past.

"I just... I just couldn't bear watching you like that. I don't like seeing you suffer. "

"Oh, believe me, that was nothing compared to what I have been through before. "

He couldn't help but sneer at him. How dare he talk about sufferings when it was him who had brought Donghyuck's chain of sufferings before?

What did he even know about sufferings anyway?

He looked good in his business attire, as if he had been living the life he wanted after he graduated — to work in a big corporation and make it big in the business world.

Yep. No traces of sufferings at all. It further justified the bitterness that Donghyuck was harboring towards him. Because when he was busy crying and failing in life, Mark didn't have a single thought about him because he was busy chasing the life he wanted for himself, the life that he didn't want to share with his soulmate.

Donghyuck tried to focus on his raspberry tea, the cheapest drink on the menu. He had insisted on paying for his own drink because he wasn't willing to accept anything that was from Mark Lee. It tasted nothing like raspberry. It's bitter, or maybe that was his mood that he was tasting, but whatever. He wouldn't waste money by not finishing his drink.

Why did he even accept Mark's invitation anyway? What did he want to achieve by enduring his presence?

He didn't have an acceptable reason at all.

It wasn't like he missed him, or anything.

It wasn't like there was still a chance of fixing what they had before anyway.

It wasn't like he was willing to accept his apology — because never will he.

"I missed you. "

Donghyuck didn't even fight the urge to roll his eyes. "That's like years too late to say. "

"I... I'm sorry, " Mark hung his head low, as if he was sincere with his apology. "I'm sorry for not replying to your messages. I'm sorry for not returning your calls. I wasn't ready then. There were a lot of things on my mind back then. "

"And I wasn't one of them, " he nodded to himself. It was so simple. He wasn't important enough to receive a single message back.

"That's not it, I swear! If only you would listen to me. "

"Should I? You didn't even listen to me back then, remember? "

Mark was silent for a while. There was nothing he could say anyway. What Donghyuck said was correct. What right did he have to ask Donghyuck to listen when he didn't listen to him back then? What right did he have to demand for something that he himself had withheld in the past.

"Please, " Mark said in a silent voice, almost like a whisper yet loud enough for Donghyuck to hear. "I want to fix everything. I want to fix us. "

If Mark had asked him like maybe at least a year ago, then Donghyuck might have been willing to give him a second chance. But not this time. Donghyuck had already succeeded fixing his broken self and he was not willing to risk falling to pieces again by trying to fix what could never be fixed at all.

"Too bad, I'm not interested anymore. "

He got up from his chair, determined to leave Mark behind, and he would have, had it not been for Mark grasping his wrist in order to stop him.

"Donghyuck, please, wait! "

He began to panic at the contact, and he tried everything to take his wrist out of Mark's grasp. There was something about himself that he didn't want Mark to see, something he did in the past that he was ashamed to share with Mark.

The other patrons of the cafe were beginning to watch their interaction with curiosity, that Donghyuck would not be surprise if someone would pick their phone and direct their camera lens on him, again.

"Let go, Mark, you're hurting me. "

That seemed to have done the trick to convince Mark to let go, which he did in an instant, only for him to check the damage he might have caused... which was the last thing he wanted Mark to do.

He quickly hid his wrist behind him, but he knew he was a moment to late. Just by judging at Mark's stunned reaction, Donghyuck knew that he had already seen what Donghyuck had been trying to hide from him.

Donghyuck could feel his eyes burning as tears threatened to fall. He was angry that Mark was able to get a glimpse of his past, and he was ashamed to be reminded of how much he had let Mark affect him in the past. He was reminded of his weakness, the weakness that he thought he had already left behind.

Mark weakly sat back on his chair as he continued to stare blankly at Donghyuck. There were several emotions that Donghyuck could see from him — pity, regret, disappointment — all of them he could never appreciate, back then, he probably would have, but not anymore.

This time, when he tried to walk away, Mark didn't dare to stop him.

He knew, he didn't have the right to.

●●●

Tuesdays weren't as hectic as his Mondays. After his last class which ended at eight in the evening, he didn't have anything else to do. He didn't have a shift at McDonald's on Tuesday, and even though he considered that as a waste of time and possible income, he couldn't help but consider it as a blessing on this specific Tuesday night.

He headed home after eating dinner at the convenience store, it wasn't healthy for him but healthy for his wallet, fully bent on recollecting his day to Renjun.

Renjun wasn't there in the living room when Donghyuck entered the apartment, which was odd, because Renjun should still awake by then. Nevertheless, he didn't put much thought into it, the same way that he didn't put much thought on the bag on the couch which obviously didn't belong to him nor Renjun, and the pair of leather shoes that was placed beside their sneakers. He was already too stressed to be stressed by things that were seemingly out of place. The only thing that he wanted to do was to search for his friend and rant about his day, that he made his way into the bedroom, without even bothering to knock.

"You wouldn't believe what happened to me today, Renjun, " he immediately said after entering door, only to be welcomed by an unbelievable sight himself.

Renjun was already fast asleep, but it wasn't what had surprised him. It was the person sleeping next to him.

Jeno was in their apartment again, for two days in a row, something that had become impossible ever since Nana returned.

The said person groaned in annoyance at being disturbed, and opened his eyes to glare at him, as if Donghyuck didn't have the right to enter _his_ bedroom.

Wordlessly, he searched for his phone on the bedside table to check his time. And then he sighed before maneuvering Renjun to lie on the bed instead of on his chest.

Donghyuck had to look away when Jeno placed a gentle kiss on Renjun's lips. Jeno never really shied away from from showing affection and Donghyuck felt like he was the one trespassing in his own bedroom.

When he looked back, Jeno was already off the bed and had already adjusted the blanket to Renjun's chin.

Only then did Jeno address his presence.

"Don't wake him up with your personal issues. He's already having trouble with his insomnia. " He left the room after that, leaving Donghyuck on his own to process his words.

Jeno spoke with him in hush voice, yet Donghyuck didn't miss the not so subtle accusation. As if Jeno was blaming him for the Renjun's alleged insomnia.

What insomnia? He was the one living with Renjun, and most of the time, his roommate was already fast asleep when he returned from work, so he didn't know what insomnia Jeno was talking about. Although Donghyuck wouldn't be surprised if Jeno was just making it up. Jeno had this way of making people feel like a nuisance when he felt threatened. He even treated Renjun the same way before.

It must have been the stressed piling up and the need to unleash everything that Donghyuck thought Jeno would make a good target. He was an asshole after all, so Donghyuck wouldn't feel guilty.

He followed Jeno outside, just in time to see his bestfriend's boyfriend wearing his shoes.

"Ah, so you're not going to sleep over. Let me guess. Nana wants you home, right? "

Jeno paused for moment, but much to Donghyuck's disappointment, he didn't honor his bait a reaction. Since when did Jeno begin to be in control of his emotions? Shouldn't something as simple as that enough to provoke him in the past.

 _Renjun wants to break up with you,_ he was tempted to say, but he knew that that would be too much, and besides, he didn't want to provoke Renjun as well by spilling his secret.

"It's not like I'm surprised. After all, you'll always love Nana more, right? "

That was all it took for Jeno to stop from turning the knob on the door and leaving. He turned back again, his eyes landing on the bedroom door first, checking for any signs of Renjun. For a while, Donghyuck felt guilty at the probability of Renjun listening to what he had just said, but then he decided that if ever Jeno would admit to loving his other boyfriend more, then he was doing Renjun a favor by letting him know. Maybe, whatever it is that his bestfriend was still holding on, he would learn to let go.

When the door of the bedroom didn't open, Jeno finally turned to him.

"Stop it. Whatever it is that you're trying to do, stop it. "

"What? You mean me stating the obvious? "

"I mean you, pitting my boyfriends against each other as if I have to choose. I mean you, having too much involvement into something that doesn't concern you. Most especially, I mean you, trying to drag Renjun in the same misery that you're in. "

"Just because your soulmate left you doesn't mean that we would do the same to Renjun."

Jeno's verbal attacks, as Donghyuck remembered them to be, were petty and shallow and almost funny. They weren't supposed to cut deep.

"That's very foul, " he said, willing himself not to cry. But how dare he talk about Donghyuck's deepest scar and use it in an argument.

"Is it? " Jeno asked with not even a single sign of regret. "If you want me to spare you with my opinion about your own life, you better shut up about ours. "

Donghyuck chuckled sarcastically. He didn't want to lose this argument yet. "Well, sorry for being the only person caring about Renjun. Because that thing about trying, sorry but I couldn't see that. "

"You really wouldn't because you'd rather look the other way than to be proven wrong. Besides, it would benefit you to believe that I'm going to leave Renjun as well so that you will not be the only one deserted by your soulmate. No wonder your soulmate didn't love you You seemed very difficult to love. "

And with that, he left, not even giving Donghyuck the chance to reply. It's wasn't like Donghyuck could, anyway. He felt too offended to be able to make a comeback.

He didn't even try to stop his angry tears from falling. He deserved to cry, because he didn't deserve to hear those words, especially not from Jeno who was hardly even his friend.

He dried his eyes with the back of his hand, although it didn't stop new tears from falling. It hurt even though Donghyuck knew it shouldn't. Jeno was just obviously trying to hurt him on purpose because he didn't have a proper way of defending himself from Donghyuck's accusation. It was a cheap attack, and Donghyuck shouldn't let it affect him.

After all, Jeno, and Nana, were very much like Mark. All of them failed to give back the same love that they received, they weren't worth loving at all. And if there was something that Donghyuck was sure of, it's that both him and Renjun didn't need them at all, and that the two of them could just survive on each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If ever I don't reply, it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate your comments, because I do. However, there are cases when doing so would risk giving away spoilers, and right now I don't want to give you spoilers, because what you have in mind might be or might not be what I have in mind. I also updated the tags so you might want to check it out for clues.
> 
> Let me know how you think this story would go, either here or on my cc, and if you got something right, I'll let you know. 😉


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of red flags in the previous chapter that most of you ignored even if they're very much apparent. I'm not going to repeat what I did in Damage Undone so I will not explain anything, or at least until we get there, but don't blame me if this story will not be how you thought it should be. 😉
> 
> As I have addressed in my CC, yes, this fic will have a happy ending, I am not sure yet how to do it with how I am characterizing one of the characters but I'll find a way to make it work because I don't like reading sad endings as well. 
> 
> Again please be wary of the tags. Don't be afraid to comment even if you think your opinion is unpopular, because yours might be the one I'm looking for.

Days were like hours for Donghyuck, they passed by easily, a total opposite of cars during rush hour. If only those passing days could also carry with them the events that were breaking his peaceful routine. It couldn't. More than a week had past and his once peaceful routine was still plagued by irregular events.

Donghyuck still came home to a crowded hallway because his rude neighbor continued to order stuff despite not being home most of the time. It seemed as if he would only stop by in the morning to arrange something in his unit and then leave before lunch, at least that was what he learned from another neighbor who stopped Donghyuck once just to gossip about the new comer. While he knew that he should mind his own business, he was also a bit curious because he found such habit odd. Why rent an apartment if you're not going to sleep there, right? Fucking rich kid privileged. He must be a rich kid, right? I mean how else could he even afford to fly to another country for his soulmate? Fucking waste of money.

Maybe he shouldn't be too judgemental. After all, his own bestfriend did the same thing. Look how he was now, living a stressful life with his soulmates who both didn't deserve anything from him at all. He would have said that it was a waste of time as well, if only they weren't friends. But they were, and maybe, the only good thing brought on by Renjun's decision to move to South Korea was them meeting each other. After all, Donghyuck owe it to Renjun that he's living his second life.

Speaking of Renjun's soulmate, Jeno was becoming a regular on their apartment, much to Donghyuck's annoyance. There were nights when he would sleep over and then there were nights when he would go home before nine, once Renjun had fallen asleep. He would waltz in whenever he wanted to, or whenever he had no Nana to attend to and it pissed Donghyuck off. He wasn't comfortable having him around, and he's quite tempted to bring up the argument to Renjun, and maybe push them to break up just so he would not be forced to endure Jeno's presence. Not much confrontation happened between the two of them again, save of course from the usual glaring at each other that Renjun seemed to find nothing peculiar about. After all, they never got along. Jeno never really liked him and his reasons were mostly petty, because well, he's Lee Jeno who's parents separated when he was a kid, and thus it fucked up his personality. Donghyuck heard that story a million times before, and maybe he didn't care anymore. Jeno needed to learn how to realize that the world doesn't revolve around him and nobody was compelled to put up with his attitude because he had a bad past. Everyone of them suffered and he wasn't that special.

Another person who was becoming a regular to his life was Mark, much to Donghyuck's surprise. He always found Mark lurking around the department store during his shifts on a Tuesday and Thursday. He wasn't sure how Mark was able to find out about his schedule, but he was guessing that one of his co-workers had supplied the information. Which was a bummer, because now, he had to endure not only his stare but his very presence. He thought he had seen the last of him after that day. He thought that that would have been their last encounter. Too bad, Mark was too thick skinned to ever think that Donghyuck would want anything from him. He was a fool if he thought that Donghyuck would even consider listening to his reasons. Never. He didn't listen to Donghyuck before, so why would Donghyuck? Mark's mistakes were far bigger than what Donghyuck himself had done, and Mark's actions had left him in ruins. He didn't deserve a second chance. Not at all.

Maybe, a part of him was also satisfied at their situation — where Mark is the one who was desperately chasing after him and not the other way around. At least, through this, Mark would learn how painful it was to be the only one trying.

Maybe Donghyuck shouldn't discourage him. Maybe he should just let him be. After all, he wasn't Donghyuck's responsibility and if ever he would continue to wait in vain, Donghyuck wouldn't be the one to blame. Mark would be responsible for his own decisions.

That's assuming Mark would not give up easily. Mark didn't seem to be a patient person. He hadn't been before so Donghyuck wouldn't be surprised if he would one day, disappear again without a word — neither a goodbye nor an explanation — nothing other than the empty space created by his absence. This time, however, Donghyuck was sure that he wouldn't miss him. He wouldn't cry for him, because Mark Lee, to him, was already a nobody.

●●●

Wednesday's for Donghyuck meant having a common free time with his three friends (two of them debatable), and thus spending it with one another for a late afternoon snack at the bake shop a few walks away from his and Renjun's place.

Last week, they had not able to meet up like they did on a regular basis, with both Renjun and Nana bailing out in favor of doing an important course related matter. Donghyuck had been sure, at least for Renjun's part, that that had been a lie. He suspected that it had something to do with him avoiding the other after that argument that had almost turned physical.

Quite frankly, he thought that such meetings could cease and neither he nor Renjun would miss it. Besides, he could use some cost cutting and minimizing afternoon snacks could benefit his savings. It was, however, Jeno who wanted to proceed with this regular meet ups, for reason's Donghyuck couldn't understand at all. To have them witnessed his and Nana's sweetness perhaps.

Whatever it was that Jeno asked, however, Renjun was always weak to decline, hence here they were, because there's no way that Donghyuck would ever let Renjun go on his own with no person to side him in case of an argument, which was inevitable whenever he and Nana were in the same space.

Which was why Donghyuck was a bit baffled at the current situation.

It was too peaceful, and no argument, nor side glances was ever thrown as they sat on around a square table, him beside Renjun and opposite Jeno. It was weird and Donghyuck was sure, he wasn't the only one who observed so.

Kun, the shop owner, who had been a witness to their several petty fights eversince they picked his bake shop as their meeting place, had eyed them cautiously as he placed their order on the table. Upon noticing how calm the atmosphere was, he smiled as he left their table, and even though he didn't say a word, he knew that the shop owner felt relieved at the prospect of not having a situation that could disturb the other patrons.

Donghyuck wished that he could share the same sentiment as the shop owner, but he couldn't. This just felt too unusual and he felt bad about it. He couldn't help but suspect that Nana was just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and he should be prepared to shield not only himself but Renjun as well.

He couldn't be bother to pick his own fork and touch the slice of cheesecake on his plate. All his attentions were on Nana who had dyed his his pink again, like he had back in high school, when he was still a sweet person who couldn't harm a fly, most especially not his soulmate.

He failed to see that Jeno was doing the same thing, except not to his soulmate but to him, and maybe he wouldn't have if he didn't make the mistake of looking his way.

Jeno was glaring at him and Donghyuck couldn't help but swallowed audible as he met his gaze. Jeno was obviously angry, and obviously, he was angry at him. As to what his reasons were, Donghyuck, wasn't sure. It wasn't like Jeno needed reasons to hate him anyway, he was a hateful person like that, and he wouldn't be surprised if Jeno was currently making up his excuses to hate him, because that's what he was good at, making excuses for himself and for Nana.

Donghyuck couldn't help but meet his glare with the same intensity. After all, it was him who had every right to be angry. What Jeno had told him that night was uncalled for, and was really unnecessary, another manifestation of Jeno's inability to deal with his issues without resorting to personal attacks.

"I heard your going to perform during your department's founding day. "

Whatever staring competition he and Jeno had was immediately put to a stop once they heard Nana speaking. Their eyes automatically landed on him nervously. At the back of his mind, he could already hear that girls generation song warning him (here comes trouble) and maybe for the first time, both him and Jeno agreed on the same thing — they should be cautious of what was supposed to come next.

Nana might have noticed that all attentions were directed at him, but he didn't seem to mind at all. His attention remained focused on Renjun and on whatever reply he would give.

Renjun looked quite conflicted about answering, the previous argument had left him wounded and he was still wary of being Nana's prey again, and Donghyuck couldn't blame him for feeling that way. Nana shouldn't even be allowed to talk to him anyway.

"I am, " Renjun answered after a while, only, he didn't dare to meet Nana's gaze. Instead he became very interested in the slice of strawberry shortcake on his plate.

"Can I... Can we... Can Jeno and I watch? I... I would love to hear you sing."

_No! No, you can't! No way!_

Since when did Nana became interested in Renjun's singing, anyway? Didn't he literally mocked them for being music majors because he said such path could not guarantee a successful future? So why was was he acting curious right now?

Donghyuck immediately turned to Renjun, fully expecting him to react the same way that he did. To his disappointment, however, Renjun's reaction was nothing like what Donghyuck was expecting from him. Instead, he looked lovestruck — as if every bad thing that had happened between them immediately vanished the moment Nana showed a bit of interest in him.

"You can, " Renjun answered with a smile, and Donghyuck was torn between smacking his own forehead or Renjun's.

He didn't get how his friend could give Nana (and Jeno) a chance over and over again? Wasn't he getting tired of everything? It wasn't worth it! Why would you give another chance when in the end the result would always be the same?

"Okay," Nana beamed after hearing Renjun's answer, and in front of him, Donghyuck could see that Jeno was pleased with how the conversation went. "I'll look forward to it. "

Donghyuck couldn't help but shake his head, and he didn't anymore care if doing so would annoy Jeno. Jeno would never like him anyway so why should he even bother? Why should he hide his displeasure from him? Who was he trying to please?

Donghyuck had always made sure not to overstep his boundaries, to keep his mouth shut about everything that he had been observing. This time however, he wouldn't just stand and watch Renjun make the same mistakes over and over again. If speaking his mind would prevent Renjun from being hurt again, he decided that there was absolutely no reason for him to hold back.

But not now, he thought to himself, as he watched the three of them behaved as if they were in an impenetrable bubble. Not now when their presence could cloud Renjun's judgement.

Not now, but soon. Soon, he would find the perfect timing to pull Renjun out of this never ending cycle. He would save him the same way that Renjun had saved him before. He owe it to him to save him.

●●●

The walk back to their shared apartment was short and was filled with silence. Renjun was still floating on air after that peaceful encounter with his soulmate.

A part of Donghyuck was telling him not to ruin Renjun's happiness by speaking his mind, but the bigger and louder part of him was screaming he should. After all, it wasn't like he would be doing so to intentionally make Renjun upset. He just wanted to show Renjun the things that he seemed unable to see because he was too blinded by his love for his soulmate.

"Jeno, didn't come with us today, " he commented, subtly trying to to begin whatever it was was that Donghyuck was trying to begin.

Renjun stopped humming as sat down next to Donghyuck's place in their old couch after retrieving a bottle of water in their small fridge.

"I told him not to, " Renjun replied and Donghyuck couldn't help himself from thinking that the former was lying to him, considering how defensive Renjun was being towards his soulmate. It was going to be a tough job for Donghyuck.

"Did you notice the dark bags around Jeno's eyes? "

He didn't. He was too busy glaring at him to notice anything. Besides, wasn't it already established that they hate each other? Why would he even bother to worry about his wellbeing?

Nevertheless, he nodded. He didn't need to look antagonistic in front of Renjun — especially not when he was on a mission to convince the other.

"He looked... really tired. It seems like going back and forth from his and Nana's apartment to ours was taking a toll on him so told him not to come this time."

Donghyuck began to zone out. Whatever else it was that Renjun decided to talk about regarding Jeno, he wasn't entirely interested. Still, his eyes remained on his friend as he pretended to listen. Renjun didn't look tired at all, and he looked like he had been having good nights of sleep, very contradictory of Jeno's previous claim. He sighed. A part of him was disappointed in himself for giving too much thought about what Jeno had told him. It was an obvious lie. He shouldn't let Jeno affect him so much when Donghyuck knew him too well to not see through his attempts of making Donghyuck feel like a neglectful friend — which was ironic coming from him who was a neglectful soulmate.

Still, he couldn't help but feel angry. Jeno knew what he had been through, yet he was being so inconsiderate with him. He was still the selfish Jeno who could only see his own pain.

The bottom line was Renjun was fine, and Donghyuck wasn't doing anything wrong and worth blaming for at all, and he should stop dwelling on it.

"I told them I would sleep over on the weekends. "

Donghyuck's ears began to function again upon hearing those words. "At their apartment? With Nana? " he asked in disbelief, to which Renjun nodded in response.

"Everything went well today, so I don't see any problem at all. "

Donghyuck stared in disbelief, and then he reminded him, " We're supposed to go apply for internship during the coming weekends."

"I... I know but maybe we can push it next week? "

Renjun could, but Donghyuck shouldn't. Unlike Renjun, Donghyuck wasn't a prodigy in music, and unlike Renjun, a companies wouldn't kill to have him, and his only option to be chosen was to show them how eager and dedicated he was by applying early. He couldn't help but be annoyed that Renjun decided to be inconsiderate to him in favor of spending time with his soulmate who didn't really care for him the same way that Donghyuck did.

Never mind that the two of them had rarely gotten anytime to talk to each other ever since Jeno started coming over frequently. How could Renjun push their plans aside when it had been him who did everything to help Donghyuck straighten out his life? How could he abandon him like that?

He knew he was probably being over-dramatic, but so be it. After all, he felt like he was losing Renjun to his soulmates who never really deserved him. It was unfair!

"Nevermind. I'll just go on my own. " He didn't try to conceal what he had been feeling. After all, he was entitled to his own emotion.

Renjun sighed before speaking. "Don't do that. "

"Do what? "

"Make me feel guilty, " Renjun replied. "I am already feeling guilty that I am not spending enough time with Jeno. "

"Which was clearly what he wanted you to feel! "

Why couldn't Renjun see that his boyfriend is a manipulative person who would stop at nothing to get what he wanted?

"I can't believe you, " he said while shaking his head. "You're cancelling off on us because of them and on top of that, you invited them to watch your performance during our founding day. "

"I didn't invite them. Nana asked to watch. "

"It doesn't matter! What matters is that Nana had once looked down on our chosen major and I'm pretty sure that the reason why he wanted to be there was to find more reason to mock you like he always do. "

"He's not going to do that. " Renjun answered, but Donghyuck, could see that he's conviction was beginning to waver. Which was good. The earlier he realized how dumb he was being for giving unlimited chances, the better.

"He already did so many times before, so I don't understand how you can even think that he can still love you. "

Renjun and him never had an argument this big before, and never had Renjun walked away from him... Until that time.

Donghyuck felt hurt when the door slammed behind Renjun, leaving him alone in their apartment while pondering what he had done wrong.

Nothing.

He didn't do anything wrong. All he did was to be honest with his opinion in order to protect Renjun from being hurt again. All he wanted to do was to convince Renjun to open up his eyes amd see things better. Because he cared about him. Because he was trying to be a good friend.

He swallowed the lump on his throat and shut his eyes tightly. He wouldn't cry. It wasn't his fault anyway. Renjun might be upset with him at the moment, but soon, he would realize how right Donghyuck had been.

He didn't do anything wrong.

With shaky legs, he stood up and headed to the bedroom to get dressed for his part-time job. He didn't have time to feel dejected at how negatively Renjun received his opinion, or how Renjun seemed to pick Jeno and Nana over him. He would deal with everything later, he told himself, after wiping the stubborn tears tha fell from his eyes.

●●●

"Why is that guy awkwardly seating there since the start of your shift and why was he staring at you like you're on the menu. Last time I checked, we don't serve McDonghyuck, at least not in this branch. "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes at Jisung who was leaning at the counter and pointing at the person he deemed to be a weird customer.

"First of all, the McDonghyuck joke wasn't funny at all. Second, pointing is rude. Third, don't you have a table to wipe? "

Jisung grumbled before leaving while stomping his feet. Only then did Donghyuck decided to sneak a glance at the said customer, who true enough, was staring at him intently. He couldn't help but roll his eyes.

He didn't understand how Mark was able to figure out where his other job was, maybe he asked around in the department store he was working at. Donghyuck didn't really care. Nor was he impressed by such action.

Whatever effort Mark was exerting, it was nothing compared to what Donghyuck did for him in the past. Imagine creating a fake identity just to be noticed by your shallow minded soulmate and then waiting for him outside his apartment only to be ignored. So yes, Mark could come to his workplace and wait for Donghyuck to speak to him, but Donghyuck would never spare him a chance again. Because he wasn't like Renjun and he knew when to say enough.

Maybe he was a little bit surprised that Mark had waited for him until the end of his shift which was at midnight, but that was the only the emotion he felt — surprised.

He tried to be sneaky as he tried to leave, but Mark seemed to have been fast enough to wait for him in front of the employees exit. Nevertheless, he ignored him as he began to walk back to his apartment only to realized that Mark had been following him all along.

He halted his steps, because the last thing he needed was for Mark to begin showing up at his apartment.

He waited until Mark finally caught up with him before turning around angrily to ask him, "What the hell do you think you're doing? "

Mark rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment before replying. "It's already late. I just want to make sure that you'll get home safe. "

"Well I had been walking on this path during midnight for the entire duration of your absence, what make you think I need you to keep me safe? "

If Mark was hurt by his words, he didn't care. Maybe that was his intention all along, to hurt as much as he was hurt.

"I had my reasons, Donghyuck. "

"I don't care about your reasons, Mark Lee. And I don't care about you anymore. "

"You might not, but I still care about you, and it worries me that you have too many jobs to juggle, and I think your work schedule is really unhealthy. I'm concerned about you, Donghyuck. Aren't you still supposed to be a university student by now?"

_You didn't seem to care back then, so why would I believe that you care now?_

"Thank you for your belated concerns, but I don't need them. And since you wanted to know, these jobs of mine are sending me to university because unlike you, I didn't have it easy. "

Mark was still wearing his office attire, minus his coat which he was carrying on his arms. His shirt wasn't anymore neatly tucked on his trouser, but it didn't changed the fact that after they had split, Mark had obviously not suffered the same way as he did, and it was so unfair.

"What makes you think I had it easy? " Mark sounded offended as he asked and Donghyuck couldn't help but scoff. Mark had the audacity to be offended.

"You obviously had it easier than I did. Why wouldn't you when it was you who left? "

"Do you understand how unfair you were being?" Mark explained while rubbing his temple. He sounded annoyed, as if he of all people had the right to be annoyed. "Why are you blaming me for everything when it was you who lied to me first?"

"Ah, " Donghyuck laughed sarcastically. "So it was back to being my fault? I see. So that's what you wanted it to be. You wanted to pin the blame on me again. "

Mark had the audacity to call him unfair, when he had been unfair to Donghyuck by leaving him without goodbye. He had the audacity to bring up Donghyuck's lies just so he could cover up his own mistakes.

"No, " Mark answered in a much softer tone than he used earlier. "I wanted to apologize and I wanted to explain my reasons why I couldn't just accept you after finding out the truth. "

"You're like two years late with your explanations, Mark Lee. "

"You weren't ready to listen then! You couldn't even understand what you did wrong! "

"I did not do anything wrong to you! "

For God's sake! When would Mark finally realize that whatever Donghyuck had done in the past, it was because he wanted to be close to him? It was nothing compared to leaving without even saying goodbye! Mark should stop bringing it up and began acknowledging that it was him who did Donghyuck wrong.

"I see, " Mark replied, stepping away from him while shaking his head. "Even now, you're still not ready to listen. "

"You're the one who don't know how to listen, " he spat back, he wouldn't let Mark make him feel at fault. He had been the one who was unable to listen, to Donghyuck and to his heart.

Mark shook his head, disappointedly. "I thought we could still fix us, but it turned out that there wasn't anything to be fixed anymore."

Mark stared at him for a long time as if he was memorizing his features. Then he finally turned around.

"I'm sorry for whatever it is that you keep blaming me for. I'm sorry for bothering you again. If my presence keeps on giving you trouble, then I will make sure not to show myself to you anymore. "

Donghyuck watched under the dim light of the streetlights as Mark began to walk away while desperately trying to push aside the painful pang on his chest. Once again, Mark left him on his own. He didn't understand why he felt so hurt. Maybe Mark should have tried harder, as hard as Donghyuck did back then.

He wouldn't, of course, because to him, leaving was always the better option. And once again, Donghyuck's belief was proven, soulmates would come to your life just to walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any idea who the neighbor is, btw. I should've ashed during the previous chapter but I forgot.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Admit it, " he said. "Admit how wrong you had been for leaving me. Admit that everything was your fault. Admit it, and I'll give us another chance. "
> 
> "I couldn't, " Mark answered without thinking hard, his pride getting in the way of Donghyuck's forgiveness. "I couldn't admit something I do not agree with. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Replying to comments is beginning to become hard because there are things that I want to explain but at the same time, I don't want to give spoilers. If ever I take too long before replying, then it means I'm looking for the right way to reply and not give spoilers.
> 
> Again, I appreciate your comments, so please keep them coming 😊

The alarm clock began beeping for the third time that morning, but the only person in the room didn't make a move to get up. He was awake, long before the alarm clock began beeping. He was awake, he hardly slept last night. He was awake, but God, he wish he wasn't.

Donghyuck could hardly remember what day it was when he woke up in the morning, and therefore, he couldn't even remember the schedule he had for the day. It was a bad sign, a sign that he was losing control of his life once again. Though really, he doubted if anyone could blame him if he lose control again.

The past days hadn't been easy for him, and it was just easy to return back to his old habits again — to just lie in bed all day, and let life pass by — let other people's life pass by without him, which seemed to be an easy task for the people around him.

All they ever did was leave anyway. Nobody would care if Donghyuck's world stopped turning.

Mark obviously didn't care. Not then, and not when he returned. He had tried to make Donghyuck believe that he finally cared, and good thing that Donghyuck didn't believe him. He left again just like that and Donghyuck had never seen him since that night.

Donghyuck never believed he cared, he really didn't, but he was still hurting.

Because Mark Lee failed him again.

He gave up easily, when he could have tried harder, as hard as Donghyuck himself did in the past. He of all people should know that what he had done could not be easily forgiven, why would he expect Donghyuck to forgive him easily?

But he didn't try harder. He didn't because Donghyuck wasn't important enough for him to try harder.

He never really loved Donghyuck, that was for sure, because if he did, he wouldn't have given up easily. If he did, he wouldn't have left in the first place.

He didn't even care. He didn't care about the emptiness that Donghyuck would feel without him.

Which wasn't really a surprise, anyway.

Hardly anyone cared about Donghyuck. His family even abandoned him during his times of need. Donghyuck had tried to understand why his parents had decided to stop sending money for his studies. For a while, he convinced himself that he did. That it was his fault. Yet, admitting that it had been his fault was just his way of being the good child that he was who couldn't find fault at his parents. But, really. Deep inside, it wasn't his fault, and he knew he was right. Of course he would slack off. He was hurting then. If Mark hadn't left him, if it wasn't for Mark and his soulmate hating issues, then Donghyuck would have been able to keep up with his studies.

They should have tried harder to understand him, but no, they didn't. They just... Gave up. They gave up on him when he needed their support the most.

Ah, but then again, did he really had their support from the very beginning? Yes, they had agreed to his chosen major, but not without obvious disappointment, because unlike his cousin, his very special and compliment worthy cousin, his chosen major wasn't as prestigious. Thinking about it, Donghyuck couldn't help but feel that it wasn't really his fault. Instead, they had just been waiting for the right moment to abandon him.

Of course he couldn't admit that out loud. They were the parents, and he was just their child, after all, right? Hence, it was unfair.

And then there's Renjun, the Renjun that Donghyuck thought would never leave him how other people did. Sure, they still shared the same apartment, but they were far from how they were before.

Donghyuck searched for his phone to check for messages. There were none. None when by this time, there should have been a lot already from Renjun. So, he was still mad at Donghyuck.

They had talked the morning after their argument, and it had not gone well for both of them.

Renjun had desperately tried to explain to him their situation, he tried to explain Nana and Jeno's side. He had talked about how Nana was still struggling about the fact that his injury had cost him his chance of playing the sport he wanted to play ever since he was a child, which didn't make sense at all. It's already been a year since then, and in Donghyuck's opinion, it's about time that Nana get over his childhood frustrations.

They had also talked about how Jeno was having a hard time with balancing his time between his two soulmates. It was stupid, and Donghyuck had no trouble telling Renjun so. How could he say that when Jeno was not doing his best at all?

Yet, in the end, it was Renjun who had the audacity to be upset, it was him who had the audacity be disappointed. What right did he had to feel that way when it should have been Donghyuck who was entitled to be feel bad?

They had not been able to talk about Donghyuck's own issue like he had wanted to because Renjun had been too selfish to talk about himself instead. Between them, it was Donghyuck who was hurting more, it was him who needed understanding, yet, Renjun had made no room for him in the conversation.

Their talk had ended, because Renjun was already upset. Donghyuck hadn't even have the opportunity to talk about how confused he was about the feelings he had for Mark.

It was unfair. Renjun had been unfair, and he continued to be unfair for absolutely petty reasons.

They hardly even talked after that, except for a simple hi or hello whenever they were home at the same time. No deep talks like they used to. If Donghyuck was sure about anything, it was that Renjun had been purposely doing it to guilt trip him into apologizing, which he wouldn't do. Why would he apologize for telling the truth?

Donghyuck couldn't help but hate the situation, and maybe hate Renjun as well. How could the latter treat him this way, when he knew that Donghyuck needed him by his side? He needed him to survive. He of all people should know where such treatment could lead Donghyuck, so why? Why was he doing it? Why was he prioritizing his soulmates over Donghyuck?

Because, he didn't care. Donghyuck thought he did, but in the end, he found out he didn't.

Nobody ever did.

The alarm clock beeped again, but instead of getting up like he should be doing, he turned to his stomach and let the pillow muffled his frustrated screams.

♕♕♕

Donghyuck pushed his phone back to his pocket after reading Renjun's message. He didn't bother replying. He wasn't interested anyway.

Renjun texted him to remind him that it was Friday, and therefore, like before, he would be staying over at his soulmate's, like he did the previous weeks. He texted him not to ask him how he was doing, not to apologize for ignoring him, but to remind him that he was picking Jeno and Nana over him.

How insensitive.

Renjun still didn't know what he was doing wrong. He didn't know how wrong it was to take chances with his soulmate again. In the end, that relationship was bound to crumble. Donghyuck just didn't want him to be hurt, but he didn't want to listen. Donghyuck was just trying to be a good friend, but oh well. It's his choice. It's his choice to get hurt.

Donghyuck tried to control his facial expression as he move to the direction of the university cashier. He had missed his classes earlier, but at least, he was still sane enough to not miss the deadline for the payment of his tuition. He still had a fifty percent balance and if he wanted to take the finals, he should settle his payment.

Thankfully, the line wasn't long, and not even five minutes later, it was already his turn. Donghyuck handed out the installment slip to the cashier who read his name before turning towards him.

Fine lines were visible on the corners of his eyes and on the corners of his mouth as he smiled at Donghyuck fondly.

"Good day, Mrs. Park," he greeted her.

Her smile however begun to mold into a frown as she continued to stare at him. "You don't look so good, dear. " Donghyuck grimaced.

To Mrs. Park, Donghyuck wasn't like any other student of the university. He used to be one but not anymore ever since that incident.

When his parents had abandoned him because they had failed to understand what he had been going through. Donghyuck struggled a lot to enroll during the following semester. He didn't have a single cent left to him, and back then, he didn't have a job yet. Renjun and Jeno (Nana was yet to return then) had lent him a small amount but it hadn't been enough to cover the fifty percent requirement.

Mrs. Park, the angel that she was, had taken pity on him. She was moved by Donghyuck's desperation, that in the end, she had done what normal cashiers wouldn't have done — she had lent him the remaining balance he needed to enroll.

Donghyuck had already paid her long ago, but paying her had not stopped her from thinking about his well being.

_Oh, you look healthier than before._

_You look better than before._

_You seem happier._

It wasn't a surprise that she would noticed the difference.

"I'm just feeling a little bit under the weather, Mrs. Park, " he lied.

Mrs. Park never really found out why Donghyuck had been the way he was before. Maybe that was for the best. If she found out, then she would just join the ranks of those people who wouldn't be able to understand him. She would just join the ranks of the people who would find the faults in him. He didn't need more of those kinds of people.

The line of people behind him began piling up, and Mrs. Park had in choice but to resume doing her job. Thin fingers began typing quickly on the keyboard. Her eyebrows furrowed before turning back to Donghyuck.

"It's already paid, dear. "

"Pardon?"

"I said it's already paid, dear. "

 _Impossible._ Donghyuck had been really tight on cash and it was impossible that he had already paid before and had completely forgotten about it.

There was another possibility of course.

"Do you know who paid for it? "

Mrs. Park shrugged. "Sorry, dear. I have just returned from my vacation so I don't have an idea. " Then she motioned him to move and give way to the next person in the line.

Donghyuck weighed the possibilities as he began to walk away. There were only a few people who could have paid his tuition on his behalf.

It couldn't be his parents, that he was sure of. They had not tried to contact him for long so it wouldn't make sense if it was them.

It could be Renjun. Maybe he felt guilty of the way he was treating Donghyuck that he decided to pay the remaining balance to make amends.

Or maybe not. Renjun knew that if anything, Donghyuck would have been more insulted by that. Besides, if ever Renjun indeed felt guilty of how wrong he had been treating Donghyuck, then the most Renjun thing to do was to apologize.

Jeno and Nana were both out of the question. Donghyuck had been obvious in showing how much he disliked them so he highly doubted if any of those two would do such thing out of the blue.

He tries to rack his minds for other possibilities, but nothing else came.

Nothing else except for one.

_"I don't care about your reasons, Mark Lee. And I don't care about you anymore. "_

_"You might not, but I still care about you, and it worries me that you have too many jobs to juggle, and I think your work schedule is really unhealthy. I'm concerned about you, Donghyuck. Aren't you still supposed to be a university student by now?"_

_"Thank you for your belated concerns, but I don't need them. And since you wanted to know, these jobs of mine are sending me to university because unlike you, I didn't have it easy. "_

Donghyuck balled up his fist as he recalled their conversation. His mind already coming up with an immediate conclusion.

It was him. It could only be him! Who else would be insensitive enough to do such thing?

Donghyuck was very much insulted. And yes, Mark had been an absolute asshole to him before but he had not expected him to be like this.

_So what now? What is he trying to achieve? Does he think that by doing so, he would be acquitted of all the pain he had caused me? Is it all that easy to him? So what am I now? A charity case?_

If Donghyuck had been angry for him disappearing again, Donghyuck was beyond angry this time. He was deeply offended. Mark could pay for his remaining semester and refund the previous as well, but no amount of money could ever equate to the amount of pain he had felt because of him.

He couldn't pay just like that. Donghyuck wouldn't be okay with just like that.

●●●

Donghyuck had called in sick for both jobs. He didn't feel like working with his current situation. He didn't have the motivation to do anything at all.

Hence he walked back home, with the intention of sleeping everything off with hopes that maybe, in the morning, he would finally feel better.

Highly unlikely.

A big part of his brain was preoccupied with his problem about finding Mark again and returning the money he had spent for his tuition. He didn't have any idea at all. It wasn't like he had his number, because Mark left again without leaving means of contacting him. What would Donghyuck expect from him, anyway.

Donghyuck didn't have an idea where to find him, but maybe he didn't really have to look any further.

Donghyuck wasn't sure if it was sheer luck or fate that he had stumbled upon the very person that he was looking for outside the door of unit beside his apartment.

"What are you doing here? "

There were a lot of thing that Donghyuck wanted to say to him once they meet again, most of them involved reminding him how much of a shitty soulmate he had been in the past. Yet, he was over-powered by surprise, because fucking hell, he did expect to meet Mark here of all places.

Mark was in the middle of inserting the keys when he flinched in surprise. He stared at Donghyuck for a while before answering. "I live here, " he said pointing at Donghyuck's neighbor's door. "What are you doing here?"

That was Donghyuck's cue to be surprised.

 _"I live there! "_ he exclaimed pointing at his own door. "And I am sure that you don't live there, because the last time I checked, you aren't the sassy shorty whose attitude is as tall as his nose! "

Mark seemed taken aback by his sudden outrage, then he blinked a couple of times before making a realization. "That's Ten-hyung. "

"Ten, Eleven or Twelve, the point is, you don't live here! "

"I do, and I've been living here for a week now."

 _A week?_ Impossible. Donghyuck would have already learn about him.

"Ten-hyung was the one who found this unit and decided I should move out to give him and his soulmate privacy. "

Donghyuck tried to make sense of the situation, but he really couldn't. Everything that was happening was just so out of the norm, and god, he wasn't prepared for this.

"Did you intentionally pick this because you know I live next door? "

"No! " Mark immediately denied. "I didn't even know where you live. You didn't even give me your real address before. "

A part of him felt disappointed that Mark had not done it on purpose. That Mark wasn't living next door because of him. That it was a mere coincidence that they suddenly became neighbors. Because again, he was reminded, that Mark wasn't trying his best at all.

And what's with him reminding Donghyuck again and again how he had lied before? It was so long ago, when would he stop?

"Why did you pay for my tuition?" He asked, not even bothered by the fact that it sounded out of the blue.

If Mark had been surprised before then he seemed very confused now, like he didn't know what Donghyuck was talking about.

"I honestly don't know know what you're talking about, and in fact, I don't even know which university do you go, because you didn't tell me the real one before, remember? "

So it wasn't him?

Donghyuck couldn't help but feel embarrassed, but his embarrassment was quickly replaced by his annoyance, when Mark Lee began blaming him again for his lies back then.

"I haven't seen you for while. Why? " He didn't know where he was getting the courage to continue firing his questions, but he felt entitled to be given an answer.

"You asked me to leave you alone. " Mark's grip on the door knob was tight that Donghyuck could already see his knuckles turning white. "What do you expect me to do? "

_To try harder! To not give up so easily!_

"Can I go inside now? " Mark asked, but he wasn't really waiting for Donghyuck's answer as he opened the door.

"Find another place. "

Mark was halfway through his own unit when he suddenly stopped and turn around again.

"Pardon? "

"You heard me. Find another place. "

Mark pinched the bridge of his nose. "You do not own this place, Donghyuck, and I don't have anywhere else to go. "

"I don't care! "

"Of course, you don't! " Donghyuck didn't miss the hint of mockery in the other person's voice.

"I was here first, Mark and I don't want you here. "

"Look, Donghyuck. Right now, I have no where else to go and since we had been able to ignore each other's presence before, I suggest we continue doing that. Stop being unreasonable."

Donghyuck couldn't help but scream in frustration, and he wouldn't anymore be surprised if their other neighbors would curious to peek at the commotion?

"So I'm being unreasonable? Do you even have an idea what I went through when you left? "

"I do, " Mark replied with conviction that had taken Donghyuck by surprise. "Actually, I do, because you were able to tell bits and pieces of what you went through during those times, and it's safe to say that I do know something about you, even just a little bit. How about you? Do you have any idea what I went through? "

Donghyuck could feel his anger boiling again as Mark tried to turn everything on him, as if he was the one on fault. "I do. You were happy chasing the life you want without me. "

Mark huffed in frustration, but Donghyuck could see the pain in his eyes. Yet, it didn't matter. It was nothing compared to what Donghyuck himself was feeling.

"So that's what you wanted to believe. "

"That's the truth! "

"So you're the one who would decide the truth now? You wouldn't even try to listen, would you? "

"Again, why would I even listen to you, when you didn't listen to me back then! "

They were going around in circles, and it was frustrating. Why couldn't Mark simply admit that he was wrong and that Donghyuck had been right all along!

Mark raised his both hands before sighing. "I give up. " The he turned around again.

"What's new? You always give up easily anyway. "

Mark stopped midway again, this time, he took a long pause before turning around again.

"Quite frankly, when it comes to you, giving up seems to be the only option. "

To say that Donghyuck was hurt was an understatement. He could feel his tears rolling but he didn't make a move to wipe them away. He wanted to show Mark how hurt he was. Yet, Mark didn't budge.

"Honestly, the moment I came back to Seoul, I searched for you. I would have done it earlier, had it not been for my personal reasons, reasons you refused to listen to. I felt it, even from afar, I felt it. I felt that something was wrong with you, and it turned out I was right. I am sorry for not being with you during those times. But I cannot be sorry for everything. I cannot be sorry for needing space. Moreover, I cannot take the blame for everything like you wanted me too.

"I came back to try to fix what was broken, but nothing couldn't be fixed because you're not willing to listen. You will only believe what you want to believe no matter how baseless they are. You only care about your own opinion, and that in itself is a problem. Did you even try to find out why I didn't want to be with my soulmate? You didn't, right? "

"I didn't because it's pointless! " he couldn't help but answer back. He couldn't help it. He couldn't bear to just stand there and allow Mark to turn everything around and start blaming him for pointless things.

"Of course you'd think that, " Mark replied, offended but not surprised. "It's pointless because it was nothing but a mere inconvenience to you. It's pointless for you, but not for me, and you would never know the reason because you don't want to know the reason at all. You see, Donghyuck, that's the problem. You continue to invalidate my reasons. You continue to invalidate my feelings. I have every right to ask for space because you did me wrong."

"That's a pointless argument and you know that! "

"To you it is, but to me, It's not. You have no idea how uncomfortable it was to be with someone who only wanted to himself to be heard. "

"Don't turn this on me, Mark Lee! " he warned but his words fell on deaf ears.

"I'm really sorry. I really am. But I am not strong enough to allow myself to simply shut up take the blame for everything. You weren't the only one who suffered, Donghyuck. I did, too. But unless you're willing to listen, then the only thing left to do is to give up. "

Again, he turn his back on Donghyuck, but Donghyuck wouldn't let him off that easily.

"Admit it, " he said. "Admit how wrong you had been for leaving me. Admit that everything was your fault. Admit it, and I'll give us another chance. "

"I couldn't, " Mark answered without thinking hard, his pride getting in the way of Donghyuck's forgiveness. "I couldn't admit something I do not agree with. "

With that, Mark shut the door close, not even sparing him a single glance. Once again, he broke Donghyuck's heart.

●●●

Donghyuck wasn't sure for how long he had lied awake on his bed. He wasn't even sure when he had stopped crying his eyes out and began to stare at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. They didn't do anything to cheer his mood up like they used to. He was still upset, but his eyes were already tired from crying.

He should be sleeping, he had an early morning shift the next day. He should be but he couldn't. He was still thinking about how he should have acted earlier.

How he should have walked away.

He shouldn't have stayed and allow Mark to tell him those things which was confusing him.

He still could believe how good Mark could be in terms of being manipulative, in terms of bending the truth. It Donghyuck hadn't been strong enough, then Mark would have been able to convince him that indeed, he was the one at fault. He would have been blaming himself by now.

But no. Donghyuck wasn't weak. He wasn't stupid. He was the one who was holding the truth so he couldn't be bothered.

Yet, it still hurt. Why would Mark even resort to trying get away with everything, when admitting his fault would have been enough. Yes, Donghyuck wouldn't even be able to forgive him instantly, but if he would be humble enough to admit his shortcomings, then it would've been a huge step. But no, Mark was stubborn. He was too prideful to do so, even in exchange of another chance for them.

In the end, he really didn't want to have Donghyuck back. He only came back to wash his hands about everything that had happened between them. He wanted to come out clean. He might have convinced himself but not Donghyuck.

The loud creaking of the door interrupted the suffocating silence. Donghyuck check his phone. It was two in the morning, and there was only one person who had the key to their unit. Renjun shouldn't even be here before Sunday evening. Curiously, he made his way out of the room to check who the intruder was. He mentally reprimanded himself for not taking any sort of weapon with him, just in case it was a robber.

It wasn't, though for a while, he almost didn't recognized who the person sitting on the couch was.

The lights of the living room were on, and Donghyuck's eyes which had been used to the darkness had to squint. There, he saw Renjun, and despite how blurry his eyes had been because of crying, he could still see clearly that this Renjun wasn't the same Renjun that Donghyuck knew.

His hair was disheveled, like he ran his hands over them several times. His eyes were red and puffy, like he had been crying for a while.

It was as if he was looking at the mirror instead of a different person.

He wanted to ask, but before he could even open his mouth, Renjun had already spoken, in rough voice that was tired and broken.

"We broke up. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, about Ten. He's not really the neighbor 😝
> 
> So, Mark had been living with him and Johnny, and Ten was like, no we need to move out. Hence he found this apartment unit and asked Mark to move out and live there. Ten was just the one who found the place and paid the down payment and prepared everything, but Mark's been living there all alone. Sorry for the confusion. Ten might have an appearance in future chapters, I'm still deciding. 
> 
> Not really related but, if you haven't checked it out yet, part 3 is already uploaded and it's so fluffy compared to this, just in case you need a break from the angst, because I can feel that this is going to be a long angsty ride.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deleted the rant chapter, but I want to tell those people who sent me encouraging and comforting messages how grateful I am. Thank you for being kind and for appreciating this story. 
> 
> Before we go on with the update, allow me to tell you this. Fanfic reading is free. You can read it without paying a single cent, and you can also freely leave it if you feel uncomfortable reading. What you shouldn't do is to not allow the writers to write freely. 
> 
> There are a lot of trigger warnings in this fic but I didn't expect Renjun ti be the most triggering. 
> 
> To make it short, the anon in my cc was upset because of Renjun's role here, (and also in my other fics tbh) and they feel like I don't really like Hyuck and that I am a Renjun obsessed fake stan. 
> 
> When I explained how important his role is hence he keeps on appearing, and how if I don't like Hyuck at all, I wouldn't be writing about him, it's still wasn't acceptable for them. I was called SELFISH, ATTENTION WHORE and an AWFUL PERSON because I stood by my decisions for my fic. 
> 
> First of all, I TY and WW biased but my favorite ships are MH and NRM. Who made the rule that I have to be a Haechan biased to write about him. I love all NCT, I am their fan, and as their fan I can make them a fic. 
> 
> I was told to stop writing Renjun and use Taeil and Johnny as well, but this is my fic. I have the right to choose. 
> 
> If I want to include Renjun in all of my fics, that's my call as the writer and no one can stop me. Feel free to find the next story without Renjun. 
> 
> I was also told that I don't like Hyuck because I am painting him in a bad light in this story. I don't like all of my characters to be Mary Sue, but it you're not comfortable with that, fine. There are other fics out there. 
> 
> Suggestions and comments are okay, positive and negative. But also, please be prepared if ever the writer decides to reject your suggestion because the final choice is still our to make. Don't call them those awful names and call your comment contstructive criticisms. IT'S SO NOT. 
> 
> Please. I write to relieve stress and to be even more stressed. I know that not everybody can like my fic but I also don't see how someone could be aggressive over a fic. 
> 
> If you ever feel like you're wasting your time by reading my fic(which I was told by the way), please bear in mind that no one forced you to read it. I couldn't count how many times I clicked a fic but feel disappointed because it wasn't my style. What I did was to move on. Harassing the writer for it was so not worthy. 
> 
> Again, sorry for the rant, but I really hope none of this would happen in the future again. Thank you!

_Mark was gone._

_He wasn't in his apartment when Donghyuck tried to talk to him after giving him a week. A week should have been enough. Donghyuck couldn't possibly wait anymore longer. That should've been enough time for Mark to realize how wrong he was for staying mad over Donghyuck's small lie. A week should be enough for him to realize that Donghyuck only did so because he loved him. A week should be enough for him to get out of his soulmate hating phase. A week should be enough for him to realize that something as simple as this wasn't worth ruining their relationship for._

_It should have been enough, and by this time, Mark should be willing to take him back again._

_Mark wasn't there. The door was locked. He couldn't open it with his spare key. Mark already changed the lock._

_Donghyuck waited. He was antsy, because well, he already waited for a week, and he was still going to wait for long. Frankly, he was starting to feel impatient. Sure, he did wrong by lying, but he just did so in order to get Mark. That should be enough of an explanation to earn Mark's forgiveness. He did it out of love. That couldn't be entirely wrong, right?_

_But he was being patient. He was trying to be understanding, even if in reality, Donghyuck couldn't understand why Mark would hate the idea of dating his soulmate. After all, if it wasn't for his mindset, Donghyuck wouldn't even lie at all._

_But Donghyuck was being a good soulmate, hence, he's willing to wait even more until finally, Mark would realize that all this fuss wasn't worth it._

_The hour hand of his watch moved again, for the third time already. Yet, he was still waiting outside, with his back against the door. What was taking Mark long? If Donghyuck remembered correctly, Mark was supposed to be home today. He didn't have a class. On the contrary, Donghyuck had, but he decided to not attend his class today because he thought fixing their relationship was so much more worthy of his time. In fact, in the past days, Donghyuck wasn't able to attend his classes because well, he was hurting. Because Mark hadn't been answering his messages. Wasn't it enough that Donghyuck wasn't bothering him in his place anymore? Did he really have to stop answering his messages as well? That's too much. He could've at least tried to answer his calls._

_Still, Donghyuck waited. Because he was a good soulmate, so even if Mark wasn't being understanding, he was still willing to accept him for his shortcomings._

_But really. Mark should arrive soon. The sooner he arrived and talk to Donghyuck, and the sooner he forgive Donghyuck, the sooner Donghyuck could stop worrying about their relationship and begin to focus on his life again._

_But Mark was taking too long. Donghyuck was getting impatient and he began tapping his foot on the floor._

_A neighbor came out from the unit next door, and she eyed Donghyuck curiously. Having spent a lot of his time in this building before, he wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors would find him familiar._

_"He left, " the neighbor informed him._

_'Yeah, I noticed, ' he sarcastically wanted to remark, but he decided against it. Instead, he just smiled politely. "I'll just wait for him. "_

_"No, I mean he left, " the girl tried to explain. "Like he took everything. He hadn't been back since then. "_

_"What do you mean, he took everything ? " he asked, his heart already beating fast. "Why would he do that? "_

_The girl seemed to have been frightened with his outburst but he hardly even cared. He was nervous, so his outburst should be understandable._

_"He left, " the girl repeated. "As far as I know, that unit if up for rent again? "_

_"Where did he go? "_

_The girl shrugged before looking at him weirdly, "How would I even know that? "_

_'You could've asked! ' he wanted to say, but the girl already turned her back on him._

_Mark was gone._

_Mark wasn't returning anytime soon._

_Donghyuck didn't know where he went._

_Donghyuck screamed in frustration, not caring if the neighbors would be bothered by his noise. For fuck's sake, Mark left without even bothering to tell him! What the hell was wrong with him?_

_●●●_

_'Where are you? '_  
_'Why aren't you answering my calls? '_  
_'God, Mark, you're being unfair! '_  
_'At least try to text me once. '_  
_'Can't you just come back? '_  
_'Why are you being this unreasonable? '_  
_'Mark! '_  
_'Just, please, come back already! '_  
_'Don't be selfish. Come back!'_

_He already sent countless of messages to Mark, but Mark was yet to send him a reply. He was yet to answer and return his calls._

_Wasn't it already enough that he left without notice? Did Mark really have to keep ignoring him?_

_The door of his room immediately opened, and a figure came in carrying stacks of paper, which was gently placed on his study desk._

_"This wouldn't do, Hyuck, " Renjun said disappointedly. "You've been missing a lot in your classes, everything is piling up, and it's just the beginning of our sophomore year. You need to stop making your world revolve around him. "_

_"Will you stop it? " he couldn't help but snapped._

_He didn't need Renjun or any other people to remind him how much he was fucking up his life. What he needed was for them to understand that he was hurting, and because he was very much hurting he couldn't be bothered to do anything at all._

_His soulmate had just left him, for fuck's sake! How was he supposed to go and move on with his life like nothing happened?_

_"I'm just saying, you can't let this be the focal point of your life. There's a lot more in this world for you than just this. Don't let this ruin you. "_

_'Just this'. Donghyuck wanted to laugh sarcastically. Of course Renjun wouldn't understand. He had not one but two soulmates who didn't leave him. How could he even understand Donghyuck's pain?_

_Renjun sighed. "Fine. Call me if you need anything. "_

_With that he left._

_Donghyuck really appreciated him, that's the truth, but what Donghyuck needed at the moment was not a friend, but his soulmate._

_'Just come back. Don't be unfair to me like this. Come back. '_

_●●●_

_The entire room was a mess. The bed sheet and pillow cases hadn't been washed and replaced for months, and the tear stains were still there even if the owner of those tears, the person lying on the bed had long stopped crying. Donghyuck had no more tears left to cry, but he was still hurting, and because he couldn't cry any longer, he could feel himself exploding._

_The entire room was a mess. His study desk which used to be in it's place next to a wall was now on the floor, after one of his outbursts. The things which were placed on it was already scattered on the floor, from books to paperworks to the new laptop that his parents had sent him. He hadn't checked if it was broken. He knew it was new, and he knew that his parent must have saved a lot in order to buy him one. But what could he do? He was hurting._

_The entire room was a mess. The owner of the room was the biggest mess. He was a mess because Mark wasn't there to help fix him up. He was a mess because Mark left. He was a mess because Mark didn't comeback._

_His eyes were dead and tired, but it didn't stop him from focusing them on his phone. He had sent a message to Mark again. He told Mark how much he was suffering because of him. He told him how he wasn't eating properly. How he stopped attending his classes in the uni. How he was pretty much a mess and it was all his fault and he should fix it by returning._

_But Mark hadn't replied at all, even if Donghyuck kept reminding him that if everything in Donghyuck's life was going wrong, it was because he left. He should be responsible for Donghyuck's actions and reactions._

_The room opened again, and despite him rejecting any help offered, his roommate didn't seem to get the point._

_Renjun was carrying a tray of food for him, Jeno trailing behind him. He couldn't help but feel jealous and unfair. Why was Renjun and Jeno loved by their soulmates and he wasn't._

_The two of them were pretty much taken aback by how the room looked. But they weren't allowed to judge. Donghyuck was hurting, his actions should be understandable._

_"I brought food, " Renjun told him before placing the tray on top of the drawer, the only thing left in the room immune from Donghyuck's outburst._

_"I don't need food, " he tried to dismiss them._

_"You need food, " Renjun insisted. "You need food as much as you need to sleep, bath, and leave this room. This isn't working, Hyuck. You need to live your life. "_

_"Is Mark back?" he asked._

_"No, " was Renjun's reply._

_"Then I will not eat, sleep, or leave this room. I will continue to live my life the way I want it until Mark finally realized how much his actions are affecting me. I will continue to be like this until Mark decides to comeback and fix the damage he had caused me. "_

_Jeno tried to open his mouth, but one glare from Renjun was enough for him to rethink his decision and close his mouth._

_Good._

_Donghyuck didn't need judgement._

_He needed understanding._

_Because Donghyuck was hurting._

_It's all because of Mark._

_●●●_

_Donghyuck received a phone call, but it wasn't from the person he was expecting to get a call from._

_He wish he didn't get this phone call. He didn't need it right now. He didn't need judgement. He needed understanding. He was hurting. But the person on the other line wasn't_  
_willing to understand at all._

_"For god's sake Donghyuck, how did you even managed to fail most of your courses? What have you been doing there all along? "_

_"I am hurting, Mom," he tried to reason. "My soulmate left me, and I couldn't do anything at all after that. I am hurting, Mom. Please understand."_

_But his mother wouldn't understand. Understanding wasn't her priority. Judging was._

_"Is he the only important person to you now? What about us? What about your Papa and I? What about the efforts we are exerting just to send you to a good university? Do you even realize how much we need to sacrifice just to pay for your expensive tuition? Did you even think about that? "_

_Money had been the issue. Money had been the priority in their conversation, instead of his feelings. Why couldn't they understand? If Mark hadn't left him, he wouldn't have failed miserably in life. He shouldn't be blamed. Mark should be. It was entirely his fault that Donghyuck was the way he was._

_"I give up, " Donghyuck's mom said after sobbing and incoherently speaking for a while. "I give up, Donghyuck. From now on, we'll stop sending you money. You'll either return home or start supporting yourself. "_

_The call ended, and even if Donghyuck tried to call them again, they didn't answer. They, too left him just like that. Just like how Mark did._

_He threw his phone against the wall, and it fell with a loud crush. The screen was broken. Maybe the entire phone was broken. But so was he, and it was all Mark's fault._

_The door to his room opened, and in came his roommate. He didn't bother to look at him. Instead, he continued crying and screaming as he hugged his knees._

_Renjun rushed to hug him, and this time, Donghyuck didn't send him away. He was desperate, because there was no one else except for him. Only Renjun was there to understand. He didn't judge. He knew that Donghyuck was hurting, and it was all because of Mark._

_●●●_  
_[⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM IMPLIED]_

_Donghyuck couldn't exactly remember what happened before an ear piercing scream made him gain back his consciousness._

_The last thing that he remembered was how much he hated Mark for making his life the way it was._

_It was his fault that Donghyuck had lied, because if Mark didn't hate the idea of being with his soulmate, then Donghyuck wouldn't have lied in the first place._

_It was his fault that Donghyuck failed his courses, because if he hadn't left, then he wouldn't have been hurt to the point where he would lose the desire to function in his daily life._

_If it hadn't been for him, his parents wouldn't have abandoned him._

_It was all his fault._

_He wanted to erase him, permanently. He wanted all of his traces away gone from Donghyuck's life._

_He did._

_He erased the only reminder of Mark on him._

_His eyes were starting to blur, and his ears were beginning to ring. He was falling out of consciousness again._

_He could barely feel himself being lifted off the ground. An angel? Was he dead?_

_"Don't you dare, Donghyuck, " he heard the person tell him between sobs. "Don't you dare leave like this. "_

_"Please, " the person continued. "Don't give up just yet. I am here. "_

_Donghyuck nodded weakly. "Thank you for being here. "_

_●●●_

Donghyuck was hurt again.

Because Mark returned.

Ironic how, in the past, he actually thought that Mark returning would actually fix everything. It wouldn't, because Mark was still the same shallow person who wouldn't acknowledge that he was the reason why Donghyuck's life had been the way it was. He refused to accept that if he hadn't been too consumed by his soulmate-hating-belief, then they could have been happy together.

Donghyuck had given him a chance.

He said no.

Because he was selfish.

He didn't want to think about Donghyuck's feelings again.

Donghyuck was hurt again, and the urge to return to how he was before was strong. He was losing his way to live his life again.

But if he would return to the old him, he didn't know if he would survive again. He would be alone, Renjun wouldn't be there to help him.

Because Renjun was hurt, too.

He too was hurt because of his soulmates.

He, like Donghyuck, needed help as well.

They broke up, Renjun said, or rather he broke up with them. Nana picked a fight suddenly. They were just talking about a possible internship and employment in China, when Nana suddenly became angry. He couldn't handle anymore after that. He decided to give up.

The urge to say I told you so was strong.

_I told you so._

_You didn't listen to me._

_Your soulmates are just the same as mine._

_They don't really care about you._

He didn't say those things, not at all. Because Renjun needed understanding and not judgement. He was hurting, and it's all because of Jeno and Nana.

Donghyuck, joined him on the couch and hug him. In all honesty, Donghyuck was still upset that Renjun had not been spending much time with him in favor of spending it with his soulmates. But he was willing to set that aside. Renjun needed him, and frankly, he needed Renjun as well.

"I am here, " he said, as he let Renjun cry on him all night long.

He was there, because he owe it to Renjun to be there.

He was there.

The two of them would be fine.

●●●

I'm hurt, too.

It took a week before Donghyuck was able to tell his bestfriend about his own problem, because it took a week of cuddling while watching movies and eating ice cream before Renjun felt a little bit better, not okay, but just better than before.

He hadn't realized how much he missed this — having deep conversations between each other. He hadn't realized how much he missed his bestfriend.

They talked about everything, even those that Donghyuck hadn't been able to tell him when he would rather be with Jeno and Nana.

They talked about Donghyuck's paid tuition, to which Renjun denied was his doing. Therefore, it was still a mystery.

They talked Mark, and how he was living next-door. They talked about how uncomfortable the situation was for Donghyuck.

They talked about Mark over and over again. About how he had been popping up in his life. About how he decided to quit easily, when he had not ever suffered as greatly as Donghyuck before.

He was glad to have Renjun back. He wouldn't even deny that he was glad that he broke up with his soulmates. They didn't deserve him anyway. Donghyuck, on the other hand, deserved a friend.

They were doing fine, and so far, not one of them had an emotional outburst. It was a good sign.

Mark had been true to his promise. Despite living in the same building, he managed to avoid Donghyuck like plague. It wasn't like doing so was a big challenge for him. After all, avoiding Donghyuck had been his greatest skill as a soulmate.

Nana and Jeno had not been seen anywhere, or at least, Donghyuck had not been able to see them. He was hoping that it was the same for Renjun. Maybe he hadn't, because the two of them had sworn to each other that they wouldn't lie. Renjun wouldn't lie to him.

Donghyuck lied to him once, but it was for a reasonable cause, something not worthy of being fuzzed with. Renjun had left his phone once, which Donghyuck was very much thankful for. If Renjun hadn't left his phone, then Donghyuck wouldn't be able to protect him.

Nana texted once, apologizing for the argument, which Donghyuck didn't bother to finish reading at all. He immediately deleted the message, and to prevent him from texting and calling Renjun again, he blocked his number on Renjun's phone. He did the same for Jeno, and hopefully, Renjun wouldn't notice. With Renjun's SNS deactivated as well, there would be no way that they could reach him.

He knew that he shouldn't have lied, but well, he lied in order to protect Renjun. He was weak for his soulmates. He didn't need false hope. If there's anyone who knew better how to handle this things, it was Donghyuck. He had been there before.

They were doing fine.

Donghyuck received an email from a certain Jung Jaehyun, inviting him for an internship in a small music company during the winter break. He didn't remember sending his application to that company, and he didn't even recognized the name of the company. It sounded fishy at first, but after thorough investigation, he realized that the company was in fact legit. With grades like his which weren't as remarkable as the top students, he knew that he shouldn't be choosy with the internship. He needed something to put on his CV after all. Besides, it was a paid internship.

Renjun pushed through with his internship in China. Donghyuck was a little upset that they would be parted, but maybe it was for the best. After all, he wouldn't just parted from Donghyuck but from Jeno and Nana as well.

They would be fine.

They might not have their soulmates with them, but they still have each other.

They would survive.

●●●

Winter break came fast, and soon, Donghyuck found himself waking up alone in the apartment. It was lonely, and it didn't feel like home at all.

Yet, it was only temporary. He would have his friend back soon.

For the moment, he needed to get used to it. Being alone would be part of his routine now.

Jobs at the department store and fast food was temporarily halted, because Donghyuck would rather focus on his internship. Needless to say, both managers of those establishment had been pissed, because winter is such a busy season and they needed more employees during this time.

Donghyuck feared that he wouldn't be return to his previous jobs, and he just hoped that whatever he would earn on this internship would be enough to cover for his expenses until he found a new job.

One Hunnit Entertainment — that was the name of the company he was going to have his internship. It wasn't a well known company at all, the main stream media had not once mentioned the name of the company. It probably had something to do with the fact that they hadn't produced a successful idol at all.

The building was small, old and in need of repainting. It looked... abandoned and shady that Donghyuck couldn't help but thing that he shouldn't be here at all. He thought that maybe he should run away and gain internship elsewhere, but before he could, a tall person with handsome face and dimpled smile greeted him by the glass door.

"Lee Donghyuck? " the person asked with his ocean deep voice.

Donghyuck gulped before nodding. He already lost his chance to leave.

"Oh, " the person beamed. "Come in! I am expecting you! I was the one who sent you the email. I am Jung Jaehyun. "

●●●

One Hunnit — according to Mr. Jung, or rather Jaehyun as he preferred to be called had been, in fact, on the brink of Bankruptcy before it was acquired by a huge corporation. Why a huge corporation would acquire such unpopular entertainment company was still a mystery to Donghyuck. Business after all, wasn't his forte, so maybe he wouldn't understand. It's not like his internship would revolve around the business aspect anyway.

There were only three artists in the company, and again, they were off of the mainstream radar so Donghyuck wouldn't know about them.

Joohoney, I.M and H.One, the first two are rappers, and the third one a D.J.. H.One, Donghyuck recognized from his Pepsi commercial and not from his DJing gigs. But then again, Donghyuck was too broke to go clubbing anyway, and it wasn't like there was someone to go clubbing with.

Donghyuck would only be working with the three of them for now because well, One Hunnit is still on the process of recruiting more artist, which would probably not be there until the end of his internship.

"So, do you have any question? " Jaehyun asked explaining what was expected of him in this internship.

"Actually, I do, " he answered. "I'm just wondering how I was considered for the spot since I don't remember sending an application. "

Jaehyun's smile grew strained, and Donghyuck could sense him getting nervous. "You were actually recommended by a friend, but it doesn't matter who! By the way, your surname is Lee, right? "

Jaehyun suspiciously changed the subject abruptly, making Donghyuck feel even more confused. This was the second time he had gotten help from an anonymous person, and he doubted it was a mere coincidence.

"Yes, " he replied, still wanting to pursue the topic but didn't want to sound too pushy.

"Oh, good! " Jaehyun beamed flashing the dimpled smile again. "So like, do you happen to be related to someone named Lee Taeyong?"

Jaehyun pointed at his wrist, where the name Lee Taeyong was written.

"No, I don't have a relative named Taeyong. "

Donghyuck watched as Jaehyun's smile fell. What he gave as an answer wasn't a lie. But while he wasn't related to a Lee Taeyong, he actually know a Lee Taeyong who was a cousin of Jeno. But since that hadn't been the question, he didn't bother telling Jaehyun about it. Besides, he wasn't even sure if that Taeyong was indeed the Taeyong Jaehyun was looking for and it wasn't like he would contact Jeno for it. Besides, what if it was indeed him and it wouldn't work out for them? Then Donghyuck would have just sent Jaehyun on his impending doom.

"Oh okay, too bad, " Jaehyun said sullenly.

"Yeah, too bad. "

Donghyuck hadn't expect the first day to be this long or to be this hectic, nor did he expect to be caught up with a lover's spat. Unfortunately, the two rappers who happened to be soulmates, ended up bickering over a specific song, and before anyone of them noticed, it was already past ten in the evening.

"Sorry, Donghyuck, we didn't mean to hold you back. "

"It's fine, Hyung, " he answered. It wasn't like ten is already late for him. He was used to going home at twelve.

Jaehyun had kindly accompanied him outside to wait for a cab, which was expensive, but his only means of transportation to go home. For a while, his tongue itched to tell Jaehyun about Taeyong, but then again, he remembered that he had a valid reason why he was withholding such information.

A black car passed them before parking on the small parking space in front of the One Hunnit building.

"Oh, he's finally here, " Jaehyun mumbled.

Donghyuck had wanted to ask who, but before he could, the driver came out and started jogging towards them before stopping a mere meter away and staring at Donghyuck confusedly.

"What are you doing here, Mark Lee? "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I want to hurry with the resolution to the MarkHyuck problem, rushing it wouldn't make it satisfying for me. I want to focus more on how I will develop Donghyuck's character, which as you can probably notice, will still take a long time. 
> 
> Again, if you came here for the romance, but couldn't be bothered to wait, sorry, but I can only write it on my pace or else it's not my fic anymore. 
> 
> Resolution will probably start on ch. 15 according to my story guide so if you can wait... Thank you. If you can't, I'll also understand. 
> 
> Let's not be hateful about it. 
> 
> Thank you!


	9. Chapter 9

"What are you doing here? " Mark asked him back in return, instead of answering Donghyuck's question like he was supposed to. He looked as surprised as Donghyuck at their sudden meeting, and maybe a little bit troubled as well. Why wouldn't he be troubled? He had been desperately trying to avoid meeting Donghyuck even while living next to his unit. He succeeded so far, so he must have been considering this meeting as bad luck.

Too bad, avoiding Donghyuck didn't seem to be as easy as it was before. Mark couldn't possible repeat his two years disappearing act.

God, Donghyuck hated this so much. He hated how by just seeing Mark, he could feel every pain that the latter had caused him returning instantaneously. It's annoying, and what's even more annoying was that Mark was pretending that he had suffered, too. That he was hurt, too. He didn't know a thing about suffering at all. He didn't know it like Donghyuck did.

He hated it. He hated how affected he was just by seeing him. It was so unfair.

"So like,do you know each other? " Jaehyun couldn't help but asked, after a while of giving them both a confused look.

"He's my soulmate who left me for absolutely no reason, " Donghyuck answered. He didn't know why, but he felt like he needed to say that before Mark even dare to make it seem like he was the bad person in front of another person. He didn't want to give Mark a chance to make it seem as if he was the one to be blamed.

"Really? Absolutely no reason at all? " Mark had the audacity to look offended, as if what Donghyuck had said wasn't the truth at all.

"Oh! " Jaehyun exclaimed as if suddenly realizing something. Then he turned to Mark. "This is the Donghyuck you've been talking about? "

Donghyuck gasped. Mark talked about him? What did he say about him? What kind of lies did he talk about him? He wouldn't be surprised if Mark invented lies just to cover up his own wrong doings! This is Mark, the person who wouldn't even acknowledge how much damage he had caused Donghyuck. Donghyuck had no reason to believe.

"How could I not even realize that this very Donghyuck is the one you've been talking about in Paris! " Jaehyun exclaimed again, earning him a warning glare from Mark.

 _Paris?_ Oh, so that's where Mark went! That's where he had been when Donghyuck was going crazy, and losing his will to live because Mark broke his heart.

All those times when Donghyuck wasn't even functioning like a normal human being should be, Mark was just taking selfies near the Eiffel Tower without a single thought about him. What a selfish bastard! And he still had the audacity to think that he wasn't the only one to blame.

"Small world, " Jaehyun commented.

Yes, it really was.What a very unfortunate coincidence. A part of him wondered if Mark had taken part on his recommendation, but a part if him didn't want to be embarrassed for assuming again. Why would Mark even do such thing? He didn't care about Donghyuck then, so he would never care about Donghyuck at all.

"So, I'm assuming that you two haven't talked yet, " Jaehyun commented, which earned him another glare from Mark. Jaehyun glared back.

What was there to talk about? Nothing. Nothing else except Mark should be begging for his forgiveness and taking responsibility in everything that had happened to him. But no, that wasn't what Mark wanted. He wanted to act like he was completely innocent after all those things.

"There's nothing to talk about when one person doesn't want to listen, " Mark answered and Donghyuck wanted to pick a full blow fight right then.

So he was the one to be blamed, again. So he was the one at fault, again.

Listen to what? To his reasons? To his lies? Listen to him as he wash his hands so that he could finally move on and act like he didn't caused another person's life to spiral down?

Donghyuck didn't need to listen. He knew, he experienced, and there's nothing there that could ever change his mind. No reason at all could ever erase the pain he had felt.

"There's nothing to listen to when everything would be a lie anyway, " Jaehyun grimaced at his answer.

"Right, this is more complicated than I thought it would be. " Jaehyun commented, scratching the back of his neck. He, too, seemed frustrated with how the two of them were interacting.

It wouldn't have been complicated if Mark hadn't complicate things. They could have been happy. They could have been together. Things could have been simpler, had Mark not let his stupid issues ruin them.

"As much as I want to talk about my personal life, I'm actually here because Johnny Hyung wanted me to talk to you about business matters. "

"Do you work here? " Donghyuck couldn't help but asked.

"If I do, will you ask me to leave, again? Just in case, I just want to remind you that you don't own this place. "

Donghyuck balled up his fist. Mark should not be answering him like that. He didn't have the right to. Why was he acting like he had the right to be angry at Donghyuck?

"He doesn't, " Jaehyun answered to diffuse the situation. "He works for Seo Corp, the one which recently acquired One Hunnit. "

_Ah, yes. That explains the expensive suit. What was Mark saying again? He suffered too? Well he wasn't the one who had to juggle several jobs in order to survive. He didn't get to wear two different repulsive looking uniform. Instead, he get to wear a suit. That sounds nothing like suffering at all._

"Will you be fine waiting for a cab alone? " Jaehyun asked him — Jaehyun whom he only met less than a day ago asked him if he would be fine. Mark didn't. He didn't care. He never cared at all.

"I'll be. I've been alone before anyway. "

Haechan hated this so much. He hated how Mark was still able to hurt him like this. He hated how much Mark was still intentionally hurting him by showing how much he didn't care.

He hated this. He hated how life could be unfair. Why was Mark living a better life than him? Why didn't he suffer as much as he did? Why wasn't he being punished for everything he did to Donghyuck.

_Unfair._

_Unfair._

_Unfair._

Why was he happy? Why was he okay? Why wasn't he as miserable as Donghyuck?

_Unfair._

_Unfair._

_Unfair._

"Donghyuck? " Donghyuck startled as he heard that voice. It was Jaehyun again.

"You're still here? "

He didn't realized how long he had been standing there. Jaehyun and Mark both came out of building after their so called business related conversation. Donghyuck checked his watch. It was past eleven.

"It's really hard to catch a cab around here during this time, " Jaehyun commented before pulling him to the parking space.

"Mark! " the said person halted before he could enter his car. "Can you give him a ride back home. You live next door, anyway, don't you? "

"I don't need his help, " Donghyuck answered.

"He doesn't need my help, " Mark answered back.

Donghyuck couldn't help but feel even angrier. See? Mark didn't care about him at all. He didn't even try to convince him.

"It's really hard to catch a cab during this time, " Jaehyun reasoned to both of them.

"I'd rather wait all night. "

"He made his choice. "

"Oh, God, why is life so difficult? " Jaehyun couldn't help but groan in frustration.

●●●

Donghyuck couldn't believe it.

Mark would have really left him to wait there all night it if hadn't been for Jaehyun's persistence to convince them both.

It only showed how much Mark didn't want to do anything about him at all, that he was willing to leave him there and suffer on his own.

What's new?

The ride was taking too long, and the silence was suffocating. His tongue had been itching to speak for long that it didn't take long before he actually did.

"How was it living your life in Paris knowing that someone out there was crying all because of you? "

"I am not in the mood for arguments, Donghyuck, " was Mark's stern answer.

_Well I am. And if there's someone between us who should call the shots when to have an argument, it should be me._

"You must had been having a lot of fun. Too much fun that you had not been able to return a single one of my messages. Was Paris really that interesting? Because I wouldn't know. I wasn't as privileged as you after all. "

"You had no idea about what happened in Paris, Donghyuck. "

Mark's grip on the steering wheel tightened as he tried to control his temper. Donghyuck wanted him to explode, to show his true colors and to stop playing the victim.

"Oh, so what happened? Go on tell me? Who knows, I might believe you. "

"If I tell you I had a family emergency so I had to leave immediately, would you believe me? "

Donghyuck couldn't help but chuckle, "Is that the best you can do? Do you actually want me to believe that? "

"With your mindset, I'm not expecting you to believe anything except yourself. "

"So it was back to being my fault again!" Donghyuck couldn't help but scream.

"Listen Mark, I gave you space like you asked! All I ever wanted was for you to give me a chance, because God, that was such a small matter that you blew out of proportion! "

"You call that space? " Mark asked sarcastically. "You called bombarding me messages about how stupid my problem was and how that could have been forgiven easily, giving me space? "

"I gave you space! " Donghyuck insisted. "And what's wrong with me explaining to you that what I did wasn't something worthy of your anger. For God's sake, I lied because I wanted to be with you! I couldn't even understand why you wouldn't want to be with your soulmate! "

"You couldn't understand because you didn't really want to understand at all. Answer me, Donghyuck, did you ever wonder why I think that way? "

"No, " he answered frankly. He didn't wonder why. What for? All he ever wondered was how to get around such thinking, which he did by lying.

"Of course you didn't. You didn't care, after all, right?"

"Because it's stupid Mark Lee, and you know that, " he argued back.

"It's only stupid because it's inconvenient for you. "

"How dare you? " Donghyuck screamed again. "How dare you make it seem as if I am a selfish person? "

"Aren't you, though? " Mark asked. "Everything that doesn't affect you is stupid. My sufferings was nothing compared to yours. Because you said so. Because you believe so. "

"Because that's the truth! " Donghyuck answered. "Listen, Mark! You ruined me! Because of you, I was so hurt that I wasn't able to fulfill my duties as a person! Because of you I wasn't able to be a good student like my parents expected me to. Because of you I failed them. Because of you, they abandoned me! It's all because of you and your stupid soulmate-hating issue! I fucking hate you. "

Mark stepped on the gas harder that he should have been, but Donghyuck wasn't afraid. He was too angry to be afraid.

"Your blaming me for something that's not fully under my control, do you even understand that? "

Donghyuck wanted to bang his head against the wall. Mark is so frustrating. What's so difficult to understand? He was at fault for everything!

"Because of you, I had hurt myself. "

Mark stopped the car immediately, and if it hadn't been for the seatbelt, Donghyuck would have bump his head.

"What? Finally at lost for word? " he asked as Mark stared at him silently.

Mark couldn't possibly answer after that. What else could he say to top that? Did he suffer to the point of wanting to hurt himself? He didn't. Donghyuck did. Most of all, it was because of him. Mark shouldn't answer back because that's the truth.

"I'm just thinking I made the wrong decision. "

"You did, " Donghyuck answered triumphantly.

"I made the wrong decision of looking for you again, " Mark said before resuming back to driving.

"I didn't realized you'll be as toxic and manipulative as this. I should have known what I am getting myself into. "

"How dare you call me those things, Mark? How dare you? You're the one who hurt me! What makes you think you can say those words to me? Stop the car, I am getting off! "

Mark did immediately.

The road was empty, with no other car except from theirs. All establishments were already close and Mark would heartlessly allow him to step off the car. Wow.

"What are you waiting for? " Mark asked, as if he urgently wanted to leave without him.

"You're really impossible, Mark! "

"You are impossible, Donghyuck. " Mark copied him. "You asked me to stop the car, didn't you? So what are you waiting for? You can't tell people one thing and expect them to so the other. You can't tell me to leave you alone and be angry if I did exactly as you said. "

"Why? " he couldn't help but cry. "I was hurt so you should have expected this! I was hurt so you should keep trying! I kept trying for you before? "

"You tried by what? By telling me over and over again how unimportant my reasons for being angry was? Did you even think that's not what I needed from you before? "

"That's what you needed! You're just to stubborn to realize that! "

"You don't know me more than I do, Donghyuck. "

"Stop blaming me! "

"I am not blaming you, I just want you to understand that I suffered too! I have issues too which you are always disregarding because you only think about yourself. Do you have any idea how hurtful it is to have your problems and reasons be deemed unimportant, shallow and invalid by the person you thought would understand you? Even before they try to ask you what those problem and issues are? No! You don't. All that you know is that you are right with everything. Everyone should want their soulmate like you, that's what you believed in and therefore, I who didn't think the same way was wrong. And because you believe I am wrong, it's okay to lie to me, and I didn't have any reason to get angry at all for being lied to. Did you even wonder why I feel that way? Don't you even want to know? "

Donghyuck shook his head. "I will not give you a chance to convince me otherwise. I will not let you make up lies to make it seem like I am wrong. "

"Of course you wouldn't! " Mark slapped the stirring wheel angrily, showing his true color. Showing how immature he was for being unable to accept the truth. "It's shallow, right? Everything that wouldn't benefit the belief that you have in your head id. Then you have the audacity to be angry at me for giving up. There's no use trying when it comes to you. "

"Then maybe you should stop trying and just start apologizing for everything like any reasonable person should! Again, Mark I suffered the most, more than you do! Why can't you just accept that? "

Mark shook his head before turning his eyes back on the road.

"I already, did, haven't I? Several times already, and you always turned them down. "

"It's still not enough!"

He didn't do it like Donghyuck would had it been him. He wasn't persistent enough. He should have done more. If he was sincere with his apology, he would have done more!

"Well I already did. I already acknowledge what I did wrong. You on the other hand have never acknowledged how wrong you were, and you continue to hurt me by invalidating my reasons without even asking for them. "

"Stop making this all about you, Mark! This isn't about you! "

"Of course it's not. Everything will always be about you. I shouldn't have looked for you in the first place. "

Donghyuck didn't say another word after that. He just bursted into tears completely. Everything that Mark said was wrong, hurtful and unfair. Yet, Mark didn't have a conscience. He didn't try to comfort him at all. He just continued driving ad Donghyuck continued to cry his heart out.

Because he was heartless. He didn't know love at all, because if he did, he wouldn't have a problem understanding Donghyuck at all.

But he was heartless, selfish and stubborn. Donghyuck's feelings weren't important to him at all. He just wanted to assert that he was right regardless of how it would hurt Donghyuck again.

He's so unfair.

"We're here, " Donghyuck didn't even realize that they already arrived. "I don't have the time all night so you have to leave. "

Cold.

Heartless.

Uncaring.

That's what Mark was. Donghyuck should have known. Maybe he already did but he was still hurt.

"I hate you, " Donghyuck said.

"I feel the same. "

●●●

Donghyuck wasn't able to fall asleep last night, hence, he was running late for his internship the next day.

The interaction with Mark had stressed him out. He was tired but also restless, and he felt bad that he hadn't won the argument like he should have.

Joohyun noona also came over last night. She said she forgot her keys and her roommate, Seulgi would return the next day. She told him that she remembered that Renjun would be out of the country for a while, and asked if she could stay over for the night, promising him to deduct five percent of this month's rent.

He let her in, of course, because unlike some people, he wasn't heartless. Besides, he kind of didn't want to be alone for the night after that draining conversation.

It was strange to have another person in the room. He had known Joohyun noona for a while, but she's still pretty much a stranger.

It was sort of creepy, because actually feel her watching him from Renjun's bed. It was kind of uncomfortable, and maybe one of the reason why he hadn't sleep at all.

But at least, he hadn't been alone.

There was this huge urge to not go to One Hunnit at all. He was still drained of energy since last night and the only appealing thing for him to do was to lie in bed all day. Internship be damned.

But Renjun had texted him, telling him that he was preparing for the start of his own internship as well, and asking Donghyuck about him own.

Renjun was really blessed to be far away and not be distracted by his soulmates. How much Donghyuck envied him. How he wish he had a way to avoid Mark as well.

Well, at least he was reminded that he too should be moving forward. That he should not let his soulmate tear him down.

"Oh, there you are," H.One, or Hyungwon as he would rather be addressed outside his DJing gigs, greeted him as he entered the building. "Jaehyun has been waiting for you. "

Uh oh. "Am I in trouble? " he checked his watch. He was actually right on time.

"No. It's just that the person who recommended you to him is here and he wanted to talk to you. "

Finally, he thought. Whoever this person was, he was kind of sure that he was also the person who paid his tuition. He was curious and maybe a little bit grateful as well.

He checked his reflection on the glass door to make sure he looked acceptable before heading towards Jaehyun's office. He knocked twice before he opened the door.

He plastered his friendliest smile before bowing to Jaehyun at first and then turning to the other person in the room.

Then his smile faltered.

Donghyuck had never seen this person for a while, but there's no way he would never recognize him.

Bunny face, proud posture and the I-am-better-than-all-of-you aura, there was no way that he could mistook him for another person. This was Doyoung, Donghyuck's cousin — the person who hated him for as long as he could remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The clue that I gave about the person who paid his tuition was "someone who was mentioned but not named. " 
> 
> Oh-so-perfect Cousin was mentioned, but not named. The decision to have this new character arose from the suggestions in the comment section that Donghyuck needs to people to like maybe guide him. There were suggestions about giving that role Ten, and I would like to apologize for not following through that suggestion. Ten is pretty much a stranger to Hyuck and I need someone who knows more about him to fit that role. (the dohyuck in the latest NCT Life also made a huge impact for this decision tbh). 
> 
> Besides, JohnTen will be like a  
> parents to Mark anyway. 
> 
> Again, to those people who are waiting for the romance to develop, you're going to have to wait more. I cannot try to fix their relationship without fixing them as individual person first, so sorry. 
> 
> But if you can wait, I'll try to make it worth the wait. 
> 
> Thanks!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will introduce what kind if relationship Doyoung and Donghyuck. I hope that through this, we'll be able to see clearly what Donghyuck's defense mechanism is. Also, we're going to see a glimpse of Mark's side of the story.just a glimpse.
> 
> If ever you feel like this one is developing so slow, it's because the issues that the character have for themselves would not go away easily. No one will changr just because people told them to change. Sometimes, it's really hard to notice our own flaws so it's really difficult to change.
> 
> Please enjoy another stressful chapter. Thank you!

Donghyuck and Dongyoung's relationship had not always been the way it was — damaged and filled with so much animosity. In fact, if Donghyuck would just close his eyes and try to remember how they were when they were young, then he would probably smile. 

Donghyuck and Dongyoung, Dongyoung and Donghyuck, inseparable like brothers. 

That's because they saw each other like that. Both being an only child, they treasured each other as real siblings which both of them were deprived of. 

Donghyuck and Dongyoung, Dongyoung and Donghyuck, similar and alike, just like real brothers. 

Donghyuck looked up to him like a younger brother would do. He would try to copy him, from his clothes, to his way of walking and even to his manner of talking. 

Dongyoung never got annoyed by those things, like any other children would. In fact, he seemed proud if himself for being a 'good' example to the younger and would even encourage him to continue. 

Donghyuck and Dongyoung, Dongyoung and Donghyuck, always there to take care of each other. 

Donghyuck first experienced his first bullying in grade school, because well, children could be really cruel, especially those who weren't guided properly and was cursed with a cruel parent as well. It had something to do with the name on his wrist. Mark Lee. A name of a boy. As children who still had no ability to give judgement if their own, they were pretty much still guided (or rather misguided) by their parents principle, which was, there should only be one kind of relationship — that between a girl and a boy. It shouldn't have been the norm, but well, it was to some extent, a normal scenario to bully those whom they deemed different. They called him gay, and more demeaning words which wasn't supposed to be included in a child's vocabulary, but oh well, some parents didn't really know how to be parents at all. When you're a child, no matter how much they told you that telling your teacher was always the best option, you wouldn't listen because you didn't want to look like a loser. Thankfully, he didn't need a teacher. He had Dongyoung. Dongyoung who was taller and bigger than Donghyuck's bully. Although Dongyoung looked like a bunny, he was pretty scary when angry. He was a hero. A person Donghyuck could truly depend on. 

Dongyoung had his first love during middle school. She wasn't even that pretty, or maybe it had something to do with the fact that at the early age, he was already sure that he wasn't into girls, but well that's another story. Like any other older brother, Dongyoung would ask him to deliver secret notes and small gifts to the girl which Donghyuck would eagerly do, because well, he love Dongyoung. Unfortunately, the girl was set on searching for his soulmate so Dongyoung was bound to get heartbroken from the very beginning. Donghyuck remembered sharing his secret chocolate stash to Dongyoung that day. Both of them were scolded for having too much sweets, but oh well, at least he managed to make Dongyoung smile. That's what's important. 

Donghyuck and Dongyoung, Dongyoung and Donghyuck, too bad, growing up pulled them apart. 

Dongyoung was the first to break free from their bond, because being the one older, he was also the first to grow up. Growing up at that stage involved hanging out with people their age and not with 'kids' because well, kids weren't cool and they were annoying. 

It was fine. Donghyuck soon outgrew his Dongyoung copying phase and began to find his own style and own personality. The two of them were in fact, different in a lot of things, differences that Donghyuck didn't think could turn them from brothers to rivals in the future. 

Donghyuck didn't anymore need his cousin to defend him with bullies, because well, growing up sharpened his tongue, too sharp that he could cut the wind with it if he wanted to. Besides, he had grown to be confident in who he was to be affected by bullies. 

Dongyoung didn't anymore need Donghyuck's secret chocolate stash either. He had not have his heart broken. Growing up and realizing the meaning of the absence of a name in his wrist, Dongyoung shielded his heart from falling in love again. Instead, he focused on things that he was good at, which was singing and studying. 

It should have been fine. Growing up and growing apart shouldn't suddenly turn them against each other. 

It didn't, but their differences did. 

Because apparently, to some people, there should only be one standard of a good and praise worthy person. Donghyuck didn't fit in the box, Dongyoung did. 

Because Dongyoung was smart and Donghyuck wasn't. 

Dongyoung would have a better future and Donghyuck's would be chaotic. 

Donghyuck would never be better than Dongyoung in anything.

Donghyuck was nothing compared to Dongyoung. 

The holiday family reunions which used to bring him joy and excitement became nothing but a dreadful event to Donghyuck. As he grew up, holidays weren't anymore about gift giving and asking how everyone had been. Instead, it's more about rubbing their achievements of each other, achievements which Donghyuck lacked of. 

Not like Dongyoung. 

Dongyoung who was the pride and joy of his parents. 

Dongyoung who was on top of his class. 

Dongyoung who won another international Math and Science competition. 

Dongyoung the perfect. 

Dongyoung who could never do wrong. 

Slowly, Donghyuck began to realize how much Dongyoung really hated him. 

He was always there to remind Donghyuck how he was failing in his life, as if he was intentionally timing his successful stories during Donghyuck's down time. 

Like when Donghyuck was suspended for getting into a fight with his bullies and Dongyoung managed to won as the student council president. 

Like when Donghyuck had failed his exams and Dongyoung managed to be the topnotcher of the University entrance exam. 

Like when Donghyuck picked music as his major and Dongyoung had already gotten his degree in Marketing Management. 

Dongyoung was doing it on purpose, Donghyuck was positive. That should be the only explanation for everything. Although Donghyuck didn't know why, all that he knew was that his cousin, the one whom he treated as a brother, hated him and was fully intent on ruining his life. 

●●●

So it was him. 

It was him after all. 

It was him who was secretly helping Donghyuck all along. 

Donghyuck couldn't help but dug his fingernails against his palm as he stared at Dongyoung, or Doyoung as rather preferred to be called. 

Look at him in his expensive dress shirt that didn't look like it was taken from the on sale rack. Look at Donghyuck in his cheap unbranded button up shirt taken from a thrift store. There's too much obvious difference, difference that Doyoung wanted to emphasize. 

"So what now? Are you here to mock me now? "

It was just the two of them, sitting on separate tan colored sofa dedicated for guests inside Jaehyun's office. Jaehyun had given them the privacy to talk by leaving under the guise of making a very important call to the CEO of the Seo Corp. Donghyuck was free to talk however he wanted, without the constraints of having to pretend friends with his estranged cousin. 

"You could've started with a simple 'hello', you know? And then followed it up with a 'how have you been'. After all, we haven't seen each other for so long. "

Doyoung placed his cup of tea on the glass coffee table. He never liked the taste of tea, as Donghyuck remembered. How pretentious. Donghyuck rolled his eyes. 

"Oh, pardon me. After all, I am not as good as you in terms of having a proper conversation. So how are you? I bet you're still doing good. Better than me, as usual. "

If Doyoung even felt the bite of his words, he didn't show it. Because he was a good pretentious human being. 

"I'm fine, thank you. My life isn't as perfect as you think it is but I'm still getting by. How about you? "

"My life is still shit, as you probably expected, which leads me back to my first question. Are you here to mock me now? "

Why else would Doyoung secretly help him if it wasn't for that particular reason? To help him? certainly not. Why would he when every winner needed a loser to make them feel good about themselves. 

"Actually, no. Contrary to your belief, which I'm actually not sure where you got, I don't hate you. Never did. So, no, I wouldn't mock you. "

Really? Why was that so hard to believe? Oh, right. Because you only exist to remind me how much I am lacking as son, and as a person. You only exist to make me doubt about myself. 

"I only learned what happened to you a few weeks ago, so sorry. I haven't been attending those family reunions for a while now. Had I known, I would've come to you earlier. "

"To what? " Donghyuck asked him. "To tell me how much I made a mistake? Well, a lot of people already did that, so I don't need you to do the same. "

"Certainly not. I would've come to give you my support. And we would've eaten tons of chocolates like we did before. "

Donghyuck wanted to laugh. Was this a joke? Why couldn't Doyoung just show his true colors and start making him feel like the failure he was. God, watching him act so kind and caring was so annoying. 

"Don't ever compare what happened to me to your puppy love. That's different. Of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand. You don't have a soulmate after all."

One of Doyoung's few insecurities growing up was the absence of a name on his wrist. It's probably foul for Donghyuck to use such insecurity but it should only be fair. After all, didn't Doyoung make him feel insecure most of his life? 

Doyoung's eyes fell sharp against his, but only for a short while. It irked Donghyuck. Why wasn't he losing control yet? 

"That's certainly beyond the point, but I'll try to forget what you said. It's not really what I want to talk about. Your parents miss Donghyuck. They told me they really do. "

Donghyuck scoffed. He missed them too, but he couldn't deny the fact that he was upset with them as well for leaving him like that. He wanted to see them, but only when he already succeeded in life so that he could show them that he was right and they were wrong, but unfortunately, Mark came back to his life and was ruining him again. 

"You know you could just come to them and apologize, right? "

There they were again? Why was everyone so bent on making him apologize? Didn't he explained before? He was hurt! They should have understood! How was he able to be a good student if he was in so much pain? They shouldn't be blaming him. They should've been blaming Mark. 

"My relationship with my parents is not one of your concerns, unless of course, your parents compliments and praises aren't enough for you that you also wanted to get them from my parents. I wouldn't be surprised, though. You live breathe and eat compliments. What a perfect life. "

Doyoung breathed slowly to control his temper. 

Explode. Explode. Explode. 

Doyoung didn't, because he was a pretentious human being. 

"Actually, compliments and praises come with so much expectations and restrictions, so no, it wasn't a perfect life to live. But then again, I know that you didn't live my life, so I understand if you find it hard to understand. "

Ah, because I was never praise worthy? Because I am dumb? No matter how hard you try, I can always spot your subtle insults. 

"So, yeah. Back to your parents. Did you even try to understand where they're coming from? "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. Great! Here it comes. 

"I understand they're upset, but I don't understand how money could be more important than my feelings! "

Doyoung nodded as he listened. For a while, Donghyuck was actually deluded that his cousin was actually understanding him. 

But he actually wasn't. It was apparent when he opened their mouth again. 

"I actually don't believe that parents are always correct. After all, there's no such thing as perfect parents, because parents are human too, and they're bound to have glitches here and there. 

"It might have been too much that they abandoned you like that, but they are humans, and they are bound to get hurt, too. You see, to them, it wasn't actually their money you wasted. It was their effort, their hardwork, and their support that you wasted all because of a single person. For them, you forgotten about how much they love you all because you fell in love with another person. 

"It didn't help that instead of acknowledging your mistakes like an adult should do, you would rather blame it on another person. They expected you to be at least responsible for your actions. "

"But I was hurt! " Donghyuck's voice began raising. "What's so difficult to understand? I was hurt! Why should I be blamed and not the person who hurt me instead? You're supposed to be smart, aren't you? Well, why aren't you understanding anything at all? Ah. Of course. You don't have a soulmate! You don't have one so you wouldn't understand of having your heart broken by them. Oh well, you don't have a heart anyway. You only have a brain. "

Doyoung sighed before speaking, his voice not raising to match Donghyuck's and it's annoying. Why wasn't he showing his true colors? 

"That's too much personal attack for one day, and we strayed away from the topic. God, Donghyuck, why are you so stubborn? "

"And why are you so self-righteous? "

Stop acting like you know everything. Stop acting like you are always correct. I fucking hate this. I fucking hate you. 

"Fine, " Doyoung commented, straightening his shirt as he stood up. "I guess you're not ready yet to talk but I'll not give up. Let's continue this some other time. "

"There will be no next time. I'm quiting here. "

"Why? "

Wasn't it obvious? He wouldn't accept help from his rival, and he only got his internship here because of him. It's so insulting. He didn't feel comfortable at all. 

"If you're thinking that the only reason you're here is because I recommended you, remember that Jaehyun interviewed you and you managed to impress him so technically, you got this internship because of yourself. Besides, how else could you possibly pay me back for your tuition if you'll lose the money you're supposed to be earning here?"

Right. Of course Doyoung would remind him of that. He would never waste an opportunity to make Donghyuck feel inferior from him.

"Accepting help should easy , Donghyuck. "

"Not if the help is from you. "

●●●

What a mess. 

Not his life, but oh well, maybe he was mess as well. 

Donghyuck was referring to the studio who suffered from an intense battle between two strong parties, which happened to be two of the only three artists of One Hunnit — the two rappers, Joohoney (Jooheon) and I.M (Changkyun). 

Donghyuck didn't expect his work to involve sorting out pieces of paper that were scattered on the floor as the aftermath of another (he was told it happened more often than not) JooKyun fight. 

"If you're going to stay long, you better get used to it, " H.One or Hyungwon said without looking from his laptop once Donghyuck placed the pieces of paper (now in their respective folders) on the table. There was nothing much to do, so Donghyuck would just sit there and listen to Hyungwon as he make his magic with beats and maybe pray that he could absorb his talent. 

Of the three artists, Donghyuck was only able to talk to Hyungwon, because only he looked approachable, that is if you made it past being intimidated by his model like beauty. Besides, the two rappers seemed to have a world of their own anyway. 

"Do they even really love each other?" he asked before he realized what he had just ask about. It shouldn't be his business as an intern, and he wasn't supposed to be involved in the artists personal life. 

But really. He was curious.

Jooheon and Changkyun are soulmates but they fought from something as small as what to have for lunch, to something as big as the welfare of their company. 

It's a relationship bound to crumble, soulmates who didn't fit. 

"They do, " Hyungwon didn't seem bothered by his question at all. "But they're two different persons with two different beliefs. They're bound to clash at times. "

"They wouldn't clash this much if one of them would just admit that he is in the wrong, " He couldn't help but comment again. 

"The problem is, who's right and who's wrong? "

At that exact moment Jooheon came out of the room where the two presumably continued their fight, still looking pissed as he stormed out of the building. Talking didn't work out. 

"Isn't Jooheon hyung the one who's right? "

Donghyuck didn't completely know what their problem was, but based on what he heard, Changkyun was insisting on changing their music and image a bit to fit the standard of masses because that's the only way they could succeed in this industry. The suggestion was so unfair to Jooheon who wanted to keep his sound and was actually the one who started this small company. It's pretty much easy to pick which one was right between them. 

"Tsk, " he heard Hyungwon say. "It's not easy to find out which one is wrong and which one is right. Sometimes there's no right or wrong at all. "

Donghyuck couldn't help but disagree. In every situation, there should be someone who's right, and someone who's wrong. Like how Jeno and Nana were wrong, and Renjun was right. Like how Mark was wrong and Donghyuck was right. It's so easy to understand. There's nothing difficult to understand. 

"They should just break up if they fight this much. "

"Breaking up isn't always the best solution. "

"Well some people give up easily. "

"Which people? Mark? "

Donghyuck began coughing and Hyungwon gently patted his back kindly. 

"What? What else do you think we would talk about in his small company with too few employees? Of course we gossip. Where else should we get inspiration for our songs? "

Donghyuck grimaced, but he wasn't surprise. Besides with how Mark was, he wouldn't be surprised if his former boyfriend talked badly about him. 

"I actually don't know much about him or your story, " Hyungwon explain as if he had read Donghyuck's mind. "He's only close to Jaehyun, after all. "

"What I do know is that when he came back from Paris, more than half a year ago, the first thing he did was to look for his soulmate. 

"He said he had this sense of urgency to look for, well, you. He said you had been in danger. "

Donghyuck heard about that before, though he had never confirmed if it was true. But judging from this story, maybe it was indeed true, that during a matter of life and death, one could sense if the other person was in imminent danger. 

Donghyuck knew exactly which situation Mark had felt. 

Donghyuck also knew that Mark had not acted immediately. 

Mark had only returned more than half a year ago when it had happened right at the end of his sophomore year. 

He had known that something had been wrong with him, but he didn't bother coming back at once. 

Why? 

What had he been thinking? 

Had he been thinking that, Oh Donghyuck must have been dying but well I'm having so much time here. Better check on him later, later when I'm done having fun. He better wait until I have the time to spare for him. 

And he still had the audacity to try to convince Donghyuck that he suffered too? What a liar. What a selfish lying bastard. 

Jooheon chose the right moment to come back, startling Donghyuck from his musing. Jooheon returned back to the room where he had left Changkyun, this time carrying a box of take out which he didn't bother to share with Hyungwon and Donghyuck. 

Behind close doors, Donghyuck could faintly hear him apologizing. It baffled Donghyuck, because for him, Jooheon was right so he shouldn't be the one apologizing. Donghyuck wasn't able to understand anything else after that. Everything else was in hush whispers. 

Donghyuck looked at Hyungwon to check his reaction, but Hyungwon was looking at him as well as if telling him, See? I was right. 

"They give and take. Most of all, they listen, hence, they're still surviving. "


	11. Chapter 11

Life decided that having his heart broken by the same person repeatedly, and surviving independently after being rejected by his parents wasn't hard enough for Donghyuck. Hence, life decided to give him more challenges through no one else but the person he arguably despised the most.

Donghyuck found himself plagued by Doyoung's presence throughout his internship, popping out whenever he wanted to bother Donghyuck. This day wasn't any different. Despite his desire to just tell his cousin to fuck off everytime the dropped by in just to assert his self-righteousness andnunsolicited advices, Donghyuck simply couldn't. Doyoung seemed to be very close to his boss. How else could he possibly convince Jaehyun to offer his office for him to use as his pseudo-guidance-office whenever he felt the need to act like an older brother to Donghyuck just so he could feed his superiority complex?

"Take it, " Doyoung tried handing out to him an envelope, but when it became apparent that Donghyuck wouldn't take it out of his hand, he gently placed it on the table. Donghyuck didn't need to open it in order to see what's inside. He rolled his eyes before answering.

"I don't need your money," he said. "Especially when you're only giving it to me in order to convince yourself how much better you are to me. "

Doyoung sighed as he look at the door, checking if someone was listening or about to enter. Donghyuck was certain that he was cautious, he didn't want anyone to know his true colors. He didn't want anyone to realize that this was all an act. He wasn't concerned about Donghyuck at all. He was only doing this for himself. To make himself look better. He had always been like that, and if he thought he could fool anyone, certainly he couldn't so the same to Donghyuck. Donghyuck knew his self-centered cousin very well.

"No one's competing with anyone, Donghyuck, " Doyoung replied calmly. It's frustrating how he always tried to remain calm even if deep inside, Donghyuck knew that he was fuming. How pretentious. "And I have no other intention other than to help you. "

Donghyuck sneered. "Oh, is that so? Please do tell me about the time when you coincidently had to brag about being on top of your class right during the time when I was being scolded by our grandparents for being at the bottom of our class? Wasn't that called, competing? "

"That was so long ago, Donghyuck, and we talked about that event several times," Doyoung replied exhaustedly, and god, he had a way of making Donghyuck feel that his concerns were shallow. Great. So since it was so long ago, the humiliation he felt wasn't valid anymore. Wow. What a way to invalidate his feelings. "And for the record, I didn't brag about it. My mother did. Also, I didn't do it to show you how much I am better than you. I did it to please my own parents. Surely, you shouldn't be angry at me for something that I didn't do on purpose. "

"Oh, so you didn't do it on purpose, " he said sarcastically. "So what? Everything was just a coincidence? That you just happened to have something good to tell about yourself whenever something bad happened to me? You actually want me to believe that you're not using my own failures to highlight your success? Please. I'm not that smart, but I am not that stupid either. "

Again, Doyoung took a deep breath. He didn't scream. He didn't raise his voice. So pretentious. So self-righteous.

"Again, I didn't brag about them. My mother did. Besides, you can't expect people to adjust to you, Donghyuck. I had my own goals. I simply cannot give up on them just so you could feel better. "

Donghyuck scoffed, feeling outright insulted. He couldn't help himself from raising his voice. After all, not everyone could be pretentious vile beings. Donghyuck was certainly not one.

"So that's what you're trying to point out. That it's my fault for not keeping up with you! Because you are the standard, is that what you're trying to say? "

Doyoung shook his head. "No, but I believe that's what you want to believe. "

_With your mindset, I'm not expecting you to believe anything except yourself._

Mark's voice echoed inside his head, and Donghyuck couldn't helot but think how similar the two were. Both wanted to make Donghyuck doubt his own feelings and his own reasonings. Because both of them are selfish beings who gained satisfaction at trying to convince him that he was wrong.

"I believe I am am correct, " he answered, to which Doyoung only sighed.

"Fine," Doyoung said taking the envelope back, not wanting to argue anymore. Somehow, Donghyuck felt satisfied that Doyoung gave up fighting easily. It made him feel like he won over his cousin. A part of him was also annoyed that he wasn't able to get a negative reaction from his cousin. That he wasn't able to take off his mask and expose him for who he really was.

"Will you at least come to our family's Christmas reunion? "

Donghyuck didn't know whether to laugh of cry. "What for? In order to listen to everyone as they tell me how much of a failure I am and how I should follow your steps in order to be like you? Please. Spare me. If you need a person as leverage, I am so not interested. "

Doyoung sighed. "Your parents miss you, Donghyuck. "

And I miss them, too. He wanted to say. But I will meet them once I'm already doing good in life so that they will finally understand that he never did wrong. He just got hurt, his failures wasn't his fault.

"If only you would try to understand how other's are feeling, too. "

Donghyuck slammed his hands on the table before standing up. He didn't honor his cousin another response before leaving the office.

To understand how other people were feeling. Funny. How could he when no one was trying to understand him, either?

Everybody wanted to blame him.

Doyoung.

His parents.

Mark.

Even people who just knew bits and pieces of their story were bent on making him feel guilty.

Guilty for what? For falling in love?

Listen, they said.

Well, tough life. No one was listening to him so he had no other choice but to listen and believe himself.

●●●

Winter break was slowly coming to an end, and as days passed by, his internship was also coming to an end.

Doyoung rarely even bothered him, probably too busy with doing something else he could brag about. Something that would make him the center of attention and praises of the family. That's how he was, after all. He lived and breathed compliments, selfishly not leaving a room for others to shine.

He did, however, tried to remind Donghyuck of the Christmas eve reunion party that their extended family was having. He convinced him over and over again to come. He didn't. Although he reactivated his unused sns account to check on them.

There was this picture posted by his aunt, a stolen shot of Doyoung who's wearing a despicable christmas theme sweater. It was probably taken during the party itself. It wasn't the picture that caught his attention. It was the caption.

Doyoung's mother had no problem telling the world about how good of a son Doyoung was. About how proud of him she was. About how he was the dream son every nother would want.

As if the world cared.

Donghyuck was glad he wasn't stupid enough to go. He would have just subjected himself to a never ending comparison where he would never get the upper hand.

Which was exactly what Doyoung wanted.

He scrolled on his feed once again and he stumbled upon the photo that Doyoung uploaded. It was a photo of Donghyuck's mother hugging him.

Donghyuck deactivated his account once again after that. He was certain that Doyoung did it on purpose to hurt him. To prove to Donghyuck that even his own mother would prefer him over his own son.

How insensitive.

How cruel.

He wasn't just talking about Doyoung anymore, of course.

Mark didn't come to One Hunnit after that night. He hadn't seen him anywhere at all. He was trying disappear again without taking responsibility of his actions.

He didn't even apologize after making Donghyuck cry again.

What's even worse was that Jaehyun was looking at him wierdly, and he couldn't help but suspect that Mark told his boss a lot of lies about him again.

That Donghyuck did something wrong.

That Donghyuck was the one who hurt him.

What a selfish lying bastard. He wouldn't put it past Mark to do exactly just like that.

On the last day of his internship, Jaehyun called him to his office. Of course, it could be because he needed to give him his salary and formally say goodbye to him before his internship ended. Although he doubted, if it was only about that.

Jaehyun seemed to be a good guy, a good guy who wanted to poke his nose on other people's business. With all the lies both Doyoung and Mark told him, he wouldn't be surprised it Jaehyun would try to shove his unsolicited advice on him as well.

"Whatever my cousin and my ex told you, I swear none of them is true. I didn't do anything wrong to them. On the contrary, their the ones who keep wronging me. "

Jaehyun looked surprised as Donghyuck said those words right after sitting down. Jaehyun had to lean back on his recliner chair because of the shock.

"I wasn't expecting that to be honest, " Jaehyun whispered. His ears were red like he was embarrassed on Donghyuck's behalf.

"Oh, " Donghyuck whispered. "So you didn't call me to scold me or anything? "

"No? " Jaehyun answered, still confused. "That's like your private life? "

Donghyuck was embarrassed to say the least. He couldn't help but blame both Doyoung and Mark for making him feel paranoid.

Thankfully, Jaehyun didn't seem to dwell on his assumption that long. "I actually called you here to offer you a job. "

"A job? " he asked and Jaehyun nodded.

"One Hunnit will be undergoing much changes, and we will need extra hand. Of course, you'll work part time as I fully understand that you're still on your last two semesters. What do you say? "

The offer was tempting. Donghyuck was, after all, still unsure if he could still resume with his previous part-time jobs. This opportunity was tempting, and if not for a few issue, he would have immediately accepted.

"Doyoung and Mark had nothing to do with this? "

He just wanted to make sure. He didn't want to give them an opportunity to make themselves look good at his expense.

"No, " Jaehyun answered. Donghyuck had to check the color of his ears to figure out if he was lying. It was... on its normal color. "We really need extra hand, and since your already familiar with how we work, we figured you'd be a good candidate. Besides, if everything work out fine, we might as well offer you a fulltime job after you graduate. "

Donghyuck didn't plan on working on an entertainment company at all. He pretty much envisioned himself to be teaching small children how to sing but maybe working in One Hunnit would be a good start. After all, getting his degree would not be enough to easily land him a job. He should consider himself lucky for being given such opportunity. Needless to say, he accepted.

"Can you not tell Doyoung anything about this? " he requested. He knew he shouldn't be demanding too much, but it's just that the presence of his cousin was always stressing me out.

Jaehyun scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "I can try to keep this as a secret, but I don't think I could lie to him. We're like, friends for so many years. "

 _You can't lie to anybody,_ he wanted to say. Your ears would give everything away.

Jaehyun seemed to want to ask him about his complicated relationship with his cousin. He didn't. Good thing he didn't. The last thing that Donghyuck wanted was to lash out on him and tell him that it wasn't his business. That wouldn't be a good way to restart their boss-employee relationship.

Jaehyun sent him home early, but not before he could temporarily say goodbye to the other employees and artists. Jooheon amd Changkyun were still arguing, and Hyungwon was still sleeping throughout the argument. Somehow, these scenarios had been a regular to him and he was glad that he wouldn't miss them for long. That he would be back.

In all honesty, if it wasn't for a few unfortunate events, like Doyoung appearing and him arguing with Mark, the entire internship was productive... but tiring. He was quite thankful that Jaehyun had given him a week before the beginning of his part time job.

He needed to rest. He didn't have it easy and the last thing he needed for the night was to be bothered by a person he didn't want to see.

But then again, life had never been his ally, so he should have probably expected that he would come home to this person waiting outside his door.

●●●

Jeno was waiting outside his apartment when he returned home. He was leaning against the wall, similar to how Donghyuck had been when he was still waiting for Mark. Donghyuck wanted to slap himself after his comparison. They weren't the same. Donghyuck didn't hurt Mark the same way that Jeno hurt Renjun. And unlike Mark, Renjun had every reason to leave.

The situation was so different.

Jeno looked like he hadn't hit the bed for days with how dark those bags under his eyes were. He also looked like he hadn't used a comb for weeks. Nor had he ironed his clothes. He was a mess, there was absolutely no doubt about that.

_Serves you right._

"What are you doing here, Jeno? "

"If it's not yet obvious, I am not here to see you, so leave me alone, " Jeno still had the audacity to act like an asshole to him. No wonder Renjun broke up with him. Who could possibly put up with his attitude? Nana could, but them again, he's problematic as well.

"I couldn't reach Renjun's phone ," Jeno added, and for a while Donghyuck was afraid if Jeno could tell by his reaction that he did something. Thankfully, Jeno's sharp mind was affected by his sleep-deprived state to be able to sense anything.

"He didn't want to talk to you. In fact, he actually told me that he regretted dating both you and Nana. "

The last part was a lie, and Renjun didn't actually said them. Donghyuck pretty much assumed but well, he had reasons to. After all, regrets always came after the pain. Besides, Jeno had offended him several times. He didn't see why he couldn't return the favor.

Jeno didn't look offended at all. He didn't look hurt like Donghyuck expected.

"He didn't say that, " he said confidently. "I know him more than you do. "

Donghyuck wanted to smack him for how confident he sounded, and a part of him wanted to scold Renjun as well for giving Jeno a reason to believe that way.

"You do? " he mocked him as he crossed his arms. "You don't even know that he isn't here. "

It was a small slip of tongue but it was enough to gain Jeno's full attention.

"Where is he? " Jeno asked, his eyes wide awake after hearing Donghyuck's words.

"Far away from you and Nana. Like I said, he hates both of you now. "

"I don't believe you, " Jeno answered while shaking his head. "You're just telling me that so I would stop waiting for him. So that he wouldn't be able to see me waiting for him. "

Donghyuck just shrugged.

"You're just envious, aren't you? I bet that Mark Lee wasn't trying at all to win you back. "

Donghyuck couldn't help but feel bitter over those words. He was quickly reminded of the hurtful words that Mark thoughtlessly said to him.

_Quite frankly, when it comes to you, giving up seems to be the only option._

_I made the wrong decision of looking for you again._

_There's no use trying when it comes to you._

"What? Cat got your tongue? I guess, I'm right. "

"You're not! " he denied, but Jeno only smirked at him.

Don't you dare cry, Donghyuck. Don't be a fucking crybaby in front of him.

How dare Jeno try to attack him where it hurts the most? They weren't even talking about Donghyuck at all, so why would he attack him like that?

"See? Even your own soulmate couldn't put up with your attitude. "

" _He_ is the problem, " Donghyuck insisted while glaring at Jeno. "Not me. "

"Keep telling yourself that, " Jeno said while rolling his eyes at him.

"What do you know about our relationship, Jeno? You pretty much have a lot to say. Last time I check, we're never really friends. "

Jeno chuckled. "Funny because I wanted to ask you the same. What do you know about our relationship? You have way too much opinion and for something that doesn't concern you. "

"I am Renjun's friend, " he insisted. "Whatever concerns him concerns me as well. And I know a lot about your relationship. I know about how Nana was treating him like shit and that instead of protecting Renjun, you're always picking Nana's side. "

"That's what you wanted to believe in. "

Donghyuck groaned. Jeno was the third person who said the same thing and Donghyuck would give him the same answer.

"That's the truth. It's not like I could expect you to understand. I'm not even surprised you don't know how to treat your soulmate. Your parents aren't even soulmates after all. Wasn't that the reason they separated? "

Donghyuck could see Jeno balling up his fist. He was angry. Good. If ever Jeno hit him, Donghyuck would just have another reason to give Renjun about why he shouldn't take him back.

"You should just give up, " he tried to push further. "You don't deserve Renjun at all. "

Go ahead. Do it.

Jeno didn't hurt him. He just shook his head before speaking again. "Ironic how you're telling me to give up. Weren't you just the same before? If I remember correctly, you ended up throwing your entire life just for him. Wasn't that the reason why you're not on speaking terms with your parents?"

It only took a second before his palm collided with Jeno's cheeks. Jeno didn't fall to the ground. Nor did he gasp in pain. He just continued to stare at him, dignified, because he had won.

 _What a cheap win._ Jeno didn't bother thinking about how much that situation had affected him. He didn't care. All he wanted to do was to hurt Donghyuck just because Donghyuck was right about him.

"How dare you compare yourself to me? Unlike you, I didn't hurt my soulmate. "

"Oh you didn't? " Jeno asked and he began to recount Donghyuck's "wrong" one by one. "So lying to him about who you are wasn't wrong? Harassing him with your messages and telling him that he was wrong for being hurt with your lie was wrong? Wow. Your either too self-centered or just plain stupid. "

Donghyuck grew even more angrier. Jeno was telling him the same words that Mark had told him. They shared the same thought. The same opinion. He guessed it was common for assholes to blame everything on the person who got hurt the most.

"You're crazy if you actually still believe that you didn't do anything wrong to him at all. "

"Well, at least I'm not as crazy as mister-I-came-from-a-broken-family-so-understand-me. After all, I wasn't the person who would pretty much punch anyone who's within a meter distance to his soulmate. "

He wouldn't let Jeno talk about him like that, when they could be talking about how shallow he was for being over possessive about his soulmates.

Yet, Jeno didn't reacted the way he wanted. He just balled up his fist to contain his anger.

Donghyuck decided to push further.

"Oh, well, you and Nana goes well together. Mister-I-came-from-a-broken-family and Mister-I-broke-my-leg-so-put-up-with-my-attitude. Wow. Perfect match! " he said while clapping, and it didn't you take a second before a fist collided with his jaw.

He was immediately sent to the floor, the strength difference between him and Jeno became pretty obvious.

"Don't talk about Nana like that!" Jeno said after picking him up through the collar of his shirt. "You have no idea how hard everything is for him right now."

So Donghyuck was right. Jeno only cared about Nana all along. He was willing to hurt anyone for Nana, even his other soulmate.

"Not my fault if he still couldn't get over his issues until now. "

Donghyuck watch as Jeno angrily aimed his fist at him before closing his eyes as he braced for the impact. It didn't came.

When he opened his eyes, someone was holding Jeno by the wrist in order to prevent his fist from colliding with Donghyuck's face again.

That someone also happened to be Mark.

Jeno seemed frustrated confused at first about another person's presence, but it didn't take long before he realized who this new person was. He quickly switched from looking at Donghyuck and Mark before finally letting go of his hold on Donghyuck's collar, which sent the latter stumbling back to the ground.

"Ah, I see, " he nodded to himself. "So this is how it is. You, " he pointed at Donghyuck. "Could meet your soulmate but Renjun could not. Wow. You really are a very selfish person. I can't wait until the time Renjun finally realize how wrong he was for being friends with you. "

Jeno gave Mark one last angry shove before leaving the building.

Mark quickly turned to him. To help him up.

"Are you okay? "

He didn't answer.

Instead, he just slapped his hand away.

"I could have handled it on my own. "

He wanted to curse life for coincidently making Mark appear to be his hero. He wasn't supposed to be the hero in his eyes. He was supposed to be the villain.

What was he supposed to do? Thank him for saving him from being beaten to a pulp by Jeno? How could he thank him? Why should he be thankful with just that?

"If you're expecting me to thank you, you're expecting for nothing at all. "

But Mark wasn't waiting or expecting for anything at all. By the time that Donghyuck turned to him, he had already gone back to his own unit, and the only thing that Donghyuck was able to here from him was his door clicking shut.

Donghyuck stood up on his own while still staring at Mark's door bitterly.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're reaching the worst in this story…
> 
> There's no Mark in this chapter, just posting it here so you wouldn't expect him. 😁
> 
> Warning: you might feel immense anger reading this chapter. Even if you did, please be kind.🙏
> 
> Also, I feel like I must write this disclaimer, that I don't think Donghyuck's character in this fic represents who he really is as a person, the same goes to the other characters as well.

Donghyuck couldn't believe his luck when he woke up the next morning and found Renjun sitting on the couch, his luggage still left next to the door. He almost didn't recognize him. He lost a lot of weight. Perhaps, his internship in China wasn't as dreamy as Donghyuck thought it would be.

"You just got back? " he asked.

Renjun shook his head. "I came back last night with Xuxi and Guanheng, but we stayed over at Xuxi's place. Sorry, I didn't call. "

Donghyuck just nodded. Thank god, he stayed over at Xuxi, or else, he would have met Jeno last night. He wasn't sure if Renjun would be strong enough already to do what's right for him, which was to reject Jeno of course.

"So, how have you been while I was gone? " Renjun asked him, and he proceeded to tell him everything as he made two cups of coffee for them each.

He told him about the good things first. Like how the internship in One Hunnit went well, although he wasn't really able to meet any famous celebrity there. He told him about the part-time job they offered him, as well as the full-time job after graduation. Renjun smiled as he listen. He told him he was happy for him. Of course he would be. He was Donghyuck's bestfriend.

Then he told him about how Mark Lee was, again, coincidentally connected to One Hunnit. He told him about their last conversation, about how Mark tried to convince him with the most over-used excuse ever — family emergency, and about how Mark tried to make him feel like he was selfish when it was clear that it was the other way around.

"Do you... Do you even wonder if ever he was actually telling the truth? " Renjun asked and Donghyuck just rolled his eyes, before shaking his head.

"But what if he was telling the truth? "

"He wasn't, " he replied sternly. "Ii just... I just know he wasn't. "

Thankfully, Renjun knew when to drop the subject. That's what Donghyuck liked about him the most. He was always there to listen but he wasn't pushy. He never made Donghyuck feel uncomfortable. He was always so considerate.

Their topic changed to Doyoung, whom Renjun only knew based on Donghyuck's story. He told him about how Doyoung was suddenly back in his life to 'help' him, and by helping, what Donghyuck really meant was Doyoung showing him how different their current lifestyle and level were, and how much better he was than Donghyuck.

"Maybe he just wanted to help? "

God. Renjun is too good for this world. No wonder, Jeno and Nana had taken advantage of his kindness for so long. Good thing Donghyuck was finally taking steps in protecting him.

"He didn't want to help, " he insisted. "He just needed to compare his success to my failures to give him more ego boosts. "

"But enough about me, " he said upon realizing that he already took so much time talking about himself. "How have you been in China. "

"Fine, " was Renjun's short answer. He didn't elaborate on his experience in his internship, nor did he share about his reunion with his family, which as far as Donghyuck could remember, had been postponed for too long because of Jeno, the selfish ex-boyfriend.

There was no recount of his experiences at all. There was no, oh you know The Great Wall of China are still... walls. Nothing. He didn't say anything at all.

"So, " Renjun hesitated, he was twisting his hands nervously before he asked. "Did Jeno and Jaemin come looking for me? "

A part of him wanted to tell Renjun about what Jeno had told him the other night, to prove to him how much of a bad person his soulmate was. Yet, doing so would mean that he would be admitting to Renjun that Jeno had indeed looked for him. With how much Renjun's eyes were sparkling with hope, Donghyuck was sure that Jeno coming for him would be the only important thing to him, and that he wouldn't even think about defending or comforting Donghyuck for everything that Jeno told him. After all, Renjun had done it before. He had picked Jeno and Nana over him before. Renjun was weak. Donghyuck needed to be there to protect him. He wouldn't allow him to make the same mistakes again.

"I haven't heard from them, " he replied. He felt a little bit guilty when Renjun's face fell, but he console himself with the idea that it was for the best.

The bags on Renjun's eyes were darker than Donghyuck remembered them to be. He must still be tired. He shouldn't be wasting his time thinking about the people who never really cared about him.

"Why don't you rest for a while? Get some sleep? "

Renjun was still down with disappointment, but thankfully he just nodded before dragging his suitcase to the bedroom.

Hopefully, by the time he woke up, he would be able to see things the way Donghyuck was seeing them — he would be able to see things clearly.

●●●

Days passed quickly, and soon their classes began to resume.

Doyoung began texting him, just so he could pretend to be the kind and caring brother figure he never actually was. Donghyuck didn't even need to wonder where he got his number. Obviously, he got it from Jaehyun. Donghyuck wished he could have Jaehyun on his side because he was his boss, but unfortunately, Jaehyun was Doyoung's friend first, he was bound to pick the latter's side, even if the only thing that probably came out of his cousin's mouth about him were lies.

_Don't hesitate to text me when you need something, okay? Don't be stubborn._

_As if._ Donghyuck would never ever ask him for anything even if he was the last person aside from him on Earth. He wouldn't give his cousin a chance to make him feel inferior.

He wasn't a friend. He wasn't a family. He was a rival—an enemy—one who only wanted to hurt Donghyuck even more.

Donghyuck didn't hesitate to touch the block button. He didn't need Doyoung in his life. Ever. He could survive without him.

Speaking of surviving, the last days of the semester was hectic. Aside from the coming finals, their department was busy with the preparation for the founding day, the one where Renjun was going to perform. All of them was stressed, but Renjun was obviously even more. The bags under his eyes seemed to be impossibly getting darker and his face getting narrower. It must have been the stress eating him. But well, at least he was getting distracted. He hadn't mentioned Jeno and Jaemin again. He hadn't been thinking about them.

Speaking of them.

Donghyuck spotted Nana lurking outside the auditorium where Renjun was having his rehearsal. It was a good thing that Donghyuck had to buy food and drinks so he was able to spot him before he could do something that was out of Donghyuck's control.

"Nana! " he called him, and the said person turned to him with wide eyes. He didn't hesitate to grab him by the wrist and dragged him as far away to Renjun as possible.

"What are you doing here? " he hissed. "Are you alone? "

He mentally slapped himself for the probability of committing a mistake. What if he had left Jeno behind? What if Renjun had seen him?

"Jeno's not with me, " Nana answered while pulling his wrist away from Donghyuck's grasp. Donghyuck breathed a sigh of relief.

"What are you doing here? " he repeated.

Nana guiltily looked back at the building where the auditorium was before sighing.

"I wanted to check on him, " Nana answered. "I couldn't reach him through my phone. And I... " he began rubbing on his wrist where the names of his soulmates were written. "I... There's something wrong, I could feel it. It wasn't Jeno, I'm sure. I'm always with him. I'm certain it is Renjun. I just want to know if he is okay. "

Donghyuck crossed his arms. "Of course he wasn't! You hurt him! "

Nana looked away guiltily. He didn't dare to give an argument, which was good. At least, unlike some person out there, he knew when to admit his mistake.

"I need to apologize to him, " Nana answered before turning back to head to the auditorium.

Donghyuck pulled him back, and this time, Nana stared back at him with frustration.

"What for? " He asked.

"What do you mean what for? I owe him an apology! I should give him one!"

Donghyuck didn't understand what it was that he was feeling, but he didn't like the idea of Nana meeting Renjun in order to apologize.

_You're just envious, aren't you? I bet that Mark Lee wasn't trying at all to win you back._

Was he? Was he envious of Renjun?

Donghyuck shook his head. No. He wasn't. He wasn't going to allow Jeno's words to affect him. He wasn't going to allow anybody to make him seem like the bad person. He wasn't. He loved Renjun. He just wanted to protect him so he wouldn't get hurt the same way that Donghyuck did.

"You don't deserve forgiveness, Nana. You don't deserve a second chance at all. "

Nana looked hurt, and Donghyuck might have felt a little guilty for hurting him. He was, after all, a friend as well. But Renjun was his priority, and between the two of them, Renjun was the victim. He was the one in need of protection, not Nana.

"You do know that, too, don't you? " Nana just looked down with shame.

"Do you think showing yourself to him would help him? No. You would only end up hurting him again. I know because... "

_Because when Mark Lee showed up again, I was reminded of the pain. I was reminded of how much he had hurt me. I was reminded of how much he didn't love me the same way that I love him._

"I know because I'm always with Renjun, " He said instead of what he really had in his mind.

"He is doing fine without you. He's happier without you. Would you really be selfish by disturbing him again? What for? To hurt him again? "

"I... I just want to talk to him one last time, " Nana reasoned but it was clear to Donghyuck that his resolve was cracking.

"Do not be selfish, Nana. He's happy without you. Don't ruin it. "

Nana gave one last longing stare at the auditorium before finally turning to leave.

Donghyuck sighed in relief. Good thing that Nana wasn't as difficult to convince as Jeno, or else, things would have gotten even more worst.

Donghyuck headed back to the auditorium, only to meet Renjun on his way there.

Renjun was craning his neck to look for someone, and Donghyuck rushed to meet him.

"Are you looking for me? "

Renjun jumped in surprise before looking at him with wide eyes. Then he frowned. "I just thought I saw Jaemin somewhere. "

Donghyuck panicked but he tried not to show it. "No you didn't! Why would he even be here? He doesn't care about you, remember?"

His heart ached for Renjun, as he visibly got hurt by his every words. But it was for the best. He was doing it for him. He was protecting him.

"Come, " he said while pulling Renjun by the hand. "Let's head back to the auditorium. "

It was fine. Donghyuck was doing fine. He was doing the right thing. No matter what, he wouldn't allow Renjun to get hurt the same way that he did.

It was fine.

He was just being a good friend.

●●●

Donghyuck too, was back to One Hunnit, or rather the old One Hunnit. It was now officially called Monsta Entertainment although the signage outside was still the same, although would not be for too long. The workers outside seemed to be in a hurry to replace it.

Donghyuck couldn't help but feel bad for Jooheon, although they had not been able to have a proper conversation at all, yet. As far as he could remember, one of Jooheon and Changkyun's fights was about Jooheon wanting to keep everything the way it was and Changkyun wanting to change things to be more marketable. It was shallow. Was money even more important than your soulmate's dreams and feelings? He really couldn't understand why people could be like Changkyun... or Mark or Jeno or Nana. Really. What was so difficult about prioritizing your soulmate?

He voiced out his concerns to Hyungwon while he was trying to assist him while he was recording a demo for his new song, but the latter only looked at him wierdly, a 9gag worthy expression he couldn't believe could come out from such handsome face. For a while, he thought the DJ was going to scold him for gossiping about the other two artists, but then he remembered that in a small company, there's nothing else better to do than to gossip during their idle time. Hyungwon said so himself.

"Jooheon agreed to everything, " Hyungwon answered.

"Well, yes he did, but I guess he was compelled to agree? "

Who knew if maybe Changkyun guilt tripped him into agreeing? Who knew if Changkyun convinced him that he would be a bad person if he wouldn't agree? It's possible. Donghyuck's experience could attest to that.

"No he wasn't forced or anything which your imaginative mind is currently creating, " Hyungwon replied. "The two of them just compromised. "

 _Compromised?_ Still, Jooheon had to adjust. Why should he, when he was the one who's right and Changkyun was just being shallow by prioritizing money and success over his soulmate's feelings.

"Listen, child, " Hyungwon replied to him when he voiced out his concern again. "I don't know how you see me but let me remind you that I am a DJ. I am not you life coach nor your love adviser. But because I'm feeling a little bit nice, allow me to tell you this.

"It's so easy to point out which one is right or wrong if you're just looking at one aspect and ignoring the others. It shouldn't be the case. You need to look at everything and then you'll see that sometimes, no one is entirely wrong and no one is entirely right. It's so easy for you to deem Changkyun's reason's as shallow, because you are only basing it on Jooheon's feelings. There's just more to it than him wanting money and success. Besides, who doesn't need money? Don't tell me that just having your soulmate around would be enough. That would be so... cringe-worthy. "

Donghyuck scrunched up his nose. Right. How could he expect Hyungwon to understand? He, too, didn't have a name in his wrist like his cousin. He wouldn't understand why it was important to prioritize your soulmate more than anything. Donghyuck should not listen to him.

"Say, can you record the demo? "

Right. He should stop asking Hyungwon questions he wouldn't possibly understand. Right. He should only focus on working.

●●●

After weeks of preparation, the Founding Day finally arrived. Donghyuck was tired. Even though he wasn't going to perform, he was still tired from all the preparations being part of the program committee. He shouldn't have signed up for this considering he had a part time job which was already draining most if his energy. Still, he wanted to be there. He needed to make sure that Jeno and Nana will have no way of being in contact with Renjun.

They didn't show up after that incident with Nana, and Donghyuck was silently hoping that they wouldn't show up now of all time.

Renjun had been fine. He hadn't mention Jeno and Nana again. He was moving on. Granted he looked tired and a little bit sad, but it could only be attributed to his stress over his performance. He was doing fine. At least, one of them was doing fine and it's all thanks to him and his persistence to protect him. He wouldn't stop now.

He scanned the auditorium for the twentieth time already. People were beginning to fill up the venue and it was getting hard to see who's who (not like Donghyuck knew everyone of them.)

Thankfully, Donghyuck had a radar for those he classified as neglectful soulmates.

Fifth row , fourth and fifth seats from the right. He had to thank Nana's fading, but still too standout, hair color for making it easy for Donghyuck to notice them.

He motioned for the members of the student council to escort them outside, where Donghyuck would be waiting to put some sense into their head. He made sure to emphasize that those two had been harassing his bestfriend nonstop after their break up, whatever story that could make it seem urgent. (Indeed, it's very urgent.)

When Donghyuck met them at the exit, Jeno looked like he was ready to punch those who were escorting them out, had it not been for Nana trying to hold him back. He almost punched Donghyuck as well, if Nana hadn't been able to hold him back.

"I knew it. It's you again! "

"Of course it's me. Who else is going to take care of Renjun? Certainly not you! You only care about Nana. "

Jeno seemed like he wanted to talk back but Nana stopped him.

"Listen, Hyuck, " Nana tried to speak calmly. "We haven't seen him for weeks and we're worried. We could feel that there's something wrong with him but we're not sure. We just want to make sure that he's okay. "

Donghyuck crossed his arms in annoyance. There wasn't anything wrong with Renjun. He should know. He was taking care of him. Unless of course they're insinuating that he wasn't being a good friend. That he wasn't doing a good job. They didn't get the right to think that way, not them of all people.

"The only thing that would make him not okay is the both you being part of his life again. "

Jeno pulled on his hair in frustration.

"Why don't you stop interfering with our relationship and start reflecting about how fucked up you are that even your own soulmate and your parents couldn't love you? "

"Jeno! " Nana reprimanded, but he was already to late. Donghyuck had already heard him. He was already hurt.

"I am not the one running after my soulmate who's already rejected me, Lee Jeno. "

"You may be not, but I bet your soulmate isn't running after you, either. I bet it's killing you that he isn't. "

Donghyuck wanted to wipe the smug smirk on Jeno's face. He didn't. He wouldn't let them affect him. He wouldn't let him win.

He turned his attention back to Nana. "He told me he never wanted to see you again. "

"He... He did? " Nana asked, voice laced with insecurity.

"He didn't, " Jeno denied. "Don't listen to him. "

"He did, " Donghyuck insisted. "He told me that he wished you never came back at all. He could have been happy with Jeno. In fact, he's willing to give Jeno a second chance, but not you. Of course you wouldn't let that happen, would you? You're a selfish person who only wanted to have Jeno for yourself. "

What if Nana was willing to sacrifice? He wouldn't right?

He wouldn't. It was pretty much obvious that he too became possessive of Jeno, hence why he had treated Renjun that way. Nana couldn't sacrifice for Renjun, right?

Could he?

But before Nana could give his reaction, Jeno was already pulling him away. So Donghyuck had been right after all. In the end, Jeno would always pick Nana over Renjun.

"You're a horrible person, " Jeno told him. "You don't deserve love from anybody at all. One day. One day, you'll find yourself alone because even Renjun would grew tired of putting up with you. "

Donghyuck knew he shouldn't let Jeno's words affect him as he stared at their retreating figure.

He wasn't a horrible person. Far from it. He was just a person who already experienced what it's like to be hurt. There was nothing horrible with preventing another person from experiencing the same.

Love. Jeno had no right to talk about love. He didn't know a thing about love. He didn't know it the way Donghyuck did.

Donghyuck deserved to be love. It's just that the person who was supposed to love him didn't know how to do it right.

Jeno was wrong. He didn't know a thing about him. He shouldn't give his opinion at all.

Donghyuck took a deep breathe to calm himself down before heading back to the backstage where Renjun was waiting. He had to make sure his bestfriend wouldn't learn about what had happened.

Renjun was sitting on a monoblock chair. He didn't even notice Donghyuck approaching him. He was staring blankly into space. It must be the nerves eating him.

"They didn't come, did they? Even if they said they would? "

Donghyuck didn't need to think hard to figure out who Renjun was referring to. He sighed. Why couldn't he just forget about them?

"They didn't, " he said. "You shouldn't have expected them to be here. You'll only get hurt. They don't... They don't love you. "

  
Renjun flinched at his words, and even if Donghyuck felt guilty for hurting him that way, these were the words that Renjun needed to hear, the truth and not false hopes. It's better to hurt him with the truth than to keep hurting him with false hopes.

"They don't care about you. But it's okay. You're still not alone. You'll have Xuxi, and Guanheng, and me! You'll have me! You'll be fine. You don't need them. "

Renjun only nodded.

"Huang Renjun? " the emcee called to the backstage. "You're next. "

Donghyuck tried to cheer Renjun up with his smile, but to no avail. He was still feeling down. Damn both of his soulmates for hurting him this much.

Donghyuck watched from the backstage as Renjun walked to the center with the mic in hand. He, too, was feeling nervous despite him not being the one who would perform.

The crowd fell silent as the music began to play.

Donghyuck's breath was hitched when Renjun missed his cue, and the entire backstage began to panic when Renjun missed the entire verse.

Something was wrong with Renjun.

Stage fright?

No.

Renjun had sung a lot of times in front of the crowd before. That couldn't be it.

The crowd were beginning to boo him, and the only thing that Donghyuck wanted to do was to pull his friend away and protect him.

Renjun began to sing during the chorus, and for a while, everyone calmed down and was mesmerized by his soothing voice. That was until he reached the highest part if the song and his voice began to crack.

There were loud laughters coming from the audience, and Donghyuck was horrified. No. It couldn't be happening. Not to Renjun.

The mic fell from Renjun's hand and landed on the stage with a deafening sound. He stared at the audience even longer, taking in their negative reactions and mockeries, before returning hastily to the backstage.

Donghyuck's mind went blank. He remained rooted to his spot while mindlessly looking as Renjun picked up his things.

What had gone wrong?

What the hell happened?

Why Renjun?

It took Donghyuck more time before he could finally recover from his own shock. By the time he did, he was already too late. Renjun was already out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter hurts, the next chapter would hurt as well. Sorry in advance. Love you!
> 
> Stay safe!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the longest chapter I have written for this story, and also one of the hardest. Like what I said in the previous chapter, this is going to be painful, but "painfully better" I think. 
> 
> I updated the tags: mentions of cancer and minor character death, so there might be trigger warnings applied at the last part. Read at your own risk. 
> 
> Again, disclaimer. This is just a fic, and in no way do I believe that the characters here depict who they are in real life. 
> 
> Again, the tags are there for a reason. They might have not been there from the very beginning, but I added them right before I proceeded with the chapters where they're applicable. If you proceeded to read because you took those warnings lightly and ended up being disappointed, I don't know. It's your decision. 
> 
> So there, be warned.

Donghyuck carefully scribbled a note, reminding Renjun to reheat the soup, and to eat the dinner that he saved for him. He made sure to use a neon green colored post it, so that there would be no way that Renjun would miss the note when he fetch himself a glass of water. Hopefully, the food that he ordered from an authentic Chinese Restaurant, which cost him a quarter of his salary, would be enough for Renjun to gain back his appetite. As much as he wanted to stay and make sure that he was going to eat properly, Haechan had a place to be. He would risk running late to the event, if he would wait for Renjun to wake up, which didn't seem to be happening anytime soon.

Renjun was still sleeping when he checked inside their room, and Donghyuck didn't have the heart to wake him up or to disturb him.

He was buried under the thick layers of blanket, similar to how Donghyuck had found him after that incident. Donghyuck had been worried then, and he had been scared that Renjun had ran off to somewhere. Much to his relief, he found him buried under thick layers of blankets. He wasn't moving at all, and the only indication that he was awake was his loud sniffles which went on throughout the entire night.

That had been a week ago, and Renjun still hardly left the bedroom for anything. He even missed and entire week of his classes which wasn't a very Renjun thing to do. Of course, Donghyuck didn't call him out about it. He understood. He experienced more that enough to know that what Renjun needed wasn't for people to tell him how wrong he was acting. Donghyuck wasn't insensitive like some other people. He just let him be.

After all, Donghyuck clearly understood what Renjun was going through. Although he hadn't experienced standing in front of a crowd as big as that, to perform, he felt like just doing so was enough to make him shake with nerves. He couldn't imagine what it would feel like to embarrass himself in front of a crowd, to be laughed at by people he didn't even know, especially during an important event. Donghyuck would probably act like Renjun as well. Maybe even worse.

Donghyuck had contemplated informing Xuxi about what had happened to his brother, thinking that his friend might need another source of moral and emotional support. Just before he was about to press that call button, he was reminded of how his family hadn't been supportive of him when he was experiencing his own problem. While Xuxi might not think the same way as his parents, it was still too much of a risk. He didn't want to be the one to start possibility of Renjun experiencing the same. He pocketed his phone and he decided against it.

Besides, Renjun wouldn't be alone anyway. Donghyuck would be there with him, and based on his experience, having one friend was more than enough.

Renjun might not anymore need Xuxi, when Donghyuck would be more than enough to show his understanding and support to him. He might not need to bother his family anymore.

He certainly wouldn't need his soulmates.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes, when upon checking his phone again, there were a series of messages from two people who shouldn't even be bothering him at all. Why were they even texting him? Oh, right. They couldn't reach Renjun.

Donghyuck didn't know what's stopping him from blocking those two on his phone as well. Maybe it was because admittedly, he was gaining satisfaction at the two of them desperately trying to get Renjun back, to absolutely no avail. It was like... revenge.

Granted that Jeno and Nana weren't the person who hurt him, but they resemble Mark so much, that Donghyuck found it gratifying to see them suffer. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that. They deserved it anyway. Donghyuck wouldn't allow them anywhere near Renjun again.

Donghyuck opened one message from Nana. It was a short message, asking him if Renjun was okay, because apparently, the two of them could sense that something was wrong with him, hence they wanted to see him.

Donghyuck scoffed. He was deeply offended. Why wouldn't Renjun be okay when Donghyuck was the one taking care of him? The only reason why he wouldn't be okay would be if they show up and start confusing him again.

They would show up and pretend to care, only for them to hurt his bestfriend again.

Donghyuck was sure that that's what's going to happen.

He knew because Mark had als been like that.

He showed up, asking for forgiveness, only for him to disappear again. Where was he now? Avoiding Donghyuck — the only thing he was good at.

Donghyuck turned his phone off, when he received an incoming call from Nana. He didn't want to deal with anyone's soulmate right now, whether it's his, or Renjun's. He had a place to be. He pocketed his phone, before heading to the bathroom to check his reflection.

The white suit that he was wearing fitted well with him and complimented his skin tone. It didn't look old, and it didn't look cheap a all. He was quite sure that nobody would know that he got it from the thrift store.

Donghyuck was quite saddened by the fact that he couldn't afford a more expensive attire for the evening. But what could he do? He was a broke university student who's supporting himself. He didn't have the luxury to act and look expensive.

Beside, he didn't need one anyway. In fact, he didn't even understand why he needed to attend the official launching of the Monsta Entertainment. He was just a part time employee. Jaehyun, however, insisted that as future full-time employee, which would be more than a semester away, he too was entitled to witness such important event. Donghyuck couldn't help but think that the only reason that Jaehyun was paying extra attention to him was because he was his friend's cousin. Donghyuck couldn't stop himself from being annoyed. The only thing stopping himself from filing his resignation was his belief that receiving "help" from Doyoung wasn't enough to cover everything that his cousin had brought upon.

Donghyuck carefully checked himself from every angle before catching a glimpse of the small bag which containing the make up that Renjun would often use for special events. Renjun was still asleep, but he remembered him giving Donghyuck permission to borrow it anytime. Donghyuck contemplated for a while, before picking up the bag and opening it.

He started with the neutral eyeshadow, with subtle golden shimmers before lining his eye with black eyeliner. Then, he used the mascara to lengthen his lashes. For one final touch, Donghyuck picked the cherry colored lip tint for his lips.

Perfect.

Beautiful.

Mark Lee would not be a able to take his eyes off of him. He would be there, right? He should be. He should look at Donghyuck and realize how much of a big mistake it was to leave him without a word. He should realize how much of a big mistake it was to leave him.

Donghyuck gasp, the lip tint falling from his hand to the sink.

What was he thinking?

Why was he thinking about Mark again?

Why was he concerned if Mark would find him attractive?

He sounded so desperate.

So pitiful.

So sad.

Was Jeno right when he said that it's killing Donghyuck that Mark wasn't running after him?

Was he really that desperate for Mark's attention?

Donghyuck glared angrily at the his reflection. What was he thinking?

It's not like he still wanted to date Mark. He hated him. He didn't want him anymore. He was over him, long ago. He erased all his love for his soulmate, the moment he did what he did that night.

But why was he bothered that Mark wasn't acting like Jeno and Nana?

Why was he hurting?

Wait.

Hurting?

Was he hurting?

Donghyuck shook his head. He covered his mouth before he could scream in frustration and accidentally wake Renjun up.

He could only blame Jeno for putting thoughts in his head, that were definitely not true. Jeno didn't know anything about. He shouldn't let his words affect him.

He didn't want Mark Lee anymore. He stopped liking him. He stopped loving him long ago.

The only reason he's only thinking about him was because he was angry at him.

Because he had hurt him.

Because he was still hurting him.

And what was wrong with wanting Mark to come running after him like Jeno and Nana were doing for Renjun? What was wrong for wanting to be the one who was being chased after?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. If Donghyuck wanted Mark to go crazy about him the same way that he had been crazy about Mark, it was because he deserved to experience that.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the the one to be chased and to be the one to walk away. What was wrong with wanting to get back at the person who hurt him?

Nothing, right?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to switch their roles. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the one to say no, after being abandoned several times.

Donghyuck picked up the lip tint from the sink. He added another layer on tint on his lips before smiling confidently.

He was beautiful.

He was fine.

He was the person anyone would be stupid to leave behind. Mark had been stupid. He should realize that.

●●●

The venue wasn't as extravagant as Donghyuck expected it would be, but he figured extravagant might not be feasible for a company a small as Monsta Entertainment anyway. Granted that it was now acquired by a huge corporation, but still, it was once One Hunnit Entertainment, a small company who barely made it in the music industry with just three barely successful talents. Extravagant would be like betting too much money on something that was yet to prove it's worth.

Still, it didn't look cheap. It still look like an event that someone like Donghyuck wasn't supposed to attend.

The venue was already filled with many people, some from the media, some probably from Seo Corp as well. Donghyuck quickly scan the venue for people whom he might know.

On the far corner, Donghyuck spotted Hyungwon chatting with some people he didn't know. He contemplated walking towards him, but he feared that he might interrupt an important business or music related discussion. He was, after all, just a part-timer who was invited because he was related to his boss's friend.

He was slowly beginning to regret coming here in the first place. What business did he even have here? Nothing. He wasn't as important as the people around him. They could enjoy the event and he's presence would surely not be missed.

Why did Jaehyun even ask him to come? He was just feeling so out of place. So little. He didn't belong here.

"Donghyuck? "

 _Oh great_ , he thought as he turned around to find the owner of the voice. Just when he thought it's already bad, the presence of his cousin made it even worse. Donghyuck fought the urge to groan in frustration, which he would do, everytime he would see signs of his self-centered cousin. What was Doyoung even doing here? What business did he have here? As far as Donghyuck knew, Doyoung worked in the Stock Exchange Market, so why was he in a small company launching, while wearing a a signature suit that Donghyuck could only afford if he would sell his internal organs to the black market.

Donghyuck tried to walk fast, slipping through a sea of people in order to lose the other. He pretended that he couldn't hear his cousin, and hopefully, that would be enough of a sign for Doyoung to understand that no, Donghyuck wasn't in the mood to be the loser to his winner, nor to be the failure to his success, although he doubted if people like Doyoung would really even care about what he wanted. Self-centered people like him only cared about themselves.

He couldn't anymore hear his cousin calling him but he didn't want to turn around and check. The last thing that he wanted, that he needed was to have Doyoung embarrassing him in front of this many people. That would be like…Renjun kind of embarrassment. He might need to bury himself in layers of blankets as well. He didn't want that to happen so he continued walking until he accidentally bumped into someone.

Donghyuck was met with Jaehyun's frown and for a while, he thought that he might have upsetted his boss. However, Jaehyun's face slowly became brighter and soon enough, there was that adorable dimpled smile again.

"Oh, it's you! "He exclaimed. "I almost didn't recognize you. You look cute, I bet Doyoung would find you adorable. "

Yep. Adorable. Adorable to be used as someone to step on.

He wondered what kind of relationship Jaehyun had in mind about him and Doyoung. He thought it was pretty obvious that they don't like each other.

"I already met him, " he answered, not a lie but not entirely the truth, either. He just didn't want Jaehyun to forcefully make him interact with his "beloved" cousin. It would lose the purpose of running away from him.

"Great! " Jaehyun exclaimed. "He was really excited to meet you again, so he convinced me to make sure that you will attend, and to invite him here as my date. Can you imagine that? My date?" Jaehyun said, and Donghyuck still had the sanity to not tell his boss that he didn't care. "So there, he just wants to see you. He practically begged me to take him, and Doyoung never beg. But don't tell him I told you. He's going to get really angry. "

Donghyuck grimaced. So Doyoung was the reason why he was here, after all. He knew it. Now, he wanted to run away even more. If Doyoung was so "excited" to see him, then Donghyuck would just counting seconds before everything starts to go from bad to worse.

"So, like, maybe you can go back to him or check the food?" Jaehyun suggested, looking antsy to leave. "I'll get back to you later. I just need to talk to the CEO of Seo Corp. "

Donghyuck felt like that child whose parents had taken to some events, only to leave him alone as they deal with adult stuff. He felt even more out of place.

He thought about leaving early, but he also didn't want to offend his boss, so he just simply nodded.

"Great! See you in a bit. "

Donghyuck watched as Jaehyun walked to the direction of a group of people and began chatting with the person who Donghyuck presumed as the CEO of Seo Corp. Donghyuck squinted from afar, and without a doubt, he recognized the said person as the same person who was with Mark when he interfered with the commotion between Donghyuck and a rude customer.

So he was the CEO.

Mark was friends with the CEO.

Wow. Was that the definition of the hard life that Mark was talking about? Where's the hardship there?

It's definitely not the same as the hardship Donghyuck went through, juggling several jobs just to survive.

His eyes continued to linger at that specific group of people, and there was one more person who immediately caught his eyes. The short one whose arms were linked to that of the CEO (?). Donghyuck stared some more, until he finally confirmed that this person was really indeed his neighbor, or at least, the person he thought to be his neighbor. So, he was dating the CEO.

Okay, so that explained why he had acted like a very snob rich bastard because he was actually one.

Rich bastard, or what was his name again? Oh. Ten. Who named their children after numbers? Like was he the tenth child of the family?

Anyway, Ten caught him staring, and upon mirroring Donghyuck's gaze, he scoffed, as if deeply offended by the mere presence of Donghyuck.

Okay. Rude. So what now? Was Donghyuck's impoverished ass not allowed in events like this?

Well guess what. He also didn't want to be here.

Donghyuck returned the other's glare with same intensity until electricity began to spark in the air, and Mr. CEO finally noticed the glaring contest that was happening between Donghyuck and his date.

Mr. CEO seemed surprised to see him as well, and he not so subtly pointed him out to Jaehyun. Jaehyun looked his way, before turning back to Johnny. From afar, he could see his boss explaining to Mr. CEO, presumably about his presence. Mr. CEO looked conflicted, and if Donghyuck was feeling out of place, initially, he was definitely feeling unwelcome now.

Why was he here again?

Right, because Jaehyun asked him to be here.

Why?

Because Doyoung wanted him to be there.

Was this Doyoung's plan?

To make him feel embarrassed?

To make him feel alienated?

He wouldn't be surprised if it was.

Mr. CEO looked at him once again. He looked reluctant, but nevertheless, he nodded at Jaehyun, but not before sighing.

Donghyuck felt that his boss had just finished bargaining about his right to stay on the event. He felt so low. The lowest of the low.

But then again, wasn't that exactly the reason why he was here?

Sure, other employees were here, too, but still, what was he doing here?

What was he doing here, surrounded by people whom he didn't know, whom he would probably never know because he was out of their circle? 

He shouldn't have left the apartment. He should have just stayed at home and watch over his bestfriend who was still recovering from the embarassment he incurred.

Donghyuck sighed. Ten was still glaring at him, for some reason that Donghyuck might never understand. It's probably just him being the rich snob that he was, or it's probably just him being Mark's friend, judging Donghyuck without getting to k ow the truth.

Donghyuck chose to be the bigger person by turning away.

He needed food. Food or eating that rich snob bastard alive.

There were several foods on the buffet table that Donghyuck didn't even recognize. Foods for the rich, he thought. Maybe this was also a part of what Doyoung wanted to happen when he desperately convinced Jaehyun to make sure he would come. Maybe he wanted Donghyuck to feel small by showing him a glimpse of a life he couldn't live. God. This was so frustrating. He didn't feel like eating at all.

Donghyuck took a glass of whatever liquid the waiter had been carrying. He drank everything inside before taking another one.

He scanned the entire room silently again. Everyone except him seemed to be having fun. After all, this was a launching event. Everyone should be happy.

It didn't feel right. It felt unfair, but he couldn't exactly say why. He just didn't feel good seeing everybody smiling all while he was having trouble fitting himself in.

Even Jooheon and Changkyun were smiling brightly at each other, as the cameras were aimed towards them. It had to be fake. They were just fighting about everything, so it seemed really unrealistic for them to be all lovey dovey all of the sudden.

It felt wrong.

It felt…unfair.

Maybe he should just go home. He could just text his boss later, telling him that he didn't feel well so he had to leave early. Yes. That seemed like a really good idea. He better leave before everything began to get worse.

He walked towards the direction of the exit, a little wobbly, he might have drunk a little too much. He stumbled on his own feet, a good couple of times, causing some guests to send him a judging stare.

What? Was he supposed to be apologetic for lacking the finesse that their rich ass had?

Donghyuck scoffed. He held his head high. He paid them no mind.

He was only a couple of meters away from the exit when he caught a glimpse of someone from the corner of his eyes. Just the sight of the said person made his heart squeezed painfully.

Mark was wearing a back suit, and he had his hair brushed up away from his face. Admittedly, even if Donghyuck hated him with his entire heart, he couldn't deny that he still looked good. His looks, however, was far from the reason his heart was being squeezed tight.

It was the fact that Mark was talking to this beautiful girl in her short white dress, all while smiling gently at her.

He was smiling at her, while all he did with Donghyuck was to fight with him.

Ah! So this was the reason why Mark was being bare minimum in trying to apologize to him. He already found another one.

Since when was he bi anyway? He didn't remember Mark telling him he was, back when they're still dating. Or was he straight all along? Maybe that's the reason why he left Donghyuck. That's possible, right? All of this reasons he was giving Donghyuck was just his way of trying to make him feel guilty for something that wasn't his fault at all.

Ah! So he lied to Donghyuck. He lied, and yet, he couldn't forgive Donghyuck for that one insignificant lie.

It was unfair. So, so unfair.

Donghyuck never thought about dating again ever since Mark left. He was so broken. He almost didn't make it. So how could Mark date anyone else? What made him think he had the right to be happy and date anyone else?

Donghyuck took large steps to go to their direction. He was a little wobbly, but who cared? He certainly didn't, even if the people began staring at him weirdly. It wasn't like he's the one doing wrong. He was the victim here.

Mark finally noticed him when he finally tore off his gaze from the pretty girl. He looked surprised, and panicked that he quickly pushed the girl behind him.

"Not here, Donghyuck. Don't make a scene. "

Donghyuck scoffed. So he was the one making a scene.

"Funny how you could say that to me, when I'm not the one who's being lovey dovey with a person who's obviously not my soulmate, " he said, his voice sounding a little slurry even to himself, but so what?

Mark looked away when Donghyuck was finally face to face with him. He looked like he was on the verge of combusting from anger, and Donghyuck couldn't grasp where he was getting the idea that he was the one who had the right to be angry. It was him who was caught doing something wrong, like he always did.

"Mark? " the pretty girl asked. "Who's this. "

"Oh, hi honey! " Donghyuck waved to the girl that Mark was trying to shield. "The _this_ that you're referring too is actually the soulmate of the guy you're flirting with. "

The girl shivered after hearing those words. "Yikes. The crazy ex Ten oppa was referring too. I better get away. "

Donghyuck was ready to grab her after calling him crazy, had it not been for Mark who grasped him firmly to allow pretty girl to leave.

"Oh my god, Donghyuck! Don't you know how to pick the proper time and place? " Mark said as he finally let him go.

Donghyuck pushed him hard. "How about you? Don't you know the proper time and place to flaunt you're new girlfriend? "

Mark furrowed his brows. "I am not dating her, but I'm pretty sure that should be none of your business. We're not dating as well. "

It felt like a harsh slap to him and Donghyuck couldn't help but cry. He didn't know why, but it hurts to be reminded that no, they weren't dating anymore, and that he wasn't the one who made that decision. He hadn't been the one in control. It was unfair.

So, so unfair!

"Why does it seem so easy to you? " he asked. People began crowding around them, causing Mark to panic.

"I'm not having this conversation with you, Donghyuck. You're drunk. Go home." Mark touched his arm, presumably to pull him towards the exit, so that he could stop Donghyuck from revealing everything that he did to the people around them.

"I'm not drunk, " he insisted. "I'm hurt, Mark. You hurt me. You keep on hurting me over and over again! "

More people crowded around them, finding them more interesting than the act performing on the stage.

"Donghyuck, please, " Mark begged, but not for the same reason that Donghyuck wanted him to beg. "This is not the time and place. Don't ruin this! "

But this might have been the right time and place. People were looking at him sympathetically. Except from Renjun, no one else had shown sympathy for him. They all made him feel that he was at fault.

Maybe this was what he needed.

Maybe this was what he wanted.

For people to be on his side.

For people to understand his pain.

For people to side with him.

For him to not feel alone about this.

"How could it be easy for you to move on just like that? " Donghyuck asked. "How could it be easy for you to just replace me with someone else? How could you betray your soulmate just like that? "

People began gossiping around them. Most of them, giving Mark a judging look.

Mark threw his hands in the air. "I'm through with this conversation, Donghyuck. I'm through with you! "

"I wish, I didn't love you, " he said, just as Mark had turned away from him. The latter stopped moving.

"I wish you didn't. It would have saved all of us from the trouble. "

Donghyuck grunted angrily. Until now, Mark was still pinning the blame on him.

"You don't deserve love from anybody at all!"

Someone as selfish as Mark didn't deserve to experience love from anybody. Not from Donghyuck. Not from that girl. Not from anybody.

Mark slowly turned to him, with expressions that Donghyuck hadn't seen from him before. Pain. Longing. Loneliness.

It made Donghyuck surprised, and uneasy.

Why was Mark looking like that?

Why was he looking so vulnerable?

"Funny because I didn't receive genuine love from anybody, either, " Mark said, voice laced with venom that instantaneously entered through his body.

Mark pushed past the people around them, and disappeared behind the crowd.

And Donghyuck, Donghyuck stayed, confused as he tried to process the last thing that Mark said.

What was Mark saying that he didn't receive genuine love at all?

He loved him!

He loved him once!

He did everything that he did because he loved him!

He had loved him enough to change his identity just to appease his whims.

So what was he saying?

Was he saying that what Donghyuck did was still not enough?

Donghyuck stood there, utterly confused. He couldn't what Mark was acting hurt for? Why?

Donghyuck stood there, staring at the direction where Mark Lee disappeared, unable to sense who and what was coming his way.

Donghyuck fell to the floor after one strong shove from one person. The people around him gasp in surprise, and flashes of cameras illuminated the area.

Donghyuck opened his eyes to see Mr. CEO holding Ten back as he angrily tried to cause more damage to Donghyuck.

"What the hell, Ten? " Donghyuck heard. It the voice was Doyoung's, who, along with Jaehyun, was trying to pull him back to his feet.

"You! " Ten continued to point at him ignoring everyone else. "You have no idea how wrong you are. "

"Ten, baby, stop, " Mr. CEO said, as he struggled to hold his date back. "It's not your story to tell. "

"Oh, but he needs to hear it! " Ten said, sending him a spine chilling glare.

Donghyuck didn't understand why he was so angry. He didn't understand why he was so involved with this. What did he know? Dos he know how much pain Donghyuck had gone through, and still going through because of Mark? He didn't! What right did he have to get angry?

"Do you know why Mark initially didn't want to be with his soulmate? " Ten asked him. "Of course you didn't. You didn't care enough to find out, right? "

Why was it important? Why were they making it seem important? It wasn't. It was just Mark having wrong choices, and him trying to stop what was meant to be. They were soulmates. They were supposed to be together, but Mark ruined it with his stupid desire to change what was destined. Mark ruined them. Mark ruined everything. So why was Ten angry at him? Why was Mark acting like he was in pain? Everything was his fault!

"I don't care! " he answered, pushing both Jaehyun and his cousin away, trying to escape the situation on his own, only to stumble and depend on them to keep himself up.

"Well I'll tell you anyway. I'll still tell you how much of an asshole you are for calling his reasons stupid and shallow, when Mark had suffered all his life desperately trying to survive while watching his parents who happened to be soulmates destroy each other. Still think he's shallow and stupid? "

Donghyuck gaped in surprise. What was Ten talking about. "I don't know what you're talking about! Mark didn't tell me anything! "

"Because you never cared enough to find out! " Ten snapped back at him.

But, it couldn't be the truth, right? It shouldn't be the truth. Mark wasn't supposed to have reasons. If that's the truth, then…

No. That's not the truth. Donghyuck refused to believe it!

"There's no way that could be true. You're lying! You just want me to feel guilty, so you're lying to me!"

Ten rolled his eyes. "Oh, really? Should I even be surprised that you would think so? You're a self centered bastard who would only believe in what you want to believe, just so you could continue to be delusional that you're the only person who's hurting. "

"Watch your language, Ten! " Doyoung warned. "That's my cousin you're talking to. "

"Well that's my friend whom he treated like shit! " Ten argued, before turning back to Donghyuck. "A friend who already suffered while watching his mother slowly die from liver cancer!"

There were loud gasps from everyone in the room, and Donghyuck was sure that he was one of the owners of those sounds.

It was as if he was suddenly sober, the alcohol already out of his system. It was like he had gone through the rabbit hole and entered an entirely different world.

What liver cancer?

His mother died?

In Paris?

But that wasn't supposed to be the truth!

Wasn't Mark supposed be just a mean person who decided to abandon him just because he wanted to?

Wasn't he supposed to be the villain?

So, why?

Why did it seem like the roles were reversed?

Why was Donghyuck suddenly the villain?

"Still think he's shallow?" Ten asked, in a tone that's making Donghyuck feel ashamed of himself.

No.

He couldn't be telling the truth.

He was just saying it on purpose.

No!

Donghyuck didn't do anything wrong!

"Oh my god, Ten! " Mr. CEO exclaimed, clearly annoyed at the situation. He lifted his boyfriend from the ground and carried him away, but not before sending Donghyuck a disappointed stare. "I hope you're satisfied. You made this event all about yourself. " He then turned to Jaehyun, and spoke to him in a not so friendly manner. "You brought him here, you take him away. "

There were loud murmuring from the people around him, but Donghyuck couldn't understand a thing. It was like his whole world was spinning around. He couldn't grasp anything.

Donghyuck felt every energy being drained out if him, and he had no choice but to lean on his cousin for support. Flashes of his and Mark's previous conversation slowly returned to him.

_"You have no idea about what happened in Paris, Donghyuck. "_

_"If I tell you I had a family emergency so I had to leave immediately, would you believe me? "_

Donghyuck continue to shake his head.

"That couldn't be the truth. "

He didn't want it to be the truth.

It would ruin everything that he was believing in.

It would confuse him.

It would crush him.

It couldn't be the truth.

It shouldn't be the truth.

But even he was already starting to doubt his own judgement.

"It is, " Jaehyun whispered silently to him, as he, along with Doyoung guided him to the exit. "I was there with him."

He sadly smiled at Donghyuck before turning back to his cousin.

"Can you take him out of here? You can take my car. I just need to do damage control around here. "

Doyoung nodded, and Donghyuck felt himself gently being dragged toward Jaehyun's car. Doyoung didn't say a word, and Donghyuck felt relieved that his cousin didn't choose this moment to gloat. He didn't have the energy argue with him anymore.

Doyoung lead him to the back seat. Good. He wanted to be alone, and being in the backseat was better than sitting with Doyoung.

He could feel Doyoung staring at him through the rearview mirror. Why was he staring? Was he judging him? Donghyuck would have called him out immediately, but didn't have the the strength to give even just one snide comment. He was tired.

He was tired of thinking.

All of this revelations were confusing him. It's destroying every idea that Donghyuck had been believing for years!

Was he wrong all along?

How?

Why?

That shouldn't be it, right?

He couldn't possibly be the one at fault.

He was hurt.

He was supposed to be the victim!

He was, and not Mark!

But what if Mark was hurt, too?

What if Mark had valid reasons why he didn't want to be with his soulmates? What if Ten was telling the truth?

No!

Donghyuck shook his head. He refused to believe it! Ten was lying! He was sure of that! Ten shouldn't be telling the truth!

But what if he was? What if Mark's mother really died? What if that's the reason why he disappeared?

But that shouldn't be possible!

That shouldn't be right!

Donghyuck screamed against his palm, frightening Doyoung, causing him to accidentally stepped on the break.

Donghyuck could feel him staring again. Was he judging? Was he worth judging? Maybe he was. Donghyuck might also be judging himself.

He didn't say a single word. So did Doyoung. He sighed, before resuming his driving.

Donghyuck felt his phone vibrating. He picked it up to answer the call button without checking the name of the caller. He almost lashed out on the person on the other line, unable to hold a proper conversation with anyone, with his currents state.

But he hadn't been able to, not when he recognized the familiar female voice, and not when he sensed the urgency of the call.

Donghyuck's breathe hitched as he listened to the person's voice. His throat constricted in fear as he continued to listen. He hadn't realized that he was already sobbing and choking on his own tears, until Doyoung stopped the car once again, to look at him, in bot confusion and concern.

He couldn't breathe properly and his body began shaking. The phone slipped out of his hand and fall on the seat.

"Hyung, " he whispered, between gasps of air. "Let's go to the hospital. "


	14. Chapter 14

"Hi, Donghyuck? " Joohyun said from the other line. Her voice sounded different from her usual commanding tone. She sounded worried and a little uncertain, and from that moment, Donghyuck was certain that something was wrong. "Okay. Listen. I will need you to stay calm, okay? There were two people who broke into your apartment about four hours ago. According to your neighbors, they both came out in less than five minutes carrying Renjun's unconscious body. I'm not sure what's happening, but I thought I should tell youm We are presuming that they took him to the hospital, but we just don't know which one. I… I'm not sure if I should call the police. Donghyuck? "

Donghyuck didn't know if Joohyun still had more to say after that. His mind completely blanked out after listening.

Someone took Renjun.

He was unconscious — probably sick or hurt.

They took him to the hospital.

Where?

Why?

Donghyuck shook his head furiously as he desperately tried to deny reality. Renjun should be okay. He was strong. He was Donghyuck's main source of support. He wasn't supposed to break easily.

Not him.

Not now.

Especially not now.

How was Donghyuck going to survive without him?

This was unfair!

Why did Renjun have to go through all of this when Donghyuck especially needed him this time?

He needed reassurance.

He needed support.

He needed someone to be there with him and make him feel that he was okay. That he was doing fine. That he could make it through even if Donghyuck himself believe that that wasn't the case.

No. It's unfair!

Everything was unfair.

"You need to breathe properly, Hyuckie," Doyoung told him. "It will not do you any good to panic right now. "

Donghyuck ignored the pet name, the pet name that Doyoung had given him when they were young. Doyoung had already lost the right to use that pet name ever since he decided to make Donghyuck's life miserable by making him feel worthless and incapable. Donghyuck had wanted to call him out for that, but he was already drained.

First it was Mark. Mark and the past that Donghyuck had just found out.

Donghyuck's head was still hurting everytime he recalled the things he just found out about. Why did it have to end up like that? Why did the universe suddenly made him the villain when he had been so sure that he was the victim all along?

It was unfair!

Wasn't he hurt? Wasn't he in pain? So why was he feeling like he did something wrong? Wasn't it unfair that he was feeling like that?

Everything was wrong! This wasn't how things should be! This wasn't how Donghyuck thought they should be!

It's unfair! The situation was unfair! Everything in this world was so unfair to him!

And then this happened to Renjun. This had to happen to Renjun around this time!

Why now?

Why?

Why couldn't things be the way Donghyuck wanted them to be? Why couldn't he get what he wanted at least just for once!

How could he breathe? Renjun was gone, presumably sick and Donghyuck didn't know exactly where his best friend was.

"Hyuck, please. Calm down, " Doyoung told him once again, causing him to lose all his remaining patience.

"Shut up! It's your fault! "

Had Doyoung not convinced Jaehyun to invite him to that event, then Donghyuck should have been at home with Renjun. He would have been there with his bestfriend to see if anything bad would happen. He would have been there, and not on the road desperately trying to search for him.

Had it not been for Doyoung, then he would have been at home. He wouldn't have heard the things he heard at the event. He wouldn't be this confused. He wouldn't be this hurt.

Doyoung once again ruined everything for him like he always do!

Doyoung looked back at him in shock, before immediately turning his eyes back on the road. He looked confused, and surprised, but he didn't say anything after that. He just continued driving.

Donghyuck was getting impatient. They had already searched four hospitals in the area for nothing. Renjun hadn't been there. Why couldn't he be there? Why couldn't it be easy for Donghyuck to find him?

It's already dawn, and Donghyuck was still searching. Why couldn't things be easy for once?

What if Renjun wasn't in the hospital at all?

What if he was kidnap?

What would Donghyuck do if that was the case?

Was it Donghyuck's fault?

Had he not been a good friend?

Had he not payed Renjun enough attention to realize that something might probably be wrong with him?

Donghyuck wanted to cry. He wanted to scream.

Why was everything suddenly his fault?

It's unfair!

The car came to a stop once again. Donghyuck didn't wait for Doyoung as he stepped out of the car and went inside the hospital. He could only hope that this time, his was in the right hospital. Or else, or else he wouldn't know what else to do.

"Patient Huang Renjun? " he asked while shaking his leg impatiently.

"Just a minute, Sir, " the nurse answered as she entered the patient name into the system.

"Room 317, sir." Donghyuck sighed in relief. Finally. "How are you related to the patient? "

"He's my only source of support. "

He answered as he ran towards the elevator.

Donghyuck impatiently pressed the button several times but it was taking too long to arrive. He stomped his feet angrily. Can't life be fucking nice to him just for once?

Donghyuck had no more time to waste. He rushed towards the stairs, taking two steps at a time. He almost fell down in his hurry but he didn't mind. He needed to see Renjun — fast.

He finally reached the third floor and he began running across the hallway. He didn't care if the nurses were looking at him weirdly. They didn't understand. They could never understand why Donghyuck was rushing to get to his bestfriend. They would never understand why Donghyuck was already on the verge if going crazy that time.

He finally, spotted room 317 and by that time, Donghyuck was already out of breathe.

He controlled his breathing. He desperately tried to compose himself. Renjun was fine. Renjun was in the room. Donghyuck didn't have to worry about being alone, especially not during this time.

The door of room 317 opened just before Donghyuck could come any closer, and two very tall people came out.

It was Jungwoo who spotted him first, who in turned pointed him out to Xuxi.

Xuxi's eyes widened as he spotted him, and he looked even more worried as Donghyuck came closer to him.

"Oh, Donghyuck! What are you doing here? " Xuxi asked as he stared at the door worriedly.

"I received a call, " he answered, a little bit confused as to why Xuxi was acting surprised and uneasy. Why was he acting that Donghyuck wasn't supposed to be there? He's Renjun's bestfriend, for God's sake!

"How's Renjun? " he asked, trying to get past the two, only to be blocked by them. What were the two of them doing? He needed to see Renjun fast!

"He's…okay, " Xuxi replied awkwardly. "I mean, he's much better now than when he arrived. He's severely manourished and the lack of sleep had added to everything. "

"Lack of sleep? "

It was impossible. Donghyuck was sure Renjun was already asleep whenever he returned home. Or was he? Donghyuck realized he wasn't really sure. He always came home late at night and although he was sure that Renjun was already tucked in bed, he wasn't really sure if he was asleep or not. He was usually too tired to check and he was dead as a log to ever sense if Renjun would come out of the bedroom or not.

Xuxi nodded. "He's been suffering from insomnia for a while now. "

Insomnia?

_Don't wake him up with your personal issues. He's already having trouble with his insomnia._

Jeno had told him about it before.

Jeno knew but Donghyuck didn't, when it was him who was living together with Renjun.

Jeno told him, but Donghyuck didn't believe him because Donghyuck assumed that he was only making it up.

Had he believed him… had he believed him then he could have done more. He could have convinced him to go see a doctor. Or anything! Anything that could have helped Renjun before it became so severe. Maybe he should have done something to help like how much Renjun had helped him before.

"Is it my fault? " he asked to no one in particular, or maybe to himself.

Jungwoo and Xuxi looked at each other before looking back at him.

"No, it's not, " Jungwoo replied sweetly, his soft voice giving small comforts to him. But it wasn't enough. He needed to see Renjun. "Why would his insomnia even be your fault? "

Right. Why would it be his fault? It was Jeno and Jaemin's! Right! They're probably the one's at fault! Maybe Renjun stayed up thinking about them all night. Had they not hurt him, had they treated Renjun better, then he would have probably slept better at night!

"How about this, " Jungwoo said again after communicating with Xuxi in signals that Donghyuck's tired mind was having trouble to comprehend. "Why don't you come down with us to grab some snacks and calm down before meeting Renjun,hmm? Lucas, I mean, Lucas and I have a really important thing to ask you. Is that okay with you? "

Donghyuck shook his head and Xuxi began to panic again.

"Hyung, you can ask me anything you want later, but I really need to see Renjun. Can I go see him now, please? "

"About that, Donghyuck, you see…" Xuxi tried to think of a reason, but to no avail.

"He's still asleep, " Jungwoo supplied.

"Right," Xuxi agreed. "He's asleep. Maybe we should let him be for now? "

"I will not wake him up, I promise, " he said as he moved pass the two of them. Quite frankly, he was getting annoyed with them. Why did it seem that they were desperately trying to prevent him from seeing Renjun?

He could not wait anymore. He would go crazy if he wouldn't see Renjun as soon as possible.

"Donghyuck wait! "

But they were too late. Donghyuck had already opened the door, and closed it behind him.  
●●●

Renjun wasn't asleep, that was for sure, but he might as well be close to sleeping with how confortable and peaceful he looked. Jeno was lying beside him. How he managed to fit himself there would forever be a mystery, but Renjun look contented.

Jaemin was there, too. He was sitting on the chair as he comb his fingers on Renjun's hair.

How?

Why?

Didn't the three of them broke up?

Didn't the two of them broke Renjun's heart?

So why were they here?

Why were they allowed here?

Why was Renjun enjoying their touches when he should've been screaming at them to leave?

Wasn't that how things should have been?

So why?

Why was this happening?

Why was Donghyuck's heart hurting to see this sight?

Why did he want to ruin everything?

The sound of the door shutting close immediately caught the attention of the three.

"Oh, you're fast, hyung. I guess there's no line in the cafeteria? " Nana asked before looking, his eyes grew wide when realized that the person in front of him wasn't Xuxi or Jungwoo like he expected.

"What are you doing here? " Jeno asked him angrily, immediately moving off the bed, much to Renjun's surprise. It was him who was the last to notice Donghyuck's presence. He blankly stared at Donghyuck before his expression hardened. Renjun never looked at him like that before, and quite frankly, he was scared.

"What are they doing here? " he asked Renjun.

Donghyuck never imagined to see this. This was not how things should be. Jeno and Nana had no place here. Not here, or anywhere were Renjun would be.

Weren't they the reason why Renjun was hurting? Why he was suffering?

Donghyuck was confused. He was annoyed. But it wasn't only because Donghyuck believed that Renjun was being stupid for having his soulmates here.

He also couldn't shake the feeling that Renjun being with his soulmate felt like a betrayal to him. Sure, they might not have the official agreement to both stay away from their respective soulmates, but that was what Donghyuck was expecting.

He thought Renjun agreed. He thought that Renjun finally agreed that the two of them would make it without their soulmates. Or was he wrong about that, too?

"What are we doing here? " Jeno sarcastically laughed before scoffing. "Well we're here because the person who said he was doing a good job caring for our soulmate was busy partying, while his so called bestfriend was very sick. Let me guess. You're with Mark Lee, right? "

"Jeno, stop! " Nana took a hold of his boyfriend's hand before he could close their distance any further. "Not now, please. "

"You have no business talking about my relationship with my soulmate, Jeno Lee. "

Jeno didn't have the right, especially since he had no idea what Donghyuck had gone through earlier that night.

"And you don't have the right to mingle with our business, either, but that didn't stop you from trying to ruin us, did it? "

"Jeno, I said stop! " Nana warned again.

"What are you talking about? It's the two of you who ruined your relationship with Renjun. Don't try to pin it on me. Don't blame me for being incapable soulmates. Renjun, you tell them! " He looked at his friend for support, but Renjun just look at him in return without saying anything. Donghyuck had never felt betrayed before. Why wasn't Renjun taking his sides like he was supposed to? Hadn't Donghyuck been a good friend to him? So why wasn't Renjun doing what a good friend should do?

"What am I talking about? " Jeno laughed sarcastically again."Why don't you ask yourself mister 'I lost my soulmate so my bestfriend needs to lose his, too, so I wouldn't be the only pathetic person in the planet'? "

Donghyuck couldn't believe what he was hearing. What was Jeno trying to say? That it was his fault that Renjun ended up in the hospital?

Donghyuck was more than ready to fire back, to put Jeno on his rightful place, had Renjun not open his mouth first.

"Jeno, stop. Please leave. "

Donghyuck couldn't help but smile as Jeno turned back to Renjun with a confused expression.

Nana nodded immediately before pulling Jeno by the hand.

"Why? " Jeno asked.

"Because he's picking me, " Donghyuck told him. "Renjun's picking me over you. "

●●●

Donghyuck massaged his shoulder which Jeno intentionally bumped with his own as he left the room with Nana. Donghyuck was annoyed, but he had much more important thing to deal with.

Donghyuck began walking closely to occupy the chair that Nana had abandoned.

"You had no idea how worried I am when Joohyun-noona called me. "

Renjun cut him off with his hand before he could talk more and walk any further. There was that frightening stare again and Donghyuck had no idea what's going to happen.

"Jeno and Jaemin, " Renjun began. "They were trying to contact me but they couldn't. They were sending me messages but I didn't receive them. When we check, we realized that they're blocked from my phone. I'm definitely sure I didn't do it. Was it you? "

Donghyuck gulped. So Renjun finally found out. He could simply deny it, but he also didn't have a reason to do so.

"Yes. "

Renjun breathed angrily. "You seemed proud of it. Why? "

"I did it for you. "

Renjun shook his head in disbelief.

"But it's true! I did it for you. They were always hurting your feelings so I decided to protect you from them. Besides, you can't blame everything on me. If you tried to contact them earlier as well then you would've found out sooner. You didn't, so you can't blame me for everything. "

Renjun shook his head in disappointment. "You always have an answer for everything, don't you? You thought all of this through. You carefully planned it, so that you could come out of it without blaming yourself. Why have I never seen this side of you before? "

Donghyuck gulped nervously as Renjun continued to stare at him like that.

Like he was angry.

Renjun was never angry at him.

He wasn't supposed to be angry at him.

"You might be correct. I should have tried to contact them as well, instead of just waiting. But that's independent to the fact that you don't have the right to decide on my behalf, nor to touch what's mine without my permission. "

"But I am your friend!" Donghyuck argued.

"And as a friend, I expected you to respect me, and deciding on my behalf, especially with regards to my relationships, was not a sign of respect at all. "

Donghyuck fell silent. He didn't know what else to say. It seemed that Renjun wouldn't accept any reason at all. He was angry and he was being unreasonable. He wasn't willing to listen to Donghyuck's explanation.

And it was unfair!

Donghyuck had spent all night searching and worrying for him.

Donghyuck had spent his times trying to protect him.

So why was Renjun treating him like this?

"They said that they've been trying to find a way to reach me, but you're always telling them to go away because I don't need them. I asked you, remember? I asked you if they ever tried to look for me. You said they didn't. You lied to me. Why? "

"Because you don't need them! " He argued back in frustration.

"Says who? "

"I just know!"

Renjun slapped a hand on his forehead.

"Come on, Renjun, you can't be mad at me for that? I was just trying to be a good friend. I was just trying to protect you from being hurt! "

"By deciding what's right for me? " Renjun laughed bitterly. "What makes you think you're right, Donghyuck? What makes you think that's exactly what I need? "

Because he was right?

Or wasn't he? He was so sure that he was only doing it for Renjun. He didn't want him to get hurt. He didn't want Renjun to experience the same as he did. Jeno and Nana were just like Mark. They wouldn't love him as well.

But didn't Mark have reasons? Didn't he have a valid reason to leave? Wasn't Donghyuck wrong about his judgement on him? He was, right?

He wasn't. Mark still had hurt him. That's the point! That should be the only point. He should stop thinking about the other possibilities! He should just ignore what he had heard to stop his head from hurting.

But still, what if? What if he had been wrong about Mark all along? What if he was wrong about Jeno and Nana as well?

"Renjun please," he desperately begged. "Can we stop this? I had a bad night. Can't we just forget everything and move on? "

Renjun shook his head again in disbelief. "I had a bad day. I had a bad week. I had a bad month because all along I was thinking that my soulmates have really given up on me easily. That they don't love me enough to try to reach me again. I lie awake in China waiting for one of them to call. I lie awake every night waiting for a message…just a single one. But I got nothing. I waited for them to try and meet up with me, but I waited for nothing. Nothing at all. I felt…so unloved. All the while, I didn't know that I shouldn't even be feeling that way. They were actually trying. They actually love me. "

"They don't, " he disagreed. "They only love each other. "

They didn't love Renjun, right?

Quite frankly, he wasn't that sure anymore. He wasn't sure what to believe anymore. Why was everything suddenly confusing? Why was everything turning out different from how he thought they would be?

"They do, " Renjun replied, there was certainty in his voice, certainty that hadn't been there before. "And you're not in the position to judge that."

"But—"

" They're not Mark, Donghyuck," Renjun interrupted him. Renjun never did that before. He always listened to Donghyuck. He always believed him. "They love me. Just because Mark doesn't love you ,means the two of them couldn't love me as well. They're not Mark, and I am not you. Stop projecting your own story on me. "

Renjun might as well just slap him in the face.

How could he say those words?

How could he try to use that as an argument?

He was there. He knew what that did to Donghyuck, so why? Why was Renjun using that to hurt him?

But what if that was the truth?

Was he really projecting his story on Renjun?

Why would he do that?

Because he didn't want to suffer alone.

No.

No. No. No.

That's not…

Did he really do that?

Did he really try to ruin his bestfriends relationship on purpose?

Was he that… cruel?

"I was so hurt, " Renjun said again, angrily wiping the tears away from his face. "I was in so much pain I thought that dying would probably be easier. "

Donghyuck gasped, his knees buckled at those words, only for Renjun to laugh bitterly.

"It's funny right? I wanted to die. I wanted to die because of two people. Shallow, isn't it? But you would understand, right? You've been there, too. You see, that's exactly how I felt. Had I not found out the truth earlier. I could have…"

He could've ended up being like Donghyuck back then.

Donghyuck's blood run cold at the thought and he couldn't help himself from crying. He didn't like it. He didn't like this feeling at all. His heart was hurting and his head was beginning to spin.

Renjun could have…

And it would have been his fault.

Why should it be his fault?

It's not fair!

"You're relationship is already crumbling before I did anything anyway, so don't blame me for everything! " He tried to reason one last time. But even then, it felt like he wasn't reasoning at Renjun at all. It felt like he was reasoning at himself instead. Worst of all, he was starting to doubt his own reasons.

"I'm not blaming you for everything about our relationship, Donghyuck. I know where my fault lies. I certainly know that Jeno and Jaemin know where theirs lie as well. We are responsible for our relationship, Donghyuck. We know that. Which is why you shouldn't have decided onnour behalf. We don't blame you for everything, but you still hurt us. You hurt me. Of all people, you decided to hurt me. Intentional or not, you still did. "

No.

No! No! No!

He didn't want to hear it!

He didn't…

"Well sorry for trying to be a good friend! "

That's all he wanted to do!

He didn't want to hurt anybody!

He didn't want to hurt Renjun!

He made a mistake, but he didn't want to hurt anybody!

Why is everything difficult?

Why is everyone being so difficult?

"You could've been better by seeing me as myself and not as a reflection of yourself. I am not you. And I… I'm sorry, but don't want to be like you. "

Donghyuck choked on nothing. His chest began heaving as he stared at his bestfriend.

"Like me? " he scoffed. "Why? What's wrong with me? "

"Please leave, Donghyuck, " Renjun pointed him at the door. Donghyuck shook his head.

"No! "Donghyuck stubbornly disagreed. "You have a problem with me, tell me! Why? What's wrong with me? Come on, tell me! "

"Fine! " Renjun said throwing his hands in the air. "You want to hear it? I don't want to be like you! I don't want to be a selfish person like you! "

Donghyuck gaped. "W-what did you say? "

"You are selfish, Donghyuck. You only think about yourself. You only listen to yourself. You don't care how your actions could affect other people, but you throw a fit if people don't do things how you wanted it to be done.

"You're selfish and entitled, and you believe you're always right, and if people don't agree with you, it's because they're wrong. You think you know everything and for some reason, that makes you believe that you have the right to be in control of someone else's life.

"You're insecure. You're so insecure that you cannot be happy for other people. You're sad and alone, and you want everyone else to be like that. You want me to be like that!

"But I don't want to be like you. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone, so I want you to leave me alone!"

Donghyuck was in shock.

This had to be a dream — a nightmare. Renjun would never say those words to him… ever. Renjun loved him. Renjun cared so much about him. He was the only one that Donghyuck have remaining. He couldn't lose him. He shouldn't lose him.

"You can't do this to me, Renjun. " he said half begging and half crying. "You know how much I need to be with you. "

"I'm tired, " Renjun sadly replied, his voice barely audible. "I'm sick, I'm tired and I need to rest. I need to rest from you. "

"But I—"

"But you're not the only one hurting, Donghyuck. I am too. Jeno and Jaemin are as well. Maybe even Mark, too. All of us get hurt, too, not just you, so don't expect us to always put you first, to always put you into consideration. I'm tired. I'm hurt. I did my part being our friend. I believe it's time for me to focus on myself. "

"Are we…are we…are we not friends anymore? "

Renjun averted his gaze. Donghyuck could see him shaking. He too was struggling.

So Donghyuck had hoped.

He had hoped that Renjun would say that, okay, I understand, let's forget about it.

Or that he forgived him already, and he should just not do it again.

But all hopes crashed down the moment Renjun stared back at him and opened his mouth.

"I'm sorry, I can't… please leave. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ran out of drafts for this so updates might take longer...
> 
> Also, I remember that I promised a Mark pov chapter, but I don't feel like it's going to come next chapter… or the next one. Sorry. I just don't feel like it's going to fit to just put it there already.
> 
> Thank you for the comments and kudos which makes me happy during this times. Thank you and stay safe!!!


	15. Chapter 15

Donghyuck watched as Mark turned away from him, determined to get away and not take part on the conversation that the drunk him wanted have. The drunk him didn't let Mark. He wouldn't let him go that easily. He had something to say and Mark should listen to that. The drunk him wouldn't give Mark another option other than to listen to him. 

"I wish, I didn't love you. "

Donghyuck watch as Mark stopped on his track and remain rooted to where he was. Donghyuck wasn't sure if he wanted to see him turn to his drunk self. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see hear the thing that happened that day again. But it wasn't like Donghyuck had a choice regarding that matter. 

The video stopped right after Donghyuck said those word, the words asking him if he wanted to play it again flashed on the screen. 

Did he want to play it again? 

Donghyuck had played it over and over again, ever since a former co-worker had sent him a message expressing sympathy over what had happened to him with a Facebook link attached to it. Donbefore got curious and he immediately reactivated his account to find out what it was, only to be surprised to see himself and what he had done during that evening. The video already had a million views and hundreds of thousand shares on Facebook. He was quite sure that the video was also already shared on other platforms, but Donghyuck didn't anymore bother to check. 

Donghyuck decided against playing the video once again and went straight to the comments — comments that he had also read for so many times already. 

"That Mark guy is a total asshole for leaving that Donghyuck guy like that!"

"Seriously, the biggest crime in this world should be leaving your soulmate like that. What the fuck? The Donghyuck guy loved him so much. "

"My heart breaks for Donghyuck and my anger will follow Mark. I hope he dies. Like seriously. "

"What the fuck, is Mark really cheating on his soulmate with that girl? That's cheating! I hope he fucking dies! "

"Whoever knew where this Mark person lives, please tell me. My gun is ready. "

Donghyuck stopped reading for a moment, unable to suppress the uneasiness that he was feeling. He hated it. Why was he feeling that way? 

Wasn't this what he wanted from the very beginning? 

For people to hate Mark and sympathized with him?

Well, Donghyuck finally got what he wanted, right? So why couldn't he be happy about it? 

The video began right at the moment where Donghyuck was accusing him of being with that girl, and it ended right where Donghyuck wanted it to end, right where it was safe and comfortable for him to end. 

It didn't include the part where Mark walked away. It didn't include the part where Ten entered the scene and began telling Donghyuck about a past he never knew about. 

It didn't include the part that could lead the people who had seen the video doubt about their opinions — the part that had lead Donghyuck to began doubting his own as well. 

Wasn't this what he wanted? 

To ignore the part that destroyed everything he believed in the past? 

Whoever uploaded the said video was had done it for him, already, so why was he still not happy about it? 

He got what he wanted. 

He got the sympathy that he always craved for. 

He got the attention and understanding that he desperately tried to get from the people around him. 

He hurt Mark. Hadn't he wanted to hurt him that badly? 

He hurt him the same way that Mark had hurt him in the past. 

Wasn't this fair? 

Wasn't this what he wanted? 

If so, then why couldn't he be happy? 

Why did it feel so wrong?

Why did it feel so unfair? 

Donghyuck shook his head as he scrolled down on the comment section once again.

"Damn when we all thought that they're launching a new company, only to find out that they're going to launch a new drama instead. "

"Episode two, please. "

"This drama is better than Twilight. "

"I swear, Monsta Entertainment should just begin producing dramas instead of music. "

"I agree. They have flop artists anyway. Let this drama continue! "

"This should be the drama of the year. "

"Donghyuck for breakthrough actor of the year! "

Donghyuck frowned. He had read this a couple and more times before, and yet, he still couldn't understand why people would treat them like a source of entertainment.

Why would they do that? 

Why would they treat them like that? 

It wasn't like he was acting. He wasn't like he was saying those words for whoever was watching. Or was he? 

Mark had told him to stop. Mark had told him to pick a right place for that conversation but he hadn't listen. He hadn't listened because there were people watching. There were people sympathizing with him and he desperately needed those sympathies. 

He continued. He continued for all of them to listen and for someone in the crowd to record a video of them, all because he wanted sympathy. All because he wanted attention. 

Was it his fault? 

Did he brought it upon himself? 

Did he brought those angers and threats on Mark from the people who didn't even know them? 

Was it all his fault? 

Donghyuck groaned in frustration. Why did everything always had to boil down to one thing? That it was his fault, and he should blame himself for everything. 

It hurts. 

It fucking hurts. 

It fucking hurts and he didn't know who to blame. 

He wanted to blame Mark like he always did. He wanted to blame him, but after listening to Ten, blaming Mark didn't seem as right as it used to before. 

He wanted to blame Ten. He wanted to blame him for ruining everything. He wanted to blame Ten for telling him about things he could survive not knowing. 

Wouldn't it be better if Donghyuck remained clueless about everything? If it wasn't for what he had known, then he could continue living the way he used to. He could continue to blame and hate Mark for everything and no one should blame him for it because he fucking didn't know. That would have been easier. That would have been fair, right? 

Right. 

Wrong. 

Right. 

Wrong. 

Donghyuck didn't know what to think. He didn't anymore know what to do. Why couldn't he think about any other person to blame aside from himself? Why was this happening? 

Donghyuck turned on his bed to face his roommate whom he presumed to be lying on the other bed. 

"Renjun, I don't know what to do anymore. I—"

But Renjun wasn't there. 

Right. 

He wasn't there. 

He hadn't been there for a week now, maybe even more. Donghyuck hadn't kept track of time after that day in the hospital. He just locked himself inside his room, never wanting to venture out. What was the use? He was alone, anyway, and he felt like he would be alone forever. 

Renjun wasn't there. He hadn't been there for long and he wouldn't be there anytime soon. He might never be there in the future at all. 

Xuxi and Nana came to the apartment one day, certainly not to visit him at all, nor to ask how he had been. Why would they anyway? He had hurt Renjun, so why would his brother and soulmate care about Donghyuck? Sure, they were once Donghyuck's people as well, but they were more Renjun's than his. 

They came to collect Renjun's things — everything. Everything that could pacify Donghyuck as reassurance that Renjun would once again return to him. 

Everything that Renjun owned was gone. He's gone. He's gone from Donghyuck's life forever, and Donghyuck would forever be alone.

It was unfair. 

It was unfair that the only person who cared about him was finally gone as well. 

But, who else was left to blame? 

Donghyuck could blame Renjun. 

Donghyuck could blame him for throwing away their friendship all because of a failed romantic relationship. It was failed, right? It was already ruined before Donghyuck tried to ruin it again. It wasn't his fault that Jeno and Nana couldn't love Renjun as much as they love each other. It wasn't his fault, right? 

Right. 

Wrong. 

Right. 

Wrong. 

Why was everything so confusing? 

Renjun was at fault! He should have understood where Donghyuck was coming from. He should have looked past Donghyuck's lies and realize that Donghyuck was just trying to protect him. 

Renjun was the one at fault. He was certain! Donghyuck was certain, right? 

He was. 

He wasn't. 

He was. 

He wasn't. 

Why couldn't he blame everything on the other people like he used to? 

Why wasn't it easy to defend and excuse himself for everything, like he used to before? 

Why couldn't he blame Renjun? Or Mark? Or Ten? Or everyone else who wasn't him? 

Why was it so difficult to pin everything on them and to move on thinking that he wasn't guilty at at all? 

Why was Donghyuck feeling like this? 

Why was he feeling like he was the one to blame… for everything?

For Mark's pain. For Renjun's sufferings. 

Why? 

Why did it have to be him? 

Why did it have to be him who was in the wrong? 

●●●

Donghyuck grunted as he buried himself deep in the mattress, annoyed at the sound of knocking. He might have fallen asleep in the midst of trying to find a solution out of all of this. 

Whoever the person was who decided to bother him that day surely didn't get the memo that he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone—ever. 

Whoever the person was either had and incredible patience or was just too dumb to realize that that Donghyuck wouldn't open it at all. 

Why couldn't these people leave him alone? Why would they bother him? Why couldn't they all be like Mark, Renjun and his parents, and just let him be? Everybody left him already so why couldn't this person do as what the others did?

Much to Donghyuck's displeasure, the knocking didn't stop. It continued to go on, louder than before leaving him no choice but to get up and face whoever it was. 

Donghyuck tripped on the pile of clothings which were on the floor, causing him to tumble down. He cursed. Why weren't they on the laundry rack where they should be? Why were they misplaced in the floor? 

Misplaced. He wanted to laugh. If that was the right description, then the entire room — or maybe the entire apartment — was so misplaced. 

Donghyuck scanned the room. Everything was not how Donghyuck remembered it to be. It was not how he remembered they should be. 

Everything was a mess, from the dirty laundry scattered around, to the used tissues that didn't make it to the trash bin. His bed was a mess. The sheets and pillow cases hadn't been change in probably a week or more. They probably smelled too much like him — like sweat and tears. If anger and pain had scents, then they probably smelled like that, too. 

Even Renjun's own bed was a mess, because Donghyuck had tried sleeping there, like those many times he did. But the bed wasn't the same anymore. It wasn't the same without it's owner. It wasn't the same because he was alone. 

Right. 

Alone. 

He was alone. 

What was the use of organizing everything inside, when Renjun wouldn't be there to compliment him for being collected and organized? What was the use of making everything look clean when he would be alone inside that apartment anyway? 

What was the use of organizing his life when it will fuck itself up again anyway? 

Because life was unfair. 

Donghyuck had tried. He had tried to live a proper life. He had tried to gain back everything that he had lost. His studies. His happiness. His parents. Sure, he hadn't done much for the last one, but Donghyuck was quite sure that by finishing his studies, he would be able to gain back hi parents let ve again. 

But then his own life began fucking itself up again. 

First, Mark returned, and Donghyuck was reminded of everything — everything that had happened to Donghyuck that he was sure was Mark's fault. 

He had been sure about that. He had been so sure, but then life decided to fuck him up again by ruining everything he believed in. 

Why did Donghyuck had to find out? Why did he have to know that Mark's parents were one of those cases of soulmates that didn't work out? Why did he have to know that was the reason why Mark didn't want to be with his own soulmate? Donghyuck could live thinking that Mark was just trying to be edgy by avoiding what and who was destined for him. Donghyuck could live not knowing about what Mark had gone through, and he could continue to hate him without feeling guilty at all. 

Why? 

Why did Donghyuck had to find out that Mark's mother died because of cancer? Why couldn't he just remain clueless about that? If he hadn't known, then he could still hate Mark. He could still hate him for having a better life than him after they ended their relationship, and Donghyuck could live continuously blaming him for that one night when Donghyuck grabbed that knife. He could live not knowing about Mark's grief. He could leave continuing to paint Mark as the heartless devil he never actually was. 

But it would be fine. At least, Donghyuck wouldn't hurt. He would hurt, but not as much as what he was currently feeling. 

Because it hurt less to hate on other people than to realize that you've been hating them for the wrong reason. 

He hated Mark for the wrong reasons. 

He hated Mark for leaving him after finding out who he really was, not knowing that his real identity could have scared Mark. Because Mark said he loved him. He had loved him when he was Haechan, but he had been afraid that as Donghyuck, as his soulmate, they could end up the same way as his parents did. That they could destroy each other the same way that his parents did to each other and to him.

Donghyuck hadn't known that before, so it shouldn't be his fault. It shouldn't be, right? 

Except he had never tried to know. He hadn't tried to find out the reason why. All those times that Mark had tried to tell him why, he had dismissed him. He had told him that he didn't care. He handn't cared because all he had wanted back then was for Mark to immediately forgive him for lying and take him back immediately. Because Donghyuck hadn't wanted to be alone. He had wanted someone to be there to understand him. He had wanted that person to be Mark, regardless if Donghyuck himself had not been trying to do the same. 

He hadn't. What he had done was to prove Mark correct. That they were bound to ruin each other the same way that his parent's did.

It was unfair. It was unfair for Mark to end up correct about his assumptions on Donghyuck, and for Donghyuck to be wrong about all of his assumptions on Mark. 

It was unfair! Why couldn't Mark be just the asshole Donghyuck believed him to be? Why couldn't he be the devil in the story? Why did Donghyuck have to be the one feeling the need to repent for his actions? 

He was hurt! He was hurt, too! Didn't he deserve to have someone to hate and someone to blame for his pain?

So why was life unfair? 

Why was life making him even more miserable by showing him that he had no one else to blame but himself? 

Donghyuck rested his head on his knees as his loud sniffles filled the room. 

And then he laughed bitterly. What's the use of crying? What's the use of crying if there would be no one out there who would tell him that it wasn't his fault? What's the use of crying, if in the end he would still be the villain of his own story? 

The knock grew louder than before, reminding Donghyuck of the reason why he got up in the first place. 

Wiping the tears away with the back of his hand, Donghyuck made his way out of the room to open the door to whoever was knocking. 

He shouldn't have — he realized as soon a he opened the door, only to slam it shut at his unwelcomed visitor.

●●●

"Donghyuck, you're already hurting me. "

Donghyuck flinched at that, immediately letting go of the door handle and allowing Doyoung to enter without anymore objection. Doyoung massaged the arm that had been caught between the door, before giving Donghyuck a pained look. 

Donghyuck scoffed as he made his way to the sofa. Great! Who made an announcement and suddenly made everyone accuse Donghyuck of hurting them? 

Donghyuck tried to say something snarky, only to fail miserably. He was so drained. He was so exhausted to even try to pick a fight. 

Which was the reason why Doyoung shouldn't be anywhere near him. Seriously, Doyoung had been there. He knew that Donghyuck was already suffering enough. So why would he want to bother him? Wasn't Donghyuck broken enough? 

Or maybe this was really what Doyoung wanted. Right. That made sense. 

Of course, having Donghyuck, his rival, broken down on the floor would be beneficial for him. It would be a good ego boost. Once again, he has proven that Donghyuck was a loser. Once again, he had proven himself the better cousin. What's new? 

Maybe it was Doyoung whom Donghyuck should blame for everything. Right! That should be right! 

Who's going to stop Donghyuck from thinking that Doyoung planned everything all along? No one. Not even Donghyuck himself. In fact, he had every reason to think that way. 

Because Doyoung was a self-centered bastard, and nothing could change Donghyuck's mind about that. 

Right. It was Doyoung's fault. He had made sure that Donghyuck would be in that event just to make sure that Ten could finally have the opportunity embarrass him by telling him the truth. Because he wanted Donghyuck to find out the truth. Because he wanted to hurt Donghyuck. Because he wanted to make Donghyuck feel bad about himself. 

He hadn't realized that he had already been staring — glaring — at his cousin until the latter met his gaze. 

Doyoung sighed — the most condescending reaction that he could give Donghyuck. 

"I can hear you thinking, Donghyuck, and I assure you, I didn't come for any of those reasons. You're wrong. "

Donghyuck was wrong. Doyoung was telling him that he was wrong. Doyoung decided to tell him that when Donghyuck was already dying just thinking about how he had been wrong for so long. 

How insensitive?

Or was he really? 

Maybe he wasn't being insensitive. He knew, and he decided to use it against Donghyuck. 

Doyoung sighed in disappointment after scanning the entire living room. It was a mess, although a little less compared to the bedroom where Donghyuck mostly spent his entire time. 

He was judging, that was for sure. He was judging Donghyuck for being a mess after his entire world was messed up by revelations he could even live without knowing. 

Doyoung walked inside. He headed towards the makeshift kitchen, with so much entitlement, like he was inside his own house. Donghyuck rolled his eyes. 

Doyoung placed the paperbag he had been carrying on the table before turning back to Donghyuck. 

"I brought food. "

"I don't want it. I can feed myself."

Doyoung sighed once again. 

"Okay. Let's just put this away until you decide that you want it. "

Doyoung walked towards Donghyuck's mini fridge, which was technically not Donghyuck's. It was a gift given to them by Renjun's parents when they first decided to move in together fr college. Donghyuck wasn't sure if Xuxi had forgotten about that or if he intentionally left it there or if someone was planning to pick it up one of this days. If it was the latter, then Donghyuck would just add it to the list of whathe didn't have. He was loveless, friendless and parent-less. What could being fridgeless do to him. Besides, with his situation, it wasn't like there was a use for it anyway. 

The fridge was empty, save for a single pitcher of water, and Doyoung immediately turned to him in mock concern. He was judging, Donghyuck was sure about that, because he could never be wrong about Doyoung. 

He was judging Donghyuck for sucking so much and not being able to do something as simple as filling up his fridge. 

Well he was broken and he was broke, and quite frankly, after that video spread, he was quite sure that Donghyuck had lost his part time job as well as his future full-time job. How much could life fuck the hell out of him? 

Doyoung wordlessly put the contents of the paperbag inside the fridge after he recovered from the shock of Donghyuck's empty fridge. He couldn't relate, that was for sure. His rich and over-achieving ass wouldn't know what it's like to hit rock bottom. 

"You haven't been going to class, " Doyoung told him as he continued to do what he was doing. "I asked around. "

Donghyuck gritted his teeth. Of course he would do that. He would be happy seeing Donghyuck failing the second chance he had given to himself. He would be happy knowing that Donghyuck was destroying the path that could possibly allow him to be where Doyoung was. 

"Leave me alone! "

Doyoung sighed again, and god, Donghyuck hated the sound. 

"You only have a semester and a half to finish, Donghyuck. Don't ruin everything. "

Don't ruin everything. Don't fucking ruin everything. Well what else was there left to ruin anyway? Everything was ruined since Donghyuck had attended that event! If he hadn't, then he wouldn't have found out about Mark's past. If he hadn't, then Donghyuck wouldn't have left the event. He would have been there with Renjun, and Renjun wouldn't have found out about what he had done. His life wouldn't have been ruined, but it already was, and it's all Doyoung's fault. 

"Stop this, " he said. Doyoung look up from what he was doing in confusion. "Stop acting like you care because we both know you don't."

Doyoung sighed again, much to Donghyuck's annoyance. Why was he always doing that? Why couldn't he stop doing that? 

"Jaehyun asked me when are you going to reply to his e-mails. "

There he was, changing the topic back to Donghyuck's faults and wrong-doings when Donghyuck would prefer to talk about him, him and his fake actions that was only aimed to make him feel good good about himself. 

But Doyoung decided to dismiss that conversation because he didn't want to talk about his own flaws. Instead, he picked a topic where he could lecture Donghyuck about what he was doing wrong. Because he was self-righteous like that. He was so self-righteous that he could only see the wrongs of other people but not himself. 

"Well I find no reason to reply, anyway. "

What's the use? Jaehyun was just going to fire him after that incident. Worse, he would berate him for acting so careless and ruining something that a lot of people had worked hard for. 

Donghyuck had stumbled upon some articles and forums discussing about his video that had circulated in the internet. The event ended up being about him and Mark instead of the company and the artists. He made it all about himself. He made it about himself because he fucking decided that that moment was the right moment for him to put Mark on his place, only he ended up being the one who needed to know his place. He fucked up. He fucked everything up. 

So why should he get in touch with Jaehyun? To have another person to tell him what he already knew? No. Donghyuck didn't want that. He didn't need that. He couldn't afford that. 

Doyoung shut his eyes close. Donghyuck could tell that he was annoyed. He breathed slowly before opening his mouth once again. 

"Donghyuck, he's your boss. Of course you need to answer his e-mails. You need to report to him when he asked you to. For God's sake, Donghyuck, you're not reporting to work and you didn't even call to inform them. "

"Well fuck it, I'm going to get fired anyway! " he snapped angrily. 

Doyoung groaned in frustration and Donghyuck couldn't get what right his cousin had to be frustrated. 

Ah, he knew. He fucking knew it already. Of course. What other reason would his cousin have aside from what he had in mind. 

"You only want me to get in touch with him so that you could have a party over having another person calling me a massive failure. I knew it. I fucking knew it! "

Doyoung smacked his hand on his forehead at the same time that he ahutthe fridge close. "For God's sake, Hyuck, I just want you to be responsible enough! "

Doyoung walked forward until he was standing in front of Donghyuck and looking down on him. What's new about that? Doyoung was always looking down on him anyway.

"No matter what, you need to learn how to be professional about everything. You can't just leave your work just like that. That's so irresponsible! How are you going to survive if you're always like that? "

"Like what? Like myself and not like you? Well sorry mister perfect for not being on the same level as you. "

Doyoung groaned in frustration once again before looking up at the ceiling. Donghyuck was sick of this. He was sick of the reactions Doyoung was giving him. He was sick of Doyoung's everything. 

"It's not about me, Hyuck. It's about you. "

Donghyuck scoffed. Of course it was. It was always about him. It was always about whatever Donghyuck was lacking as person. It was always fucking about him, because people always wanted to point their fingers at him every-fucking-time. 

"Get it together, Hyuck. Don't throw all your chances away. I cannot help you all the time, so please. Try to help yourself. "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. "Well, I never asked you to help me in the first place, so don't call me out for failing you. "

Doyoing shook his head. "You're not failing me. You're failing yourself. "

Donghyuck balled up his fist angrily as he glared up at his cousin. "Stop trying to tell me what to do. Stop trying to tell him how to act. You're not my mother and I am not a child! "

"Well stop acting like a child! " For the first time, Doyoung finally snapped back at him, making him surprised. 

Donghyuck gaped at him. "What did you say? "

"You heard me. Stop acting like a child. Grow up. Stop running away from your mistakes. Face them and stop being a coward. "


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early but short update, because why not?

"When was the last time you faced your problems instead of running away from them? When was the last time you acknowledged your mistakes instead of finding another person to blame? When was the last time you tried to correct your wrongs instead of rationalizing them? When was the last time you weren't a coward, Hyuck? Tell me. When? "

Donghyuck balled up his fist. Doyoung and him never had a physical fight before, but there was nothing more that Donghyuck wanted to do that moment other that to punch his cousin and to wipe the knowing look he had on his face.

He didn't know anything.

He didn't know anything about Donghyuck and what he had been through so how dare he? How dare he accuse Donghyuck of being a coward, when Donghyuck was trying to be brave enough and continue to live despite all of the unfairness he's experiencing?

Who was he? He was Doyoung. He was just Doyoung. He was just Doyoung who was lucky enough to never experience the hardship of trying to prove himself. He was just Doyoung who never experienced being rejected by people who should be accepting him wholeheartedly. He was just Doyoung who had a perfect life, a perfect life that Donghyuck would never have because the world was unfair like that.

So, who was he?

Who was he to talk about cowardice when he hadn't been tested in life as much as Donghyuck was?

And yet, why was his every word affecting him? He didn't know anything so why did he sound like he did?

Was Donghyuck really a coward?

No!

He wasn't!

Doyoung was just messing with his head!

"You have no right to talk about me like that. You don't know what I've been through. You would never understand that, of course. You got it all. You got everything that you want so you would never understand that. "

Doyoung just stood there, looking at him intently as Donghyuck glared up at him. He was in deep thoughts, Donghyuck was sure. He was thinking about what to say next, about what to say in order to get the upper-hand. Because Doyoung was like that. Everything to him was a competition. Everything he did, he did it to appear to be the better person. He was like that, and Donghyuck couldn't be wrong about that. He shouldn't be wrong about that.

"Is that why you hate me so much? Because you envy the things that I have? "

Donghyuck scoffed before standing up, but even by doing so, he was still looking up to his cousin and he hated it so much. Why did Doyoung always have to be the one with leverage? It was so unfair. "What's worth envying when it comes to you? You're just a puppet of your own parents. You couldn't even make your own decisions. Worst of all, you don't have a soulmate, so you're bound to be a alone forever. "

"Exactly, " Doyoung replied, with not a single ounce of bitterness. Like every effort Donghyuck inserted to hurt him back wasn't affecting him. It's unfair. Why couldn't Doyoung be hurt as much as he's hurting Donghyuck? "But that didn't stop you from hating me because I got the compliments. I got the better job. I got the better life. "

Donghyuck laughed forcefully before settling down on the sofa once again. "There. The truth finally comes out. You finally said it. You think you're better than me in everything. "

That's right. Donghyuck was right about him all along, and because he was, there was no reason for him to listen to his cousin.

But Doyoung only shook his head at him. "We are not talking about what I think. We are talking about what you think. We are talking about how lost you are in your thoughts that you could not anymore identify which is the reality. Answer me, Hyuck. When was the last time you tried to find out the truth instead of being contented with what you have in mind? "

The truth? What about the truth? Donghyuck always knew what's the truth! He could never be wrong about the truth!

But he had, hadn't he?

He had been wrong about Mark.

He had been wrong about Renjun.

But then… Back then… he sure sure that he got everything right. He was sure that he understood everything.

But…

No!

No! No! No!

Doyoung was just trying to mess with his head. He shouldn't let him. He shouldn't allow his cousin to make him feel as if he was a bad person. Doyoung was the bad one, the evil one who's only trying to ruin Donghyuck's life even more. He should fight back! He should defend himself!

"Well, I never did! Happy? " she answered, seething. "I trust myself more because I can only trust myself and I've never been wrong. Unlike you, I don't need people to tell me which is the right thing to do. Unlike you, I have always been independent. Unlike you, I make all of my decisions."

But Doyoung didn't even pay his insults any mind.

"You had been wrong," Doyoung argued back, knowingly. "You know you have. Mark and Renjun —"

"I don't want to talk about them! " he exclaimed, covering his ears. "You cannot talk to me about them! You have no right to talk to me about them! "

He knew it. Donghyuck fucking knew it! He shouldn't have let Doyoung in his life again. He shouldn't have gone to that event and let Doyoung listen as Ten told him the truth. He shouldn't have let Doyoung accompany him to the hospital. He had only given him more information, more ammunition to be used against him. He had given Doyoung more ways to hurt him.

"Why? " Doyoung asked again. "Why are you hurting just by the mention of their names?

"Do you feel guilty about what you have done to them? Is that the reason why you're hurting? Or are you just hurting because you found out the truth and it ruined the world you created inside your mind? Are you hurting because you feel remorseful, or are you just hurting because you'd rather not find out about the truth at all? Are you hurting because you already lost the reasons to keep on doing what you've been doing all along?"

Was he? Was he only hurting because he couldn't go on anymore thinking the way he used to?

Well, maybe he was, but so what? So what if that was the reason?

It wasn't easy to see the things he believed in for so long crumbling down. It wasn't easy and it wasn't fair to realize that he's wrong when he too had been hurt. It wasn't fair, so he had the right to be hurt about it.

"Donghyuck, when was the last time you looked beyond your pain and look at the others'? Do you ever think about Renjun and Mark and think about what they went through because of you, or do you only think about yourself and how it would have been better for things to just go on the way you wanted them to? Do you really care about them or do you only care about yourself? "

No!

Donghyuck cared for them! So much. So much, that he did all the things he deemed the best for them. It was for the best, right? Or was it really?

Yes! It was! He had lied to Mark in order to be with him. He had lied to Renjun in order to separate him from his soulmate.

It was all for the best!

But for whom?

For Mark?

For Renjun?

Or for himself?

No!

He should stop thinking. He should stop Doyoung from trying to get inside his head. Doyoung was just trying to hurt him!

"Shut up! " Donghyuck stood up again to push Doyoung on his shoulders. "Shut up! I don't want to listen to you anymore! "

Donghyuck hated this. Donghyuck hated feeling selfish. Donghyuck hated thinking that he had been selfish. He wasn't! He wasn't selfish! He was just hurting too much! He wasn't selfish, but Doyoung was trying to convince him that he's one, but he's not!

"You need help, Donghyuck, " Doyoung told him, shaking his head. He extended his hand as if trying to show Donghyuck that he's willing to help. But Donghyuck only slapped the hand away.

"I don't! "

"You do, " Doyoung insisted with a sigh. "You do and you need to accept that, or else you'll end up ruining yourself as well as the people around you. "

"I don't need help! " Donghyuck argued back, shoving Doyoung once again. "I don't need help from you! Leave!"

Doyoung shook his head disappointedly. "You need help. But you will never accept help until you realize that you should, and to be able to do that, you have to learn how to step out of the world you created inside your head. "

"I'm not listening to you anymore, " Donghyuck shook his head before pointing at the door. "Leave. "

"Please. Try to think about the questions I have asked you. Please. "

Donghyuck shook his head. "No. I will not let you win mess up my head for your own benefit. Leave! "

Doyoung sighed in defeat before his slouched figure exit the apartment, but not before turning back to hin with a few more words. "As much as I would like to say that I hope you would not regret it, I sincerely hope you would. For your own sake. "

●●●

Donghyuck's phone vibrated for the fifth time that day once again disrupting his peace.

Or was there even peace from the very beginning?

He had tried to sleep everything off with hopes of waking up from this nightmare, to no avail. Everytime he closed his eyes, Doyoung's questions echoed inside his head, making him think about thing. Making him reflect.

He hated it. He hated Doyoung for it. He hated how those questions made him feel guilty more that he should probably be.

Or was he? Was it really too much,or was all of those guilt he was feeling well deserved?

He hated this. He hated Doyoung so fucking much.

He sighed before blindly searching for his phone on the bed, only to find it under his pillow. He quickly went through his messages with hopes of finding something that could get his mind off of things. He failed.

The first two messages were from Monsta Ent., asking him to report to work as soon as possible. Donghyuck didn't bother to reply. He didn't even think about doing what they were asking him to do. What's the point? They're just going to go off on him for ruining the company's launching event. He didn't want that. He was already blamed enough. He didn't need more. He didn't want more. Seriously, why couldn't people just give him a break? Why was everyone ganging up on his suddenly? So, he did something and but it was just a mistake. Why couldn't they get off his back and move on which was the easiest thing to do, right?

Or was it?

Donghyuck hated this. He hated how he couldn't even think about something to defend himself without questioning everything. It was unfair. Everybody around him was making him feel that he was in the wrong. He had no one to defend him. To excuse him. So why couldn't he do it himself without feeling guilty about it.

It was all Doyoung's fault, Doyoung and his damn questions.

Donghyuck huffed in annoyance, before proceeding to the next messages. The following two were from different people who Donghyuck was sharing the same class with in the university. Both of them were asking him when he would come back, telling him that they found the video in the internet, and that they're sorry for it. At least there's still people whom he knew, who's still on his side. But would they still be, had they known the entire truth?

Donghyuck sighed. Why couldn't anyone be on his side forever? He just wanted people to understand him. Why couldn't they?

He sighed. He read through the fourth message. According to the message, the professors, however, weren't as forgiving and understanding.

Of course, they wouldn't. They would never understand that Donghyuck had too much on his plate right now, and that if he didn't want to go and attend his classes or do anything at all, it's because he deserved a break. He deserved to take a breather from everything and the people who couldn't see that just were just not sensitive enough.

_When was the last time you faced your problems instead of running away from them?_

Donghyuck groaned in frustration as Doyoung's question echoed inside his head. He hated them. He hated how they're forcefully convincing him that he was doing everything wrong. That thinking the way he did was selfish. That acting the way he did was inconsiderate about others. It was not fair!

Doyoung was doing it in purpose to hurt him. To confuse him. To make him doubt himself. To make him feel bad about himself. It was all Doyoung's fault!

_When was the last time you acknowledged your mistakes instead of finding another person to blame?_

Donghyuck fisted the sheets before punching the pillow angrily.

No.

He wouldn't let Doyoung get to him like that.

He wouldn't let him win.

Sighing, Donghyuck reached out for his phone again and click on the fifth and final message.

He rolled his eyes. It was from one of his previous co-workers. The same person who had informed him about that video of him going around the internet. What now? What again?

As far as Donghyuck could remember, they weren't close. They had never been close and the only reason they had each other's number was because of that instant when he needed Donghyuck to cover for his shift. Quite frankly, he was the least person Donghyuck would expect to care about him. So what changed?

"I never thought you'd be this popular, but I guess you deserve it. You're cool! Best revenge ever. Anyway, let's catch up, sometimes. [Link attached] "

Donghyuck squinted at his phone. Popular? Him? Was this about the video again? And what best revenge?

Was the full video already uploaded? Did they found out the truth about Mark? Were the people supporting him already hating on him?

Donghyuck copied the address and pasted it on his browser, fully expecting another video link.

The link didn't lead him something like that. Instead, he was lead into an anti-fan cafe. An anti-fan cafe dedicated to Mark Lee.

What?

But why? He wasn't a celebrity. He wasn't an idol or an actor. He's just a private individual so why did he have this?

It was the video.

It had to be that video.

It was that video that caused this much hate directed towards him by people he probably didn't even know about.

A part of him wanted to just close the tab and go back to sleep. He just wanted to ignore everything. He was afraid to read more. To find out more. Because if he find out more, then…

Then he might think it's his fault. He hated thinking that way. It was hurting him to think that was. It's not fair to make Donghyuck blame himself!

_Stop running away from your mistakes. Face them and stop being a coward._

No. He didn't want to. He couldn't. Why would he, when it would hurt him? Why would he hurt himself?

_Coward._

_Coward._

_Coward._

No.

No! No! No!

He wasn't a cowards. He's just trying to preserve himself! There's nothing wrong with that!

_Stop being a coward._

Donghyuck cursed as he began to scroll down on the post, instantly regretting his choices one by one.

The pinned post contain so much private information about Mark, including his birthday, his address, his security system number, his phone number and along with a little family background that even Donghyuck didn't know about. It was a too much. Why were they obsessing? They didn't even know him personally.

Donghyuck decided to read the comments and his stomach began to churn.

"His mother died in cancer? So why didn't he die along with her?Lol. "

"I've been calling him nonstop and calling him asshole over and over again. He deserved it. He fucking deserved it! "

"Damn right, he does. I mean, I can totally relate. My soulmate cheated on me over and over again. What a heartless bastard. To take revenge, I ordered the entire product line of Apple and made them deliver it to his address. Good luck to his finances. I mean, sure, he's not my soulmate, but they're the same, anyway. "

"Agree! "

"Super agree! "

That's crazy! They're crazy! Why would they do that? Why would they take revenge on Mark when it was their own soulmate who did them wrong? They should settle things on their own and not interfere with other people's business. What would they do that? Who in their right mind would think like that?

_" They're not Mark, Donghyuck. "_

Donghyuck gasped. No. He shouldn't think about that. He didn't want to think about that.

_"They love me. Just because Mark doesn't love you ,means the two of them couldn't love me as well. They're not Mark, and I am not you. Stop projecting your own story on me. "_

No, it's different! He wasn't like them! What he did to Jeno and Nana were different. They deserved it! It's was different!

It was different because Donghyuck said it was!

_When was the last time you tried to correct your wrongs instead of rationalizing them?_

Donghyuck shook his head furiously. No. He wouldn't think about that. It was different. He wasn't crazy like the people on this anti-fan cafe.

He was almost close to exiting the tab when a new post popped up.

"I made a blue house petition to get Mark Lee fired at his job and I already got a thousand signatures. Kudos to me! "

"Weak! " one of the comments said. "I made a blue house petition asking Mark to kill himself and I already got five thousand signatures. I guess we have to say goodbye to Mark Lee. "

"Lol. Good riddance. "

"Operation: ruin Mark Lee's life. "

Donghyuck let his phone slip from his hands and onto the bed.

Why would anyone do that?

Why would anyone try to ruin Mark like that?

Why would they do that?

All because of a video?

All because of the things that Donghyuck had said?

Because of him?

Was it because of him?

Was it because of Donghyuck that Mark was suffering like this?

No!

It's not because of him!

It could never be because of him!

Yes, sure, he was the one speaking in the video but he was drunk and hurt. He was insecure and jealous. He was in pain. If he wasn't, then he wouldn't have said those words in the first place!

Besides, he didn't record that video. He didn't upload that video. It wasn't his fault. Donghyuck had no fault in this at all!

_When was the last time you acknowledged your mistakes instead of finding another person to blame? When was the last time you tried to correct your wrongs instead of rationalizing them?_

No!

This was wrong.

That's not what he's trying to do.

Donghyuck was just trying to protect himself. He didn't want to get hurt. He didn't want to be the one who'd end up getting blamed. Who would want that? Who ever wanted to get hurt? Donghyuck just wanted to be safe in all of this!

He shouldn't be blamed! He was hurting! He was always hurting and it wasn't fair!

_Are you hurting because you feel remorseful, or are you hurting because you'd rather not find out about the truth at all?_

No.

Stop.

Doyoung had to stop messing with his head like this. It wasn't fair.

_Donghyuck, when was the last time you looked beyond your pain and looked at the others'?_

Donghyuck felt like crying. Why was he feeling this way? Why was he feeling guilty all of a sudden. Why was everything going wrong for him? Why was he feeling that he had been selfish? Why was he feeling that he had ruined other people's life when it should have been the other way around!

The phone vibrated again, indicating a new post from the anti-fan cafe.

"We made it! " the post contained, along with an external link of a news article.

"Mark Lee: Kicked out of Seo Corporation after massive backlash in relation to a viral video. "

"Finally. A jobless Mark. More reasons for him to say goodbye to Earth. "

"I hope Donghyuck is happy. He got what he deserved. "

"We avenged him! "

"Yes. Him and everyone else who had been hurt by their own soulmates. "

"Hurray! Enjoy your happiness, Donghyuck! "

Donghyuck switched his phone off.

Happiness?

What happiness?

Donghyuck didn't want this.

He didn't want to ruin Mark like this.

He never did.

Or did he?

Didn't he want Mark to suffer for all of those time he blamed Mark for everything that had happened to him?

He wanted this before. All of this. He wanted to ruin Mark's life because he thought it was unfair. Because he thought that Mark had lived well far away from him.

Now he succeeded.

He had ruined Mark. He's probably suffering as much as Donghyuck did in the past, or maybe even worse.

He succeeded.

He succeeded, and he felt bad about it.

"You are selfish, Donghyuck. You only think about yourself. You only listen to yourself."

Was he selfish?

Was he only thinking about himself?

Was he really just listening to himself?

No. Donghyuck didn't want to acknowledge it. He wasn't like that. He wasn't selfish. He was never selfish!

Or maybe he was. He was, for wanting to hurt Mark. He was, for hating him and not letting him explain. He was, for only thinking about his pain and never entertaining the idea that Mark could have suffered, too.

He didn't ask. He didn't want to know. He didn't, because he only wanted to see himself!

Had he listened, had he tried to look beyond his own feelings, then he would have know. He would have understood. And because he understood, then he wouldn't have said those words, because he would have known that those weren't right.

If he hadn't said those words, if he hadn't confronted Mark that night, then there wouldn't have been a video going viral.

Mark wouldn't have suffered.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault and he hated it so much.


	17. Chapter 17

Doyoung smiled tightly as Donghyuck opened the door for him. On his hand was a familiar looking paper bag, similar to what he had brought Donghyuck the other day. 

"Hi, " the older of the two greeted, only for Donghyuck to turn away and not return the greetings, which wasn't something unusual for him to do. What's unusual was him not trying to close the door in front of his cousin in order to drive him away. 

Donghyuck sat on the sofa, and Doyoung took that as his cue to enter. Donghyuck could hear him breathing a sigh in relief. He fought the urge to roll his eyes. He couldn't do that today. 

Doyoung walk towards the makeshift kitchen and did what he did the other day, filling up his fridge because Donghyuck was too much of a loser to stock foods on his own. 

He was eyeing Donghyuck cautiously, as if Donghyuck was a ticking bomb waiting to explode. Maybe he was. But he couldn't do it. Not this time. 

Doyoung cleared his throat. 

"So, the other day, " he began. "I might have been a little too harsh on you. I… I might have said things that were not my place to say. And for that I'm s—"

"Help me. "

"—orry, " Doyoung blinked at him, eyes opened wide in surprise. "Sorry, what? "

Donghyuck hated this. His nails dug on the sofa in frustration as he looked away, refusing to make eye contact. 

This was embarrassing — him asking help from his rival — him giving his cousin more opportunity to gloat. 

But what could he do? He was running out of options. Technically, at this situation, he was the beggar, and beggars couldn't be choosers. 

"Did… did you just ask me to help you? "

Donghyuck huffed. He knew it. He had just given his cousin an instant ego boost. He was beginning to think that this wasn't a good idea. 

Maybe he should just take it back? 

But, no, he couldn't. He had to swallow his pride, just this once. 

Donghyuck didn't even notice how, but Doyoung was beside him in an instant. 

"Okay, what do you need my help for? "

To Donghyuck, Doyoung sounded way too excited to offer his help, which wasn't even a surprise considering that Doyoung would jump at every opportunity that could make him appear to be the bigger and better person. 

Donghyuck fucking hated this. 

But he had no other choice. 

"Tell me where Mark Lee is. "

There was a long silence after that, long and awkward that Donghyuck had no choice but to face his cousin, who, in return was gaping at him in confusion. 

"Well? " he tapped his foot impatiently. 

Doyoung shook his head as if to shake his surprise away. 

"Why? " was his simple question. 

Wasn't it obvious? Donghyuck was sure that Doyoung knew about what happened to Mark because of that damn video. He was bullied. He was fired and Donghyuck felt guilty. 

He felt guilty and he hated it.

He had to do something to stop feeling guilty because if he would not, then he would explode. 

He would explode beyond repair because feeling guilty was hurting him so much. 

But Mark wasn't next door anymore. He wasn't there when Haechan knocked until his knuckles began to bruise. He wasn't there, and Donghyuck had waited all night for him to open the door. He had waited, the same way that he did in the past, when Mark left without saying goodbye. Why couldn't Mark just be there like he should be? 

(Somehow, as the memories of the past resurfaced that night, the said memories almost convinced him not to be worried, not to be affected, because Mark had hurt him in the past as well. That Mark suffering wasn't his fault at all, because whatever he said in that video was all because Mark had hurt him. 

Almost. He wasn't able to convince himself to believe that. It still didn't feel right. 

Why couldn't it feel right?)

Mark was the root of his problem, the root of the painful guilt that he was feeling and the only way to solve it was to meet with him. 

If his thoughts were correct (he hated not feeling as certain as he used to about his thoughts), then Mark could possibly be with Ten or that very tall CEO, and based on their interaction at the event, Donghyuck had a feeling that Doyoung knew Ten. He could ask Jaehyun instead, but contacting him would mean listening to his boss as he scold Donghyuck for ruining the purpose of the event. He wasn't quite prepared for that yet. 

"…hyuck? " He heard. Doyoung might have asked him a question while he spaced out. "What do you plan to do when you meet him? "

A plan? 

Donghyuck wasn't really sure. Maybe he would just apologize, and Mark would accept it and everything would be fine. Donghyuck would stop feeling guilty, one less burden lifted off of his shoulder. 

Mark would accept his apology, right? He had to. He had to because Donghyuck went out of his way and asked Doyoung for help against his will. 

"Are you going to help me or what? " he asked impatiently. He should've expected that Doyoung wasn't going to make it easy for him. "What? Do I have to beg? "

Doyoung took a deep breathe before shaking his head. 

"It's not that, " Doyoung tried to reason. "It's just that… Donghyuck, I don't feel like that's a good idea. "

Donghyuck crossed his arms. He shouldn't have asked. He just lowered his pride for nothing. He should have known that Doyoung wasn't going to help him. 

Why would he, when it must be fun looking at Donghyuck as he wallow in misery? 

"I fucking knew it, " he said rolling his eyes. 

"It's not that, " Doyoung tried to reason. "I really want to help you. I just… I just don't think that it would be good for the both of you to meet each other at this time. "

Donghyuck scoffed. "What's good for me? You have no idea what's good for me. You have no right to choose what could be good for me. "

What's good for Donghyuck was to settle everything for as soon as he could. The sooner he meets Mark, the sooner he could feel better about himself. 

He just wanted to stop feeling guilty already! 

"I asked you one thing — his whereabouts! But of course, you wouldn't give it to me, right? Because you like seeing me suffer. "

Doyoung gaped at him. "That's not…" Then he shook his head. "What are you going to do when you meet him? "

"I'll talk to him! " he replied. "I… I'll apologize. "

"And then? "

"And then what? " he snapped. What else did Doyoung have in mind. 

"Just… that? You're not going to fight with him? "

Why would Donghyuck fight with him when he just wanted all of this to be over? The faster, the better. 

But what if Mark would accept his apology like Donghyuck wanted him to? 

He should! 

But what if he wouldn't? 

Donghyuck might end up being upset. He might end up being angry for not getting his way. 

Donghyuck shook his head. No. He wouldn't. Maybe he would but he would just think about that later. He just needed to face Mark. The sooner, the better.

"Well, what? Are you going to help me or what? Because if you're not going to, then stop wasting my time. "

●●●

Donghyuck hesitated the moment they stepped out of Doyoung's car. To say that he was intimidated was an understatement. 

"Is this… Is this where Mark lives? "

"Technically, no, " Doyoung replied. "This is where Johnny and Ten live, and Mark may have been living with them once again. "

Donghyuck knew that Johnny, (the CEO, maybe) was rich. He was a CEO, for crying out loud. And yet, as Donghyuck stared at one of Seoul's high rises, he couldn't help but still feel surprised. 

Maybe coming here was a bad idea. 

Maybe Mark was fine. 

Maybe Donghyuck was just overreacting. 

So what if Mark was fired? So what if Mark was being harassed online? If he had friends as powerful as that Johnny guy, then he would most certainly be fine, right? 

"Donghyuck? " Doyoung called his attention, pointing him towards the door. "Shall we? "

Maybe he should go home. Why would he apologize? Mark was fine, right? He had to be. 

On the other hand, Donghyuck wasn't, so maybe he should focus on himself instead of thinking about Mark. 

"Donghyuck? Is there a problem? "

His mind wandered back on that anti-fan cafe, and all of the thing they had posted to defame Mark — all of the things that those strangers did in order to ruin him. 

All because of that video. 

All because of the things Donghyuck had said in the video. 

All because of him. 

Fine. 

Donghyuck swallowed as he pushed open the glass door, automatically feeling out of place with his beat up sneakers and faded jeans. He cursed Doyoung for not warning him to dress up properly. Of course he wouldn't. He loved it whenever Donghyuck looked like a homeless child next to him. 

Sadly, Donghyuck had to endure that. That was the price to pay for asking Doyoung's help — allowing himself to look inferior in order to give Doyoung an ego boost. 

The elevator ride to the top floor was taking too long, and Donghyuck wasn't sure if it was because he was feeling nervous. 

What was he nervous about? 

He was just going to apologize to Mark. Mark was going to accept it. Everything would be fine. 

"What are you going to do if Mark would refuse to talk to you? "

Donghyuck gave his cousin a frustrated look. Why was he being negative about it? Why was he asking something that Donghyuck didn't even want to consider?

"It's possible, " Doyoung insisted. "What's going to happen in that case? "

It's possible. Of course it was. After all, hadn't Mark refused to accept his apology in the past? Hadn't that been the root of everything? Hadn't that been the reason why Donghyuck had been so angry at him? 

Why hadn't Mark just accepted his apology back then? 

Because he had reasons — Reasons that Donghyuck hadn't ask about because he refused to care. 

Why was this cycle always following him? Why did he always have to be reminded of the reasons why he hated Mark, only for his thoughts to be trampled down by the sudden truth. It was frustrating, as if for some reasons, he couldn't leave that cycle. 

Now, he's going to apologize to Mark again, and there's a probability that Mark wouldn't forgive him. Worst of all, Donghyuck would have no reason to be angry at Mark if he wouldn't forgive him. 

Because he knew that he was at fault. He and not Mark was the one to blame. 

He hated it. It was obviously not going to be as easy as Donghyuck thought it would be. Why couldn't it be easy? 

The elevator sound rung, and the door opened. Donghyuck's fingers hovered above the ground to ground floor button, still contemplating his option to just leave. 

If things weren't to go his way, why would he still proceed to do it? 

Because he felt guilty. Because he lie awake all night thinking about how people were judging Mark and wanting to harm him, all because of that video. All because they didn't know the truth. All because they didn't even tried to find out Mark's side of the truth. 

Worst of all, he wasn't any different from any of those people. He, too had judged Mark without knowing his side, all because he would rather hate than find out he was wrong. 

But seeing how people were treating Mark, and seeing the effects of Donghyuck's misjudgment on his life, it felt so wrong. So wrong that Donghyuck wanted to make it right by apologizing. 

If only Mark would let him. 

"Let's go? " Doyoung asked, offering his hand for support. Donghyuck snorted. He had already lowered his pride to much by asking Doyoung's help. He would very much like to be spared of his cousin's pretensions. 

Donghyuck walked ahead of his cousin, only to realize that he didn't know which way to go. He huffed. He hated being dependent on his cousin. But he didn't have a choice, right? 

"This way, " Doyoung beckoned him to follow. 

It turned out, it wasn't difficult to find, for there were only three rooms in that floor, which had Donghyuck mentally computing it's monetary worth. He gave up. It wasn't like he could afford it either. 

"Can you, can you promise not to throw a fit in case Mark reacts negatively? "

Donghyuck almost lashed out angrily at Doyoung for trying to insinuate that he lacked self-control, only for him to realized that that might have been the case. 

Because that had been the root of everything — Donghyuck not getting his way and him not being able to deal with it. 

He hated Mark for leaving, because all he ever wanted was for Mark to stay and forgive him, hence, he began ruining his life and blaming all of it on Mark. 

He hated seeing Mark with that girl because he thought it wasn't fair, so he decided to confront him, for all of the people to see. 

He hated that people never seemed to understand his side, so when the opportunity to get the sympathy he desired, he grabbed it — thoughtlessly. 

So here they were. 

He had ruined Mark more than he believed the latter had ruined him in the past. 

So as much as he wanted to disagree with his cousin, he couldn't. He couldn't and he hated it. He hated admitting that Doyoung was right about him. 

"You might want to hide a little, "Doyoung suggested, pointing at the camera. Donghyuck roll his eyes, but nevertheless complied by moving to the side where he presumed was already out of the camera's frame. Doyoung the pressed the button. 

"We wouldn't give you an interview, especially if you're just some cheap tabloid digging up failed love stories to print in pages that would most definitely end up being used to wrap dried fishes in the market, " a dismissive voice echoed from the intercom. "Oh, look who's here? Isn't it my traitor friend who's so not my friend anymore? "

"For God's sake, Ten, " Doyoung sighed. "Open the door before I tell your Daddy about how I made your thesis for you, because you would rather follow Johnny around. "

The door immediately opened. "You would not! You were paid for your service! "

"But I bet your father would have rewarded me with so much more had I decided to tell on you. "

Ten crossed his arms. "Fine. What do you want? Are you finally going to apologize to me for taking the side of your ill-mannered cousin who also happens to be here with you? " He gasped dramatically upon noticing Donghyuck's presence. "What the heck, Doyoung? Why did you bring him here? "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. "I'm not here for you. "

Ten gasped again, this time, sarcastically. "Am I supposed to feel bad about that? "

The urge to just push aside the midget in front of them was strong, but doing so would mean losing his chance to speak with Mark and apologize. He would lose his chance to finally move on. 

"Look, he just want to apologize, " Doyoung replied on his behalf. "He isn't here for any trouble. "

"But you and Jaehyun said the same thing about him back at the event. Look at where we all are now? "

"Ten, he—" 

"I have no business talking to you, " he said, much to the surprise of the two. "I don't owe you an explanation, so can you just let me talk to Mark? "

Doyoung place a hand on his face before shaking his head at Donghyuck. Ten, on the other hand, looked like he was about blow fire from his mouth. 

"You…" 

Donghyuck was sure that he was about to lunge forward, had it not been for another person who came out of the door. 

"Cupcake, what's wrong? Is it the press again? " 

Johnny came out, still wearing the tiger printed apron around his waist, a spatula in hand. 

He first spotted Doyoung. "Oh, it's you. " his eyes then traveled to th other person, which was Donghyuck. 

"Oh my… god. "

●●●

If Donghyuck had been amazed at the building itself, then, no one could describe how he felt once he saw the unit's interior. The living room looked like it came out of a home and lifestyle magazine page. He felt self-conscious as he sat down on the sofa which in Donghyuck's opinion, would most probably be two times more expensive than the unit he was renting. 

"Here you go, " Ten placed two drinking glass in the coffee table. "Two freshly squeezed orange juice with honey. Free of sugar and all of other questionable substance because we are decent human being who's above poisoning our guests, even if one of the said guests ruined my child's life. "

"Can you please stop? " Doyoung reprimanded. "One, Mark is technically not your child. Two, Donghyuck didn't ruin anybody's life. It wasn't like he's the one who uploaded the video. Three, shut up, or I'll call your dad. "

Ten retrieved himself a glass of water before sitting down across them. "One, Johnny basically raised the kid. He is Johnny's child, and by extension, mine as well. Two, I wouldn't be surprise if it was him who did that. Aren't you curious as to why it was cut off just at the moment where it would benefit him? Three, fuck you! I wish I didn't recommend you for that scholarship. "

"I didn't do it, " Donghyuck denied only for Ten to roll his eyes. 

"He didn't, " Doyoung supported. "How could he have taken that video in the first place? Think about it. "

Ten shrugged. "Fine, so he might not have been the one responsible for the video, but had he been decent enough, mature enough, to deal with their issues privately, then there wouldn't have been an opportunity for a video like that to escalate. "

Donghyuck scowled at him. Fine! Okay! He got it! He did something stupid! But did he really have to say it in front of Donghyuck's face? Because Donghyuck hated this. He hated it whenever someone would tell him that he was wrong. 

"It's not like you could speak about dealing things maturely. I can't believe Johnny would fire Mark just like that. "

"For the record, " Ten was quick to reply to his cousin. "Johnny didn't have a hand in that. Mark actually resigned. But before Johnny could decline his resignation, some impertinent underling in the PR Department already made it huge for Korea to know Mark Lee, the person in the viral video who made his soulmate cry, boo hoo, was fired. "

Doyoung just shook his head. "I don't understand how it all escalated like that. Why would people be that invested in other people's life? "

Because it was easy to hate, Donghyuck answered inside his mind. 

It was easy to hate a person, especially when you started projecting your own life on others. 

Like how he did with Renjun. 

Like how he hated Jeno and Nana. 

Donghyuck decided to focus his eyes on the door where Johnny had disappeared earlier. The door to Mark's room. He wondered what's taking so long. He just wanted things to be over. 

"Well, what so you expect? " Ten asked, as if Doyoung's question didn't make any sense to him. "We live in a conservative society where soulmates bond is treated as sacred as a marriage. And with the amount of people who had been left by their soulmates, it's just so easy to put one's foot in your dear cousin's shoes. It's just so easy to pick his side, without knowing that between him amd Mark, he was the villain of the story. "

"Ten! "

"What? " Ten asked nonchalantly. "It's true. Your cousin lied to Mark about who he really is. Imagine creating a different identity and with supporting fake documents, who does that? "

"He already apologized for it, didn't he? "

"Well, he did. But only because he wanted Mark to forgive him. To immediately forgive him because apparently, Mark was being petty for being angry about that. Imagine? You suddenly found out that the person you're dating wasn't who he really is, and then that person was telling you not to be angry because it's just a small matter, and that he was the reason why the said person lied in the first place. Imagine? "

"It was partially correct anyway, " Doyoung argued back. 

"Are you being serious?" Ten exclaimed. 

"Think about it this way. Mark already had this prejudice about his soulmate even before meeting him. He had already dismissed the chance that his soulmate could be an entirely different person from what he expected. "

"In my opinion, Mark wasn't wrong about that. " Ten gave him a very judgemental look that Donghyuck almost spoke to defend himself, had Doyoung not beat him to it. 

"Ten, listen! "

"Fine. "

"Because of Mark's prejudice, Donghyuck was lead into thinking that the only way he could be with his soulmate was through lying. "

Ten snorted. "You are smart, Doyoung. Definitely smarter than me, so I know that you know it in yourself that that doesn't excuse lying. "

"I am not excusing anything! "

"You are! You're trying to make it sound like it's reasonable for him to lie. "

"Because he had reasons! He might not be right, but —"

"But he would never be right. He lied, and he made it seem as if it was Mark's fault that he did so. He made it seem as if Mark was wrong for not forgiving him. Worst of all, he began placing the blame on Mark for everything that had happened to him, as if Mark was the one in control of his life. Who does that? I've never met someone who takes no accountability of his own life?"

"Will you stop it, Ten? "

"Will you both stop it? I'm right here! "

The two of them talked as if he wasn't there, and Donghyuck didn't feel comfortable having his relationship with Mark be treated as the a debate subject. Especially when Ten was making him feel the worst person alive and Doyoung was failing to defend him. If he was ever trying to defend him at all. Donghyuck had a feeling that Doyoung was losing the argument on purpose.

He did wrong, he already knew that. Why couldn't people move on already? 

Because people were still suffering the effects of his actions. 

Mark. 

Renjun. 

Maybe Nana and Jeno as well. 

It's frustrating, but what's even more frustrating was that he didn't know how to fix his mistakes. Why couldn't it be easy? Why couldn't things be easily undone? Why couldn't it be easy to just forget about everything and move on? 

Why did Donghyuck still need to have a hard time dealing with the effects of his action? 

Ten just rolled his eyes before mumbling to himself. It was during that time when the door to Mark's room opened. Donghyuck's breath hitched only to end ip being disappointed. 

Only Johnny came out of the room. He shoot Donghyuck with an apologetic look before shaking his head. 

"I just want to talk to him! " he insisted. He just wanted to tell Mark how sorry he was about everything and that he didn't want all of this things that was happening to him. 

"He's not yet ready to talk to you. Sorry, " Johnny replied again. 

"But…"

But Donghyuck needed to talk to him. He had to. The sooner, the better. The sooner he apologized, the sooner that Mark accepted his apology, the sooner that Donghyuck could be free of the guilt that he was feeling. 

He just wanted to stop feeling guilty. 

He just wanted to stop hurting. 

Donghyuck heard Ten snort again. "You act like Mark had the obligation to talk to you and accept your apology on your demand. "

"Ten, cupcake, " Johnny warned his boyfriend. 

"But it's true! " Ten argued back. "It's like he came here expecting that everything would be fixed by a mere apology. Well maybe, it would for him. He only wants to get rid of the guilt he is feeling. It's not like he wants to fix things for Mark. He's only thinking about himself, but what's new about that? I mean he didn't even try to apologize to you when he met you, even when he had ruin the event with his dramatic ass, but oh well, I will not be surprised if he doesn't even recognize his fault in that."

Donghyuck immediately turned to him to defend himself. "That's —"

That's true. It's hard to accept but that was true. The thought that he needed to apologize to Johnny didn't even cross his mind at all. Was that how much of a severe case he was? 

"Ten, " Johnny warned again, this time, more sternly than before. Ten raised his hand in defeat. Johnny gave him a tight smile. "He's not ready to face you yet, and I'm not sure if he ever will be. Forcing him to speak with you wouldn't be a good idea. "

Donghyuck stared at the door towards Mark room. It would be easy to just go to him and apologize and get it over with. Why couldn't Donghyuck do that? 

"Mark had been through a lot, " Johnny continued, calmly but firmly. "He had been going through a lot ever since. It wouldn't be too much to just be a little considerate with his feelings, right? "

Donghyuck wanted to be defensive. But what about him? Donghyuck was hurting as well and the only thing that could save him was Mark's forgiveness. 

"Geez, stop thinking about yourself for once."

"Ten! "

"Fine, " he answered, albeit reluctantly. If Mark didn't want to to talk to him, then fine. He already tried and that should be enough. He was done. He already did the beat that he could. He could now free himself of the guilt he was feeling. 

Could he, really? 

Did he already do the best that he could? 

Donghyuck wordlessly exited the room, not even bothering to say a proper goodbye. 

He was lost. He didn't know what to do. What could he do to fix all of this? He just wanted everything to be over. He just wanted to simply move on. 

But Mark wouldn't let him. He wouldn't let him get away that easily. He wouldn't let him be free. 

"I have a suggestion! "

Donghyuck turned to the owner of the voice. It was Ten, who had followed and reached him right before he could get inside the elevator. 

"If you really want to fix this, I have a suggestion. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for the comments and kudos and all of the support I am getting through this fic. You are amazing. You're making me happy during this times when all that I am feeling is sadness and disappointment, in our government and in the people. 
> 
> I love you!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: don't try this at home. 😂
> 
> But seriously, if ever you find yourself in similar situations, this fic is an example of what you shouldn't do in that case. 
> 
> With that said, have fun… I guess?

"So, are you going to do it? "

Donghyuck shifted on his seat, still processing the suggestion that Ten had given him. The said person was raising his eyebrow at him, impatiently waiting for his response— for his agreement— as if what he was asking Donghyuck was a simple thing.

"This… is crazy, " Doyoung commented, uncharacteristically placing his cup loudly on the table, causing the other patrons of the coffee shop to turn their way. (If they weren't already. Donghyuck was quite sure that a few recognized him, all because those few had given him a sympathetic look. He shivered, just thinking about the possibility that one of them was responsible for the hateful posts directed at Mark that Donghyuck had read about. )

"What's so crazy about it? " Ten asked, like his suggestion wasn't something out of the ordinary. Like it wasn't something that could potentially harm Donghyuck. "It's simple. There's a misconception about Mark spreading. He was the cause of that misconception. What could be so difficult about straightening out such misconception? "

When Ten had followed them and told them that he had an idea, this wasn't what Donghyuck had expected.

What Donghyuck had in mind was for Ten to help him find a way to connect with Mark.

He didn't expect him to suggest for Donghyuck to record a video of himself taking back all of the things he said and telling them how wrong he was about Mark.

To make it simple, Ten was asking him to clean up Mark's name at the expense of his own.

"You don't have to do it, " Doyoung insisted, shaking his head for emphasis.

"He doesn't, " Ten agreed. "But if he's sincere in apologizing, he would have no qualms doing it. "

"Can you stop being so manipulative about, Ten? I can see right through you. "

Ten raised his hand in mock defense. "I'm just telling the truth. If he's sincere, then he's top priority would be correcting his mistakes. That is, if he's sincere. If he's really concerned about Mark. Because honestly, I have a feeling that he's only bent on apologizing so that he could free himself of the guilt he was feeling. That's if he's able to feel guilt at all. "

"Can you stop talking to him like that? "

"Can both of you stop talking about me as if I'm not here? "

"Oh, there you are! " Ten said sarcastically. "So? Are you going to do it? "

Donghyuck hated the way that Ten was looking at him. It was both judgemental and insulting and somehow, he could hear his eyes talking.

_I bet you can't do it._

_You're too selfish to prioritize someone else._

_You wouldn't because you're a coward._

Somehow, that could have been enough to convince him to agree, had it not been for the underlying worries that Donghyuck found hard to push aside.

What if those people who had supported him suddenly turn against him?

What if those people who didn't even know him suddenly began hating him?

Donghyuck would be crushed. He would be hurt. He wouldn't be able to handle being subjected to hate as severe as Mark was currently suffering from.

Ten was asking for too much. He was asking Donghyuck to sacrifice himself to get Mark out of the hell hole he was currently in.

"I will not do it, " he said dismissively.

It was just too much. Sure, he wanted to help Mark, but he wasn't sure if he could handle pulling the weights out of the other's hands and carrying them.

He wasn't sure if he could survive.

At least… at least Mark have Johnny and Ten. He had people who could protect him, who could shield him. Donghyuck had no one. There would be no one by his side as he go through that.

Ten's face fell. He rolled his eyes before shrugging. "Well, what do I expect. You're probably enjoying the sympathy you've been receiving from people. I mean, that's what you wanted to get at the event all along. "

"That's not true! "

He might have wanted that, but not to this extent. He might have wanted that, but not anymore. It didn't feel right even to him.

But what Ten was suggesting was something that Donghyuck wasn't willing to do, something he wasn't willing to subject himself into. He had no one to protect him. He had to protect himself.

"He already said no, Ten. Quit it. "

Ten just shrugged again.

Donghyuck stood up after that, Doyoung immediately copying him.

"Mark could have done it in his own, " Ten told him, causing both him and hia cousin to halt on their steps.

"Stop it, Ten, " Doyoung warn, but the other didn't listen.

"If Mark wanted to, he could easily turn everything against you. Yet he didn't. I don't know if he's being stupid or what, but I guess he's being considerate to you. That despite how you treated him, he still doesn't want to hurt you purposely. Oh well. That's life. It sucks to have a soulmate who's not willing to do a little sacrifice for you. I guess we'll just let Mark receive all the hate he doesn't deserve. Enjoy your attention. "

Donghyuck turned back, angrily. He glared at Ten, annoyed at the fact that he's pushy with the subject.

Yet, Donghyuck found himself being more annoyed with himself, realizing how affected he was by what Ten had just told him, that Mark could have saved himself but he wasn't doing it because of him. And yet, here he was, having inhibitions correcting himself publicly, because he was scared. He was trying to protect himself— only himself.

No. Don't do it, Donghyuck. Don't. You'll get hurt. Don't.

"Oh well. We're going to protect Mark since his own soulmate couldn't do it. "

"Fine! " he replied, already regretting his words even before saying it. "I'll do it. "  
●●●

"This isn't working! " Ten exclaimed angrily, cutting Donghyuck off for the fifth time already.

Him and Doyoung were at Donghyuck's apartment where they were supposed to be shoot the video that would hopefully put a halt on all of the rude comments directed at Mark.

Supposed to be.

They were obviously failing and according to Ten, it was absolutely Donghyuck's fault.

"Listen to yourself. You sound like you're being forced to do this. I am not surprise if people who would watch this would think that we're paying you or scaring you to comply. "

Well maybe because Donghyuck was just being forced to do this. He didn't want to do this.

He didn't want to admit in a video, for everyone else to watch, for everyone else to judge, that he was wrong. That they shouldn't be hating on Mark on his behalf because he was the one who didn't even try to know the reasons behind Mark's actions. He didn't want to admit that he had been self centered and inconsiderate of the other.

He didn't want to receive the same amount hate that Mark had received.

And yet, Ten had made it seem that not doing it was a proof that he was only thinking about himself. Ten had made it sound like not doing it meant not having a conscience for allowing Mark to continue suffering from something he didn't even deserve.

He didn't want to do this. He was scared of how the people would react. But Ten made it seem that refusing to do it would make him feel like the bad person. And he was already feeling bad for feeling bad about himself.

It's unfair. It was like he didn't even have a say in all of this even though he had consented.

"Let's just stop this, " Doyoung suggested. "Let's not subject him into something like this since we already know how cruel people in the internet could be. Johnny owns a huge corporation. He could easily clean it up. "

"Don't you think were trying? " Ten snarkily replied. "Of course, Johnny's already trying to help Mark even though he wasn't even Mark's soulmate, and not to mention, it wasn't even his fault. "

Donghyuck didn't miss the snide comment not so subtly directed at him.

"But it wouldn't be easy. It's not like we could sue everyone who was trying to harass Mark online. Besides, you know what they say. Something that's posted on the internet could stay there forever. This is the only way to help Mark. "

"By this, you mean turning all of the hate on Donghyuck instead? Come on, Ten. The fact that that video was leaked online is already cheap and petty, do we have to stoop down to that level? This is a high school level solution. Let's deal it maturely. "

"Well, your cousin should have learned a thing about maturity in the past. But since he didn't, the only way we could solve this petty issue is to be petty about it, too. Now let's try to do it again. "

Donghyuck stared at the red light directed at him. He sighed.

"Start when you're ready, " Ten stated. "Although I hope you'd do it fast. "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

"Hi. Im the Lee Donghyuck in that video, and… and… and Mark wasn't entirely that bad so please leave him alone. "

Ten sighed before shaking his head. "You are hopeless. "

Donghyuck crossed his arms. "Well what do you want me to do? I am trying to do my best, here! At least give me credits for that. "

Ten faked gasped. "Is that your best already? If that's the case, then all the more reasons to be disappointed. 'Wasn't entirely bad? ', really? " he shook his head.

"Well what do you want me to say? " He asked crossing his arms.

"I don't know, maybe tell them how you have only said those stuff because you didn't know how much he had gone through in the past? Because you didn't try to find out? Because you hadn't been willing to listen? "

"But that's too much! "

That's pretty much just Donghyuck wearing the handcuffs on his own, and heading straight to jail.

"That also pretty much the truth, " Ten shrugged.

Ten didn't understand. Someone like him could never understand the weight of what he was asking from Donghyuck.

People already hate him. Mark, Renjun, and even his own parents. Why couldn't he understand that Donghyuck was afraid and he had every right to feel that way? He just wanted to run away from all of this.

Maybe he should. Maybe he should just run away from all of this.

Why was he even trying to do this? What for? He had a feeling that Mark wouldn't be able to forgive him anyway, so what's the point of doing all of this. Maybe he should just let Mark handle all of this, forget about everything and just not bother the other person again.

Right.

He should just do that.

Mark would be able to handle everything, anyway. He was strong. Far stronger than Donghyuck. He would make it.

"I can't believe that Mark came back to find you, to fix you, only for you to break him again. "

Donghyuck's eyes snapped angrily at Ten.

"Can you stop it? I'm tired of hearing it! "

He's tired of people reminding him how he misunderstood everything about Mark. He was wrong all along but he wished people would stop reminding him about it. Hearing it over and over again was just frustrating him even more.

He had been hurt, too.

"Hearing what? That Mark had been nice to you all along? "

"He wasn't all that innocent as you're trying to make it out to be. He left without saying a word, in case you don't know. "

So maybe Donghyuck already understood his mistakes, but that didn't mean that Mark didn't play his part as well. If he had at least tried to say goodbye properly, the Donghyuck wouldn't have reacted that way.

Or would he?

"Why do I have a feeling that you'd be angry just the same, regardless if he told you or not. "

And maybe he would have been the same indeed. Because to him, Mark leaving shouldn't have been an option. Donghyuck would have insisted that he should stay.

He would have still insisted on what he wanted.

It sucked. Admitting it to himself sucked. Why was he feeling like he's incriminating himself?

"This isn't going to solve anything, Ten, " Doyoung said sternly. "Let's just handle everything legally and no try this childish act. "

"What are you doing? " Ten asked as Doyoung began pulling him off the couch.

"I have a job, " Doyoung simply replied. "I have a job, and I am not going to leave you here to guilt-trip him even more. "

"That's if he's capable of feeling guilty at all. "

Doyoung glared at him.

"Fine, " Ten replied, placing the camera back inside it's bag. "It's not like I could get anything from your cousin, anyway. I wonder why Mark still cares about him. "

"What did you say? "

Ten had to be lying. This had to be one of his means in trying to rope Donghyuck into recording another video of once again.

Mark didn't care, he had expressed it a lot of times before. So what was Ten trying to say?

"What? Don't act surprise. The moment his mother was buried, he immediately boarded a plane back to Seoul, having absolutely no plan other than finding you. You're the one being an asshole about everything. "

"Ten! "

"What? " Ten exclaimed at his cousin once again. "It's the truth. Mark cared too much about him, that even if he said a lot of hurtful things, Mark was still worried about him, to the point that during that one time they fought, Mark had to request their landlady to check on him. "

"When was that? " Donghyuck asked, although he already had an idea.

"I don't know. Do you expect me to keep track of the dates? "

He didn't need to. Donghyuck already remember that day — that night.

That night that the two of them fought inside Mark's car.

That night when Donghyuck didn't believe Mark when the latter tried to give him a reason.

That night when Donghyuck specifically told him that he didn't care.

That night when Donghyuck had cried alone in the apartment, oblivious of how much he had hurt Mark as well.

That night, Joohyun came over to his unit coincidently, when Donghyuck didn't want to be left there all alone.

It wasn't a coincidence, after all. She was sent by Mark.

Because he cared.

He didn't want anything bad to happen to Donghyuck.

He cared.

He cared but Donghyuck refused to see that.

"Oh well. I guess one cannot simply return the favor. "

Ten walked out of his apartment without another word.

"You can just forget about everything he said, " Doyoung suggested. "Don't … don't dwell on it so much. "

Donghyuck wish he could.

●●●

That night, Donghyuck found himself scrolling in that anti-fan cafe again, despite knowing that doing so would only increase the anxiety and guilt that he was feeling.

Had he already turned into a masochist?

Maybe. He was hoping that he would exhaust himself of the pain. That if he continued to read about what they had to say about Mark and be hurt about not being able to do anything about it, he would run out of guilt to feel.

He failed.

It was like guilt for him was infinite and he was bound to be followed by that until he finally do something about the guilt.

If he could do something about it.

_The petition has been taken down so we made a new one._

_LMAO, the petition to erase Mark's existence still remained._

This had to stop. All of them needed to get off Mark's back and let him live.

But how could Donghyuck stop it? How could he when the only way to do that was to admit his mistakes for the people to see, which would risk being the new subject of hatred of many?

Donghyuck didn't want that. He might have been wrong, but he didn't deserve that.

He also didn't want to get hurt!

He began typing something on his phone to anonymously reply to one of the posts.

_Why are you doing this? You don't even know him personally. Why are you wasting your time on him like this? Let him live!_

_The fuck? Where do you think you are?_

_Read: Anti-fan cafe._

_Get out of here weirdo!_

His comment earned a lot of laughing emoji.

_It's not like he did something against you. Leave him alone._

_He did something against love!_

_Yes! He is the representation of every person who has cheated their soulmate. He deserves everything for not loving his soulmate. He, along with the people who are like him deserves this. Had he been nice enough and cared about his soulmate even a little bit, then he wouldn't be experiencing this._

_Yes! Mark Lee is a selfish asshole who only care about himself._

That's not true, and Donghyuck knew it. After days — years of believing that Mark didn't, he finally realized that he did.

But it was too late.

He had already ruined Mark, all because he never learned how to listen.

_You don't know anything about him. He's not the person you think he is. Just stop!_

_You talk as if you know him personally._

_Wait, do you?_

_Don't tell me you are that girl Mark cheated Donghyuck on with?_

_Who are you?_

_Should he… should he reveal himself? Maybe he should. Maybe if they knew that he was defending him, then they would finally stop. Maybe he didn't even need to disclose information about their relationship that he wasn't willing to share._

_I'm Lee Donghyuck._

The screen was filled with more laughing emojis.

_Try harder!_

_If you're Donghyuck, then you're stupid. Why would you even defend Mark Lee?_

_That's Mark Lee!_

_Mark Lee, is that you?_

_Go to hell!_

It's no use. They wouldn't listen because they're only willing to believe what's already inside their mind. Somehow, that sounded so familiar and he hated to admit that.

That he was like them — close-minded and always ready to jump to conclusion based only on what he could see.

Why did he have to be like them?

A new post popped on his screen. It was a photo - a photo of a face which was very familiar to Donghyuck.

It was Mark.

The photo looked like it was taken up close without him knowing. He looked distressed. Donghyuck scrutinized the photo and spotted a bright stain on the collar of his shirt.

What did they do?

Donghyuck's heart was hammering against his chest as he scrolled to read the caption.

_Found Mark at this restaurant so I decided to pour him my glass of wine, just because. Barely made it pass the security but it was so worth it._

This was too much. Harassing him online was one thing, but harassing in person was another level.

This was so wrong. So wrong, it had to stop immediately.

_You missed the opportunity to pour him boiling soup._

_Or to throw him the knife._

_Isn't that murder?_

_As the song says, "if you cheat, you will die. "_

This was bad. He couldn't imagine what else they could do to him in public. Why would they do that? Who on their right mind would do that?

This had to stop.

This had to stop immediately, but how?

No.

Donghyuck shouldn't think about that. He shouldn't even tried to think about that.

He didn't want to risk getting hurt just to protect him.

He couldn't. He just couldn't!

But what else could he do?

What else could he do to help Mark?

"Oh well. I guess one cannot simply return the favor. "

But Donghyuck would be hurt, and he was already tired of the pain. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't survive if he do it.

_Now accepting suggestions on what to do with Mark once spotted on public._

_Throw eggs._

_That's so 2000. Just fucking spit on his face._

_Weak-ass. Run him over with a car._

_No._

This had to stop. He had to put a stop to everything.

But could he do it?

Mark cared, or at least, he used to care. He cared enough to make sure that Donghyuck would remain safe despite their arguments.

He cared so why couldn't Donghyuck do the same.

But could he really do it?

His chest was hammering. He was scared.

But what if Mark was scared as well?

Donghyuck stared at his phone for a moment as the screen updated with new comments that was getting more and more unthinkable as they grew in numbers.

How many of them would be crazy enough to do what they said they were going to do to Mark?

How many of them would hurt Mark for real?

Could he really just sit inside his room and ignore everything?

Could he just stay there without doing anything?

He was scared, but was being scared enough of a reason not to care?

His phone stared back at him as if silently speaking to him.

Do it! Do it! Do it!

With a heavy heart, Donghyuck exited the fan-cafe and touched the camera app to do what he had to do, even if he had a feeling that he would most definitely regret it later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another typhoon is threatening the Bicol region, so if I don't update in a long while, it's either we still don't have electricity or the the network provider is still down. 
> 
> (Hopefully, this wouldn't be as severe as Typhoon Tisoy last December ㅠㅠ)
> 
> Shameless advertising: If you ever want to take a break from heavy angst, you can check out my new series called
> 
> [love is complicated (if you'll allow it to be) ](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720489)
> 
> .
> 
> Thank you!


	19. Chapter 19

Donghyuck's life was over the moment he uploaded that video of himself. Granted that his anxiety overcame him and convinced him to delete it a few minutes after being posted on his account, it was already too late. Someone already saved the video and re-uploaded it. As of the moment, the said video was already uploaded in more than ten pages, those which were dedicated for some viral topics in the internet. It was way beyond Donghyuck's control. There's nothing he could do about it. His life was over. 

He overdid it. He should have just told them to stop harassing Mark because he had already forgiven him. That should have been enough. But instead, his dumb self allowed his guilt to overrule, hence, he admitted to much. He said a lot of self implicating things that he couldn't anymore take back. He was stupid. His life was over. 

His hands were shaking as he scrolled in the comment section of one of the re-uploaded version of his video. His throat were tightening. A lot of the comments were talking about how they misjudged Mark when it was really him who was the villain of the story. 

Manipulative bitch. 

Self-centered bastard. 

Desperate piece of shit. 

His phone kept on vibrating, signalling messages that kept on coming. He, however, was too scared to check. The last message he read was from his former workmate, the very person who had cheered for him when everyone was still bent on hating Mark. 

His words were so demeaning, like he was judging Donghyuck's entire being based only on a specific event in his life. It's funny how people can easily change their stand in just a flick of a finger. One minute, he was consoling Donghyuck, only for him to be antagonistic towards him all of a sudden. 

Donghyuck turned his phone off, not anymore feeling comfortable reading other people's opinion about him. It was all over for him. He ruined himself. 

And yet, what was this strange emotion he was feeling inside? It was peculiar, something that he couldn't put a name to— something that he couldn't understand. 

He wasn't referring to the ugly feeling of being subjected to online bullying. It was something different. 

What was it that he was feeling inside after releasing Mark from the ugly situation that he was in? It was warm and nice. It was a good feeling, if only it wasn't overshadowed by the fear of going out of his small apartment and facing strangers who could probably act on their unbelievable anger the same way that some did with Mark. 

Would he still be able to go out? Go to university? To the supermarket? Would he be able to walk outside on his own? 

Maybe he didn't need to walk out on his own. He could always ask Renjun to accompany him everywhere. That way, he wouldn't have to be scared of the possibility of a stranger coming up to him and doing stupid things. 

Oh, right. 

He didn't have Renjun anymore. Donghyuck had lost his only friend and gained a lot of new people who hate him. 

He was screwed. He really ruined everything for himself, didn't he? How would he be able to move on from all of this on his own? What was he supposed to do? 

Sighing, he lied back down on the sofa. He had no clue how to get out of all of this— this tangled mess that he had gotten himself into— this tangled mess that he had created himself. 

Why wasn't there a simple solution for everything? Why wasn't there an easy way out? Why couldn't he just simply press the restart button? 

If only he had known better in the past, then he could have avoided all of this. He could have saved himself from his current predicament. Mark, too. And Renjun. He wouldn't have lost Renjun, had he known better. He would still have him as a friend. Maybe Jaemin, too. Maybe he wouldn't be alone. He wouldn't be hated by a lot of people. 

Maybe, he would have been happier. 

But what was the point of thinking about what could have been? It wasn't like he was going to change anything in the past by thinking about it. 

In the end, his life was already ruined, nad there was nothing he could do about it. 

●●●

Donghyuck wasn't sure how much time had passed after he had fallen asleep, only to be awakened, not only by the pounding on his head but also by the knocking on his door. 

Groaning, Donghyuck slowly got up from the sofa and dragged himself to the door. He almost immediately opened it, only for him to panic the last moment and move far away from it. 

What if someone gave out his address on the internet? What if some stranger decided to just barge in and do something just because they hate him? 

Donghyuck shook his head. No. He was overthinking. Nobody would do something that extreme, right? 

But then again, one girl decided to pour her wine on Mark upon seeing him, and some others planned to do so much more. What if someone wanted to do something cruel to him as well? What could he do? No one would help him. He was on his own. Nobody liked him. Nobody would ever want to protect him. 

The knocking continued and Donghyuck backed away. He immediately looked for his phone before turning it on. He had to call for help. 

Renjun? 

No. He wouldn't pick it up. They weren't friends anymore. He wouldn't bother coming for him. 

Who else was there? 

Joohyun. Right. His landlady. Maybe he could alert her in order to drive whoever this person is, away. 

Donghyuck scrolled down on his contacts to find his landlady's number. He was about to press the call button when the person behind the door decided to speak. 

"Donghyuck? Are you there? "

Relief washed over him and he slumped against the sofa, trembling legs had already given out. He let his phone slip off of his hand and fall on the cushion. 

It was fine. He was safe. It was just Doyoung and not some crazy stranger trying to barge inside his apartment. 

He breathed a sigh in relief.

Relief? Why was he relieved? It was Doyoung for Pete's sake, the very person who would feel delighted at her every misery! This was the Doyoung who would capitalize at his every failure and every mistake. Why would he feel relieved over his presence? 

But for the past days, Doyoung had been constant in his life, bringing him everything that he needed and taking care of him despite his treatment of the other. He even defended Donghyuck constantly from Ten, and so far, he was the only person who said that he understood why Donghyuck had behaved the way he did before. He seemed okay. He seemed nice— someone who could be trusted. 

No. That was so wrong if Donghyuck was to think about their history. There was no reason for him to think of Doyoung as a kind and caring person. He was a mean, selfish and self-centered bastard who's only waiting for the right moment to strike, and this might be the right moment that he was waiting for. 

"Donghyuck? " Doyoung spoke again. "Are you there? Are you okay? "

Donghyuck huffed. Should he answer? Maybe if he pretended to not hear him, he would go away. But then again, this is Doyoung. Either today or tomorrow, he wouldn't give up on whatever it was that he wanted to achieve with Donghyuck.

Grunting, he used his arms to push himself off of the sofa and made his way back to the door, unlocked it, and finally became face to face with his cousin. 

Doyoung looked different— that was the first think that Donghyuck noticed. His hair was a mess, his dress shirt not tucked properly and his tie, missing. He looked different from the regular Doyoung— perfect, meticulous and organized. The usual him wouldn't even walk out in the open looking like this. 

Whatever. It wasn't like that was something that Donghyuck was suppose to be dwelling on. 

He crossed his arms before looking straight at his cousin's face. "Well? What are you waiting for? "

Doyoung looked at him confusedly. 

"Say it. We both know you want to say something. Go on. Tell me. Tell me how stupid I am. How wrong I was and how right the people who are calling me manipulative, controlling and selfish asshole, are. Go on. We both know you've been waiting for this very moment."

Doyoung let out a deep breath before reaching out to touch his hand, turning it around so that Donghyuck's palm was facing upward. 

Donghyuck immediately pulled away upon realizing what his cousin was doing. He was checking for something. 

Doyoung's eyes were scanning him, making him feel weird and confused. Why was his cousin looking at him like that? 

Doyoung was looking at him like he cared. Well, he really looked like he cared. Only, that was impossible, right? 

Satisfied, Doyoung sighed in relief. 

"Thank god, you're safe, " Doyoung said, placing a hand on his own chest. "Sorry, I took so long to come here. I was actually not aware of what's happening. I don't use social media often so I didn't know, at least not until Jaehyun messaged me. I swear, I immediately left the office after learning about what's happening to immediately be with you. "

Donghyuck didn't understand. There's got to be something wrong here. This wasn't the reaction he was hoping for. 

"Isn't this the time for you to use your 'I am better than you in everything' card? Come on, do it. Why aren't you laughing and insulting me, yet? "

Doyoung sighed dejectedly before raising up a hand to wipe the sweat in his forehead. When Donghyuck focused on his cousin even more, he observed the ris and fall of his chest. He was heaving. Did he run all the way up here? 

"I still don't understand how and why you would think that way. I never laughed at you, nor did I ever insulted you, so it still remains a mystery to me that where you got the thought. 

"First of all, I will never tell you how right those people hiding behind their computer screens are about you, because they're all wrong in so many levels. It's not even their place to say anything because whatever you and Mark had in the past, it's between you and him. Your relationship doesn't even have an effect on their lives, so I will never understand why they are acting so affected by it. Besides, I don't agree with everything that they're calling you. You made mistakes, sure, there's no denying that, but who doesn't? All of us make mistakes and there are times when it takes too long for us to realize that. Still, the fact that you admitted to it means a lot. It means you're finally acknowledging your action and trying to do things to correct them. 

"Second, this might sound a little weird, especially considering the result of what you just decided to do. I still stand by my opinion that this could have been handled better without putting you in such difficult situation. Still, I want you to know that Donghyuck, I… I am actually proud of you. "

●●●

Donghyuck watched as his cousin busied himself in the kitchen, organizing his fridge and reheating something in the microwave. He immediately looked away when Doyoung turned to look at him. 

Their conversation earlier still baffled and confused him. 

He was proud of Donghyuck. 

That was so unexpected. He hadn't heard that from anybody for long. The last time that he had heard it from his parents was when he was still in grade school, after he had gotten three stars for his penmanship. He never heard about that again, especially since there wasn't anything praiseworthy about his grades, nor about the remarks of the teachers about his behaviour. 

The last time that he had heard it was from Renjun, when he was getting his life back on track again, step by step. He remembered how good he felt over hearing those words again. 

He had never expected to hear it around this time, and most of all, he didn't expect to hear it from Doyoung. 

"Are you being sarcastic or what? " he recalled asking earlier, because he really couldn't understand. Even he wasn't proud of himself. What was there to be proud about after finding out that everything he he had believed was just a web of lies that he had personally woven? 

"You made mistakes, but you are already acknowledging them instead of just simply rationalizing your actions, which for a lot of people is a difficult thing to do, " Doyoung had replied. "It's a huge step already and yet, you made another big one. You decided to do something to try and correct them, to prevent someone else from receiving backlash over your action. You did it, even if you know that doing so would make you the target of those people's hate. That's selfless, Donghyuck. "

Selfless? Well that was knew. For days, people around him was calling him selfish. Even he thought of himself that way so this was a surprise. A very nice surprise. 

Was being selfless the cause of the warm and nice feeling that he had felt after realizing that less people were posting hate comments about Mark? 

If it was, then it was a good feeling. It felt better than when he's trying so hard to get what he wanted. It felt so good, he wanted to feel it again. 

But being selfless meant sacrificing himself for the sake of others. He wasn't sure if he could handle doing that again. The trouble that selflessness could bring upon him might be something unbearable in the future. He didn't know if he really want that. 

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts instantly. Who could it be? If Doyoung was already here, then who else would come and visit him? 

Strangers? Someone who wanted to hurt him? 

Donghyuck immediately turned to Doyoung who in turn, was looking at him as well. The older gave him a small smile as if sensing his hesitation, before heading towards the door. 

"I'll do it. "

There was a commotion. Doyoung was struggling to close the door but the person outside was pushing his way in. 

Donghyuck just stayed where he was, unsure of what to do. He was immediately paralyzed by thought of someone trying to break in his apartment. 

Donghyuck heard his cousin cursing as he struggled to push the door close, his efforts proven to be futile as the "stranger" made his way in through a tiny opening. 

"Seriously, Ten. What do you want this time? " Doyoung asked the intruder, and only then did Donghyuck recognized who he was. 

"Hello guys! What's up? " he greeted brightly, much to Donghyuck's (and somehow Doyoung's) annoyance. What was he happy about? 

Oh, right. Donghyuck had forgotten that it was actually Ten who pushed him into doing what he did. Of course he was happy. He got the result that he wanted. 

"What do you want this time? I already did what you asked. "

Ten waved his hand in the air, trying to look nonchalant. "Nothing much. I just stopped by to say hi and tell you that I might have given a stupid suggestion which you unfortunately followed, but no worries, the same legal team we hired for Mark is doing the same thing to take down every mean posts about you. Don't sweat about it. "

Doyoung looked at him, unimpressed. "You have five minutes before sue you for trespassing, Ten. "

"Well, technically, you can't sue me because technically, you don't live here. "

"I will either call your dad or Johnny. "

"Okay fine, wait! " Ten raised his hand at Doyoung before facing Donghyuck. 

"Well, this is… tough, " he began. "This might be a little too late, but, sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did, and by that, I mean guilt tripping you to do something you're clearly uncomfortable to do. It wasn't my place to do such thing. Who am I anyway? I shouldn't have butt in. It was between you and Mark, but my overprotective instinct kicked in and convinced me that I am doing the right thing, which I belatedly realized was extremely wrong in so many levels. I'm sorry. "

Donghyuck just stared it him, completely confused. "Are you apologizing to me? "

"No, I am just casually trying to start a conversation. Hi. "

That earned another glare from his cousin. 

"Right. Sorry. I always forget that sarcasm has no place in an apology. Sorry. That's something I'm still working on. " Ten forced himself to smile. "To answer your question, yes, I am actually apologizing to you. "

"But why? " he asked, still unable to grasp a thing about the situation. 

"Because I did something wrong? " Ten replied, looking at Doyoung for some help because he didn't understand Donghyuck's reaction. 

"But you hate me. Why will you apologize to me if you hate me? "

"First of all, I don't hate you. I mean, I did, but it was unreasonable. Mark is a part of my very small circle of friends and when it comes to them, I am really protective. When I found out about you, I automatically picked his side which is the most natural thing for me to do. Still, I shouldn't have been hateful towards you. There are other ways of supporting him without, you know, attacking on his behalf. That's overstepping boundaries. Besides, of all people, I shouldn't be judging you for your actions, since well… history. " Ten gave Doyoung a meaningful look which the latter immediately acknowledge with a simple grunt. "Is there anything I can do to make up for it? "

Donghyuck just shrugged, before settling back down on the sofa. It felt good to have someone apologize to him even if in all honesty, for some weird reasons, he didn't remember blaming Ten for driving him to do what he did. It was odd even for himself. Besides, for some more reasons, despite him deleting his video immediately, there's a part of him that wasn't feeling regretful over uploading it in the first place. It was really small, and was easily overpowered by his fear of it's repercussions. Still. It was there. 

But then again, what could Ten do? Donghyuck didn't even know how to save himself from all of this. 

"Maybe you need a new environment to think things through? To relax? " Ten suggested. "Thailand? Japan? New York? Greece? Spain? Tell me, and I'll shoulder the ticket. You can even bring your friends along! "

"We don't bribe for forgiveness, Ten, " Doyoung told him, before motioning for him to sit in one of the chairs by the dining table. 

"Right. Sorry, " Ten apologized once again. "Slipped my mind again. "

Doyoung just rolled his eyes before turning back to Donghyuck. "But, I actually agree. I think, leaving for a few days would be nice. "

And where would he go? It wasn't like Donghyuck had a person to visit out of town and he was quite sure that his broke ass couldn't afford renting a cottage. While it might seem like an inviting idea, it was highly unattainable for him. 

"And, I think, I know just the right place, " Doyoung added as if reading his mind. "That is, if you'll agree to go with me. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't feel like writing the content of the entire video, so I hope tidbits of it mentioned above would be enough. 😊


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! How are you? I hope that wherever you are, you are all safe.
> 
> A lot you correctly predicted what's going to happen next. Yey! 👏👏👏

The moment that Donghyuck step foot out of the car, he immediately regretted ever agreeing to Doyoung's suggestion. He couldn't even understand why he did so, when he was supposed to hate his cousin. He wasn't supposed to listen or to believe a single word he said. 

And yet, he did, and he's very much regretful for it, especially once he spotted the very familiar house that he hadn't seen in a long while. 

It was the same as he remembered, nothing much had changed, the front was still yet to be repainted and the window that refused to opened was still not repaired. 

It was the same old house that Donghyuck grew up with, the same old house which not once had ever improved, in comparison to the others in the neighborhood. 

Donghyuck remembered the house being a gift from his grandmother from his mother's side, an extension of help for her daughter, who, unlike her other daughter, hadn't marry rich and was therefore living a humble life. 

One would thought that after being away for too long, he would cousinhis house, but no, he didn't. He dislike it as much as he used too, so much that the only thing that he wanted to do was to leave it for good. 

"I'm going home, " he announced, automatically reaching for the car's door handle, only to be stopped by Doyoung. 

"Wait, this is your home! "

Home. 

This didn't feel like home. It used to be back when he was young, and he used to love it, when he was too ignorant to notice the differences in the social status. He hated calling it home once he got over that phase, and the only thing that he wanted was to make a lot of changes about it or move to a different house entirely. 

Then, that thing happened. He was forced to choose between going back for good or never returning at all. He choose the latter, because choosing the former could mean being stuck in that house forever, and he didn't want that. 

It wasn't his home. It hadn't been for years. 

"We already drove all the way here, " Doyoung reminded him.

"Well I changed my mind. Besides, it's you who's so insistent about coming here, anyway. It's your own fault. "

He crossed his arms as stared at his cousin, challenging him.

"But you agreed, " Doyoung gently reminded him. 

Well, maybe he did, but only because… why did he agree? 

He really couldn't understand why he did. It must have been Doyoung's fault, like always. Maybe he had manipulated Donghyuck into thinking that it was all for the best. He had acted nice to him, so maybe that deluded Donghyuck into thinking that his cousin only meant well. 

He belatedly realized the underlying malice in his cousin's suggestion, once they already got there. 

Maybe he just wanted to personally witness Donghyuck's parents chew him up for this new embarrassment that he brought upon the family. 

"At least, just say hi to them? "

He didn't want to. He didn't know how to. It's been years since he had stopped talking to his parents after that call. He remembered being hurt. He remembered blaming them for not being understanding enough. He remembered the sense of abandonment that he felt. 

And yet, seeing this house again, he couldn't help but question the way he felt back then. 

They were never rich to begin with, and his parents had to work twice as hard just so they could send him to a good university. They never complained about that, and nor did they try to encourage him to switch to a more practical program. They had always been supportive and poured most of their money on him, instead of on themselves, or in this house which could use some repair. And yet, he set their efforts aside in favor of chasing his soulmate. He had forgotten about their hard works just because Mark had left him. Were they even wrong for being angry? 

Great. His views were changing about everything, and it was messing with his head. How the hell did Doyoung managed to convince him that this was a good idea? 

"Just say hi, " Doyoung repeated in almost a pleading manner. "If you still don't feel like staying, then we'll drive back tonight. "

Doyoung shifted on his toes. He really didn't feel comfortable meeting any of his parents, and yet, a part of him also missed his parents. After all, he only hated the house but not the people inside. 

Bu what if they didn't want to see him? They didn't even try to contact him, so he assumed that they haven't forgiven him yet. 

"No, I want to—"

Just when he was about to give his answer, Donghyuck saw the front door opening. An old woman came out, probably to check who's car was suddenly parked outside their house. 

Donghyuck saw her trying to get a better look until she finally realized who it was that she was looking at. 

"Doyoung? " she immediately called out, causing the said person to turn around and in the process move from obstructing Donghyuck from her view. 

He saw her eyes switched from his cousin to him. She stared blankly at him for a moment, before recognition finally dawned upon her. 

"Donghyuck? Is that you? "

Donghyuck shifted on his toes, unsure how to greet his mother after years of not seeing her. He felt Doyoung nudging him lightly. 

Annoyed, he gave him a sharp glare before hesitantly facing his mother again. 

His voice cracked as he spoke his first words to her in years. "Yes, Mom. It's me. I… I'm home. "

●●●

If nothing much had changed from the outside, Donghyuck could say the same thing about what's inside the house. 

It was the same old furnitures that he remembered leaving behind once he left for the university. The old sofa was still the same one with the broken leg, which his father had remedied by attaching a mismatched wood to it. It was ugly, something that nobody would be proud to show off to their guests. Their TV was still an analog one, for it was never his parents priority to adapt to the innovations of technology. As long as it's still working, it was find it didn't need a replacement, especially since according to them, flatscreen smart TVs were impractical to have considering that they break easily. But the truth was, buying one would meant sacrificing some expenses which were more important, which was mainly their basic needs and Donghyuck's education. 

A part of him wanted to ask them. Hey Mom, hey Dad, you haven't been sending me anything, so where did your money go? Why didn't anything change in this house at all? 

But he knew that he shouldn't, he didn't have the right to. 

He knew all the time that in order to support his studies, his parents had loaned from several people and worked thrice as hard in order to pay them. Not once did he heard them complain about it, except during that one time, and they tried to act like it wasn't a big deal in order to not burden him. They never really talked about it. 

They didn't need to. Donghyuck knew, but said nothing about it and if he was to be honest, he refused to acknowledge it. 

He didn't want to think about how embarrassing it was for his parents to try and borrow money from anyone they knew. It was only fair that he get to study what he wanted and go to the university of his choice. His peers got to do what they wanted, it was only fair that he should, too. Nevermind that they weren't as well off as them. He just needed things to be fair. 

When he thought about it, when he scanned their small living room, up to the ceiling that definitely leaked water during rainy days, he realized that it was inside this house that he first started claiming that life was treating him unfairly. 

It was unfair that the other people's houses were prettier than theirs. Never mind that this was given to them for free or that at least they had a roof above their head. It was still unfair that his friends sid not gush about hoe pretty their house was. 

It was unfair that he didn't get to play the games that the other kids could because it wasn't a priority expense for his family. Nevermind that he didn't like them that much, either. It was only fair that he get to show off something to his classmate. 

At one point, he even recalled blaming such unfairness as to why Doyoung was smarter than him. Doyoung was only smarter because they could afford a tutor. If his own parents could hire one, then he could definitely be the smarter one. It was certainly not because studies never really interested him. It wasn't his fault. Life was just unfair. 

Those were just among a lot of things, things that he used to think about at night, as he bite his pillow and cry miserably. His parents probably knew, but they didn't say a thing, although they probably felt bad about it hence they were determined to provide for everything that he needed. 

Thinking about it at the moment made him feel like a very entitled bastard. He wanted a lot of things, but he never really did anything to have them. He just whined about how unfair it was that he couldn't have it. He wondered what changed. He felt so ashamed of the way he used to think before. 

It was uncomfortable, to say the least, to be here and be reminded of his childhood frustrations which he unfortunately carried to his adulthood, and which in turn, ruined his relationships with a lot of people the same way that he ruined himself. 

If he didn't think the way he used to, them maybe things could have been better for him. 

His mom came out of the kitchen to offer them whatever they had. He could only imagine her trouble at being caught off-guard, unprepared of their sudden presence. Maybe they could have warned her, so that she could have been more prepared. 

But then, again, his parents were never pretentious. They never acted beyond their means, something that Donghyuck hadn't copied from both of them. So if all they had to offer were plain bread and a cup of instant coffee, they wouldn't go out of their way to produce a cake and freshly brewed coffee. 

Donghyuck kept his head down as his mother placed the bread and the cups of coffee for them. She hadn't said any more word to him after she ushered both him and his cousin inside the house. There were no scolding. There were no screaming. She just patted him on the back and asked him to get comfortable. Maybe it was because Doyoung was here. His parents were never the kind who would scold their child in front of other person. He was thankful for that, yet, he wasn't sure if he was up for spending a private time with her. He wasn't sure if he was okay with Doyoung leaving him on his own with his own mother. 

Great. So now he's being clingy towards his cousin. How pathetic. 

"I haven't seen uncle, yet, Auntie, " it was Doyoung who decided to fill the void by starting a conversation as his mother occupied the space beside him. He stiffened. 

"Ah, yes. He's still at the factory. You wouldn't be seeing until six. You will be staying right. "

He caught Doyoung looking at him when he glanced up, silently asking him for an answer. He honestly didn't know. Should they? 

"Ah, I see, both of you must have been busy, " his mother commented, reading the situation. Yeah, sure. Doyoung was busy with work, Donghyuck was busy being miserable. He wondered if his mother knew about the things that had happened to him recently. While she didn't have her own sns account, he was sure that some other people must have already informed him, particularly a certain witch who wouldn't miss a chance to rub in his mother's face how much of a failure Donghyuck didn't come. Yet, as Donghyuck look up to steal a glance at her, he couldn't spot a single sign of disdain. Even the disappointment on her voice that day that she called, couldn't even be traced on her anymore. It was as if it didn't happen. 

"Ah, not really, " Doyoung replied. "I just resigned from my previous job. "

"Oh, you did? " his mother asked. 

He did? Was this the job at the stock exchange market that Doyoung's mother was bragging about every single moment that she could? But why did he quit? 

"Ah, yes, I did. I realized it's not really the job for me, but a good friend offered me a position in his company, and I immediately accepted. The salary wouldn't be that big, but well, I guess I'm okay with that. I'll start working there next week. "

"Ah, of course. It's important to like your job. Working on your passion is always the most ideal thing to do. "

Donghyuck absentmindedly nodded, not because he was trying to give encouragement to his cousin. He just heard that from his mother a lot of times before. So when he decided to pick music as his major, she and his father never tried to sway him to change to a more employable career, no matter how much a lot of people disapproved of his choice. 

"Ah, don't you think it's a little bit impractical? " Doyoung asked her. 

"Nonsense! As long as you live within your means, then you wouldn't have a problem. "

"I guess you're right, Auntie. I wish that everyone would just see things the way you do. "

Donghyuck took a good look at his cousin, and saw the disappointment on his face. One didn't need to be genius to understand who the "everyone" he was referring to, was. 

When he looked back, he really couldn't remember what Doyoung wanted to be. While, Donghyuck shifted from wanting to be a doctor, a florist, to being a music teacher, there was never a time that Donghyuck had heard of an instance when Doyoung was able to voice out what he really wanted to do in the future. All that he ever heard was his Aunt who would always announce to everyone that Doyoung would be super smart, and that he would land a good and prestigious job before building his own company. That was the ambition that she bestowed upon his son. For all they know, Doyoung would have probably wanted to be an idol and make a lot of fans chant his name. 

Looking back, Donghyuck recalled how much of a nightmare she was to him for always picking on him and on his flaws. Too chubby. Too short. Not too smart. He wouldn't make it out big unlike her Dongyoungie. He never really took the time to wonder how Doyoung felt about his mother. But then again, why would he? It wasn't like Doyoung didn't like the attention that his mother was shining doen upon him. 

Or did he? Would anyone ever be able to enjoy having someone to hype you up and pressure you to be that somebody they made you out to be. He wasn't going to like that if it was him. Maybe Doyoung was the same. 

"You're doing good in your life. I'm proud of you. "

A spark of jealousy lighted up inside of him. He never really liked hearing other people compliment his cousin, especially if the other people he was referring to was his parent. He wanted to hear that compliment for himself, but tough luck, he didn't have anything worth complimenting. 

He shouldn't be thinking about how much Doyoung might have suffered, when even up to this time, he was getting everything that Donghyuck ever wanted. 

Or was he, really? 

There was a knock on the door tha interrupted the conversation between Doyoung and his mother, and while his cousin almost immediately answer the door, his mother motioned for him to just sit and wait as she check on who was behind the door. 

"Who could it be?" His cousin asked. 

It didn't take long before a high pitched voice echoed in the room calling for his cousin. He immediately shoot his cousin an accusing glare, much to his surprise, his cousin looked equally confused by her sudden appearance. 

"What are you doing here, Mom?"

Think of the devil and she would arrive. Donghyuck cursed his luck. 

"What's with that question? I am your mother. I am supposed to know where you are! "

She gave his cousin an overbearing hug while complaining. "How dare you, young man? If I haven't heard from a neighbor that you're here, then I wouldn't even know. I don't understand why you would go to your aunt first instead of coming home to me. " Only then did she finally noticed Donghyuck. "Oh, I can see why. "

She didn't even try to hide his obvious dislike towards him. She pulled away from her own son. 

"My, Donghyuck, is this really you? " she looked at him from head to foot before commenting. "My, you look bigger in person than in videos. "

Donghyuck fought the urge to roll his eyes. The same goes to you, Auntie. You might need to join a zumba class. 

"Did you come here with my Dongyoungie? " she asked, sounding so horrified. "Oh my god, tell me you didn't ! I know you might be cousins and you might think you can always depend on my son for anything, but my Dongyoungie have a reputation to uphold. He shouldn't be seen with the likes of you. "

"My son is actually a law abiding citizen, Dongyi, " his own mother commented on his defense. "As far as I know, my son never had a criminal record, so being seen with him couldn't possibly damage anyone's reputation. "

His aunt rolled her eyes. "That's the problem with you, Dongsoon, you always come to his defense. Look at how he grew up. If only you had listened to me and approve of my offer to take him under my care and educate him properly—"

Donghyuck winced. For some reason, his aunt had this sort of obsession to take him from his parents in order to "take care of him properly". His own parents, however, were sane enough to not give him away to a witch. 

"And I told you before, he is our son. He's us to take care of. "

"And you failed miserably, " His aunt commented. 

"Mom, please, " Doyoung tried to pacify his aunt, but they all knew that once the witch start, there's no going back. 

"What? I am just being honest here! It's not my responsibility, but I offered to help. But then again, you, " she said, pointing at his mother, much to Donghyuck's annoyance. "Couldn't accept that I could be a better mother than you. "

Donghyuck snorted at that. Sure, he might not have grown up to be the son any mother would want to have, but he was pretty sure that his mother was a better parent than his aunt. 

"See! " His aunt pointed at him hysterically. "That's what I am talking about. Had you let me take care of him, then maybe he would have grown to be Doyoung. Well, maybe not as good, because Doyoung is really special, he is my son after all. But at least, he wouldn't be as bad as he is today. "

"My son looks fine to me, " His mother replied. 

"Oh please, " his aunt replied, crossing her arms. "He just wrecked havoc in the internet. "

"I believe, it's my duty not yours, to call him out on that. "

"But I am his aunt! "

"And I am his mother, " his Mom answered back dismissively. "And this is my house. This might have been a gift from our mother, but it's technically mine. And I don't appreciate you screaming out inside my property in the middle of the day to call my son out regarding matters that you don't even have right to give an opinion to. "

Donghyuck had forgotten how brave his mother could be, once she needed to. Something inside of him bloom as he listened to the way his mother had just defended him. It felt nice. It felt good to have someone coming at his defense. 

That seemed to do the trick as his aunt immediately marched towards the door. She was about to leave, until she remembered the reason why she was there (other than to make Donghyuck life a living hell, that is). 

"What are you waiting for, Doyoung? Are you going to let me leave on my own? "

Doyoung sighed dejectedly before bowing to his mother in apology to how his own mother acted. 

"I'll be back, " His cousin told him before chasing after his mother before the latter tried to do anything stupid. 

"That poor boy, " his mother commented as they heard the door shutting close. "I wonder how he manages to stick with his mother. I almost tried to lose her when she was six… almost. "

Donghyuck smiled. He had heard his mother talk about the same thing everytime her sister would do something annoying. 

Once his mother finally turned to him did realization finally dawn upon him. They were alone. They were finally on their own. Donghyuck gulped as he waited for the scolding to come. It was bound to happen. He had made a lot of trouble during the past years, most especially recently. It was only reasonable for her to be mad again. 

Donghyuck shifted awkwardly as he met his mother's gaze. He waited for the shouts. 

And yet, they didn't come. Not even the sigh in disappointment. 

What came to him was a gentle pat on his cheeks along with a soft motherly gaze. 

"You lived a hard life, didn't you? All on your own? "

It was as if someone had turned on the faucet, and the tears just kept on coming beyond his control. He didn't trust his voice to speak so he just simply nodded. 

"Then you need to rest. I know you are tired. It's okay. You'll be okay. You're finally home now. "

Donghyuck nodded again. He was finally back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ● I guess we all have that aunt that comes into our mind after reading this. I do have someone in mind as I was writing this, and she's a massive pain in the ass. (╥_╥)
> 
> ●This is probably my last update for the month as I have a lot of things going on, so I'll see you in July. T_T sorry. 
> 
> ●Not related to the story but hey, wherever you are, whatever it is that you're doing right now, whether you're at home or marching down the streets in order for your voice to be heard, I hope you'll be safe, not only from the virus but from a much bigger threat to the entire world which has been present for so long. #blacklivesmatter #junkterrorbill


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added homophobia in the tags for this chapter.

Donghyuck woke up to the sounds of murmuring, having just fallen asleep on the mattress inside his room. 

His room. His room that he hadn't returned to in years. Somehow, despite not being used for long period of time, everything about it felt so welcoming and comforting. 

For one, the blankets and pillow case still smelled strongly of the floral fabric conditioner that his mother had been loyal to. It was as if everything was fresh from the laundry— soft, warm and nice smelling. Everything seemed prepared that he wondered, did his parents know that he was coming over? No. That didn't seem like it. His mother was obviously surprised to see him. 

So, then, did she just decided to prepare his room in hopes that Donghyuck would come back? Did she ever hoped that Donghyuck would come back? 

Back then, she sounded like she really hated him for failing almost all of his classes. She sounded like she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. 

Or did she, really? She never asked Donghyuck to never come back, did she? All that she ever asked him was to either come back and forget about his plans in finishing his studies in the university or start supporting himself. Did she ever asked him to never come back?

No.

So why didn't he return sooner? What kept him from returning back home? 

She never called. She and Papa never called. But why didn't he called instead? 

Right. Because he wanted them to call him first. Because he didn't want to admit to his own fault. 

He sighed. In the end, he just wasted a lot of opportunities. 

Donghyuck got up from the mattress and folded his blankets before stacking it with the pillows the way his mother preferred. He was still not sure how to act in front of her after years of not speaking to her. Still, staying inside his room to hide away didn't seem like a good way to spend his time at home. He already felt like he wasted a lot of time already, and he wasn't sure if he still wanted to waste more. 

Donghyuck tiptoed outside his room, to the small living room, in time to see his Papa sitting down on the sofa, a cup of coffee in his hand. 

Donghyuck froze. 

He wondered why, but his Papa looked like he aged too much. Were the years of not being home, too long? Did he really wast so much time? 

When his Papa turned to him, Donghyuck wasn't sure how to react. It was like he had forgotten how to great him. Moreover, he was scared about what his Papa would say. While it wasn't him whom Donghyuck had last spoken to on the phone, it was him who was working really hard to bring home money for all of them. Money that Donghyuck spent and wasted thoughtlessly by neglecting his studies. He had to be really disappointed. He had to be. After all, Donghyuck had promised his father that once he finished his degree, he would earn enough money to repair the house or even to move to a different house with a better environment. 

Broken promises. A promise that he had forgotten all because he began focusing all of his attention on one person. 

"How was your trip? "

Donghyuck was taken aback by his father's question. It wasn't what he expected to be his father's first word to him in years. Wasn't he supposed to scold him? He ought to do so, right? After all, Donghyuck hadn't really done anything to right his wrong, and not to mention, he had just embarrassed himself on the internet a few days ago. 

"How was your trip? " his Papa asked again, probably thinking that Donghyuck just didn't hear him. Donghyuck did. He was just merely confused as to why his father wasn't angry at him yet. 

Donghyuck struggled to reply. "I-it was okay. "

His Papa nodded. "I see. Did you already eat? "

Donghyuck just shook his head. Their conversation sounded too normal to be considered as normal. This wasn't how a parent should speak to a child he hadn't seen in years. Donghyuck just didn't come home from school. He came home after years of stubbornly holding on to his pride and refusing to acknowledge the wrongs that he did.

"Your Mama will prepare a dinner soon. You can go back to your room and rest. "

The dinner, as Donghyuck expected, was awkward, or at the very least, he was awkward. 

His parents looked like they were having their usual dinner together— having normal conversations, and even including him in their talks, similarly to how they were back when Donghyuck still lived here. 

It was too normal, and it was suffocating him, not because he didn't like it, but because he didn't feel like he deserved it. 

Not one of his parents ever brought up the things that Donghyuck did in the past, or even the things that he did recently. 

Were they trying to pretend that those things never happened? Donghyuck had a feeling that they weren't. Instead, they were waiting for him to just bring it up. To talk about it when he's ready. To share everything on his pace. 

Donghyuck was reminded of those years when he desperately wanted to have people on his side, to the point where he had even tried to ruin their relationships with somebody else just so he could keep them. All those time, the only thing he should have done was to swallow his pride and ask for forgiveness to his parents and they would be on his side. 

Like always. 

Like they had been ever since. 

Had he done so, then maybe, things would have gone differently. He wouldn't have reached the miserable state that he found really hard to get up from. 

"Are you okay, Donghyuck? "

Donghyuck didn't realize that he had stopped eating in favor of staring at his parents. His throat was constricting, and his eyes were stinging. He just couldn't control the wave of emotions that was hitting him. 

"Hey, it's okay, " his mother spoke again. "You don't have to say anything until you're ready. It's okay. "

But it wasn't okay. It didn't seem like he deserve this kind of treatment at all. Everything was overwhelming. 

"You'll be fine. You're home. It's safe here. "

Home. Safe. Donghyuck loved that. Donghyuck longed for that. After years of trying to find th right people to depend on, in the end, all he ever needed to do was to return to his parents. To return back home. 

●●●

He was safe at home, and his parents were his safety blanket. For a while, Donghyuck had felt secured until the same nightmare that plagued him in his childhood found him again. He was reminded again if why he didn't want to stay. 

Maybe, he should have expected it, but then again, Donghyuck had hoped that it wouldn't happen.

At breakfast, his mother had already broke the news that his grandmother was already aware that he was home and was asking to see him. He didn't even need to asked who it was that had informed his grandmother about his whereabouts. 

It wasn't that Donghyuck hated his grandmother. In fact, he loved her, and if it was only him that she's going to meet, then maybe Donghyuck could deal with that, even if his grandmother wouldn't be as considerate as his parents in terms with dealing with him. 

The problem was that, he was sure that he wasn't only going to meet her, but the rest of the family as well, which meant including the witch of an aunt that Donghyuck had. 

His aunt loved family gatherings, and it wasn't because she loved seeing them. In reality, she just wanted an audience, to listen to her as she talk about her family, her son and her life. She loved being the spotlight for all the good reasons and she loved putting someone under the same spotlight, only if they were getting the attention for all the wrong reasons. 

She was a horrible person. Donghyuck even had a hard time acknowledging her as his mother's sister, since they were very much different to each other. 

Donghyuck was sure that she was going to be there. There was no way that she would miss a chance to trample him down, especially since she had already started to doing it yesterday. 

"Just for a while, " his mother told him. "We don't have to stay long. Your grandmother just really wanted to see you. You know how she is. She's old, and she's demanding to spend time with her family for as long as she still could. "

For as long as she still could. That had always been the magic word to convince Donghyuck to walk out of his comfort zone and attend family gatherings despite him not really wanting to. Her old age had always been a huge factor to convince Donghyuck. If he would decline, then it would make him a bad person for going against an old person's wish. Hence, Donghyuck would always be forced to sit with his relatives as he endure hours of his aunt making him feel bad about himself. 

"Or you can just not attend at all. "

Donghyuck was quite surprised. Most of the time, his mother would really be the one pushing him so see his grandmother, so it was unusual for her to say that way. 

"We can just tell them that you're not feeling well. She will understand. "

The offer was tempting. If he could get away and not meet the rest of their family, then things would go in his favor. But then, there's only one more problem. 

"Will you and Papa still go there even without me? "

"Yes, " his Papa answered. "Your uncle coincidentally returned from abroad, so it would be nice for all of them siblings to be together with their mother after a long while. "

That was a problem. 

That only meant that even if Donghyuck could technically save himself from hearing from his aunt, his parents couldn't do the same. They were bound to go there and listen as his aunt berate them for their "bad parenting" all because Donghyuck didn't turn out to be the son any mother would want to have. 

It didn't sit right with him, at least not anymore. He didn't really feel comfortable that his parents would receive bullets that were meant for him. He wasn't a child anymore. He should stop using his parents as shield, right? 

"I… I think I can go. "

Both of his parents looked surprise. 

"Are you sure? "

He gulped. "Yes. I am sure. "

Whatever he would hear that night, he would just forget about it the next morning. 

Words were just words, weren't they. He shouldn't be bothered too much by it. Words couldn't hurt him. 

●●●

Well, they could. They could and he had experienced enough to know that words could do more than hurting him. 

Words could destroy him. 

From the minute that his family had entered his grandmother's traditional house, Donghyuck knew that his endurance and patience would be tested… gravely. 

The first set of people that Donghyuck encountered were the family of his uncle who lived abroad. Donghyuck didn't really know how to feel about him and his family since Donghyuck could barely even remember them. He was five when they left, so there wasn't much memories that Donghyuck could dig about them. He had no idea what their opinion about him was, but maybe he should leave it at that and nit bother to ask anymore. 

After all, his cousins, two boys and one girl, were already looking at him weirdly. That was enough of a warning for him to keep his distance. It wasn't like they had been close to any of them. They didn't grow up together unlike him and Doyoung. 

Where was Doyoung anyway? 

More importantly, why was he looking for Doyoung like he was depending on him? 

In fact, Donghyuck should be thankful that he wasn't here yet, him and his family. 

If anything, Donghyuck should be hopeful that they wouldn't come at all. 

They found their grandmother praying at the altar where a photo of her beloved husband was placed. It took her a moment to finally notice, and when she did, there was an unexplainable expression on her face as she asked her maid to push her wheelchair for her. 

"There you are, " she said, looking straight at him. "I thought you already forgot about me. "

Her eyes were misty and Donghyuck couldn't help but fee guilty. 

She was really old. Too old and alone with only the maid accompanying her. She was obviously longing to see her family most of the time. 

There were actually a time when Donghyuck had remembered her grandmother offering them to live with him despite her already gifting them their own house. After all, her house is a little empty after all of her children moved out. 

It had been a good offer, one that was a win for all of them. Back then, his parents had declined, not because they didn't want to live with grandma, but because they didn't like being accused of "leaching off" of her until her death. That was the most horrible accusation they heard from his aunt. A part of him still believed that they should have taken up the offer just to piss her even more, but then again, he couldn't blame his parents for their decision. They weren't rich, but they still had their pride to keep. 

So his grandmother had been living on her own. Per tradition, it was supposed to be his uncle who would take care of her, but then, his grandmother's only son had other priorities, which was to pursue his job overseas. On his defense, he had tried to convince grandma to come with him, but grandma wasn't willing to adjust to a new environment. She said that the only place she would retire to would be in South Korea, in the house that her husband had built for their family. 

Hence she was alone. 

Hence she was lonely. 

Her embrace was warm and comforting, and Donghyuck felt even more guilty for not meeting her for a long period of time. 

"There you go, don't cry. "

Donghyuck didn't even notice that he was crying until his grandma pointed it out. Why was he even feeling so emotional about everything. God, Donghyuck get a grip! 

If anything, he should be laughing at himself. He had been silly. Why was he even scared of going home both to his parents and to his grandma? They were his family. Families love and protect each other. No family would ever hurt their own relative, right? 

Except for one. 

"Sorry we're late. Honey got stuck on his really important job, so he couldn't come. Oh, I see, you're already reunited. I hope you gave him a good scolding before hugging him, Mama. We don't want to reinforce his bad behavior, do we? Especially since he was already not raised well to begin with. "

Hell had finally come. 

●●●

Donghyuck's grandmother obviously splurged a lot in preparing for the dinner, considering the amount of side dishes on their table. Everything smelled so good and mouthwatering, and had it been any other day, Donghyuck would have been excited to take a bite of everything. 

Except, it wasn't just any other day. The tension in the room could be sliced by a knife with how thick it was, and Donghyuck was sure he wasn't the only one who's uncomfortable. His cousins who was probably seeing the interaction the first time were obviously bewildered by the atmosphere. 

"I hope you prepared all of this because Donghoon is here and not because your favorite grandson finally came home, or else, I swear. How could you be like this, Ma? You didn't even prepare this much when Doyoung got his degree! "

Donghyuck swore, there wasn't a single day in his life when he hadn't wish for his aunt to cease from existing. He swore, she only ever existed to ruin his life. 

"Now is not the time for that, Dongyi. We have food on the table. Don't disrespect God's grace. "

His aunt mumbled incoherently under her breath before shooting Donghyuck a not so subtle glare. "Fine, Mama. You are right. Let's not talk about the bad things. How's your business doing, Donghoon? "

Donghyuck already knew where this was heading. 

"Oh it's fine, " his uncle cluelessly responded. "Electronic parts are really in demand nowadays. Especially since people just keep on innovating. "

"Ah yes, right, " his aunt replied with an extremely cheerful voice. "Of course it is. Do you have any plans in expanding so far? If I were you, I would try my luck on car parts. In case you forgot, that's my husband's business. It's as booming as ever. I don't think there would ever come a day when we will worry about money. "

His uncle laughed awkwardly, a little taken aback but not entirely surprised at his sister's words. He might have been gone for long but he grew up with this person. "I guess I will. I'll look into it when I have time. "

"You should! " his aunt exclaimed, as if her suggestion was not worthy of being rejected at all. "Explore in as many business as you can. That way, your wife would never have to worry about selling rice cakes in the neighborhood, just because you cannot provide enough for your family. "

Donghyuck's grip on his chopsticks tightened. Well, damn. She had definitely honed her skills throughout the years. He quickly checked his father's expression only to see him trying to hold everything inside. It was unfair for his aunt to talk about his father as if he was neglecting him and his Mom. He wasn't a lazy husband nor a lazy father. He always worked hard to provide for them. 

"Oh, do not worry about me, Dongyi. Making rice cakes isn't even that much of a hard job. Besides, it wasn't that we are short on money. We're living just fine, especially since Donghyuck had been supporting himself for the past years already. "

Donghyuck was taken aback. He hadn't expected his mother to talk about him like that— like he had done something that a mother could be proud off. 

His aunt just rolled her eyes. "Sure, by slaving away at the bottom of the hierarchy. If you only listened to me and sent him to a business course, he would have a little more chance at being successful. Well, maybe not as successful as Dongyoung, but still a little bit successful. "

The mentioned person already looked uncomfortable as he fixed his gaze on his bowl. Donghyuck wasn't sure if it was only because the collar of his shirt was strangling him. 

"Anyway, how are your children doing, Donghoon? "

At this point his uncle and his uncle's children already looked conflicted between keeping up with the conversation or just outright running away before they even found themselves the target. 

"Ah, yes, they're good, " his uncle replied. "Doyeon here already got her degree in Marketing Management. "

"Oh, like my Dongyoungie! " Her aunt exclaimed. "So did she graduate with honors? "

"No, but—"

"Oh, what a pity. My Dongyoungie did. Look at him now, working at the stock exchange. I know. It's a little hard to land that job, but I guess, they need my Dongyoungie more than he needs that job. Where do you plan on working, honey? "

His cousin, Doyeon was already too offended to answer so his father just did it for her. "She's busy planning for her wedding as of the moment, so she hasn't really made up her mind yet. "

"Oh, my, darling, congratulations! " His cousin just faked a smile. "Here I am talking about your career when you wouldn't even need to it. For all I know, you're probably marrying a rich bachelor. "

"Actually it's a girl. My soulmate is actually a girl. "

Even Donghyuck felt anger boiling up inside of him as he stared at his aunts horrified expression. 

"Oh dear," she said while looking at her brother. "I am so sorry for your misfortune."

Doyeon didn't even waste anytime before wordless walking out, his siblings trailing after her. 

"How dare you say that in front of my daughter? "

"Oh, but it's true! It's a misfortune! How unfortunate that fate had committed an error in giving your daughter a female soulmate. I mean, what could they do to make a child? "

"They can adopt, " his uncle insisted. "They can adopt, because there are a lot of children out there abandoned by their biological male and female parents. They can adopt, only if they want to have a child. "

"Nonsense! Everyone wants to have a child! And why are you shouting at me? Just because you cannot accept that your daughter is abnormal—"

"My daughter is not abnormal! "

"She is! So is Donghyuck! "

"Dongyi! "

All of them might have already forgotten about their grandmother's presence, until she let out a scream to reprimand her daughter. 

One look at her was enough to make everyone worried. All, except one. 

"Ma, you're being unfair again! "

"That's enough, Dongyi," Donghyuck's mother reprimanded. "You already said too much. "

"What's too much about that? You're all just insecure because unlike you, only I have a normal child. Sure, Doyoung doesn't have a soulmate's name on his wrist, but at least he isn't curse with the abnormality of being fated to someone of the same gender. He'll be the only one who'll be successful and happily married to the girl of his dreams! "

"Well what makes you think that your son will marry a girl? " his uncle bit back. 

His aunt scoffed. "Oh please. My son is not abnormal! "

"Actually, Mom, " Doyoung spoke for the first time that evening, undoing the the top button of his shirt. "I do like girls. But I also like boys. "

Everyone, except Donghyuck's mom was surprised at the sudden confession, but none of their expression could compare to his aunt, who was suddenly as white as a ghost. 

"But I don't consider myself an abnormal. Neither Donghyuck nor Doyeon are . Oh, and I forgot to tell you earlier. I already resigned from my job. I am unemployed at the moment but a friend of mine already offered me a job at one of the company that his corporation had recently acquired. I guess I am not anymore as successful as you believe I am. "


	22. Chapter 22

"Your room is cute, " Donghyuck heard Doyoung commented as the latter entered his room. He almost immediately lashed out on him for trying subtly insult him. Why the hell would Doyoung compliment his room, when Donghyuck was sure that it was nothing compared to his? Hell, he didn't even have a proper bed. 

But then, he remembered the reason why Doyoung was there in the first place. Why he couldn't be in the lavish home of his parents, and why he would be sleeping on the futon next to Donghyuck's. 

How could he stay at his parents home after all of the things he said during dinner? 

It wasn't a surprise that the evening didn't end well for all of them. After hearing what Doyoung had to say, his aunt, unexpectedly, threw a fit. She demanded for Doyoung to take back everything that he said, to stop acting up, because everything that her son said couldn't be true. After all, she knew better because she was her mother. 

Doyoung didn't. His cousin even insisted that there was nothing to apologize for, about his preference, and about his choice of career. 

All hell broke loose. His aunt ended up bawling her eyes out over her son turning out to be disrespectful and ingrate after all of the things she did for him. His uncle ended up walking out, already done with the drama, and probably wouldn't visit again anytime soon. His sweet grandma ended up calling it a night with a disappointed expression. Donghyuck felt sorry for her.

To be honest, Donghyuck was still confuse why Doyoung said those things in front of all of them. He already know what was going to come his way and how his mother would react to that. So why did he still do it? It was stupid, unless he had other motivation. 

"Do you have a superhero complex or something? " Donghyuck asked as Doyoung was fixing the futon where the latter was going to sleep in. 

Doyoung look at him in confusion. "Why would you think so? "

Donghyuck shrugged. "Well, you were pretty much on the safe side all evening so I don't see any reason why you would do that. It seems to me that you only did so just so you can feel good about yourself by saving me and Doyeon. "

In Donghyuck's head, that seemed reasonable. After all, why would Doyoung put himself in that situation if there wasn't anything he could gain from it? 

Doyoung just shrugged back. "I admit, I really feel bad about how my mother was treating you and our other cousins. I couldn't stand it anymore so I feel like I had to say something. "

So Donghyuck was right after all. Doyoung have a hero complex. Maybe that's the reason why Doyoung had been trying to help him all along. To feel good about himself for helping Donghyuck. 

"But, then when she started talking about you and Doyeon being abnormal for having soulmates of the same gender, I feel like she was also talking about me without her even knowing, all because she had this image of perfection when it comes to me. "

"And you decided to shatter that image. "

Donghyuck already abandoned fixing his own futon as he sat on the floor. He was confused. If it was him who was with a halo of perfection, he wouldn't do anything to tarnish that image. Doyoung had no idea what it felt like for your every flaws to be called out. 

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to act perfect all the time?"

Donghyuck scoffed. Doyoung was definitely trying to insult him by asking. Well obviously, Donghyuck wouldn't know what it feels like to be one. And what was so hard about being perfect? At least, you wouldn't get insulted for everything. 

"Relax, " Doyoung said defensively. "I am not trying to insinuate anything. I'm just saying that being "perfect" isn't as comfortable as you probably think it is, especially if that perfection is defined by going along another person's standard. "

"You mean, your mother's."

"Exactly. It's not easy to force myself to fit her every standard."

"Well at least, she doesn't insult you like what she had been doing to me. "

It's kind of annoying that Doyoung was making it sound like he was having a hard time when all of those time he got all the praises and compliments. It's kind of unfair for him to make it sound as if he had suffered because of that, when all those times, Donghyuck suffered the most for being compared to him all of the time. It was unfair and insensitive, at least, in Donghyuck's opinion. 

"What makes you think that way? "

Donghyuck scoffed again. Well, why would he be insulted by his own mother? It was highly even believable, especially since she always acted as if Doyoung was the best and most important person ever born into this world. Unless, of course, he wasn't as perfect as his aunt made him out to be. 

After all, he had proven that to be true during dinner, right? 

Of course, it wasn't like being interested in the same gender is a flaw, and switching to a different job wasn't either. But according to his aunt's standard, it is, so maybe those weren't just his only flaw per his aunt's standard. 

"I always get called out for getting a grade lower than 90%. For mom, if I have an 89% remark, then I'm dumb. I'm stupid. I wasn't trying my best at all and I should be ashamed of myself. It didn't matter if that 89% was already the highest score for everyone in our class. It wasn't enough. I wasn't doing enough. I should feel ashamed, that because of me, she would look like a bad mother for not raising an intelligent student. "

An 89% wouldn't make him dumb. That's stupid. Donghyuck rarely even got a 90% during his basic education, but not once did his parents call him dumb. Doyoung had to be making things up just so he could look like a victim. This couldn't be true. 

But then again, they both have different set of parents, and Donghyuck was certain that his mother was a hundred times better than his aunts. While his mother didn't impose much standard to him (other than to pass, so that he wouldn't have to repeat a school year, as expenses wasn't cheap), it didn't necessarily mean that his aunt was the same. 

"Mom always have these standards of how I should turn out to be. I should be on top of my class. I should have a lot of achievements attached to my name. I should study business and I should end up getting a prestigious job she could brag to everyone. "

Donghyuck snorted. Well, that's exactly what she's doing. Donghyuck wasn't anymore surprised with that as she made sure that she would appear to be the best parent ever through Doyoung's every achievement. 

"To her, it doesn't matter what I like. After all, she is my mother, and I am hers. I just have to do everything she wants me to do. "

That…sounded so wrong to Donghyuck. 

Personally, he didn't get to experience that as his parents never forced him to fit in a certain standard except of course in terms of being respectful to others. Other than that, they didn't try to control who and what he wanted to be. After all, despite a lot of discouragement from other people, they allowed and supported him for his chosen major. He couldn't imagine what it would feel like if they were different. 

And then there he was, feeling bad that his parents had been disappointed at him for not taking seriously the dream that they had supported him for. 

"Do you remember how I played the piano when we were young? "

Donghyuck nodded. Of course he would. He had liked music since then, and he also wanted to learn how to play the piano as well. Unfortunately, his own parents couldn't afford to send him to the same lessons his aunt was sending Doyoung to. Back then, he thought it was unfair, because if they had the money, then he could probably be as good, or even better than Doyoung. Later on, their grandma had enrolled him in the same piano lessons, all because he really wanted to. But by then, Doyoung was already far ahead of him. His aunt made sure he would feel that difference by always reminding him that Doyoung would always be better because he's really gifted. 

Why was Doyoung bringing it up? 

"Well, at first, it was something that she forced me to do so that I can play during family gatherings and impress people about her ability to give birth to a talented child. I didn't expect to like it so much, but I did. I love playing the piano so much and well, she looked pretty pleased with my skills. "

Donghyuck snorted. Of course. When wasn't she proud of her son? 

"I was kind of hoping she would encourage me to continue doing it, professionally. But no. Playing the piano was supposed to be just a hobby. I'm still supposed to get a business degree. "

"Wait, are you saying that you wanted to major in music instead? "

It didn't make sense. After all, once his aunt found out about his own choice of major, she immediately went on and berate Donghyuck and his parents for it. If Donghyuck could remember correctly her words, she had told them that "it was a shame he didn't grow up to be like Doyoung. Doyoung had never though about choosing that as his major because she had raised his son to know better which path would be good for him. "

Did she lie about that? 

"Yes, I initially wanted to. But I didn't, because she's very much against it. It wouldn't make me rich, according to her, and I felt compelled to agree even if there's nothing else that I wanted to do other than to play the piano, and maybe other instruments, too."

Donghyuck felt bad. All those times, he hate Doyoung because he was thinking that his cousin was having fun being the "better person" between the two of them, without knowing that his cousin was probably feeling bad for not being able to do what he wanted to do. 

Wait, why was Donghyuck feeling so bad for him? It was Doyoung's fault, too, so he didn't have a reason to feel that way.

"You could have simply push for what you want! You're old enough to do that. "

Doyoung shrugged. "I guess, I should. But it was kind of hard to get out of my old habit. After all, I grew up listening and doing pretty much everything she wanted me, to. 

"I mean, sure, during that time, I'm already, technically an adult who can decide for myself, but it wasn't really easy since I never really had an experience to decide for myself. It was always Mom. If I did things my way, I'll get scolded. If I did it her way, I'll get praises. That sort of stuck to me since that's pretty much how I thought everything should be. "

Donghyuck couldn't imagine what it would feel like on Doyoung's shoes. Sure, Doyoung was always deemed the better child, but then, being better didn't seem to be a happy and comfortable position. 

He suddenly thought back about those time when he started hating Doyoung for excelling in everything and thus making him feel bad about himself. All those times, Donghyuck thought that Doyoung must have been having fun being superior. 

Donghyuck groaned. Great! So now, it seemed as if he had been wrong about Doyoung, too. That he had been hating him for all the wrong reasons. 

Why did everything had to end up with him realizing that the other person had never been an asshole to him, and that he was the asshole all along? Imagine hating everyone only to end up hating yourself because you realize how stupid and irrational you had been for thinking how you used to. 

Doyoung was right. He wasn't being the best in everything for the purpose of rubbing it in Donghyuck's face. He was doing it to please his own parents, because unlike Donghyuck's, Doyoung's mother was hard to please. Imagine hating your cousin because he was trying to please his mom, all because the said mom was always pitting them against each other. 

"I… I thought you're always competing with. Always trying to prove that you're better than me. I never thought about that. "

But when did he even think about others? When did he even consider why they were doing the things that they do, independent of how it was affecting him? For there was only two sides of the coin. If the actions made him feel good, they're on his side. If it's bad, then they're definitely against him. Because no, the effects on him always had to be intentional, at least that's what he used to believe in. 

"I guess, I'm not surprise that you would think about it that way. I mean, that's what my mother wants, and by going along with all of her demands, I sort of participated as well. "

It was stupid. Why would she even do that in the first place? They were all families, and Doyoung and him used to be close. Yet, she blew everything apart. 

But maybe if Donghyuck had been understanding enough, then maybe he and Doyoung wouldn't have had fallen apart. After all, it was only him who had a problem with his cousin. Maybe if he hadn't been so insecure with everything that they were praising Doyoung about, then things would have been better for their relationship. 

"Do you know that your Mom is Grandma's favorite child? "

Donghyuck nodded. That was pretty much obvious an everyone could see that. 

"Uncle Donghoon was Grandpa's favorite, so if it isn't obvious yet, Mom felt insecure with her siblings, but most especially with your mom because they're both girls, and you know, the rivalry and stuff. 

"I only heard about it from some of our relatives, but they said that back then, it was always your Mom who's excelling in everything and my Mom wasn't happy with that. I guess, that's why she's so obsessed with making me the person whom she wanted to be. Why she's always insisting that I am better than you. In a way, she's trying to prove herself that she's better than your mother, through me. Through us. "

That's unfair. Why did they even have to be dragged in that sibling rivalry when they had nothing to do with it? Donghyuck suffered because of it. It finally made perfectly sense why his demon aunt was always attacking him for everything. It's her way to get back at his mother because she hadn't gotten the opportunity to win against her personally. 

And Doyoung did, too. He became his mother's puppet, her pawn and her trophy. She forced upon him everything that she wanted to be. For what? For her own ego. For her own satisfaction. 

It wasn't fair that Donghyuck turned his anger towards him for doing what most children wanted to do— to please their parents. 

"I… I don't know what to say. "

He really didn't. Would saying sorry even be enough? 

Sorry I hated you, but, well, I felt really bad because you're always excelling in everything, which made me look dumb, even though that wasn't your purpose at all. I was shallow minded, but well, I am entitled to my own feelings. 

That didn't sound right, even to him. Especially since he practically painted an evil picture of Doyoung inside his mind. 

"Hey, you don't have to think so much about it. I'm just glad we're able to talk about everything, and that I get to explain that I never really hated you. Of course, I'm sorry that you felt that way. I really never meant to compete with you. 

Donghyuck shook his head. "Why are you even apologizing? That's supposed to be my job! "

"Apology accepted, then, " Doyoung replied without hesitation. "But if I'm going to be honest, I wasn't that innocent well. There were a few times when I felt envious of you. "

Him? Why him? There was nothing enviable about him. 

"You look surprised, " Doyoung commented. "But really, you have something I really want to have. I wish I have your Mom. 

"I thought it was unfair. According to my mother's standard, you're only doing the bare minimum, and yet, I can see auntie already acting so proud of you. I thought it wasn't really fair. They praise you for having the grades I will get punished for. You barely passed an exam and got congratulated for it. I, on the other hand, would get my toys taken away for almost failing an exam. I wondered, what made you so special that you're being treated differently. 

"But then, I realized, it wasn't your fault. We just have different mothers who have different ways of raising their child. "

Donghyuck wished he had that realization earlier, too. He wished he hadn't painted Doyoung like a bad character who only existed to make him feel inferior. But no. He didn't. Because he always, only think about himself and no one else. He was selfish. Seriously, why had Doyoung even reached out to him again. If he was Doyoung, he would run away, fast, and never turn back. But then again, he was selfish and Doyoung was far from being like him. 

"So, do you not hate me anymore? "

Donghyuck would be stupid if he would. After all, there was no reason not to hate him anymore. If there was any other person he should be hating, it should be himself. 

"Good! " Doyoung gave him a thumbs up when he shook his head. 

"What are you going to do now? " He asked later on when the two of them where lying on their respective futons, while trying to sleep. 

While Donghyuck hated his aunt, he was still his cousin's mother. A mother whom Doyoung had been trying to please for all his life. Donghyuck had experienced a lot of rejection, so he was worried about how being rejected by his mother would affect Doyoung. 

"I don't have any plan on taking back what I said, and I don't think I can undo my resignation from my previous job that she was so proud of. I admit, it kind of hurt to be yelled at because my mother is disappointed in me, but I guess, that's a price I need to pay. I cannot live following her orders all my life. I have to start deciding for my own. I have to set myself free. "

"Will you be fine? " he asked worriedly. 

"I guess I will be. I just really need to move forward, to my own direction this time. Hey, Hyuckie? "

"Yes hyung? "

It sounded so foreign calling Doyoung like that after years of refusing to address him at such. But now that they made up, or rather now that Donghyuck realized he had no reason to even hate Doyoung, maybe it was time i resume calling him hyung once again. 

Doyoung might have been surprised that he had stayed silent. 

"What were you going to say? "

Doyoung smiled at him. 

"Let's move forward together. "


	23. Chapter 23

To say that the conversation he had with his parents was not overwhelming with emotions wouldn't be accurate. 

There were a lot of tears shed, not only by him. Somehow, it was painful to accept and admit that what he did in the past was wrong, but it was also liberating to be able to let it all out and be forgiven. 

His parents, most especially his mother, apologized to him, too. While, she had been disappointed, it was unfair that she had given him an ultimatum, with the option of making him quit what he had wanted to do. She told him that she really hadn't mean what she said, and that she would have supported him still. But then, she hadn't been able to contact him anymore, because he broke his phone. She had told him that she tried to look for him, to check on him, only to find out that he was already trying to be independent by supporting himself. 

She told him that she had been proud that day, and had assumed that by finally being hard on him, he had learned what it was like to earn for himself and value every amount he would have to spend on himself. 

She admitted that she was wrong, because she focused too much on teaching him how to be responsible and forgot to consider his well-being. 

They all had forgiven each other and promised to not wait for years before seeing each other again. Even though Donghyuck had declined, his father had insisted on sending him money for his remaining semesters. He ended up promising not to waste it the same way that he did before. 

He had stayed for three more days, until finally, it was time to go. It was time for him to return to the place he had tried to run away from, and try to fix everything he had ruined. 

Starting with his previous work place. 

Donghyuck really felt ashamed as he bowed down to the other employees before heading towards Jaehyun's office. He apologized over and over again, about ruining an event for the company, and turning it about himself. And while Jaehyun had told him that what he did wasn't the most professional thing to do, Jaehyun told him that the unfortunate events ended up causing people to have a spike of interest in their company. Donghyuck told him that he was willing to face charges if ever the company decided to file one against him, to which Jaehyun denied. He didn't see anymore need for that. 

Jaehyun was, however, sorry that he couldn't anymore offer Donghyuck's job back. It wasn't like Donghyuck was still hoping for that. That would be a very unreasonable thing to do, after all. 

He then finally decided to tell Jaehyun about Taeyong, deeming it unfair to withhold information. After all, he shouldn't be projecting his own relationship on what Jaehyun and Taeyong could possibly have in the future. He had done that before, and that was one of the huge mistake he was still unsure how to correct. 

He was a little bit sad that he couldn't anymore ask Jeno about Taeyong, but Jaehyun said that Donghyuck had done enough. At least he already knew where to start looking. 

"Jaehyun had been looking for his soulmate for a long time. I didn't know it would be you who would finally give him a proper lead, " Doyoung told him after he was done speaking with the other staff of the marketing department (of Monsta Entertainment where he would be working starting the next day, much to Donghyuck's surprise), and was finally heading home with Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck even felt more guilty for withholding the information for long. After all, he found Jaehyun relatable, as he had been the same, before, excited to meet and be with his soulmate. 

"I wish he would find Taeyong soon. They were soulmates after all. "

"Yes, " Doyoung replied weakly. "Soulmates. " 

Donghyuck wondered if ever his cousin was bothered by the fact that he didn't have one. Did he ever look at his wrist and think how unfair it was that he didn't have a name written on it? 

Maybe that was a question for another day. After all, Donghyuck had a lot of things to do if he wanted to move forward. 

Moving forward meant having to move in with Doyoung when it was obvious that Renjun wasn't going to come back to live with him. 

Doyoung wasn't comfortable leaving him iun his own so he had offered his own flat. 

Donghyuck had to admit. His first initial reaction was to be defensive about himself. About how he could take care of himself perfectly, and how he didn't need any of Doyoung's charity. 

He had to remind himself that Doyoung meant well, and he wasn't trying to insult him or anything. That they weren't enemies, and that Donghyuck had no reason to be angry about the offer. 

He felt frustrated about himself for resuming back to his previous mindset. Doyoung just brushed everything off. Old habits die hard, but maybe they could try to do something about that, later on. A therapy, he suggested. 

A therapy, however, caused a lot, and he was sure he couldn't afford that. He wasn't willing to burden anyone with the expenses. 

He just had to stop being selfish, that's all! 

Another step in moving forward was going back to the university, which was tough, considering he had missed a lot, to the point where a few of his professors already dropped him for their courses. Doyoung asked him to reconsider going back the following semester, but Donghyuck figured, it would be a waste to repeat everything again. They instead had a talk to his professors who had given him consideration by giving him opportunity to make up with everything he had missed. 

He ended up having tons of special paperworks which he definitely deserved. It was fine, as long as he'd get to graduate on time. 

What wasn't fine was the fact that a lot of things changed since the last time he went to the university. For instant, he was on his own. Although Renjun and him didn't share the same classes all the time, they always made sure to meet and check on each other in between breaks. He was yet to see Renjun's shadow, so he wasn't sure if Renjun was around and was just purposely avoiding him. 

It still hurt Haechan that he didn't have his bestfriend anymore. He missed him so much. He wondered if there would come a day when he and Renjun would be back to how they used to be.

A part of him still feel like it's unfair. It's unfair that Renjun had forgiven Jeno and Jaemin but not him. They had hurt him, too, didn't they? But Renjun was allowing them back in his life. 

Was it because they're soulmates? 

They probably weigh more to Renjun because of that. 

It was a unfair but there was nothing he could do about that. He's probably going to be alone the entire semester, or perhaps even until graduation. 

Donghyuck could already feel his life in the university being tougher that usual. 

He probably should have expected that people would still not be over the issue once he returned. While most of the videos were already taken down, those people who knew him would take too long to forget about it. He would be the topic of gossips, because people love to shit in other people's life. They all love to hate, and it was just unfortunate that Donghyuck had allowed himself to be the subject. 

Maybe he shouldn't have tried to help Mark by clearing out his name. 

Maybe, people would be shooting him concerned look instead of judgemental once if he just kept quiet and allowed himself to remain the victim in everybody's eyes. 

Donghyuck mentally slapped himself. Why was he thinking that way again? He decided to do that because that felt the right thing to do. He did wrong. He acknowledged and admitted to them and cleared Mark's name. He did it not for himself. It was the first time he did something without prioritizing himself. Doyoung felt proud of him. He should be, too. 

It's just that it's hard to get out of old habits, of old mentality. Sure, he knew he'd been doing things wrong in the past, but knowing certainly wouldn't make it easy to change at once. 

Maybe he really need professional help. 

Professional help that would cost lot. 

No. He could do this on his own. 

He could do this. 

He could do this, even when one student called him a narcissistic bitch behind his back as he was passing to get to his seat. 

He could do this, even if one of his professors decided to include his issue in the lesson by telling the entire class not to "try and manipulate people to do what we want them to do" in order to achieve their dreams. Donghyuck was sure that he wasn't just talking about their "dreams" but was just taking a snide at his past relationship that somehow became a "public concern". He didn't need to mention Donghyuck's name directly. Not when he was looking at Donghyuck the entire time. Not when the class was snickering as he balled up his fist to control his temper. 

By the end of the period, Donghyuck wasn't sure anymore if he wanted to go to his next class or to run away and hide. 

●●●

By lunch, Donghyuck was ready to call it a day and return home. 

He was done with everyone. 

Everyone who was trying to remind him that he was the most selfish bastard that ever walked on the face of earth. 

This marked the day that Donghyuck heard a lot adjectives being associated with him, and the day was far from over. 

Selfish. 

Narcissistic. 

Manipulative. 

Abusive. 

Entitled. 

The worst thing about it is that while he was hurting, he couldn't call them out for being wrong. It wasn't their business, true, but he couldn't say that their opinion of his was far from the truth. 

Maybe he should really have skipped the entire semester and let everything cool down. But then again, there was nothing proving that people would forget about everything. Who knew if by the next semester, he would still be the "entitled soulmate who tried to rationalize his lies by invalidating his boyfriend's concern" in the reddit post that still continued to gather comments and shares. If that's the case, the he would be wasting time by skipping a semester, and not to mention, money as well. 

He sighed. 

He just had to endure things a little longer. Wait until a new issue arise and cover his own. Maybe one of his classmates should be involve in a much controversial issue, like perhaps, sex scandal or something? That would most likely bury his issue and direct attention on the new hot topic. 

Then he sighed. He was doing it again. Being selfish by wishing for something bad to happen to another person, just so he could save himself. He's being selfish again. 

Seriously, why was he so vile and evil? Maybe he really deserved the hate he was getting. 

Lunch for him wasn't entirely appealing. Lunch meant eating on his own as people gossip and point at him as he pretended not to notice any of them, a hard job since none of them was making effort to judge him privately. 

He tried to pretend that he was okay, but it was hard, especially since he was on his own. There was no one to distract him with conversation. 

He really missed Renjun. 

Renjun would probably just drag him off to somewhere else and tell everyone to mind their own business. 

But he wasn't here. 

Worst of all, he was probably thinking about him the same way that these people were doing. After all, he, more than anyone else, had the right to think that way. 

Donghyuck heard the chair in front of him being pulled out. He immediately looked up in surprised, assuming it to be a random stranger who decided that it would be more fun to approach him and personally tell him how much of an asshole he was in the stranger's opinion. 

But the person wasn't a stranger. Sure, he recently changed his hair color to blue, but he was still the same Na Jaemin, Donghyuck knew since he was young. 

He suddenly think a stranger's insult would have been more appealing. 

Donghyuck was so not ready for this confrontation. 

He suddenly remembered everything he did to Jaemin not even long ago. How he had lied about Renjun telling him that he didn't want anything to do with Jaemin anymore. How he had sabotaged the other's every effort to apologize to his bestfriend. 

Back then, he was so sure he was doing everything right. Hell, even at the moment, a part of him still wanted to believe that he did the right thing even though it wasn't his place to decide on Renjun's behalf. 

What did Jaemin want from him?

Why was he alone? 

Wait. 

Did Renjun and Jeno finally ditched him in favor of just dating each other? 

Was that the reason why Jaemin was alone instead of spending time with his boyfriends? 

Was he here to blame Donghyuck for everything? 

But that wouldn't be Donghyuck's fault. He was an ass, so he shouldn't be surprised if Renjun wouldn't want anything to do with him. 

"What do you want, Nana? "

He never intended to sound so aggressive. He just felt like he was about to be attacked and he had the urge to defend himself even before the actual attack. 

Jaemin looked at him in surprise. Before placing down his tray that he was balancing with one hand on the table. 

"Oops, sorry. I guess I forgot to ask. Is this seat, taken?" Nana asked so casually, causing Donghyuck to be confused. Weren't they supposed to hate each other? 

"I guess not. Mind if I seat then? " he asked, even though he already sat before Donghyuck could even reply.

"What do you want, Nana? " he asked again. Confused at how his former friend had been behaving in front of him. 

"I don't know what you're talking about. I just want the chair, and the table because there weren't any other vacant space other that here. "

True to his words, it didn't seem like Nana really had other intention other than to find a place to sit and eat his food in peace. He didn't even speak another word to Donghyuck, while the latter stared at him warily as he resumed eating as well. 

It was weird to be sharing the same table with Nana, especially after everything that had happened. He was reminded that they used to be really close before Nana had left to Japan for his therapy. It was sad that things had to happen along the way. 

They almost finished at the same time, mostly because, for some reason, Jaemin sped up with eating his food just so he could keep up with Donghyuck. They didn't share a word to each other as they exited the cafeteria at the same time. 

Somehow, Donghyuck noticed that people weren't anymore looking at his direction since he wasn't anymore on his own.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay (both with the update and reply!)

"What the fuck are these boxes? " Donghyuck couldn't help but blurt out the moment he had entered Doyoung's apartment. He really should have better control with his language, and it's something that he's certainly failing at. In his defense, the last thing that he felt he needed after a long troublesome day in the university was to be faced with gigantic boxes invading the already small space of the living room. 

Donghyuck turned to his cousin who was glaring at the boxes while sitting uncomfortable in the sofa with both his legs on the cushion. He didn't look offended by Donghyuck's language at all. If anything, Donghyuck believed his cousin shared the same ill opinion at the boxes as him. 

"Brand new appliances. Ten sent them. "

Donghyuck's eyes widened in surprised. "Are you Ten's sugar baby, or what? "

Donghyuck bit his tongue again as a silent punishment for himself. He really should stop blurting out the first thing that came to his mind. Why was he sassing his cousin, anyway? He had no reason to because they weren't even supposed to. But sometimes, it's really difficult to overcome old habits. He looked at his cousin who was looking at him, too. He was about to apologize for his poor choice of words but his cousin spoke first. 

"They're actually not for me, but for you. "

Ah, so he was the sugar baby. 

What? 

"I don't understand, " he stated, scanning the boxes with his eyes. "Why would he give me all of this? "

"I might have mentioned you're moving to a new place, " Doyoung confessed. "But I am pretty sure I made it clear you're moving to my place so there's pretty much no need for new everything. "

But that wasn't what Donghyuck was asking about. 

He's asking why Ten would suddenly gift him with things. 

Certainly, they weren't friends, and if Donghyuck remembered clearly, he was definitely angry at him for everything that he did to Mark. 

Doyoung must have caught on his confusion. His cousin sighed before speaking once again. "Confusing, right? I know. Ten is actually like that. One moment he's a pain in the ass, and another one, he's suddenly the sweetest person on earth. Too sweet for anyone's liking, I guess, except for his boyfriend. "

"But we aren't friends, " Donghyuck reiterated. "Does he normally just splurge on strangers? "

What a lucky rich bastard. He must me drowning on money if that's the case. 

Doyoung just shrugged. "Ten always have this over the top way of apologizing. I know he could be stubborn at times, but once he realize his mistakes, he'll feel really guilty about it and he just couldn't shake that feeling until he knows that he is forgiven. "

Donghyuck fought the urge to roll his eyes. Well, he could be petty about it. If the fact that him not forgiving Ten really bothered the other, then he might as well deliberately forget about forgiving the other guy. After all, Ten had been really mean to him, so it was just right for Donghyuck to get back at him. 

But then again, what would that make him? Sure, it sounded satisfying, but the again, he would just go back to the cycle of hurting people and justifying his actions because he's hurting as well. 

Besides, he hated to admit this, but he could somehow understand why Ten did what he did. In Ten's eyes, he was only protecting and caring for his friend, something similar to what Donghyuck himself was thinking when he decided that breaking Renjun, Jeno and Nana up for good was a good idea. It was painful to admit, but those were basically the same.

If anything, Ten shouldn't even be apologizing to him, anyway. After all, Donghyuck still doesn't feel the need to apologize to Jeno and Nana. To Renjun, yes, but not to those two. 

"I was actually wondering if there's anything you would like, " Doyoung's voice pulled him out of his thought's again. "Obviously, we couldn't fit all of them in our apartment, but if there's something you really like, we'll find a way to make it work. "

Donghyuck couldn't help but smile. 'Our apartment'. Doyoung really had a way of making him feel belong. Whenever Donghyuck looked back, he couldn't help but feel regretful over the time wasted over him hating Doyoung for no reason at all. While he was glad that they're okay, already, he really wished there would be a time when he could repay his cousin fo everything. 

"Or you could think about that later, " Doyoung added before patting the space next to him. "Want to tell me how your day went? "

With a sigh, Donghyuck sat next to his cousin and recounted how his day went, from the intense stare and loud gossips, to the snarky remarks of some professors. Lastly, he told him about Nana, and his questionable reasons for suddenly approaching Donghyuck. 

"Did you two fought? " Doyoung asked in a worried manner. Donghyuck immediately denied. 

The thing was, had they fought, then Donghyuck wouldn't be this confused at all. It was to be expected. After all, he had seen how Nana acted towards Renjun even when the latter was nothing but nice to him. Donghyuck wouldn't be surprised had Nana just lashed out to him right then and there. In fact, a part of him wanted Nana to act that way just so Donghyuck would have another reason not to feel remorseful over what he did towards his former friend. 

But it didn't happen. Donghyuck wondered what it was that Nana wanted to achieve during that meeting. 

"Maybe he's reaching out to you? " Doyoung offered. 

Donghyuck scrunched up his face. He wasn't really sure if that was the case. After all, Nana, had no reason to care about him. If anything, he should be avoiding Donghyuck at all cost after everything that went through. Maybe Nana was telling the truth? Maybe there wasn't really enough space left, hence they needed to share the same table?

Right. That's probably it. He should stop thinking about it. There's a lot of things he should he worrying about, anyway, like surviving the semester amidst the stares and insults thrown behind his back. 

Donghyuck groaned. If only he had at least one person on his side, then things would have been easier. 

"Hey, you'll be okay right? '

Donghyuck smiled. Somehow, Doyoung's question reminded him of Renjun and how the latter would always make sure he's okay. At least, he still had Doyoung, that's one person in his side who would help him survive. 

●●●

The first two days, it was an accident. The third time, Donghyuck was already sure something was up. 

"You're following me, " Donghyuck stated matter-of-factly as Jaemin occupied the seat in front of him during lunch once again. 

Jaemin gave him a look that was feigning ignorance. "Actually, no. I just need to grab my lunch like a normal starving college student. "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. "Your college isn't even nearby, Jaemin, and I'm pretty sure you have your own cafeteria there. "

"The food is better here. "

"Sure. If by better you mean the oil could pass off as soup. Sure, Nana. Sure. "

Jaemin just shrugged. "I'm hungry. I don't want to walk far anymore especially since I already did by coming here. I just had something to give to Renjun. Is that enough explanation? "

The mention of his ex-bestfriend's name gave Donghyuck a pang on his chest. He encountered Renjun earlier in the only class they're sharing. He knew he should have expected that Renjun wouldn't sit next to him, but to see the latter avoiding his eyes at all cost was heartbreaking. For years, Renjun was all he got, so for him to start pretending that Donghyuck was nothing but air was a painful experience for Donghyuck.

He really wanted to be angry. It was unfair. How could he forgive Jeno and Jaemin over and over again but not Donghyuck for mistake? He knew he didn't have the right to, because in the end, it's up to Renjun whom he's willing to accept again. But still, it felt unfair. What's even more unfair was that there's nothing he could do about it. 

"Then why don't you have lunch together instead of bothering me? " he asked. He wondered if this was Jaemin's subtle way of rubbing the situation to him, his way of telling Donghyuck that the latter failed in separating them and was the one who fell victim to his own action. He wondered if he was overthinking but that's really plausible. 

Jaemin just shrugged. "He had other stuff to do. Besides, it's not like we should always be together. "

"Yeah sure, " Donghyuck couldn't help but be snarky. "I mean, you really acted like you don't even want anything to do with him before, so it's understandable. "

He couldn't help it. It wasn't his place, sure, but he couldn't help but be reminded of how mean Nana had been to Renjun and how he didn't even deserve the spot he had next to Renjun at all. 

Jaemin sighed. "I guess, that's the message I was sending even though that's far from what I had in mind. "

Donghyuck furrowed his brows. Different from what he had in mind? How so? Nana wasn't making any sense. How could anyone be mean and claim that that wasn't what they're trying to be. 

"Have you ever encountered someone so perfect before, Donghyuck? " Nana asked all of a sudden, which confused him. Way to avoid the topic, he guessed. 

"No one out there is perfect. "

"True, " Jaemin agreed. "You're correct. But for a while, I thought Renjun was. I mean, what was wrong about him anyway? He's pretty, he could sing well, he's kind, and he's the most patient person I've ever encounter. For me, he's the most perfect person I've ever met. "

Jaemin spoke with so much adoration… so much love, and Donghyuck could hardly believe that this was the very person who made Renjun feel shit for almost everything. If he thought that way then, why did he treat Renjun that way.

"He's too perfect. I couldn't compare. I mean, who am I anyway. I'm just that kid who didn't outgrow his childhood dream. A childhood dream that I couldn't achieve because of an injury that stopped me before I could even get started. "

There was a sudden lump on Donghyuck's throat that he found difficult to swallow. He knew exactly what Nana ea referring to. 

Nana had always dreamed about being a professional soccer player when he was still young. He started training at a young age, only for an injury to stop him. He hadn't been able to play for years, but even so, his dream remained. 

People often said that he should have found a different goal already, but Nana's sight remained glued to that one particular dream. He had to have it. 

When dreams refused to come true, they became frustrations. Japan was the last straw. He was supposed to see the physical therapist that could help him heal properly and realize his dream. It failed, and that was when Nana realized it was a far fetched dream. 

Donghyuck felt a little guilty for not being there for Nana, as his return coincided with Donghyuck's own personal crisis. In all honesty, back then, he didn't think about Nana's situation that much. It wasn't a big deal, anyway. He could find another thing to focus on. Donghyuck had too much to on his plate to evrn think about Nana. 

But that was the selfishness in his speaking. He hadn't realized that Nana builf up an entire future based only on that and that everything collapsed without him having a fall back plan. 

Even so, he couldn't understand. What did it have to do with Renjun? Renjun had been nothing but sweet and supportive to him, so why should Renjun be the one who would suffer for it? 

"He's too perfect for me. Why would someone like him settle for someone like me? I mean, sure, Jeno loves me. That's something I couldn't doubt. We've been through a lot and I'm sure he'll stick with me. But Renjun? He's different. He could leave someone like me if he wanted to, and I don't want that. I do love him so I had to do something to convince him not to leave. I had to make him feel that he's not as perfect as he seemed to be. "

Donghyuck dropped his spoon on the table. He suddenly felt sick. He couldn't help but throw Jaemin a disgusted look. All of these because he's feeling insecure about himself? He couldn't help but be angry in Renjun's behalf. Back then, Renjun had to wonder what he had been doing wrong for Nana to act that way towards him, only for him to find out that it was because he's not doing anything wrong at all. Because he's too perfect. 

"I know, " Jaemin nodded at him before laughing bitterly. "Sick, right? Stupid. Irrational. But back then, in my head, it really made perfect sense. I had to make him feel that he's not perfect at all because I love him. Back then, in my head, it was the rightest thing to do. It took seeing Renjun cry for the first time, seeing him walk away with a promise of never returning, seeing Jeno be angry at me for the first time and finally, therapy, for me to realize that that's not how someone convince people to stay in their life. That's not how I should show my love. I almost lost him, not because of who he is but because of whom I had been to him. "

Donghyuck wasn't sure what to say and what to feel about it. "If you think you'll be getting any sympathy from me by telling me this, then you're mistaking. You still did something wrong. "

"I know. I mean, I do know now. In all honesty, if I was a different person, I wouldn't be giving myself sympathy either. I wouldn't even forgive myself if I was Renjun. 

"Honestly, I might really have a reason why I'm here, " Jaemin confessed suddenly. "I don't know, but, I feel like among everyone else, I feel like I have no right to judge you. I am upset because you did hurt Renjun because of what you did but in the end, you did it because you love him. I shouldn't be judging you because we're pretty much the same. "

Donghyuck gasped. A part of him almost wanted protest immediately and defend himself. He wanted to exclaim and tell the other that he was far worse than Donghyuck, because Donghyuck didn't deliberately made people feel bad about themselves because of his own insecurity. He wanted to say that what he did was nothing compared to what Nana did. 

But then again, were they really different or was he just hypocritically hating Jaemin from the very beginning while turning a blind eye on his own actions? In the end he still hurt Renjun and Mark the same way. He wasn't that much different. Nana should probably be laughing at him for being so hypocritical. In fact, he wanted to laugh at himself. But Nana didn't. Instead, his next words surprised him. 

"I know you didn't mean to hurt Renjun at all, " Nana proceeded by ignoring him. "In your head, you thought you were protecting him. You thought you're doing what's right for him. It wasn't right, but at that moment, that's what you believed to be right and you did it with only the best intention. I wish you didn't do it. I wish Renjun didn't have to go through wondering why neither Jeno or I was trying to reconcile with him. I wish you didn't make it even more harder for us to fix our mistakes. But I can't hate you for that. You did wrong, but I have no right to hate you. Not after everything I did. I'm not sure if you wanted to hear this from me, but, I just want tell you that I don't hate you. That I forgive you, and I really wish you could forgive me for whom I had been before. I wish I wasn't one of the reasons why you and Renjun fell apart. I'm really sorry. If only there's anything I could do about it. "

●●● 

Donghyuck wasn't sure if they reconciled or not. Nana had given him two things he didn't ask for: apology and forgiveness. 

It never crossed Donghyuck's mind that he needed either from Nana but he couldn't deny that he felt good about it. If only he could return the same. 

Instead, he just remained silent. He had been too surprised and confused to react, and he had been too unprepared to say the same. Nana didn't seem bothered by it at all. It was as if he wasn't really expecting anything from Donghyuck at all. He just wanted to say what he wanted to say. 

Donghyuck wasn't sure if something had changed between them after that. All that he knew was that he was seeing Jaemin in a different light than he used to before. Not necessarily better. Just different. 

One thing that struck him the most about their conversation was Nana telling him that if he was someone else, he wouldn't sympathize with himself at all. He wouldn't forgive himself if he was Renjun. Somehow, it made Donghyuck wonder if ever the roles were switched, would he be able to forgive himself? 

Was he even worth forgiving at all? 

This thought was running through Donghyuck's head as he walked home at the end of the day. He was so deep in his thoughts that he failed to notice the person who was waiting for him right outside the building of the apartment complex that Doyoung was living in. He only noticed once the person suddenly started moving towards his direction to meet him. 

Donghyuck wasn't sure if his eyes were playing a trick on him, or if it's really Mark whom he was seeing. Upon confirming, Donghyuck couldn't help but stop and stare in surprise. While it's true that he had been looking for a way to finally meet Mark and properly apologize for him about everything, he wasn't sure anymore what to do that particular instant. 

Mark continued to close their distance until he was a mere foot away from Donghyuck. They stayed like that for too long, ignoring the sounds of cars passing by, until finally, Mark gave him a small smile that didn't look forced at all. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly before licking his lips in hesitation. Finally, Mark decided to say something. 

"Do you have a moment to talk? "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be having a Mark POV chapters before that talk. It's going to take 6 chapters. I'm just not sure when I'll be able to update next. Sorry.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please endure an entire chapter without any dialogue. I want to keep the Mark pov limited to six chapters so I'm not going to elaborate more and just give you a quick background of his family. 
> 
> Will TRY to post the next chapter in a few days.

A loud crash was heard again outside Mark's room and he tried to drown the sound by covering his ears with a pillow and burying himself in his blanket. Sleep. He needed to sleep. Sleep was the only way he could escape all of this. Sleep was his only peace. 

This wasn't even a rare kind of experience for him. If anything, it was actually a normal thing in their family. A day wouldn't pass without something breaking inside their house, because the noises they made with their voices weren't already enough. 

They didn't have a normal family, Mark was sure about that, but there was a time when he actually thought everything that was happening inside their home was nothing out of the norm. The fighting was normal, and so were the screaming, and it's pretty much okay for parents to ignore their children because they were too tired and drained after an argument. It wasn't until he began going to school that he witnessed what a normal and happy family was, in the form of his classmates and their parents. That was when Mark realized how unfortunate he was for having the set of parents he was born to. 

Silence. The house was left in silence. Either one of them left to cool themself off, or one of them swallowed their pride to apologize. Either way, it would most likely be his dad. His mom would never do such thing. Why would she, when she was always the victim in all of this? She was a victim of his father and even Mark himself. It was always their fault and never hers. 

The silence was deafening and maddening. It was the kind of silence when Mark just wanted to scream his lungs out even if he would end up being the new target of verbal abuse. Maybe he wanted that, especially since that seemed to be the only way he would be noticed. You're being annoying, Mark. You're being out of the line. Stop making my life harder than than you already made it to be. 

Because Mark's existence ruined everything. Mark existence was the beginning of it all. Never mind that he didn't exist on his own. It would always be his fault. 

A music began to play outside, and Mark knew what was about to follow.

Mark wanted to cover his ears anymore, not wanting to hear her mother's singing. To Mark, her songs were his enemy, his number one nemesis, and what's even worse about it was that in his mother's eyes, her songs would always win. 

A petty part of him wanted to rush out of his room, turn off the music and confront his mother. He wanted to tell her that she wasn't even that good. She was too proud, but she's not even that good. 

He wanted to tell her the truth, that she was the reason why she never made it big. It wasn't because she met his father early. It wasn't because Mark's existence stole her chance. It wasn't because Mark stole her youth. She wasn't good enough, and she should stop blaming her shortcomings on other people. 

Mark tried once, but things didn't end well for him when his mother started bawling her eyes out and calling him out for being ungrateful. 

She sacrificed a lot for him, she gave up her dreams for him, and this was what he would give her in return? 

His father was no different, locking him up in his room as punishment for being disrespectful to his mother. It didn't matter that she was always disrespectful to him. Mark had to understand. He always had to be the one who should understand. Because his mother was lonely, she was disappointed with her life. Her feeling would always be the top priority. 

His father would always be his mother's number one advocate no matter how many times they argued with each other and no matter how many times his mother treated him no better than the way she treated Mark. No matter what, he would always be on her side, justifying her actions and convincing Mark and himself that she was supposed to be pitied and not hated. 

They're husband and wives. Soulmates. A perfect match. Mark wondered how perfection could be this ugly and despicable. Because it was, and Mark's life was an unwanted product of this ugly perfection. 

The music ended, and his mother's voice cracked on the last note. She sobbed and told herself it wasn't her fault. Giving birth to Mark ruined her voice. 

It was his fault. It would always be his. 

●●●

It was during the time when Mark was learning how to read that he had gotten curious about the name on his wrist. Lee Donghyuck, his father read to him because he was yet to learn how to read and write in Korean, being accustomed to reading, writing and speaking in English more since they were living in Canada. It was during those better days, when his mother was being calm, and thus his father had time to spare. 

One day, his father had told him, one day, Mark would find this Lee Donghyuck and he would love and care for him the same way that his father was doing to his mother. He had been so young then. He didn't realized there would come a day when Mark would find it so repulsive to even try to consider that idea. 

In fifth grade, most kids his age were already gushing about their soulmates, writing love letters to give their other half when they finally meet them, and day-dreaming all day about how romantic it would be to finally be with them. 

Mark would laugh sarcastically at them inside his head. Inside his head, because actually laughing at them would end up with him on the ground, shirt torn and stained, face scratched and bruised, worthy enough of being demanded an explanation for. And what would he get for explaining to his parents? More punishment, especially from his father. Because Mark was wrong for laughing at them for dreaming about a wonderful life with their soulmate. It didn't matter that it was true, and that his father was a living proof. His life was far from being wonderful, and his mother made it less and less wonderful as they continued to clutch on to the wonderful but empty promises of the concept of soulmates. 

But then again, maybe it was wrong for him to laugh at his classmates. They were just oblivious. Clueless. Ignorant, but blissfully so. There was no one else to blame but the adults who sold the idea that soulmates were real life fairytale, where finding your prince charming and damsel in distress was the happy ending. They made it seem like everyone would have their happy ending which was far from the truth. Mark knew about a story stuck on a never ending conflict, and Mark was just dreading to see the end, regardless if it's happy or not. 

Maybe his classmates were lucky to be ignorant, but then again, they wouldn't be lucky once they hit the invisible wall they didn't know they were chasing after. 

Mark was inclined to believe that that was the case with his parents. Both were living in a fairytale dream, and not one of them realized what was beyond their so called happy ending. 

They met each other, they got together, fell in love, but there's so much more to life than just being in love. 

It was probably his mother who realized it first, was slapped with reality harshly, and was too immature to do anything other than to whine and cry about it. After all, falling in loved didn't magically make her forget about her dreams. If anything, falling in love, according to her own words, distracted her and strayed her far away from her rightful path. 

She wanted to be a theater actress, to star as Cosette or maybe even Fantine, she was set on achieving her goals until she met her soulmate. They fell in love. She was so distracted. 

And then Mark happened. Obviously, he wasn't planned and he would even say he wasn't wanted at all. After all, because of him, she had to be sidelined for nine months. And then her body took too long get back in proper shape, the proper shape needed for a certain role. But worst of all, pregnancy took a toll on her voice. She claimed that she could never sing as good as before. 

It was all because her soulmate got her pregnant. It was all because Mark existed when he wasn't supposed to. She realized a little later that soulmates weren't a dream come true but a nightmare, and she decided to deal with it by being a nightmare to others as well. 

Mark's father, on the other hand, was still stuck in his delusions. He was still living in his make believe fairytale so he refused to acknowledge that the castle he called a home was already crumbling down, and the only way to save himself and Mark was to finally let go.

But he didn't want to let go. Letting go, for him, was far worse than they already had. So instead, he ignored everything, or rather much worse, he accepted everything. He accepted every blame. He accepted that it was his fault. He accepted that he was the one who ruined his soulmates life because the said soulmate was too conceited to take responsibility of her own actions. Never mind that all she ever did what sit around and whine as his father tried to carry the responsibility for all of them. In the end, she would still blame him for taking her to Canada and taking away her chance of being casted in musical in South Korea. Never mind that she was offered a chance to stay, she would still blame him for being not supportive enough. 

It was always like that. She would always find something to whine about, and his father would always find something to apologize for, something for him and Mark to apologize for. Because Mark had his part, too, willingly or not. In the end, it's always him and his father who were to blame. It was never his mother. She was always the victim in everything.

As for Mark's father, the only thing that Mark could say was that he was weak. As much as Mark wanted to sympathize with him for they both suffered the same way. He brought it upon himself. He brought it upon Mark, who was merely depending on him for protection. 

His soulmate made his father weak and illogical and Mark refused to be like his father. And if avoiding his soulmate at all cost could prevent him from being like his father, then he would never want anything to do with this Lee Donghyuck at all. 

●●●

His mother was narcissistic. He wasn't a professional at all, but a few words in a textbook of a friends older sister, and a few more from the internet made it easy for Mark to label her as such. 

It made sense. It made sense how she only thought about herself, and how she put herself above everyone else, above Mark and her husband. 

Mark remembered her making a scene in one of the company dinner, a company that his father and his colleagues built with their hands, along with a few support from a successful long time friend and distant relative. The reason, because one young beautiful girl sang in soprano as intermission. She cried loudly about it because it could have been her. She could have been the one invited to sing in fancy dinners had she made her name known to the industry. But no, she wasn't able to. And then, her youth was gone, her talent was wasted, and she felt the need to let it be known by many when they were supposed to be celebrating his father's success. It had to be about her. She had to make it about her. After all, she's a star, and all of them were just minor character to a stage that she was directing. 

They argued about it, and for a while, Mark thought that his father was ready to stand up for himself, but like everytime, he let Mark down. Tears were always his mother's greatest weapon, tears that always made his father guilty even when he didn't need to. 

But then again, crying was probably his mother's greatest skill, and her biggest believer was no one else other than herself. 

She was always ready to pity herself and make herself believe that every small action was made with the intention of hurting her. 

There was this instance in school, where students where tasked to honor their heroes, and Mark had named Captain America as his own. He did it mostly for the laughs, but also because unlike the other students, he couldn't consider his parents as his his heroes. That made his mother upset, especially since for the first time, she had exerted an effort to attend Mark's school activity. By effort, Mark meant going in full make-up, tight curls and long dress, attracting everyone's attention for all the wrong reasons. Mark had to commend her. At least, she had the decency to wait until they're home to unleash the drama queen within her. She cried and cried until she made an audience on her husband, and told him about how Mark had embarrassed her for not honoring her sacrifices as a mother. His father had scolded him because of it, nothing new. But Mark refused to apologize. After all, he was entitled to his own choices, and he didn't feel the need to lie just to make others feel good about themselves. That would be unfair, but did his parents even know what being fair means? 

Mark's mother had this really crooked understanding of what fairness was, and a recent even was enough to attest to that. Fairness, for her, meant no one else should be happy if she wasn't, and she was willing to go to extremes, and even endanger Mark because of it. 

Mark found himself drawn to dancing. It wasn't a dream or a passion, and it wasn't something he could see himself doing in a wrong run, much less as a career. It was just something he enjoyed doing, an outlet he supposed. He dared say he was good at it, at least good enough to invited to a school based competition. 

A part of him was blaming himself for not being cautious enough when his mother volunteered to accompany him in school. It was out of ordinary. But then again, maybe he had been too excited and too happy about it, maybe too happy for his mother's liking. He had been too lax, too trusting, too neglectful to leave his belongings on under the watch of his mother.

To put it shortly, he didn't make it to the competition. How could he danced, when he couldn't even walk properly because someone put thumb tucks on his shoes? His mother fuzzed over his injury in an over exaggerated way, that immediately made Mark suspicious, before scolding him for not being careful enough. 

Of course, she denied his accusation, and even went as far as calling Mark out for using her as a scapegoat, which in Mark's opinion, was oddly familiar. But when he lied about her being caught in a video while putting those thumb tack in his shoes, she immediately bursted into tears and admitted to the deed. She wasn't even apologetic about it. On the contrary, she actually thought it was unfair that Mark was able to be on stage while she couldn't, all because bringing Mark into this world ruined everything for her. 

Some would think that that would be the worst in all of this, but no, that wasn't the end yet. His father telling him to let it go because his mother had issues and asking him to be more considerate took the cake. Because wow, his wife hurt his son to make herself feel better and yet the said son was the one who still needed be more considerate. 

That was when Mark knew, he had to draw the line. He had to do something to protect himself because his father's priority was to protect his wife's feelings. He had to get away. There was no way for Mark to survive and remain sane while living with an insane and selfish woman and an equally mad man who was enabling her. 

It wasn't a pretty story, of course. When he e-mailed his grandparents in South Korea, telling them how their daughter-in-law was treating him and how their son was just watching through it all, they immediately believed him. They wasted no time contacting his supposed parents and demand that Mark be sent to them. Of course, his parents didn't take it well. His mother was blaming him for making her look bad, and his father was angry at him for involving too much people in something that should only involve them. 

Mark didn't care what they think. What he cared about was surviving and running away from this toxic cycle as fast as he could. 

It was a long process, but in the end, his parents had no choice but to comply especially when his grandparents threatened to escalate things more than they could handle. 

He was finally free. It was a freedom that he had dreamed of for so long, a freedom that he was determined to keep. 

The day that he boarded the plane to take him to South Korea, Mark made a promise to himself. Never again would he let anybody treat him that way. Never again would Mark fall victim to someone else's selfishness.


	26. Chapter 26

Mark missed Canada. He missed the culture, his friends in school and the weather. 

He certainly didn't miss his parents at all, that was for sure. He certainly wouldn't come back, regardless of how many times his father tried to convince him.

Apparently, his mother had decided to pursue her dreams again, not long after Mark left. She had flown to Paris where an old acquaintance told her about opportunity that she would certainly not want to miss. She had no qualm leaving his father alone, and she even left with her usual narrative of blaming him for straying her away from her dreams, and guilt-tripping him into supporting her actions, morally and financially, without her giving something in return. 

Hence why Mark's father wanted him to return. Maybe if he would, then his mother would realize that it was wrong to leave her family behind. Mark highly doubted that that would be the case. If ever it would be, they would just go back to the same pattern before, with his mother blaming them for her failures, and his father enabling her sick mentality. Mark refused to subject himself again to his mother's verbal and emotional abuses, and to his father's twisted concept of family and love. He's fine where he was. 

Seoul was like a new world for him. While he was born here, he lived most of his life in Canada to it was overwhelming to experience an entirely different culture. Most of the times, Mark found himself in trouble for doing things which were mostly normal in Canada, but deemed impolite im South Korea. And then there's food. Foods were a little different, but it wasn't a bad difference. His taste buds weren't just used to them at all. 

But other than that, Mark found himself easily adjusting. Sure, high school was a little different from what he expected it would be, with all those pressures and all, but at least, Mark was free to do what he wanted, without the risk of making his own mother feel insecure of him. 

Besides, Mark had a strong support system in the form of his grandparents, who wanted nothing else but to help Mark have a better life than he had before. 

Maybe that's what made Seoul better, having the kind family he never knew he would have at all, and being able to sleep without the regular arguments that kept him awake all night long. 

Only one thing was bothering Mark about staying in Seoul. It was that one thing, that one person that Mark would try to avoid at all costs. 

In high school, most of the students were already looking for their soulmates, may it be around the area or in social media flatform. Some found it already. Most, if not all of them, were counting on that romantic happily ever after with their soulmates whom they were supposed to spend the rest of their life with. 

Mark on the other hand, was dreading that day when they would fatefully meet each other. In fact, if there was a way he could avoid this Lee Donghyuck forever, he would. He just didn't want anything to do with his soulmate's at all. 

"He could be different, you know? " Johnny, a long time friend and a distant relative who frequently visited them in Canada before, who had also recently moved to Seoul for his studies and internship in his father's business, told him once, as they were hanging out on the older boy's flat. The TV was playing in the background, courtesy of Johnny's very own soulmate and boyfriend, Ten. 

"He could be different. Not everyone will be like your parents. At least, try to give him a chance. "

Mark shrugged. "I just really don't want to buy this soulmate thing anymore. Sure, he might not be anyone like my mother, but still, I don't think I should be compelled to be with him just because I have his name on my wrist. I refuse to allow a single tattoo take control of my life. I refused to be like that. "

He refused to be like his father. 

Mark heard Ten snorting, clearly mocking him for his statement. For some reasons, despite the height difference, Ten could be really intimidating, especially to people he didn't like. Mark had a feeling that Ten didn't like him that much, but not as worst as when they first met each other. He was just really a jealous and possessive type and Mark just happened to be too close to Johnny for his liking. Mark wondered if his own soulmate would be like him. If he would be, then that would have been another reason for Mark to avoid him at all cost. 

"You don't know what you're talking about Mark Lee. I wouldn't be surprised if you would swallow your own words once you meet him. It's a powerful force and no one would be strong enough, not even you, to break. You'll be like magnets. Inseparable. You will never love anyone else other than your soulmate. 

●●●

"You don't like your soulmate? Cool. I don't have one actually. Want to date me instead? "

From the minute that Mark met Lee Haechan, he knew that he would be the living proof that everything that Ten said about him not being able to love someone other than his own soulmate was wrong. 

Haechan, the boy who was as beautiful and bright as his name. 

Eversince their first meeting in a cafe on his second year in the university, Mark was caught up in a whirlwind, and he couldn't say that he didn't enjoy the ride. 

Haechan was confident and direct, approaching Mark and telling him without a qualm that he was his type, while simultaneously pushing an ID towards his direction with his right hand, wrist wrapped tightly with a handkerchief that initially made Mark suspicious. 

He inspected the ID in his hands. Lee Haechan. First year Biology student.Twenty years old. 

"Single, and legal. Waiting for the right guy to date on the right time. I feel like today is that right time and I already found the right guy. You are? "

Mark couldn't help but chuckle as he reached out to shake Haechan's outstretched hand. "Mark Lee."

"Hello Mark Lee, I'm Lee Haechan. I overheard you talking with your friend about not wanting to date your soulmate so I thought I'll grab my chance. Are you interested in dating a single freshman like me? "

●●●

It started out as something less serious, at least to Mark, it was. Haechan had always been direct in telling him that he was serious about pursuing a romantic relationship with him. 

As for Mark, he really was just enjoying Haechan's company. He hadn't been on multiple dates with someone else before him. Most of his previous dating experiences were with people who were just practicing for when they would finally meet their soulmates, or with people who didn't have a soulmate of their own. The latter, would easily be discouraged after finding out about Lee Donghyuck, believing that Mark would seek him in the future regardless of how much he explained that he wasn't interested in finding his soulmate. 

Haechan was the only one who wanted to continue seeing him, instead of looking for someone who didn't have a soulmate like himself. 

But then again, Mark doubted if that was really the case with Haechan. Mark was still suspicious about why he was covering his wrist. Mark had this idea, that perhaps Haechan also had a soulmate but for some reasons, like Mark, he didn't want anything to do with this soulmate. 

Mark was curious, sure, but there were boundaries he would rather not cross. Haechan had secrets, so does he. After all, he also had issues which he wasn't willing to share with Haechan yet, especially since that were still in the beginning. 

Falling for Haechan, Mark realized later, wasn't a difficult thing to do. He was perfect, sweet and caring. He cared for Mark in way he was never cared for before. He was always there for Mark, supportive when he had a bad day, or a long day coming. He always have this positivity that never failed to cheer him up. One look at Haechan, as cliche as it might sound, was enough for him to survive a day. 

He was the one. His father, Ten, and anyone else could tell him that Lee Donghyuck would be his one and only, but Mark would prove them wrong by showing Haechan. 

Haechan was the one. He was someone who was far more special than whoever person's name was written on his wrist. He was the one because in a short period of time, Mark found himself falling for him because he fell for him, and not just because some tattoo told him he should feel that way. 

Haechan was the one because they both picked each other. 

Because of him, Mark could forget about the fear of being with a Lee Donghyuck, whose face in his head looked so similar to his own mother. Haechan was someone so different from her. He wasn't selfish. He wasn't manipulative. He never made Mark feel bad about himself. 

Because of him, Mark could see a future where he wouldn't be in the same situation as his father. 

Haechan was a keeper and Mark was determined to keep him. Mark wanted nothing else but to make him feel special and make him feel the same way as he was making Mark feel. 

But Haechan was a little secretive. Sure, he was outgoing, but Mark couldn't shake the feeling that there's something he was afraid of Mark finding out. 

●●●

"Why couldn't we hang out at your dorm again? "

Mark tried to surprise his boyfriend by visiting him in his department, only to find out, after texting the said boyfriend that he wasn't there because he didn't have a class. It was odd, because if Mark remembered clearly, from the form he showed Mark after the enrollment, he was supposed to have a class until four. 

Apparently, it was cancelled. When Mark offered to drop by at his dorm instead, Haechan immediately told him not to, and asked if they could just meet up at his place, like usual. 

"My roommate is a senior who's busy with his thesis. I don't want to bother him. "

Mark couldn't help but feel confuse at that. "I thought your roommate is a freshman? "

Haechan looked flustered for a moment, before giving Mark an awkward laugh while focusing his attention on arranging the pillows on Mark's bed for the two of them. 

"Initially, I'm rooming with a freshman, but he dropped out mid semester. Then the senior moved in. Conflict with his previous roommate, I supposed? "

There was something about the way that Haechan avoided eye contact that made his suspicious stronger. He was lying. Mark wanted to call him out on it. 

"So, what do you want to watch today? " Haechan asked as he lie down on the bed with Mark's laptop on his lap, he had this beaming light that was quick to convince Mark to let it go. 

Maybe he had issues, and maybe Haechan wasn't ready to talk about them yet. Whatever. Mark could wait. It was still too early in the relationship anyway, and Mark of all people should know why it was difficult to trust anyone fully. Maybe one day, they'll both be ready to talk about their own secrets. And by that time, Mark would have no problem telling Haechan how lucky he was for even finding him, and how much he was willingly choosing him over anyone else. 

Mark climbed up the bed, pulled Haechan closer like he always did. For the time being, both of them would just enjoy every moment together without much burden. 

●●●

"Why do you hate Donghyuck? "

It was the first time that Haechan asked about Mark's soulmate as they were lying down, sharing the same pillow, and facing each other. There was this tone of sadness in his voice as he asked, and Mark wondered if he lied about his claim about not having a soulmate tattoo at all. 

Mark wondered if he had a soulmate, and if the said soulmate rejected him, the same way that Mark was rejecting Donghyuck. A part of him felt guilty, that he was rejecting this Donghyuck before even meeting him. But he had Haechan now, and Mark was the one who would choose whom he wanted to be with. 

"I don't hate him, " he answered truthfully. "I don't hate my soulmate at all. I just don't like the idea that we are compelled to be with our soulmates just because some greater being said we should. I mean, how many people out there are destroying each other, but are still refusing to break-up because they're so brainwashed by the belief that soulmates are supposed to be together at all costs. I refuse to be like them. "

Mark refused to be like his father. 

"I see, " Haechan replied before closing his eyes. Mark wasn't sure if he agreed or not. 

"Why do you always have this bandage around your wrist? "

Haechan pulled his hand way right before Mark could even touch the bandaged covered skin. 

"Just because. "

Mark sighed. He wondered if it was worth starting an argument with, or if he should let it go like he normally would. 

The bandage was constant and Mark had never seen Haechan without it. And while Mark was mostly bothered by it because of curiosity, his curiosity turned into something much more. 

Worry. 

"You're doing okay, right? "

"I am. "

Okay. You know you can tell me anything. I mean anything. I will always be here to support you, so please bear that in mind. 

Haechan opened his eyes momentarily to look at him. He smiled. "I will, Mark. Don't worry. I promise. "

"You're not keeping something away from me, right? "

Haechan look scared for a moment. He hesitated before shaking his head. "I'm not. I don't have anything to lie about. "

Mark nodded despite the obvious lie. One day, he Haechan would be ready to be honest to him. Until that day, Mark would have no other option other than to wait. 

●●●

But that day didn't seem to be coming anytime soon and Mark could feel himself being nervous as the days went by. Just the thought of Haechan harming himself was sending him chills. 

Sure, he wasn't sure if that was indeed the case, but Mark couldn't anymore just wait like he intended to do. He had waited for too long, and dreaded if he waited any longer, something bad might happen to Haechan, and Mark wasn't sure if he could handle that. 

He had to find out. He had to make sure. Only then would be able to breathe easy. 

What he was going to do was something wrong. He knew it even before Johnny told him it would be. He knew that he would be crossing boundaries by doing this, but Mark was left with no other choice. He would rather Haechan be angry at him, if that meant he would be able to find out if he was doing something that could endanger himself. 

Mark had to do this. 

He checked on Haechan's sleeping form and prayed that he wouldn't wake up, at least not until Mark was done. His hands were light as he carefully untied the bandage and unwrapped it around Donghyuck's wrist. He tried to condition himself to be calm while assuming for the worst. Whatever it was that he was about to see, he promised that both of them would get through it together. 

But promises were easy to be broken, especially if what he saw was nothing like he had expected.

Mark wondered if this was how Pandora felt when she opened the box, or this was how Psyche felt when she took a glimpse of his husband's face. They weren't supposed, the same way that Mark wasn't supposed to take off the bandage without Donghyuck's consent. 

There weren't scars or fresh wounds like the ones Mark were afraid to see, but he couldn't even breath in relief, not after reading what was tattooed on Haechan's wrist. 

He lied about not having a soulmate, that was obvious, and that was something that Mark had been suspicious already. But Mark didn't expect his boyfriend to lie to him to this extent, and he couldn't help but wonder if he should hate himself for finding out or for not finding out about it sooner. 

It was just too much. It was just something he didn't expect on Haechan at all. Or was he even Haechan at all? 

Of course he wasn't. It made sense. The lies, the bandage, the secrets. It all made sense and Mark couldn't help but hate himself for being this stupid, for falling into a trap when he promised himself that he wouldn't. 

Everything crashed down the moment he read the name written on his boyfriend's wrist. 

Mark Lee.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a while. Admittedly, among my other stories, this is the most difficult to write. (╥_╥)

Mark remembered screaming as he demanded to know the truth. He remembered slapping his forehead several times when everything clicked in and Haechan finally admitted to everything. He remembered pushing him out and slamming the door in front of him as Haechan, or rather Donghyuck, continuously hit the door from the outside. He remembered covering his ears as his boyfriend, his liar of a boyfriend, tried to apologize to him. He remembered the silence that came after the neighbors got themselves involved and threatened to call the police if Donghyuck wouldn't leave. 

He remembered staring blankly into space as everything finally dawned upon him. 

He had been stupid. He had been a fool. Donghyuck turned him into a fool. Mark allowed himself to be a fool. Like his father, he allowed his soulmate to turn him into a fool. 

There was nothing else to do but to stare into space. There was nothing left. The beautiful illusion he had mistaken for a reality disappeared like a smoke. 

Donghyuck had tried to get in touch with him several times, either by waiting for him in places he would most likely be found, or by sending him messages and calling him nonstop, when all Mark ever wanted was to be left alone, and hopefully forget about Haechan and the feeling he was regretfully still harboring for him. He was everywhere, so much that Mark just wanted to lock himself in and never go out in the open, so much that Mark just wanted to throw his phone away. 

But he didn't. He didn't throw his phone away, but he didn't read Donghyuck's messages either. At least not yet. What he did was to scroll through his gallery, a folder dedicated to Haechan, his selfies and stolen shot and their photos together. 

He travelled back in time, revisited their short time together, their memories, their happiness, the wonderful feeling that Haechan made him feel. His heart ached at the reminder of the Haechan he used to know. The one that wasn't tainted with a lie, but the one who made Mark feel warm with his smile and safe with his kindness. 

It was painful, because things could have gone differently if Haechan wasn't his soulmate, if he didn't have to lie. Maybe Mark would probably still love him under different circumstances. 

But who was he kidding? Who was he trying to fool? He loved him. He still did, otherwise, he wouldn't be second-guessing himself and wondering if perhaps, he made the wrong call. He wouldn't be in a situation where he would accuse himself of overreacting, if he didn't love him anymore. 

Maybe he was overthinking things. Maybe it was him who was complicating everything. After all, Haechan wasn't anything like his mother. He was sweet. Caring. Loving. He wasn't selfish. He wasn't a monster. He wasn't the person Mark assumed he would be. If he wasn't the nightmare that Mark was trying to run away from, why was he still running away? 

Little by little, his resolved was broken until he decided to give Haechan the chance that he was begging for, by reading his messages from the very beginning. 

In the beginning, it was all that Mark had ever imagined, with Haechan apologizing, and begging for them to get back together. Because he couldn't live without Mark. He couldn't make it to another day without hearing from Mark. 

The first few messages were pretty much the same content, each one phrased differently from the former. Haechan was sorry. He wanted another chance. He wanted them to get back together. 

As he scrolled further, Mark noticed the changes. It was gradual, but Mark knew when exactly the changes began, from "I'm sorry, please forgive me" to "I am sorry, it's just a small mistake, why can't you forgive me? "

Haechan said he had no choice. He had no choice but to lie because Mark wouldn't have given him a chance if he didn't. 

Haechan said he was willing to compromise. If it was about the name, then he was willing to change his name forever. 

Except it wasn't about the name. It was never about the name. It was about the fear Mark harbored since he was young. It was about the experiences he had that he refused to experience once more. It was about abuses he received. It was about the abuses he watched his father received. It was about the abuses he refused to subject himself once again, especially not under a new person. 

Something about the way Haechan tried to turn the focus of things to make his actions seemed lighter than it actually was was frightening. 

He shifted the blame with ease. Suddenly, it wasn't about his lies anymore, but about Mark's decision to avoid his soulmate at all costs. He wasn't anymore apologizing for his actions, but was trying to convince Mark about how his issues were minimal. 

Mark recognized the pattern immediately. The half-hearted apology. The blame shifting. The invalidation of feelings. 

He had been through it all, too much for him to not recognize what Haechan was trying to do. He was trying to guilt trip Mark into forgiving him by shifting the blame on him and invalidating his feelings. 

Well, he had seen it all before, hadn't he? He had seen it several times, on a play he watched on a front-row seat. His parents were the characters. He refused to be the actor. 

Mark wanted to hurt himself for even assuming that Haechan would be different. It was a stupid thing to believe. Really? After everything that he did? 

He lied. It wasn't just a small lie like he made it out to be. He created a whole new identity, and supported them with documents that he forged, all of which could land him in jail if Mark decided he wanted that as retribution. He fooled Mark into believing he was a different person. He did it because he wanted to be with Mark. He did it to get what he wanted. He did it because he refused to be a decent person who should take no for an answer. 

He wanted things his way. He wanted to get his way by any means, regardless if those means were right or wrong. Even if those means could potentially hurt Mark in the future. 

The thing was, maybe Haechan never really cared. He never cared about Mark's feelings. Hell, he probably didn't even care about his reasons at all. He only cared about what he wanted, which was to date his soulmate even if he knew that the very soulmate was opposed to the idea. He deceived Mark. He got what he wanted. He was found out. He was sorry it didn't end the way he assumed it would. He wasn't sorry that he made Mark a fool. 

Mark deleted every messages, and told himself not to read anything from Haechan anymore. He told himself not to give Haechan another chance to make a fool out of him. 

The sweet and caring Haechan that he knew was gone. He didn't even exist in the first place. He was just part of the veil that Donghyuck had placed upon Mark's head. He wasn't real. So was their relationship. So was their love. 

Mark should just move on and go with his initial plan: to have nothing to do with his soulmate. 

●●●

It wasn't easy, or rather Donghyuck wasn't making it easy for him to just do as he planned. No matter how much Mark tried to avoid him, he would always find a way to be in places where Mark should be. It was as if his own purpose in life had been to follow Mark around, that Mark wondered if there was anything to his life other than to chase a relationship that Mark didn't want to take part in. How could he know? Everything he knew about Donghyuck was probably a lie, and even if it wasn't, he didn't share much about himself in fear of being discovered. Mark didn't know much about him. What he did know was that Donghyuck's dedication towards fixing a relationship, which didn't have a solid foundation to begin with, was starting to become unhealthy for the both of them. 

It didn't help that his father had been messaging him constantly this days, each sounding more urgent than the previous one. For some reasons, his father believed he could convince Mark to go to Paris, to follow him as he followed his wife. Mark didn't want to. He didn't want anything to do with his mother at the moment. He didn't want to deal with her when he's already dealing with someone who was behaving like her. 

Donghyuck's presence never failed to make Mark feel anxious, especially when his constant appearance began turning into a complete nuisance, from him appearing outside Mark's door and preventing him to go to his commitments on schedule, up to him causing a scene in the University, for other students to see. 

Mark had been approached once by another student because of it. She wasn't a friend, just a mere acquaintance who shared classes with him, but that didn't prevent her from sharing her unsolicited opinion regarding Mark's treatment of his soulmate. She advised Mark to forgive Donghyuck already for whatever it was that he had done. He looked sincere enough. Mark was clearly loved. What more could Mark asked for? 

But she wasn't Mark. She had no idea what Donghyuck did to him. She had no idea what he went through before. Most of all, she didn't know love the way Mark knew it. She only knew about the fleeting emotion, but not never its potent poison. 

She didn't know it the way Mark did, and yet, Mark felt something inside of him boiling as she said those words. 

Donghyuck had turned a person against him by making it seem like he was the victim. He turned a person against him, the same way that his mother turned his father against him. 

Mark had confronted him about it. After days of just ignoring him, he finally realized that by ignoring Donghyuck, he wasn't sending him the message properly. Mark told him that he wanted to be left alone. Mark told him to stop. Mark told him that he was making him uncomfortable. Mark asked for some space. 

And yet, speaking to him didn't seem to be any better. It was at that point that Mark realized what the problem was. It wasn't that he wasn't communicating properly. It was that Donghyuck refused to receive the message at all. It didn't matter if Mark decided to set boundaries between them. Donghyuck still continued to cross them. It didn't matter that he was driving Mark insane because of it. What mattered was that he wanted something, and he wouldn't stop until he got that something, regardless if Mark wanted the same. 

"I love you. Why can't you see? I only did it for you! For us! We're meant to be together. We're soulmates. We're meant to be in love. "

Mark found himself shaking his head and walking away. 

Donghyuck continued to cross boundaries. He continued to invade Mark's personal space. He continued to make a scene in front of an audience, in hopes that by doing so, Mark would be forced to go with the flow and be swayed in the direction Donghyuck wanted him to be. It never yielded the desired effect. If anything, Mark only found himself learning to hate his soulmate much more than before. 

He figured that would be good, to hate Donghyuck until he had forgotten about the funny feeling inside his chest whenever he was near. 

●●●

When his father told him that one day, he would find his soulmate and fall in love with him, Mark had this desire to react violently, finding the idea entirely repulsive. It would never happen. Never, because he would avoid him at all cost. Never, because not even fate could dictate him who to fall in love with. 

Mark already failed the latter, admittedly, with massive stupidity on his part. Mark would love to say that he wouldn't allow himself to fail the latter, but the only problem was, it was probably too late. 

It was probably a curse. Yes, that could be it. That, or it's his karma for calling his father names inside his head for becoming his mother's puppet. 

He didn't understand why he was feeling the way he was as he stared at Donghyuck from his window. The latter was standing there, out in the pouring rain when most of the time, he would wait for Mark in the apartments complex itself. 

Mark knew what he was doing, another creative way to appear to be romantic, to look more pitiful— convincing, to guilt-trip Mark into letting him in. He recognized the intention so much that Mark should feel nothing but anger towards him. 

And yet, he didn't. He couldn't understand why, but as he stared at Donghyuck, he was feeling more things other than anger and disgust. 

What was he trying to do? What was he trying to achieve by doing this? Why couldn't he get the hint and quit already? Did he really have to do this? 

Didn't he realized he could get sick because of it? Why could he take care of himself better? Why couldn't he stop from doing anything this drastic?

Mark refused to care. He didn't want to care. But, Mark couldn't help himself from caring. 

He wanted to argue with him, to push him away. And yet, at the same time, Mark wanted to pull him inside and shelter him from the rain. He wanted him warm. He wanted him safe. 

He wanted the opposite. He didn't know what he really want anymore. 

Before he could even realize what he was doing, he was already heading outside, an umbrella above his head, walking towards the person he said he didn't want to do anything with anymore. 

He was failing. He was falling into a dark pit he told himself he wouldn't dare go to. 

Donghyuck looked pleased with himself when Mark finally approached him and put him under the shade of his umbrella. Something about his smile made Mark feel disappointed in himself. He had played the part Donghyuck wanted him to be. He went according to plan. He became a puppet, just when he thought he would never allow Donghyuck's strings anywhere near him. 

"You really wouldn't give up, don't you? "

"I wouldn't, " Haechan replied with a hit of determination. "I have already gone too far to give up now."

Ah of course. Of course he did. He went as far as to lying about his identity. Why would he even give up when he had done so much worse before? Mark hated him. So much that leaving him out in the rain was nothing but a weak kind of punishment for him. He hated him. He hated him so much that Mark hated himself for still talking to him. 

"I could just leave you here, you know, " he said, anger dripping in his voice. "It's not like you're still my responsibility. We already broke up. "

Donghyuck flinched at the last two words, but nevertheless tried to keep his composure. "You wouldn't, right? "

It was scary. Mark wondered how much control Donghyuck had on him, for Donghyuck to sound confident. 

And yet, what was even more scary was how Mark was losing control of himself. 

He should walk away. He should send him away. He should create the safe distance between them. 

Mark's first mistake that day was approaching him. The second was letting Donghyuck back in his apartment. The third was letting him borrow his clothes like he used to before, and letting him seat on the sofa like he used to. It was as if Mark had opened the doors for Donghyuck to reclaim parts of his territory. 

He didn't want things to be like that. He didn't want to give Donghyuck the idea that he was succeeding. He didn't want him to win, but the closer he was, the stronger the curse seemed to be. Mark needed his safe distance. He needed to be away. 

"So how do you want me to address you? Donghyuck or Haechan? "

He tried to sound snarky, he meant for his words to bite harshly, if that was the only way to remind Donghyuck that he was still not getting his way. If only his words had yielded the desired effect. 

"I told you, I could just be Haechan for as long as you wanted me to be. "

Mark was torn between laughing and screaming. Did he really think Mark was that shallow? That changing his name would make everything okay? 

"You really don't understand what you did wrong, do you? "

He didn't even try to conceal the hatred he was feeling. Donghyuck was visibly stunned, and tried his best to save himself. 

"I know I lied, but Mark, I only did that because you wouldn't have let me get close to you. "

Mark wouldn't, he wasn't going deny that, but that didn't make it a valid reason for Donghyuck to come up with that much big if a lie. While he would have been hurt for being rejected, Donghyuck should have learned how to respect other his decision.

"You think it's stupid, don't you?" He said with a mocking laugh. "That I would avoid my soulmate when the rest of the world are desperate to look for theirs? You think it's shallow, don't you? You think that my reasons aren't valid, and you think that lying to me about who you really are isn't really a big deal. "

Was Donghyuck ever interested in finding out why Mark didn't want anything to do with him? He probably wasn't as he didn't seem to think it was valid in the first place. Otherwise, Donghyuck wouldn't have lied in the first place. Otherwise, he wouldn't be rationalizing his lies at all. 

"You don't even seemed sorry at all."

"I am sorry! "

Those three words flew from Donghyuck's mouth swiftly. Too fast for them to carry the weight of sincerity. 

"You're not, Haechan and you're not sorry at all. You just wanted to make excuses. "

Donghyuck silence confirmed it and Mark would lie if he said he wasn't disappointed. Sure, he expected that to be the truth, that didn't mean it hurt him any less. 

"You're very much the same. Both of you only care about yourselves. "

Donghyuck seemed genuinely confused as to whom he was talking about, but Mark didn't feel the need to explained anything anymore to him. He noticed the rain had stopped pouring. 

"You should leave. "

Donghyuck seemed to notice that, too. He tensed. After all, he still didn't get his desired result. 

"It might still rain, " Donghyuck tried to haggle. "I don't want to get sick. "

Mark shook his head in disbelief. He really wouldn't give up easily, right? He wasn't above guilt tripping him and putting his own health on the line just so he could convince Mark to agree with him. Donghyuck was scary. The worst thing about it is he didn't realize it himself. 

"I'll call you a cab so you don't have to walk. "

"I might not be able to pay for it. "

"I'll pay for it. "

"I can just stay here. "

Mark felt himself on the verge of blowing up in frustration. "Please, just leave. I have too much on my plate, and I can't deal with you right now. " 

Donghyuck decided to just stare at him. For a moment, Mark thought he was showing remorse and pity. Mark thought he would finally leave him alone, only for him to be disappointed at his next words. 

"I want to take care of you, Mark. Please. "

It was as if there was a thick barrier between them prohibiting Donghyuck from listening to Mark, a barrier that Donghyuck placed there on his own. He didn't care about what Mark truly wanted. He cared about what Mark should have needed according to himself. 

"Donghyuck, " he said, disappointed at how weak he sounded but fighting him head on wasn't yielding anything good. Mark didn't want to beg, but if that's what it would take for him to get his peace back, he would. "I know that you mean well, okay, and maybe despite my disagreement to your methods, you really don't have any bad intention at all. But, Donghyuck, hear me out when I say that right now, what I need from you is space. "

"You don't need space! We don't need space, Mark! I know that! "

"I know what I need more than you do, " he said back. "And you should stop thinking about what's best for me, for us, and just start respecting my decisions. " 

Donghyuck indeed left him alone after that. At least temporarily. He still sent him messages, the same narrative that he was pushing Mark to buy. Mark was too drained to even open up and read one of them. 

He hadn't expected for Donghyuck to be that much difficult to handle. He hadn't expected him to be that much stubborn. He hadn't expected him to have that much disregard of Mark's own comfort, and for him to decide what would be best for Mark. 

Mark was ashamed to admit, but yes, he was scared of having another interaction with Donghyuck again. 

If only there was a way for him to escape. To be somewhere far away. To be gone for long. To be free, at least temporarily.


	28. Chapter 28

Mark didn't know what he was doing as he found himself standing outside a hospital room, his hand hesitating by the handle, unsure if he really wanted to do this. If he really wanted to meet the woman behind the door— his own mother. After all, hadn't he declared tha he wanted nothing to do with her anymore? 

And yet, for some reasons, a single text message had change everything. After swearing that he would want to see his parents anymore, Mark found himself boarding the next available flight as soon as he could just to be where they were. 

After declining every call that his father had made for him, he ended up contacting his parents in order to get to Mark. 

His mother had cancer— liver cancer, and she's begging to see Mark once again. 

Mark wasn't sure what's the real reason he decided to go, when he could have declined and stay where he was. 

Was it concern? 

His mother and him had never formed a bond that would warrant Mark to feel such emotion towards her. 

Was it pity? 

Well, why would he feel that way? It wasn't like his mother had pitied him when she ruined his childhood by her constant self-centeredness. 

Or maybe it was hope. 

Hope that someone like her could change for the better. 

Hope that if someone like her could, then Donghyuck could, too. 

He hadn't even said goodbye to Donghyuck properly. He had been afraid to contact him, as Mark already knew how he would react, and honestly, Mark wasn't sure if he wanted that. There was just too much going on in his life, and Donghyuck should learn how to respect his desire for space. 

He stared at the handle for a longer while, wondering if it was a good idea to visit her alone. 

His father had picked him up on the airport, marking their first meeting in a long while. He had aged— drastically, and Mark wasn't sure if it was because he had been away for a while, or the situation with his mother had taken a toll on him. 

He hugged Mark, and for the first time, Mark had seen his father stare at him with a remorseful expression. Mark wondered if being away for long made his father reflect on how he had treated Mark before. 

He ended up dropping Mark off to the hospital and taking Mark's thing to the house that he was renting for his mother, when she was still living on her own. 

Mark sighed. He wanted to scold himself for being afraid of his mother. He grew up. He was no longer the child Mark whom she could treat as her own personal punching bag. He was tougher. He knew, he could leaved whenever he wanted to. 

With that thought in mind, Mark decided to twist the knob and enter. 

She had aged— drastically. Mark wasn't sure if it was the cancer or her life long frustrations of not being able to get what she wanted. She was far from the beautiful woman that she once believed she was. 

She turned to Mark with her ghastly complexion, colored only by the make up she was wearing. Mark didn't know if she was allowed to do that, but he figured, his mother wouldn't want herself to not look glamorized even while dealing with her sickness. After all, she was a star— at least, she believed she could have been. 

She never made it big like she expected she would, Mark's father told him. When her friend mentioned the opportunity in Paris, her mother assumed she would be given a big role, a highly ambitious assumptions for someone who hadn't proven anything to her craft yet. What she didn't know was that she was supposed to work as a production staff, someone who would work in the background. As expected, she didn't like it. Why would she work in the background when she was supposed to be the star? Nevertheless, she stayed. She stayed with the hope that her time would come, when honestly, her time had already passed. She should have moved on already. 

She had been depressed, his father claimed. So depressed that she ended up resorting to drinking and smoking to cope up with everything, instead of just returning to Canada and his father. It was wrong to say this, but frankly, Mark believed she brought this upon himself. 

She stared at Mark in a scrutinizing manner, squinting hard to get a clear view of him, until recognition finally flashed on her eyes. 

"You took so long, " she said, and Mark found it hard not to scoff. 

"I did. South Korea isn't a place in the neighborhood. "

His mother flashed him with an offended expression, an expression which had been forever etched on Mark's mind. When was she not? She was always offended by Mark's existence. 

His mother began to assess him with her eyes. Mark tried his hardest not to squirm. He had nothing to be afraid of. 

"You look healthy, " she commented, before nodding to herself as if she was satisfied. 

"I am. My grandparents took good care of me. " More than you ever did, he wanted to add. 

She snorted. "I bet they gave you everything. I bet they spoiled you. I bet you never had a day to worry whether you could get the the things that you wanted. How lucky. "

"They didn't. I still had to work hard, but it was nice to get the support from a family. Something that I haven't been given since I was young. "

His mother scowled, before pointing at his direction. "You. You don't get to talk to me about support, when I haven't gotten any support from you and your father. "

A strong lie. But his mother had been telling herself the same thing for a long time, it already became the truth for her. 

"You wanted to see me? " he asked, even though he had a feeling it was a lie that his father came up with and Mark had just been played. His mother hadn't shown enough reason for Mark to believe that she was feeling remorse. 

"Yes, " his mother replied, and Mark couldn't help but feel confused. "Doctors said it would help if I can get liver transplant. I figured since you're my son, there's a possibility that we'll be a match. It that's the case, then you're going to donate a part of yours to me. "

Mark remained silent. For a while, he was entirely baffled. Then, he began to laugh bitterly. 

How dare this woman speak to him, as if she was entitled to any part of his body? As if she owned him. As if any part of him was merely a spare of her own. 

"No, " he replied. "I am not going to do it. "

"What do you mean no? " she exclaimed. "You're going to start your tests tomorrow, and if we're a match, you're going to help me because I am your mother! "

Mark found himself shaking his head in response. How stupid of him to believe that his mother could even change. She would never. 

"You are going to do it, you ungrateful brat! I wasn't able to live my life because I gave birth to you!I'm giving you a chance to pay me back for my sacrifices, and you're going to grab it! "

"No, " Mark said firmly. "It's not my fault that you're sick. I wouldn't punish myself with health related consequences because of your doing. "

"I could have just aborted you! "

"And you should have, " he replied, his mother stared at him with a shock expression. "You should have when you still had the chance. You were never a good mother. So don't expect anything from someone whom you never treated as a son. "

●●●

"You both planned this, didn't you? " Mark asked his father as they pulled up in a parking lot of the building they were going to live in. "You wanted to sacrifice your son for your wife. "

His father came to get him a moment later, and Mark had to witness his mother cry to his father about how Mark was being selfish and uncaring, and how he didn't have any sympathy for his dying mother. Mark ended up walking out, only for his father to chase after him. 

"Don't put it that way, Mark, " his father denied. "I am not sacrificing you for her. You are young. You're going to survive. "

"Complications exist, " Mark insisted. "I might appear healthy, but we'll never know. "

"You're mother still want to do a lot of things in this world. She deserves to live. "

"And I do, too, " Mark angrily replied, unable to keep himself from glaring at his father. "I deserve to live as much as she does. I don't want to do something that could put my life into risk, and more importantly, I wouldn't do it for someone who wouldn't dare risk her life for me if the situation was switched. "

"You don't understand because you're not his soulmate! " His father screamed at him, his face red with frustration, cheeks stained with tears. "Everyday, I could feel that she's dying! In my heart, in our bond, I could feel that she's slipping away! I want to do everything to help her! I want to save her! I still want to be with her! I will stop at nothing to have another chance with her."

"Even forcing your child to give a part of him when he didn't want to? "

Mark nodded to himself. "I see. I was never really important to you. "

●●●

Mark locked himself in when they reached their place, ignoring every pleading that his father was doing. 

Mark wanted him to shut up. Mark didn't want to listen to him anymore. All he wanted to do was to escape. He felt trap in this unfamiliar country, and the only person he knew only wanted to use him. 

He had to get away. 

Mark searched for his phone, with the intention of booking a flight back home. He was immediately greeted by messages from Donghyuck's Haechan account. 

He hesitated, but nevertheless read the messages despite being wary of what he was going to read. 

He wasn't wrong in what he initially expected. 

It was obvious that Donghyuck had already learned that he had left, although Donghyuck still had no idea where he went. 

'Where are you? '

'Why did you leave without telling me? '

'How can you be selfish like that? You know how much I need you, Mark!'

'Stop being selfish and just come back! '

Mark almost threw his phone in anguish. 

Selfish. Mark was selfish. He was selfish for not wanting to donate a part of him to his mother, and he was selfish, for not being in South Korea like Donghyuck wanted him to. Well if that was the case, then he would continue to be selfish especially towards people who only cared about themselves. 

Not any of them was going to get anything from Mark. He wouldn't let thm try to take control of his life like they had all been trying to. He's going to do what he wanted and no one could tell him to do otherwise. Not his father. Not his mother. Certainly not a person named Lee Donghyuck. 

●●●

He ended up leaving. 

He didn't return to South Korea like he initially planned to. Instead, he left his parents place and went to live with a friend of Johnny, Jaehyun, who was finishing his Masters overseas. Johnny ended up helping him pick up what he left in his previous university, by pulling some strings, and thus allowing Mark to finish the rest of the semester using an online program. Jaehyun said that if he wanted to, he could help Mark move to a university nearby to finish his last year. Mark was honestly considering that, if that was the only way he could free himself from the Donghyuck situation. Mark still couldn't believe he came here with the hope that if his mother could change, then Donghyuck, could, too. It was apparent that neither could, and Mark should avoid both of them for his own sanity. 

His father had begged him to stay, but Mark didn't even spare him a second glance as Jaehyun drove them off to the latter's place. He hoped that that would be the last time he would deal with his father trying to force him to help his beloved soulmate. 

As for Donghyuck, Mark honestly didn't know. Donghyuck still continued to send him messages, messages that Mark refused to open, in fear of just getting himself hurt. 

He was being stupid. A part of him wanted to tell Donghyuck what was going on, and to maybe try if the latter could be understanding about it. But then, what if he wasn't? If that was the case, then Mark would just be setting himself up with another disappointment. 

He didn't want to take risks. He didn't trust Donghyuck to be understanding enough. In the end, he chose to stay silent. 

It was a choice between trying to do something to make Donghyuck feel better and keeping his own peace. 

Mark was already selfish in his eyes, to begin with. He decided to choose himself and put Donghyuck on mute, to not see anymore notifications from him. 

●●●

Mark never believed that soulmate bonds really did exist. It was a connection between two people, the soulmates, where one could feel it through their tattoo that if the other person was in danger. 

Mark had called bullshit. He never considered that it could be true. In his mind, it was nothing other than a fantasy created to reinforce the idea that soulmates had more connection than having each other's name on their wrist.

Mark never thought that a day would come where he would experience it first hand, and thus, learn that it was the truth all along, and the truth just happened to be really painful. 

It happened one night, when Mark least expected it, or rather, Mark never expected it. It was just something that took him entirely by surprised, awoke him from his slumber and dragged him to a level of agony that he had never been before. 

He screamed at the very moment that he felt the harsh burn on his wrist, the place where Donghyuck's name was written. The pain was piercing through his skin, travelling through his veins, messing with his brain, and slicing up his heart. 

It was too much. Too much that Mark couldn't even respond to Jaehyun as the latter asked him what was wrong. All that Mark could do was to scream and cry out. 

And then there was nothing. 

After the sudden pain that he experienced, there was nothing left. There was nothing left to do other than to let his mind wander. 

Wander to someone specific. 

Lee Donghyuck. 

Mark immediately looked for his phones and began reading the messages that Donghyuck had been sending him and Mark couldn't help but regret not reading them earlier than he did. 

Donghyuck sounded different. Back then, Mark could only feel anger after reading his every word. His last messages were different. So different and worrying that Mark could feel the fear surging to his chest. 

Donghyuck sounded so self destructive, and all of it, he was associating with Mark being away, with Mark leaving.

Admittedly, while Mark had been angry with how Donghyuck was behaving to him, but honestly, he never wished for something bad to happen to him. 

Deep inside, despite Mark always claiming that he didn't want to do anything with him, he knew that one thing would bever change. He cared for him. He could be angry and scared, but the would never change feelings that Mark had formed for him during the times they spent together. 

Mark tried messaging him, but it turned out, the fake Haechan account he created was already deactivated. 

Mark tried calling him, but no matter how many times he tried, he couldn't reach him. 

It went on for days, and Mark's worry began to grow, so much that he tried searching for him in social media platforms, only to fail. He even tried to get Johnny to help him find Donghyuck, but to no avail. 

He didn't know anything about him other than his name. The him that Mark knew was Lee Haechan. Lee Haechan wasn't real, and neither was the informations about him that he had given to Mark. With only a name, it was impossible to ever find him. 

Days passed, and worry never left him. Donghyuck stayed disconnected. 

Without any hope of finding him from afar, there's only one thing left for Mark to do.

He had to come back. He had to find Donghyuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NCT 2020 💚💚💚


	29. Chapter 29

Mark felt anxiety bubbling inside of him as he found himself surrounded by a lot of people. Normally, he wasn't the type to fear the crowd, but something about him had changed in the past year, that he couldn't help but distrust every stranger around him. He hated being on his own. He hated the feeling the he was there to fend for himself. 

He clutched on his luggage tightly and on the strap of his bag which contained his most important and personal documents. He didn't know much about the crime rate in this country, but he didn't want to risk losing something that was important to him. 

Not again. 

Mark began to scan the area for familiar faces, his friends who had told him they would be there to pick him up. 

For a while, Mark began to feel afraid that there had been some type of miscommunication between them. Maybe they weren't able to make it? Maybe something came up and they couldn't make it to be with Mark. Or maybe he wasn't important enough to be spared their time. 

No. Mark scratched the latter. Not everyone was going to treat him that way. Certainly not his friends. Certainly not Johnny. 

Mark tried to look for them again, but all that he could see were blurry faces. Maybe the problem was his vision. After all, he heard before how much stress could affect other people's eye sight, with some even going blind because of it. He needed glasses. Glasses or therapy. Maybe he needed both, and he would get both. Just not yet soon as Mark had other priorities, more pressing matters he urgently needed to attend to. 

"Mark Lee! "

He heard someone shouting. He quickly turned left and right to seek the owner of the voice. 

"Lee Minhyung! "

Mark tried his best to find him. 

"Seagull eyebrow! "

And he finally found him. 

Johnny was waving in a goofy manner at him, an action contradicting the very formal attire that he was wearing. To his side was his boyfriend, Ten, who was waving modestly at Mark's direction. Mark sighed in relief. Finally, he found the people he was looking for. 

He began to walk at their direction, and the closer he became, the wider the smile on Johnny's face became. Once Mark was standing a couple of feet away, Johnny pulled him by the shoulder, almost causing him to trip and fall, only to land comfortably on his friends arm. 

Mark cautiously turned to Ten, to see if this was making him feel uncomfortable, only for him to see the latter looking at them with a fond expression. Mark began to relax. All of the worries he was carrying, slowly began to leave his body. He was safe. He was fine. He was surrounded by the people who cared about him. He was okay. 

"Welcome back, Mark, " Johnny whispered to him as the former rubbed his back. "Welcome back. "

Mark smiled to himself and nodded. He was back. It took too long for him to come back, a long gruelling agony of treachery and blackmail from people who were trying to hold his freedom hostage in order to convince Mark to give up a part of himself. 

In the end, he made it back. Mark was glad to finally be back. 

●●●

He was ready to leave. Mark had already packed his things and booked a flight back to South Korea. He knew he had to return. With no clear news about Donghyuck, Mark was determined to look for him on his own, just to make sure that he was okay, even though Mark was worried that he wasn't. 

"You're really going to leave? " Jaehyun asked him as Mark was trying to clear his room of the last of his belongings. He turned to Jaehyun and gave the latter an apologetic smile. Jaehyun had worked hard to get him admitted to the university, and Mark was going to waste his effort by leaving the opportunity behind. But he had to do it. He might not be able to forgive himself if wouldn't go back immediately. 

"I have to. I can't stay here and live my life without knowing what happened to him that night. "

He found himself unable to think about anything other than Donghyuck. How was he doing? Was he alright? What happened to him? Was he safe? Mark could somehow feel him. He wondered if his mind was making it up, or if he was just suddenly attentive enough to feel the other through their soulmate bond. Mark swore he could feel him. He could feel him, but something was wrong. 

Something was broken. 

His head was telling him not to go back and search for him, but a stronger force was telling him that he needed to be with Donghyuck. And Mark, for how many times he told himself he wouldn't be a slave of this soulmate concept, found himself following that force. 

Jaehyun sighed. "It's fine, I understand. If it's me, I know I'll do the same for my soulmate. Good luck, man. I hope you'll find him. "

Mark hoped he would, too, but he feared it would be a difficult task especially since he didn't know where to start looking. He might sound stupid, especially because of his prior claims, but Mark found himself relying on whatever connection he and Donghyuck had, hoping that it would lead Mark right where he was. 

"So, see you in Seoul? " Mark asked as Jaehyun was supposed to return to Seoul in a couple of months, to search for his own soulmate as Mark recalled. 

"Yep, see you. Wish me luck."

Mark picked up his luggage and went towards the door. This was it. He was going to leave. Once he return home, he knew that there was no turning back. His hand grabbed on the handle. He was about to pull it open when a knock interrupted him. 

He turned to Jaehyun. "Are you expecting anyone? " 

Jaehyun stared at the door in confusion before shrugging. "No one in particular. "

Mark shrugged back, figuring that it wasn't a big deal. 

At that point, Mark hadn't anticipated for anything to go wrong. He never anticipated that anything could go against his plans. It wasn't until he opened the door and was greeted by men in uniforms that he began to feel something. 

A bad sign. 

Mark stared at them in confusion. He turned to Jaehyun, who looked equally confused at him. 

"Good evening, " one of the officers greeted him, he greeted them back. "We are looking for Mark Lee. "

Mark stayed silent. Something about the situation made him feel nervous. His hands were clammy and his mouth was frozen shut. Jaehyun must have realized his situation, that he came up to younger and pushed him behind. 

"May we know the reason why you're looking for him? "

Mark never expected anything to go wrong that day. He never expected to be taken in police custody, for a crime he didn't commit, a crime that his own father had filed against him. 

Mark sat in the interrogation room, unable to do anything other than to drown in anxiety, as the officers and the lawyer that Jaehyun had hired for him talked in a language he barely understood. 

His flight was long missed. Jaehyun had told him that he wouldn't be able to go back, until charges were settled. He was trapped.

A sabotage. That was what it was. For some ways his father had learned about his plan to leave, and decided that Mark couldn't, until he gave them what they wanted. Until Mark gave his beloved what she needed. 

Mark never believed that his father would reach this point, where he would wrongfully accuse Mark of theft just to keep him there and pressure him to give in. 

If only he knew that it was just the beginning. 

It was just the beginning of a year long torment that Mark had to endure as his so called family pressured him to help them. 

More false charges. 

Intentional looking accidents. 

Missing passport. 

All of it, Mark had to endure while trying to keep his sanity, and trying to live a normal life. All of this while trying and failing to reach Donghyuck from afar. 

Mark couldn't count the days when he just wanted to end his misery. He just wanted to give up. But he tried to be strong because of two things. He didn't want to lose, and he had a person he needed to return to. 

And then it ended. It took so long, but it finally ended. 

His mother succumbed to her failing health and everything was over. She was gone. And honestly, after everything that they put Mark to, Mark didn't feel a single ounce of sadness at his mother's passing. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve anything from Mark. 

He cried, but not because he was mourning her death. He was relieved that she was gone. She was gone and Mark was finally free. 

●●●

"So what are your plans now that you're here? " Johnny asked him as they drove off to Johnny and Ten's residence, the place where Mark would temporarily be crashing until he found his own place to stay. His grandparents were out of the option. He loved them, and Mark was sure they loved him as well. But being with them meant he was reachable by his father. He didn't want anything to do with him anymore. To Mark, his father had died at the same that his mother did. It was pretty accurate since he only lived for her. 

"What are you going to do? " Johnny asked again when Mark remained silent. 

"Honestly, I haven't thought much about it, " he shamefully admitted. "I wanted to find him first. "

Once he got his passport back, and all the charges filed against him were finally dropped, Mark immediately packed everything and left for South Korea, in fear of anything happening and preventing him from living once again. He didn't have much thought in his mind while making his decision, other than doing what he had long been wanting to do for a long time. 

It was crazy. Mark hated himself for sounding obsessed like his father. But then again, a bigger part of him knew that he would hate himself more if he missed this chance and not try to find out what happened to Donghyuck. 

"And if you don't find him? " Johnny asked, causing Ten elbowed him. "Sorry. I mean, what if you don't find him soon? You can't just spend all of your time looking for him, especially since you don't even know where to start looking for him. You can't just let your life revolve on him forever." 

Ten elbowed his boyfriend again. "Cut him some slacks, will you? " Ten turned and gave him a sympathetic smile, something that Ten had never shown him before. Mark wondered if it was pity, because he knew what Mark had been true, or if Ten had changed during the course of one year. "Give him a break. Let him do what he wants too. Will finding me not be your top priority if we are in the similar situation? "

"Of course it will be!" Johnny exclaimed. "I'm just saying he couldn't let his life revolve on finding his soulmate. I am not saying he shouldn't. I'm just saying he should also start living his own life. "

Mark didn't need to think hard to realize that Johnny was right. After all, he didn't survive a year of torment, just to live a stagnant life. 

Amidst everything that was happening, Mark was able to finish his degree, not in the university that Jaehyun initially had him admitted to, but in another one who was willing to accept Mark despite all of the legal battles he was fighting through. 

Mark made it through, despite him wanting to give up during several times. He made it with Jaehyun (who extended his stay for Mark) and Johnny's help, as well as the encouragement from his grandparents. It would be a waste of collected efforts to just waste everything he worked hard for. 

"You can work under our company, " Johnny offered. "At least, until you find what you really want to do. "

"Wouldn't it be too much already? " Mark asked. "I feel like I'm getting a lot of free pass since I am your friend. "

"Oh please, " Johnny waved him off. "It's not as if you aren't qualified. And it's not like you're going to start big already. You're going to work your way up like everyone else. "

It was a very generous offer that Mark would be stupid not to take, especially since he didn't have a plan of action of his own. 

"Okay, " Mark replied. "I'll do it. Thank you for always being there to help me. "

"I don't mind, " Johnny replied, sending him a smile through the rearview mirror. "And I wish you all the luck in finding Donghyuck. "

●●●

As it turned out, Mark needed all of the luck he could get. Finding Donghyuck was difficult, especially since he wasn't sure if he was looking for him in the right places. 

Mark's life had been a repetitive cycle of trying to prove himself worthy of all of Johnny's help by helping him in the company he inherited from his father, spending time with his aging grandparents, and looking for Donghyuck. The last one was the hardest of them all. 

He didn't have a starting point. The course and university that Donghyuck gave under the guise of Haechan had no student named Lee Donghyuck on their list. It was part of his lies. It was tough to know that every vital information he thought he had ended up being useless. 

He had no lead. He was stuck nowhere. With no direction in mind, Mark tried to look for him in all of the universities nearby, even community colleges and vocational training schools. It wasn't an easy task, because registrars wouldn't just give him a list of their students name, as it would be a breach of their privacy standard. 

The only thing that he could do was to spend time lurking in different campuses, wishing that he would stumble upon Donghyuck by chance. 

No luck was found. 

At some point, Mark began to wonder, was he even still alive? Was he just deluding himself into thinking that he could still feel him? 

His mind travelled back to the pain he felt during that night, and began to wonder if Donghyuck ever survived whatever danger he encountered around that time. 

He had to. He had to be alive. 

Something inside Mark had trouble accepting the idea that he might not be able to see him again. 

He hated him. He hated the idea of him. He learned to hate him even more as he uncovered his lies. Yet, amidst all the hate, Mark was sure he felt more things other than that for Donghyuck. It was something that he tried to deny most of the time. It was something that he tried hard to reject. Yet, it was something that was so undeniable, something that only seemed to grow as he continued to search for him, only to repeatedly fail miserably. 

Mark hated to accept that he was probably searching in vain. He should find him. 

He should find him, and then…

And then what? Mark didn't know. He didn't gave much thought about it. He didn't know what to do or what to say. All tha he knew was that he had to continue to looking for Donghyuck

●●●

It was through sheer luck that Mark was able to find him, and around that time, he wasn't even looking at all. 

In all honesty, Mark just wanted to rest. He needed to rest. The weight of his work and his failure to find Donghyuck was starting to feel heavy for him to carry, so much that he just wanted to stop for a while and breathe. 

Mark had chosen a nearby park, a place relatively quiet and peaceful, amidst the other park goers frequenting the place. 

There, Mark saw him, sitting down on a bench sniffling the cool air with his eyes closed. 

Mark wondered if he was just a dream or a reality. Was this really him? Was this really the person he was looking for? 

Before Mark could even realize it, he was already making slow steps to advance towards Donghyuck, eyes never leaving the latter, in fear that he would disappear. 

Donghyuck was smiling to himself, giving him the aura of peacefulness. 

It was him. 

It was really him, right? 

Mark felt relief washing over him as he finally found Donghyuck after searching for a long time. 

Donghyuck opened his eyes and their eyes met. Donghyuck's eyes widened in surprise as he saw Mark for the first time. 

"H-haechan? Babe," the fake name and the endearment slipped past his lips with so much familiarity without him noticing. 

"Is that really you?" He asked even if the answer was obvious to him. 

It was him. Haechan. Or Donghyuck. Mark didn't care anymore. What he only cared about was knowing that he was safe. That he was safe all these times. 

Everything flashed back in his mind the moment their gaze met. His worries. His fears. His regrets. 

Mark wasted no time running at his direction, crouching on the ground in front of him and grasping his hand with his own. 

"Haechan, " he called him once again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you. I tried to call you after you stopped messaging me, but the number was not anymore in used. I tried to find you, but I don't know where to look. I'm sorry. I… I really miss you! "

He let words fall from his mouth without him thinking. It was as if every emotion that Mark had gathered and stored was finally setting themselves free. 

Donghyuck just sat there, staring at Mark in shock and in fear, like he had seen a ghost and that ghost just happened to be Mark. 

He remained silent, and no amount of nudging could get him to talk, not even Mark calling him over and over again. 

"Donghyuck! "

Both of them flinched as they heard a shout, both turning to the direction where the voice came from. Mark saw three people watching their interaction with cautious eyes. 

"Do you know him, Hyuck? " one of them asked. 

Mark found himself staring at the Donghyuck once again, the latter staring at him back. Mark watched as Donghyuck's shock expression turned into a hard one. 

And for the first time, like Mark never expected it would happen, Donghyuck denied about him. 

"No, " he said sharply as he glared at Mark. "I don't know him. I don't know him at all. "

He yanked his hand from Mark's grasp before walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly feeling anxious around this times because Ber months for the Bicol Region means it's Typhoon season. We just survived one last Sunday, and the electricity resumed two days after, and yet we're anticipating another on Saturday. I hate it so much, and I hate how this is making me feel like I just won the Hunger Games and now I have to do it again. I don't want to, but it's not like I can do anything about it. Nothing frustrates me even more than the things I have no control over. I hate this. I hate Typhoons. 
> 
> If you're one of the readers who enjoys my fics, please, pray to whoever God you believe in that this Typhoon will spare us, or at the very least, leave us with minimal damages. 
> 
> I hate this.


	30. Chapter 30

Mark should have expected it. He should have expected that after a long time of not being in contact with one another, and after ignoring Donghyuck's persistent attempt to convince him to return, Donghyuck would be the least excited to see Mark. It didn't matter that he was the main reason why Mark decided to return. He didn't know that. What he knew was that Mark rejected him, Mark abandoned him, and that Mark refused to return at once when he asked. 

He couldn't say that Donghyuck was right to feel that way, especially when Mark knew the reasons why he decided to do such thing. Still, Donghyuck was entitled to his own feelings, although Mark really wish he could have the chance to talk to him and explain, and maybe clarify why at that moment, it was the only way Mark could protect and preserve himself. 

"I thought you don't want to be with your soulmate, " Ten asked Mark after listening to his story about how his encounter with Donghyuck went. He happened to be the only person present when Mark came home, and thus the only available person to talk to. "You sound as if you were trying to get him back but you were miserably rejected. "

Mark didn't know what happened exactly. Words were coming out of his mouth without his control, and emotions were freeing themselves with sense of urgency. He hadn't realized that maybe, he missed Donghyuck more that he actually acknowledged, more than he wanted to acknowledge, because honestly, despite the worries and concern he was harboring for a long time towards the person who called him his soulmate, Mark was still afraid to go all in. He was afraid of letting himself fall, of allowing himself to fall. 

Did he want Donghyuck back like what Ten was insinuating? Mark wasn't really sure, and maybe it was more about what he was ready for rather than what he wanted. 

The only thing that Mark was ready for was to talk. To talk about everything that happened between them. To apologize for how he made Donghyuck feel, and to explain why he acted that way. And then maybe, hopefully, Donghyuck would understand why things happened. Mark wasn't sure what it would entail between the two of them, but at the very least, Mark hoped they could end in good terms. 

It was definitely going to be a difficult task to achieve, quite understandably. 

Donghyuck hated him. He probably hated him so much that he was able to deny who Mark was in front of his friends. He knew that Donghyuck was entitled to feel that way, especially since he didn't understand why Mark had rejected him, but Mark had a feeling he was missing something.

"I still don't even know what happened to him that night, " he remarked, wanting to smack himself for wasting the opportunity of trying to find out. But then again, it was highly unlikely that Donghyuck would have given him an answer then, as his top priority was to get as far away to Mark as possible. 

"He could have been sick, " Ten suggested while patting his shoulders comfortingly. "I felt the same burn on our bond when Johnny got a flu, and in a fit of panic, I immediately assumed for the worse. "

Mark could only hope that was the case, but at the same time, there was something inside of him that was convincing him not to brush off the thought immediately. It was the same feeling that convinced him to want to come back immediately. He just couldn't let go of his worries that easily. He knew he shouldn't. 

"But if you're really that curious, then go find him again and ask him, " Ten urged him. "For your peace of mind. "

It wasn't just about his peace of mind. It wasn't just about the guilt. He had genuinely loved and cared about Donghyuck once and it wasn't impossible that some of those feelings, if not most, still remained. It was more than just Mark wanting to be at peace with himself. It was more about Mark wanting to make sure that Donghyuck was alright. (Obviously he wasn't. Mark had to know why. He wanted to know if he could do anything about it.) 

"I don't know where to find him, " he admitted. "What if that was the last time I'll get to meet him again? "

"Don't be silly, " Ten chuckled. "You are his soulmate. You're going to cross each other's path more often than you expect you would. That's how it works. "

Mark sighed. For the second time in Mark's life, he found himself unable to rely on anything other than fate in order to meet Donghyuck once again. As ironic as it was, he had nothing else to hold on to, especially since he had a feeling that Donghyuck would try to avoid him at all costs. 

"Not to be insensitive but, I found you a new place, " Ten change the direction of the conversation, and Mark allowed him to, with hopes of getting Donghyuck out of his head temporarily. He failed. Donghyuck was sticking to his head like gum like he was meant to live there since the very beginning. 

●●●

Soulmates worked like magic, Mark couldn't help but agree, for just as Ten suggested, Mark ended up meeting Donghyuck again in a place he never expected an encounter between them would take place. 

The next time they met was in a department store where Mark was just casually trying to chose ties with Johnny, when a scene happened in the middle of the store. A scene involving Donghyuck. 

It was apparent in his attire that Donghyuck was working in that place as a sales representative, doing his best to attend to the customers despite the seemingly uncomfortable situation. He was being screamed at and Mark could infer, judging from the phone that the customer was holding against his face, that he was being threatened. 

It was as if a switch was flicked inside of him, making him function on autopilot. Something about the way that Donghyuck was being treated made Mark want to protect and help him. 

Before he knew it, he was heading towards their direction, with the intention of shielding Donghyuck from the person who was tormenting him. 

Johnny initially tried to stop him, assuming that Mark was trying to butt in into other people's affair. 

"Hyung it's him, " Mark told the older. "It's Donghyuck. I need to help him. "

Realization flashed on Johnny's face after Mark mentioned the name. He understood immediately, and both of them silently agreed to interfere. 

The closer they became, the more frustrated and angry Mark became. He couldn't stand the way the person was treating Donghyuck as if he was someone beneath her. Customer or not, she didn't have the right to treat Donghyuck that way.

Words flew from his mouth like that time when he and Donghyuck first met again. He began saying things, words, that he didn't k ow he would want to say ever. 

"I suggest you stop harassing my soulmate. "

●●●

If ever Donghyuck was surprised by his appearance, he had long gotten over that already, as Mark couldn't anymore see anything in his face other than his hatred for Mark. 

Donghyuck made a point of only acknowledging Johnny's help by thanking him while ignoring Mark. Mark tried not to act hurt. He brushed it off with Johnny doing most of the helping anyway. At least, in the end, Donghyuck ended up agreeing to go to the cafe with him for a conversation. That was all that Mark ever needed— an opportunity to talk. 

"I found you again, at last." 

"I missed you. "

He was losing it. That was the only explanation Mark had. He was losing control of himself, having no ability to think properly or to filter his words. It was borderline scary. An omen. A sign that Mark was probably falling for the inevitable which he was trying so hard to avoid. 

Donghyuck didn't even seem to be pleased by his choice of words. If anything, he looked as if he was greatly repulsed by them. It was evident with his glare. It was evident with the way he replied snarkily or sarcastically at Mark's every attempt of apologizing and explaining. 

"I... I'm sorry, " he apologized over and over again. "I'm sorry for not replying to your messages. I'm sorry for not returning your calls. I wasn't ready then. There were a lot of things on my mind back then. "

"And I wasn't one of them, " Donghyuck replied bitterly. 

"That's not it, I swear! If only you would listen to me! "

He didn't want to make Donghyuck think that he just plainly didn't care. Back then, Mark was on the verge of breaking, and Donghyuck's presence wasn't helping him in anyway. He needed that space. He needed that distance or else he would fall apart. 

"Should I? You didn't even listen to me back then, remember? "

"Please," he asked again, desperately. "I want to fix everything. I want to fix us. "

If they were going to end, then at least, they should end things well between them. They needed to talk. Donghyuck deserved to know why Mark had acted the way he did in the past. 

If only there was a way to convince Donghyuck to listen. 

Donghyuck scoffed at him, rejecting his attempt once again. "Too bad, I'm not interested anymore. "

Donghyuck got up from his chair to leave and sending Mark into panic. If Donghyuck decided to leave, then Mark didn't know if he'll ever get the opportunity talk to him again. 

"Donghyuck, please, wait! " He immediately grasped Donghyuck's wrist to stop him. His action triggered a reaction from Donghyuck, who panicked at the sudden contact. 

"Let go, Mark, you're hurting me!"

Mark immediately did, apologies escaping his lips profusely, as he began to check where he had hurt him. 

And then he saw it and everything made sense. Conclusion began to unfold in his mind as he began to understand everything. 

What he felt during that night. 

His fears. 

Donghyuck's hatred towards him. 

It all made sense and the answer was made clear to him. Mark, for all those times he wanted to find out, found himself unable to carry the weight of those answers. 

●●●

Soulmate marks would never return once they're destroyed. The skin would heal eventually, and the scars would lighten until they were almost invisible. But the mark itself would never return. Instead, what would remain in its place was the smeared ink of what used to be a name. 

It was the reason why Mark knew what Haechan had done, what he had done that night for Mark to feel that burn, despite not being there to witness it personally. Mark knew how he had hurt himself and how he almost lost his life because of it. Because of him. 

Mark honestly never expected anything like that when he decided to create space between them. He never expected Donghyuck to resort to anything like that. And for what reason? Because Mark left him. Because Mark refused to be with him. Because Mark wanted to take a break and refused to deal with him. 

"It's not something that's within your control, Mark, " Johnny tried to console, his arms never leaving Mark's shoulder as he tried to convince Mark to stop blaming himself. "You wanted space. You needed that space. How he would react with your decision was beyond your control. "

Ten just stayed silent for a while, just listening to the conversation as he stand with his back against the wall. 

"I mean, I can understand, " Ten commented after a while. "I can see why he did that. "

"Ten, " Johnny scolded his boyfriend. 

"I'm not saying it's Mark's fault, " Ten clarified. "I'm just saying I've been there, intensely believing that soulmates had to be together all the time. I can see why he did that. He felt so… rejected. But even I was able to understand later that sometimes, there are boundaries. I feel sorry for what happened, but at the same time, it's never your fault for wanting to create boundaries. "

"Or to reject people, " Johnny added. "In the end, it's always your choice whether you want people in your life. "

"I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want him to do such thing. "

"You didn't, Mark. " Johnny assured him. 

But still, Mark couldn't help but wonder if things would have been better if Donghyuck knew about the truth. Why he had to leave. Why he couldn't accept him. Why Mark had been so afraid. 

"I am going to tell him the truth." 

Johnny and Ten shared a look. "Are you sure?"

Mark nodded. Donghyuck deserved to know that Mark didn't reject him for the sole purpose of hurting him. Maybe that would mean something. Maybe that would make Donghyuck understand. 

"Whatever you're comfortable, Mark. "

●●●

Mark knew that the rightest thing for him to do was to apologize. To say sorry over and over again. To endure Donghyuck's hatred because he had the right to feel that way. 

He kept trying. He kept trying to apologize and beg for forgiveness, even if the only thing he got in response were harsh words. He wanted to keep trying. He wanted to make it right. He hoped that if he continued what he was doing, then maybe, Donghyuck would realize how sincere he was, and then maybe gave him a chance to explain his side. 

But maybe he was hoping in vain. 

Donghyuck didn't want to listen. He didn't want to an explanation. He didn't want to hear anything from Mark, that Mark began to wonder if perhaps, he was doing it wrong. Maybe this was the boundary Donghyuck was setting for them. Maybe he wasn't ready yet, and Mark was making him uncomfortable by plaguing him with his presence. 

Maybe it was time for him to give up. 

Maybe it was time for Mark to take a rest. And honestly, something inside of him was asking him to do so. 

Mark knew that for someone who was trying to apologize he had no room in his heart to be tired. But he couldn't help it. He wasn't covered in armor. He wasn't immune to the pain. There were only so much pain he could receive before he began growing weak. 

While he could see where Donghyuck's hatred were coming from, there were only so much blows he could take before he resort to his defensive stance and try to protect himself, especially when thing began to feel too much for him. When Donghyuck began to crucify him for more things than Mark was actually guilty about. 

Mark could only accept so much. Mark could only defend himself so much until he began to feel the need to fight back.

As much as Mark wanted to acknowledge how he played a part in Donghyuck's decision to hurt himself, he also couldn't accept everything that Donghyuck was throwing at his direction. He couldn't just simply agree with the way Donghyuck was looking at everything. Mark knew that It was far from the truth. 

Donghyuck was hurting, Mark tried to tell himself over and over again, in an attempt to convince himself of being patient. 

But did his pain justified his every action? Did his pain immediately made him right all along? Did his pain suddenly gave him the right to dictate which was wrong and which was right depending on what could have benefitted him the most? 

Mark couldn't help it. The more he tried to endure, the more that he found himself struggling to hold himself back from arguing that it was unfair for Donghyuck to try to pin everything on him, when he also did Mark wrong by lying. 

And one day he did. One day, he was unable to hold himself anymore and let out everything he was trying to contain. 

And as expected, Donghyuck didn't listen. He held on to everything that he was believing in. 

That Mark was wrong for leaving him. 

That Mark was wrong for not messaging him back. 

That Mark was wrong for not accepting his apology. 

That Donghyuck never did wrong. 

Lying was never wrong, because it was Mark's fault that he couldn't accept Donghyuck for who he was. 

Trying to pressure him into getting back together when Mark was still trying to process the reality that came to him so suddenly wasn't wrong. It was Mark's fault that he was being difficult. 

It was Donghyuck had created this world where he was the only victim, negating the possibility that Mark had been hurt, too— severely. It reminded Mark so much of his mother. It unearthed the fear he had tried to bury long ago. It was sending him signals to run away and protect himself in order to not experience the same thing over again. 

Maybe he wasn't patient enough. Maybe he wasn't strong enough. But Mark was Mark. He knew what it's like to be with a person who thinks like Donghyuck. He knew what that would entail for him and Mark wasn't ready to be in that situation once more. Maybe, he would never be ready. 

In the end, Mark found himself giving up. Mark found himself bidding goodbye and regretting his choice of trying to find Donghyuck again. He only hurt him by reopening old wounds. He only hurt himself by subjecting himself to the same treatment again. 

"I'm sorry for whatever it is that you keep blaming me for, " Mark ended up saying at the end of the conversation that lead to this goodbye. "I'm sorry for bothering you again. I will make sure not to bother you anymore. "

Mark had left him that night thinking that it was for the best. That it was the end. That the two of them could move on finally om their separate ways. 

●●●

It wasn't. It was far from being the end. Him and Donghyuck ended up meeting more times after that. Accidental encounters, that's what Mark wanted to call them, although he had a feeling that it was more than accidental. That some hidden force was trying to make them collide more than necessary, more than Mark wanted, especially since every collision always ended up with either or both of them being hurt. 

Mark never planned for them to meet again, much less to live in the same building, their doors next to each other, so close when Mark only wanted them to be a part. It was Ten who had chosen this place for him, and while initially, he doubted if Ten planned all of this, it was very much unlikely to be the case, as Ten was so offended on his behalf when he learned through Mark how Donghyuck was treating him. Yet, for some reasons, Donghyuck felt inclined to believe that he was doing it on purpose. That he was there for a reason. That he was there for Donghyuck. 

Hence, why he demanded for Mark to leave. 

It was probably easier to just pack his things and leave, and to get a place as far as possible from that place, but a stubborn part of him didn't want to. A stubborn part of him didn't want to just do as Donghyuck asked him to. It was the stubborn part that was telling him he was no one's puppet. He was not his soulmate's puppet. Because yes, he wanted to sympathize with Donghyuck's pain, but was a difficult thing to do when Donghyuck kept on unearthing his own from where Mark buried them. 

It probably shouldn't have taken Mark by surprise when everything turned into a heated argument. They probably couldn't even have a proper conversation without them aiming at each other's throat. They were that toxic. They were that destructive. Being soulmates made it out as if they were meant to be, but it turned out, they were meant to be enemies. 

Donghyuck, to Mark, was very difficult to read. He was difficult to understand. The last time they met, he wanted nothing to do with Mark, and then the next time they crossed each other's path, he was angry that Mark had stopped coming after him. He was, and this was after he told Mark to leave the place and to leave him alone. 

He was so confusing. He was making Mark go crazy. Mark felt as if he was in the situation where whatever he tried to do, Donghyuck would find something to be angry about. He hated seeing Mark. He hated not seeing Mark. He hated everything that has anything to do with Mark, and Mark couldn't help but to think that he was in that same situation again. He was on the same cycle again, where the only option was to take the blow. 

He didn't anymore know what Donghyuck wanted from him, what Donghyuck was trying to get from him. It was as if he just wanted Mark to be there, to receive everything he would throw at his direction, for Mark to receive them wordlessly and without objection, until finally, Mark began to believe every idea that he was enforcing. 

And maybe that was exactly what Donghyuck wanted. 

"Admit it, " Donghyuck said to him, long argument finally coming to an end, and Donghyuck wanted it to end on his favor."Admit how wrong you had been for leaving me. Admit that everything was your fault. Admit it, and I'll give us another chance. "

Mark wanted to laugh bitterly at how Donghyuck was trying to bargain with him, as if he was the one going to benefit from the scenario. A chance at what? A chance at being with a person who would treat him the way his mother had treated his father and him, at the cost of him lowering himself to put Donghyuck in pedestal. 

"I couldn't, " Mark immediately replied. "I couldn't admit something I do not agree with. "

Donghyuck ended up hating him more. But it was okay. Honestly, Mark was starting to feel the same, once again. 

●●●

Mark wanted to curse his fate as him and Donghyuck's world seemed to collide even more, as the latter ended up getting an employment at the entertainment company that Johnny had acquired and had passed the management to Jaehyun. It was recommendation from Doyoung, a cousin of Donghyuck, and friend of Jaehyun. He was someone Jaehyun couldn't say no to. Jaehyun had asked him if there was going to be a problem, and for a while, Mark was tempted to be petty. He was tempted to act and think like Donghyuck. He wanted him fired, but he remembered how much Donghyuck was struggling. He probably needed this, and his needs was placed higher than Mark's desire to be petty. He told himself there was no problem. There wouldn't be as long as Mark could avoid him. 

A difficult task, and Mark was probably the one to blame, him and his inability to say no. Him and his inability to not care. 

It wasn't his problem. It wasn't his problem if Donghyuck ended up waiting all night until he found a ride. It wasn't his problem if it was dangerous for Donghyuck to wait on his own. 

He decided to make it his problem even if he knew that it would create more problems along the way. Because no, it didn't matter if Mark was doing Donghyuck a favor. It didn't matter if Mark was was trying to help. In the end, Donghyuck would find something to be pissed about, something to pick a fight about. 

Because that's how he was, angry at everything, angry about Mark's every breath. 

"How was it living your life in Paris knowing that someone out there was crying all because of you? "

He should have known that that would be an issue. He should have known that Donghyuck would make it issue despite hearing Jaehyun mentioned it once. It didn't matter that he didn't know why Mark was there, or why he ended up overstaying there. What's important was whatever scenario he had in his head, which was most likely just Mark being there to hurt him. It was always about him. 

"I am not in the mood for arguments, Donghyuck. " He was tired, and he didn't deserve this. Not when he was exhausted from his job all day, and all he needed was peace and quiet. 

"You must have been having a lot of fun. Too much fun that you had not been able to return a single one of my messages. Was Paris really that interesting? Because I wouldn't know. I wasn't as privileged as you after all. "

Privileged. Mark wanted to scoff. His time in Paris was far from being a privilege. It was a nightmare that he had trouble escaping. "You had no idea about what happened in Paris, Donghyuck. "

"Oh, so what happened?" Donghyuck was mocking him, that was for sure. He wasn't interested to know. He just wanted to fight Mark more. "Go on tell me? Who knows, I might believe you. "

"If I tell you I had a family emergency so I had to leave immediately, would you believe me? "

Donghyuck laughed, what else should Mark have expected? Donghyuck wouldn't take him seriously. He wouldn't consider that Mark was telling the truth. He didn't want Mark to be telling the truth, or else, he wouldn't be the victim that he was playing out to be. That shouldn't happen. Donghyuck should always be the victim. "Is that the best you can do? Do you actually want me to believe that? "

"With your mindset, I'm not expecting you to believe anything except yourself. "

Donghyuck began to raise his voice. "So it was back to being my fault again!"

He was defensive. When was he not? He never liked it when Mark pointed his wrong. He didn't believe he was wrong. 

"Listen Mark, I gave you space like you asked! All I ever wanted was for you to give me a chance, because God, that was such a small matter that you blew out of proportion! "

Mark wanted to laugh. Of course, it was a small matter. His experiences weren't a big deal. His comfort wasn't important. His decisions had no value. Donghyuck was the only one important. He should always come first. 

"You call that space? " He scoffed. "You called bombarding me messages about how stupid my problem was and how that could have been forgiven easily, giving me space? "

It wasn't space. It was harassment and verbal abuse that Mark could either ignore or endure. Mark happened to choose the former in order to protect himself. And then what? He ended up feeling guilty about it because Donghyuck ended up hurting himself, because Mark refused to give him what he wanted. He felt guilty because he cared, he cared for someone who refused to even consider his own feelings. 

Well, that was unfair. But Donghyuck would bever understand that. He was the only one being treated unfairly in his own little world. 

"I gave you space! " Donghyuck insisted, as if repeating it could magically convince Mark to hum the same song he was singing, as if by doing so,he could alter Mark's memory and make him believe that that was indeed the case. "And what's wrong with me explaining to you that what I did wasn't something worthy of your anger. For God's sake, I lied because I wanted to be with you! I couldn't even understand why you wouldn't want to be with your soulmate! "

Donghyuck was the one who's right. He was always right. What was right for him should be he right thing for Mark as well. It was crazy. It was so damn maddening that Mark just wanted his head to explode right then and there. 

"You couldn't understand because you didn't really want to understand at all. Answer me, Donghyuck, did you ever wonder why I think that way? "

"No!" 

Of course he didn't. Why would he? Why would he when it was far more beneficial for him to just assume? 

"Of course you didn't. You didn't care, after all, right?"

"Because it's stupid Mark Lee, and you know that, " Donghyuck asserted as if it was the fucking truth. Well, it was his truth. It was the only thing he wanted to acknowledge as the truth. 

"It's only stupid because it's inconvenient for you. "

"How dare you? " Donghyuck screamed again, as if he was the one being wronged again. "How dare you make it seem as if I am a selfish person? "

"Aren't you, though? " Mark asked back. He was tired of enduring. He was tired of not fighting back. If this was what Donghyuck was trying to get from him then he would give it to him. "Everything that doesn't affect you is stupid. My sufferings are nothing compared to yours. Because you said so. Because you believe so. "

"Because that's the truth! " Donghyuck raised his voice higher, in order to drown Mark. Mark wished he would just drown him to death. It would probably be much better than this. 

"Listen, Mark! You ruined me! Because of you, I was so hurt that I wasn't able to fulfill my duties as a person! Because of you I wasn't able to be a good student like my parents expected me to. Because of you I failed them. Because of you, they abandoned me! It's all because of you and your stupid soulmate-hating issue! I fucking hate you. "

Mark wanted to laugh. It was a joke. It had to be a joke. It would have been funnier if it was a joke, but it wasn't one. It was Donghyuck's truth. It was the truth in his world where Donghyuck could never do wrong, where Donghyuck wasn't accountable for his own actions. 

"You're blaming me for something that's not fully under my control, do you even understand that? "

"Because of you, I had hurt myself. "

Mark found himself unable to say a word back. Of course. Of course, Donghyuck would use that against him.

"What? Finally at lost for word? " 

He almost couldn't believe how smug Donghyuck sounded about it, as if he hadn't just talk about a period where he almost lost him life. And of course it had to be Mark's fault. It had to be Mark's fault for choosing his own sanity. 

Mark wondered what would be enough for Donghyuck. Would hurting himself be enough for Donghyuck to understand he had been in so much pain, too, or would his own life still matter less? 

"I'm just thinking I made the wrong decision," he replied after a while. 

"You did, " Donghyuck smugly replied. In his head, it was over. In his head, he already won. 

"I made the wrong decision of looking for you again. I didn't realized you'll be as toxic and manipulative as this. I should have known what I am getting myself into. "

Had he known, then should have stopped himself from caring. Had he known, then he should have never tried to find Donghyuck once again. 

"How dare you call me those things, Mark?" Donghyuck offendedly asked "How dare you? You're the one who hurt me! What makes you think you can say those words to me? Stop the car, I am getting off! "

Mark immediately did as he asked. He stepped on the breaks, harsh and waited for Donghyuck to step out. "What are you waiting for? " 

"You're really impossible, Mark! " Donghyuck angrily screamed at him again, without doing what he said he would. 

"You are impossible, Donghyuck, " He repeated his exact words. "You asked me to stop the car, didn't you? So what are you waiting for? You can't tell people one thing and expect them to so the other. You can't tell me to leave you alone and be angry if I did exactly as you said. "

"Why? " Donghyuck began crying. He had to cry. He was the victim, after all. "I was hurt so you should have expected this! I was hurt so you should keep trying! I kept trying for you before! "

"You tried by what?" Mark angrily asked. "By telling me over and over again how unimportant my reasons for being angry was? Did you even think that's not what I needed from you before? "

"That's what you needed! You're just to stubborn to realize that! "

Donghyuck knew better. He always knew what's best for Mark. That's what he believed in. That was the only way he wanted to see things. 

"You don't know me more than I do, Donghyuck. "

"Stop blaming me! "

"I am not blaming you, I just want you to understand that I suffered too!" 

They were going in circles, and they weren't reaching the finish line. It would only end if ome of them bend. It would only end end if Mark would bend. But he refused to. He refused to allow himself to be treated that way. He refused to allow himself to be treated like that again. 

"I have issues too which you are always disregarding because you only think about yourself. Do you have any idea how hurtful it is to have your problems and reasons be deemed unimportant, shallow and invalid by the person you thought would understand you? Even before they try to ask you what those problem and issues are? No! You don't. All that you know is that you are right with everything. Everyone should want their soulmate like you, that's what you believed in and therefore, I who didn't think the same way was wrong. And because you believe I am wrong, it's okay to lie to me, and I didn't have any reason to get angry at all for being lied to. Did you even wonder why I feel that way? Don't you even want to know? "

"I will not give you a chance to convince me otherwise. I will not let you make up lies to make it seem like I am wrong. "

So he was the one ended up making lies. The truth became a lie beside the manufactured truth. That's how powerful Donghyuck was. He was like a god. He had the power to change the truth depending on what he wanted. 

"Of course you wouldn't! It's shallow, right? Everything that wouldn't benefit the belief that you have in your head is. Then you have the audacity to be angry at me for giving up? There's no use trying when it comes to you! "

"Then maybe you should stop trying and just start apologizing for everything like any reasonable person should! Again, Mark I suffered the most, more than you do! Why can't you just accept that? "

"I already, did, haven't I? Several times already, and you always turned them down. "

Mark had apologized before, and Donghyuck pushed him away. Did he have to keep doing it forever to appease Donghyuck? 

"It's still not enough!"

Of course it wouldn't be. People like Donghyuck wouldn't be contented. He wouldn't be contented until the old Mark was gone, and replace by the version of Mark he wanted to have. 

"Well I already did. I already acknowledge what I did wrong. You on the other hand have never acknowledged how wrong you were, and you continue to hurt me by invalidating my reasons without even asking for them. "

"Stop making this all about you, Mark! This isn't about you! "

"Of course it's not. Everything will always be about you. I shouldn't have looked for you in the first place. "

He was regretting everything. He regretted coming back. He regretted making attempts at reconciliation. 

It was Mark's fault for caring. He blamed himself for being concerned for someone who didn't feel the same towards him. 

He promised himself that that would be the last time. That would be the last time he would feel anything other than hatred towards Donghyuck. 

And yet, why was it difficult to keep his own promise to himself? Why was it so difficult to just stop worrying about Donghyuck? 

He found himself calling the landlady to check on Donghyuck after their argument, worried about what Donghyuck was about to do to himself, that he felt another harsh burn on the skin of his wrist. He just couldn't help it. He just couldn't ignore the danger looming at the other's head. 

He found himself interfering in a fight that Donghyuck ended up having with one of his friends. He couldn't help it. He just couldn't sit in his apartment to listen and wait for whatever it was that Donghyuck got himself into again. 

He wanted to stop caring. He wanted to stop bothering himself with a person who wouldn't be bothered to do the same. But why couldn't he? Why was it so hard? 

In the end, Mark had only one conclusion. He failed in that thing he promised himself the most. 

He failed in his promise to never end up like his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typhoon change track but it's still far away to be certain about the areas it will directly affect. Thank you for all your prayers! 
> 
> We have one more chapter left in Mark POV.


	31. Chapter 31

From the very beginning, Mark had this weird feeling about going to this event. There was something inside of him that was telling him not to go because something bad was going to happen. 

Was it a hunch or just paranoia? 

Mark blamed such feeling on his and Donghyuck's previous meeting which never ended well for both of them. He felt drained since then, and each day, he found himself fearing for another one. 

He wanted to avoid Donghyuck at all costs. He didn't want to hear from him anymore, especially when all Donghyuck ever wanted to tell him was how much of an asshole he was for not being who Donghyuck expected him to be, and how he was wrong for having issues he didn't even want to have in the first place. 

He didn't want to go to this event. He just wanted to hide away and maybe do paperworks at home, but Johnny had wanted him to be there. Jaehyun as well. As it was a milestone for their business. They were good friends of Mark, people who were there for him when he needed support the most. He believed it was unfair for him to abandon them just because he was trying to avoid one person. 

So he came. He came and tried to enjoy the even while trying to forget the person who was plaguing his mind. Besides, he highly thought it was unlikely for Donghyuck to be there. While he was working for Jaehyun, he wasn't even a regular employee. There was a slim chance that Donghyuck would be there. 

Yet, a slim chance was still a chance, and Mark realized that belatedly. He had learned that when it came to Donghyuck, a moment of peace was nowhere to be find. 

He was chatting peacefully with Yerim, another relative of him and Johnny whom Mark had befriended during his return from Paris. It was a business related conversation, just her trying to talk Mark into a proposition which she wanted him to relay to Johnny. He hadn't expected that such conversation was going to turn into something difficult to handle. 

All because of Donghyuck. 

Mark never noticed Donghyuck's presence until he was walking towards their direction, with slightly off-balance that made Mark believed he was intoxicated. 

There was something about his stare that made Mark feel uncomfortable. He was on to something. He wanted to do something and based on how he had been behaving on Mark's presence, he couldn't help but think that Donghyuck was going to make a scene, right in the middle of an important event. 

Donghyuck was angry, but not only at Mark. He was staring at Yerim as if he wanted to hurt her that Mark found himself acting on impulse by putting himself between them. 

"Not here, Donghyuck," he warned. "Don't make a scene. "

Donghyuck scoffed at him. 

"Funny how you could say that to me, when I'm not the one who's being lovey dovey with a person who's obviously not my soulmate, " Donghyuck replied louder than necessary as if he wanted to draw attention to himself. 

Mark had a short moment of confusion until he realized what Donghyuck was insinuating. Him and Yerim. Mark fought the urge to roll his eyes.

He wanted to fight back like he usually would, but for God's sake, this wasn't the venue for another argument. This wasn't the place for them to be fighting about which of them was right. 

He kept his silence. He was hoping that Donghyuck would go away if he simply ignored him. This wasn't the time or place. He wouldn't let him and Donghyuck steal the spotlight. 

"Mark? " Yerim asked him, slightly annoyed at the sudden interruption in their conversation. "Who's this? "

"Oh, hi honey! " Donghyuck replied on Mark's behalf. "The 'this' that you're referring too is actually the soulmate of the guy you're flirting with. "

Mark was shocked and embarrassed on Donghyuck's behalf, and there was nothing that he wanted to do other than to apologize to Yerim for putting her in a situation she didn't deserve to be. 

"Yikes," Yerim commented with disgust. "The crazy ex Ten oppa was referring too." She turned to Mark one last time to send him a sympathetic look. "I better get going. "

Mark winced at the adjective used by her. He wondered about just how much Ten was gossiping about Mark's relationship. They should probably talk about it. As much as he appreciated Ten caring about him, more than he used to in the past, Mark didn't appreciate him letting people know about Mark's personal affair.

The conversation between him and Ten could wait, however, as he had a much pressing matter he had to deal with— Donghyuck. 

Mark found himself acting immediately even while in shock as he noticed Donghyuck aggressively trying to chase after Yerim for whatever reasons he had on his head. Donghyuck was angry. He always was. It just so happened that an angry Donghyuck wanted to hurt someone whom he deemed deserving of being hurt. 

Mark was able to hold him in place to let Yerim escape, which only made Donghyuck angrier than he already was. 

"Oh my god, Donghyuck! Don't you know how to pick the proper time and place? " 

Honestly, Mark was getting frustrated. It was unsurprising, considering that Mark felt that way around Donghyuck all the time. Yet, he was even more agitated that way especially when Donghyuck could be ruining an important event for the people who were important to Mark. 

Donghyuck shoved him hard. "How about you? Don't you know the proper time and place to flaunt your new girlfriend? "

Mark shook his head in frustration. He couldn't believe that Donghyuck would make a fuzz about it. But then again, why wouldn't he, when he would gladly grab every opportunity to appear to be the victim, even if by doing so, he would need to create non-existent scenarios in his head. 

"I am not dating her, " Mark immediately denied. "but I'm pretty sure that should be none of your business. We're not dating as well. "

It was satisfying to say, especially when he couldn't fathom why Donghyuck was making an issue about it. He said he hated Mark. He said he didn't want anything to do with Mark. So why was he acting like a jealous boyfriend? 

And yet, Mark regretted his words the moment they left his lips, as they only served to fuel another argument which Mark was supposed to be avoiding. 

"Why does it seem so easy to you? "

People began looking at their direction, making them the center of attention instead of the artists being photographed on the stage. 

Mark cursed his luck as he tried to find a way to stop Donghyuck. 

"I'm not having this conversation with you, Donghyuck, " he said in a dismissive warning while trying to guide him to the exit. "You're drunk. Go home." 

Donghyuck swatted Mark's hand when Mark tried to touch him. Of course, he refused to comply. 

"I'm not drunk, " Donghyuck vehemently denied. "I'm hurt, Mark. You hurt me. You keep on hurting me over and over again! "

People around them began to form a crown and Mark felt suffocated by the attention. People where starting to give him judgemental looks, based only on what they heard from Donghyuck which was very far from the truth. 

"Donghyuck, please, " he tried to talk him out of this argument. "This is not the time and place. Don't ruin this! "

Donghyuck scanned the random faces on the crowd, and for a while, Mark was deluded into thinking that they were on the same page. He thought that the attention was going to make Donghyuck stop. He was so wrong. 

"How could it be easy for you to move on just like that? " Donghyuck asked again, louder than necessary for everyone else to hear. "How could it be easy for you to just replace me with someone else? How could you betray your soulmate just like that? "

People around them began murmuring, and Mark found himself nodding bitterly. So this was what Donghyuck wanted to achieve. To create a scene where he was the star and Mark was the antagonist. To put Mark in a situation where people would view him as the evil of the story just so he could get all the sympathy he wanted to get. 

Just when he thought he couldn't be disappointed in Donghyuck more than he already was in the past. 

"I'm through with this conversation, Donghyuck. I'm through with you! "

He refused to take part in this drama that Donghyuck was directing. He refused to play the villain part. 

"I wish, I didn't love you. " 

Donghyuck delivered his lines as Mark began to walk away. Mark stopped on his tracks. 

"I wish you didn't. It would have saved all of us from the trouble. "

He really wish Donghyuck didn't. If he didn't, he wouldn't have lied. If he didn't, both of them could have lived their life peacefully apart. 

"You don't deserve love from anybody at all!"

Mark wanted to laugh bitterly. Maybe that was the truth, especially considering how Mark was treated by people whom society dictated to love him. 

Mark turned to him one last time and look him in the eye. 

"Funny because I didn't receive genuine love from anybody, either. "

●●●

As if turned out, Donghyuck got everything he wanted to achieve that night, and maybe even more. He not only managed to gain attention from the people at the event, but at everyone with access to internet when the video of their argument was uploaded online, trending better than the purpose of the event itself. 

"I can't believe this, " Ten commented angrily as his fingers busied themselves with the keyboard of his laptop, while probably trying to single handedly defend Mark against the harsh comments he refused to read personally. "We're definitely going to sue the person who posted the video. The audacity! And they didn't even include part where I actually told that bitch of a person the truth about Mark! I can't believe this! "

Mark winced. He had no idea what transpired between Ten and Donghyuck after he left. Honestly, he appreciated that Ten and him had grown close, enough for the older to jump at his defense. Really, he appreciated the gesture. At the same time he thought it wasn't necessary. It wasn't like telling Donghyuck the truth would change anything anyway. He only valued his pain. Whatever happened to Mark didn't matter at all. In the end, he would always find a way to pin everything on Mark because being hurt made him think that he had the right to. It was a futile attempt. 

"Why aren't you doing anything, Mark? " Ten asked frantically before turning to his boyfriend. "Johnny? Are we really going to let him suffer like this? He's your friend first! Why do I feel like I care more about this than any of you? "

Johnny just stayed silent, while massaging his temple, blatantly ignoring his boyfriend's comments. 

Did Mark care? What about the situation was he supposed to care about? The harsh comments directed at him because people chose to be on Donghyuck's side? Why should he? They were random people whom Mark didn't know and care about. Growing up, Mark had to put up with his father ignoring his pains as he chose the person he called his wife over Mark, over and over again. Mark would like to think that his childhood had already trained him to be immune to these types of things. 

They're opinion didn't bother him. The only thing that was bothering him was that he potentially screwed over a thing that his friends had worked hard for. 

"Sorry for stealing the spotlight. " His comment was directed at Johnny who sighed in response. Mark wouldn't be upset if Johnny had grown tired of the drama in Mark's life and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Mark wouldn't hold it against him if he decided to distance himself. 

"Things got so out of hand, " Johnny commented. "I know you didn't want things to happen that way. I don't blame you. "

"You definitely shouldn't! " Ten interjected. "I can't believe Jaehyun invited him over. What was his purpose there, anyway? He's just some intern who had no business being there. Sure, he's bestfriend's with Doyoung, and Doyoung was cousins with that guy, but shouldn't he value Mark's comfort more? "

"We don't pit friends against friends, Ten, " Johnny called out his boyfriend. "And you know it's unfair to blame Jaehyun. He didn't want for these things to happen. "

"He still should have known better. "

Johnny sighed. He grabbed his coat and headed for the door. "Talk to me once you have a cooler head and not anymore so emotionally invested in other people's relationship. " He gave Mark a nod before leaving. 

Ten huffed. "Why was he acting like I shouldn't care? " He turned to Mark and asked. "We are friends, aren't we? I am supposed to be on your side. "

Mark wanted to tell him that he was doing too much, and that that much wasn't helping anyway, but Mark was tired and Ten also had a strong personality. Mark didn't need another confrontation at the moment. 

"How about this, " Ten turned to him to give his suggestion. "You tell them your side of the story and I'll record and post the video. We'll then see if they'll have sympathy left for Donghyuck after knowing how he lied to you and harassed you nonstop when you rejected him. Ha! We'll definitely going to turn this on him and he'll deserve every harsh word that anonymous people would throw against him! "

"I'll pass, " Mark gave him a grateful but tired smile. "I don't want to do it. "

"What? " Ten exclaimed. "But why? It will save your reputation!"

"I want to save myself from the trouble. In a week or two people are going to forget about it. Who am I anyway? I'm just a random person. If celebrities could get away with a few scandals, so can I. "

"But Mark—"

"Sorry, hyung, " Mark gave him a tight smile as he headed towards his room, or rather the room that he abandoned and reclaimed once again to hide away from Donghyuck. "I'm just really tired about everything. I don't want to do anything more that could prolong the issue when I could just wait and see until it dies. "

"Is that the only reason, or do you refuse to hurt him as much as he's hurting you? "

Mark pretended not to hear and continued to lock himself in his room. 

Fighting Donghyuck back would just hurt the latter again, and Mark had learned what he could do to himself when he's in pain. Hate or not, he didn't want to see Donghyuck do that thing to himself again. 

Besides, maybe this was what Donghyuck wanted. Maybe this was what he truly needed. Maybe after this, he'd feel better. Maybe he'd leave Mark alone. 

He sighed. He just wanted all of this to be over. 

●●●

Donghyuck didn't leave him alone like Mark expected, and honestly, Mark didn't know what to feel when Donghyuck showed up at Johnny and Ten's apartment, looking for him. 

"Did he came here to gloat? To assert how right he was and how wrong I am? To try to convince me because people had validated his thoughts? "

Things only grew even more out of control. Some people wanted to ruin him for being a "shitty soulmate" and even started this campaign to get himself fired. Some people working under Johnny decided that Mark was disposable enough and decided to fire him without Johnny's permission, just to give in to the pressure. This was more than Mark ever expected to from the issue, and honestly, he was beyond tired. The last thing he wanted was to face the very person who caused these things and to listen to him as he rubbed Mark's misery on his face. 

"I don't think that's the reason why, " Johnny commented. "He said he wanted to talk to you. He wanted to apologize. "

Mark looked at his friend in shock. "Apologize? "

Johnny nodded. "He looked troubled and guilty, definitely guilty. It seems as if he never expected for this to blow up, and that he didn't want to ruin you this way. "

Mark remained silent. It was too unbelievable for him. Donghyuck wanted to apologize? For real? Mark wasn't sure if he was being harsh, but someone like Donghyuck could never give an apology wholeheartedly. There was more to it than an apology. 

What was he going to tell Mark? 

Sorry that this happened but it was all your fault anyway? 

Sorry, but you see, we could have prevented all of this from happening if you only listened to me? 

Donghyuck wasn't the type who would acknowledge his mistake. Mark wouldn't trust him to do such thing. 

"In case you need my opinion, " Johnny interrupted his thoughts. "I think he is genuinely regretful. But that doesn't mean you need to accept his apology or that you need to talk to him. Your comfort is important as well, so just do what you feel is right for the moment. "

How many times had Mark hoped for the best from other people only to be let down almost everytime? He had reasons to believe that this was one of those. This was Donghyuck after all. 

"Will I be a coward if I decided that I don't want to talk to him? "

Johnny shook his head. "No, and you're very much entitled to decide that way. I'll tell him that you're not ready. "

The door closed behind Johnny leaving him alone again. 

He could faintly hear Donghyuck arguing and being assertive of what he wanted. Mark wasn't surprised. Donghyuck had always been like that, always prioritizing what he wanted over anything. 

What Mark was surprised about was how short the argument had lasted, and Mark wasn't sure whether to credit that to Ten or Johnny. How in the world did they managed to convince Donghyuck to leave without anyone ending up screaming or crying? 

Mark began to wonder if Johnny was right that Donghyuck indeed was regretful. 

Mark didn't know. Honestly, he doubted if he was brave enough to know. 

●●●

Things continued to turn worse for Mark, with him ending up not only being harassed by people online but even in person as he found himself drenched in and expensive wine. A part of him wondered just how much time people had in their hand to be fully invested in his and Donghyuck's story, with the amount of anger they were willing to pour on him, literally and figuratively. 

Mark wondered if it was just them being hateful as their nature, or them projecting their own stories on him and Donghyuck, and judging him based on the people they know personally. Were they really angry at Mark or at another person whom Mark reminded them of? 

It didn't matter. What mattered was that everything was getting out of hand that he was even reluctant to leave the apartment. 

And then it stopped. 

Everything just stopped. The hateful remarks were all gone, and all it took was a video uploaded by Donghyuck himself. 

"Did you have anything to do with this? " Johnny asked his boyfriend suspiciously who was trying to avoid eye contact from either Johnny or Mark. 

"Okay, fine, so I might have put the idea inside his head, but I honestly didn't trust him to do it. Well, he did, and now Mark is safe. Problem solved, all thanks to me! "

Johnny and Mark groaned in unison. 

"You realized it didn't really solve the problem, don't you? You just directed the hate to another person. "

"I didn't! " Ten was quick to deny. "He did it, and honestly, I don't care. He's not my friend, Mark is. He deserves to suffer for everything he did! "

"Ten! "

Mark winced as Johnny raised his voice at his boyfriend. 

"We need to talk, " Johnny addressed his boyfriend. "Follow me. "

Ten scoffed angrily, but nevertheless followed the direction his boyfriend disappeared into. 

Mark sighed in relief. He didn't have the energy to deal with Ten throwing a fit, not when all his energy had disappeared the first time Mark watched the video. 

For a moment, he thought it was a dream— an illusion to be exact. Never did Mark ever imagine that Donghyuck would own up to his mistakes and apologize to him, much less doing it while making himself at risk of other people judgement. 

It was difficult to believe that the Donghyuck that Mark knew was the same Donghyuck in the video. This Donghyuck was different. He wasn't the self-centered Donghyuck who never see things beyond his own pain. 

This Donghyuck was capable of feeling regret— remorse. This Donghyuck wasn't afraid to acknowledge that he did wrong. He wasn't even afraid to defend Mark even if by doing so, he was incriminating himself and putting himself out there to face people's judgement. It was as if at that moment, through that short videoclip, Mark was able to get to know a side of Donghyuck that he had never known before. 

Mark never expected that Donghyuck would ever do such thing and honesty, he didn't want him, too. He didn't have to. All that Mark wanted was that the things between them, the animosity and the anger, would end at that, but never did Mark wanted it to end this way, with Donghyuck defending him at the cost of himself. 

And yet, something about the act made Mark feel something different, something unexplainable, and something he couldn't explain. 

Something that made him want to cry. It was stupid. He didn't know why he was crying about it. Was he angry? Was he relieved? It wasn't that. It was definitely another thing other than that. 

Maybe it was the fact that for once, he experienced to be the recipient of selfless act from a person he least expected to show him such kindness. 

He never realized that it was possible. He never realized he could change or that he could become this different person that Mark was meeting for the first time. He didn't realized he could turn into a person who didn't only care about himself. He never realized that a time would come when Donghyuck would be a different person— when Donghyuck would be a person who's different from his mother. 

His mother never changed. She remained as the person that Mark despised for all his life. Until the very end, she only thought about herself. 

After meeting Donghyuck again, and after the arguments they shared, Mark had a feeling that Donghyuck would be the same. He had given up all hopes in favor of protecting himself. 

And then the change happened, and Mark was confused. 

What now? 

What should happen next? 

What should happen after the change? 

Honestly, Mark didn't know. If it was the end of everything, or if it was a beginning of something new, he didn't know.

And maybe he didn't have to know yet. Maybe it wasn't the time yet. Until, then, Mark would wait until he was sure what was needed to be done about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I'm coming back after a long time. We just survived a series of typhoons here in the Philippines and I hope there wouldn't be more coming to us soon. We're drained. We're tired. We've suffered so much already. We lost way too much already, I just want everything to go back to how it used to be. I just wish I'll wake up every morning without the urge to check weather forecast in fear of another calamity. I just wish I would look at my feeds and not be overwhelmed by the news about people dying or going missing, about people who lost their homes because of the flood and lahar. 
> 
> I wish I would stop crying everytime I hear the rain and the wind. 
> 
> I'll only be updating fics with updates written before the first typhoon in our region. I'll try to keep writing. Honestly, fic writing is my only escape from all of this, the only thing taking my head off of everything else. Writing is honestly so difficult this days, but I'll try my best as I really love this, and I gain energy through the support you're giving me. I promise, I will never abandon any of them. 
> 
> Wherever you are, I hope you're safe.


	32. Chapter 32

Donghyuck shifted on his seat as Mark and him stayed silent in an almost empty cafe. They'd been there for a while to talk, but none of them had opened their mouth to do the talking. 

Everything felt awkward about the meeting, and Donghyuck couldn't help but avoid eye contact with Mark. It was crazy. He wanted to meet Mark again for a while and to finally talk to him, and yet, when that moment arrived, Donghyuck didn't anymore know what to do. 

He wanted to say something, but it was suddenly so difficult to open his mouth and speak, especially when the shame and guilt were coming to the surface. He wanted to apologize, but he didn't know where to start. He didn't even know if he could start before breaking down. No, Donghyuck didn't get to cry this time. He didn't get to cry and play the victim. 

"I am sorry. "

Donghyuck looked up from the table and saw Mark staring at him. He must have misheard something. He was quite sure that Mark had told him something, but it was highly unlikely that Donghyuck heard him correctly. 

"I am sorry, Donghyuck. "

Donghyuck just stared at him in complete surprise. He honestly wasn't sure why Mark was the one apologizing to him when it should have been the other way around. 

"Mark—"

"No, please, listen, " Mark interrupted him. "I am sorry. I am sorry for all of the pain I have caused you. From the rejection and abandonment. I am sorry. I am sorry that I wasn't able to be there when you needed me. I am sorry that I am not the soulmate you expected me to be. I am sorry for everything that happened to you because of me. "

Donghyuck had wanted hear those words before, but as he was listening, a part of him was telling him that he didn't deserve any of those apology. 

"You have reasons, right? Reasons I didn't care about before. " Donghyuck replied shamefully. He only knew bits and pieces of the story, but Donghyuck had a feeling that there was more to it than what Ten had told him. 

"I have, " Mark admitted. "I have but it wouldn't change the fact that I still hurt you. 

"I never wanted to be with my soulmate, we've talked about that several times before. But what I never told you was the reason why I feel that way. I was scared, Donghyuck. I was scared of my soulmate. "

Donghyuck just stared at him while trying to process his words. "You were scared of me? "

"I am, " Mark admitted bitterly. "I am scared that you'll end up like my mother and that I'll end up like my father. "

Donghyuck shifted awkwardly. A part of him was eager to find out, but a bigger part of him was telling him to wait and listen. Mark was opening up to him for the first time. He was baring his scars. 

He had seen similar things with Jeno before. Although he didn't get along with Jeno, Donghyuck acknowledged how his parents' relationship ruined him. 

"They were a toxic pair, and they were soulmates, and the soulmate bond kept them together despite them destroying each other. 

"My mother was an abusive person who only thought about herself. She didn't care about anybody, not my father, definitely not me. In her head, everything that was happening in her life was because of me. She never held herself accountable for anything. She was always the victim. "

Donghyuck winced but otherwise kept his silence. He couldn't help but notice the similarities and think that Mark's fears about him was rationalized. He really acted like his mother. 

"My father never fought back. He loved her so much that he would put up with anything she does regardless if she's harming him or me. He was miserable. I hate him so much, yet I pity him for being a slave of toxic love. I never wanted to be like him, and I thought I could avoid that by avoiding you. "

"And I ruined it, " Donghyuck blurted out, without being able to stop himself. "I ruined it by lying to you. "

He wouldn't be surprised if Mark would reply and say yes. Because, honestly, that's what Donghyuck think he did. 

"It was still unfair for me to judge you even before knowing you."

"I am sorry." Mark continued. "I never got the chance to explain it to you, and then I left without a word. I'm sorry that my actions broke you to the point where…"

Mark left his sentence hanging, but they both knew what he was talking about. 

"I'm sorry, " Mark said again. "I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry that I couldn't make it back in time. I really did try, but a lot of things happened. I was caught up in several issues, charged with several cases I had nothing to do with, got my passport stolen among many other things, all because my father wanted me to donate part of my liver for my mother. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what my presence could have contributed but if it was all up to me, I really wanted to be next to you during those times. "

Donghyuck stared at him in shock. All of these he was hearing for the first time, uncovering the sides that Donghyuck had covered his eyes and ears from before. 

"All of those things happened? "

Mark took a deep breathe before nodding. "Yes. That's why I wasn't able to come back and look for you. I am so sorry. "

Donghyuck covered his face in shame as flashbacks of the hurtful things he said to Mark returned to him. All those times, he firmly believed that Mark was having a good time as he suffered, without him knowing about the lengths Mark had to go through in order to find. And then what did he do next? 

He kept hurting him! He never tried to listen to any explanation. He just wanted Mark to suffer just like him when Mark had already suffered enough. 

"Mark, I'm sorry! I didn't know! I'm sorry for everything that I said to you, and honestly, now that I think about it, I'm sorry for bothering you in the first place! I should have left you alone the first time you said that you didn't want anything to do with me. "

It was his fault. Him and his selfishness. Him and his desire to get everything that he wanted from Mark. 

"I wanted to be with you. Like the others, I only wanted to be with my soulmate. Growing up, I longed for the day when my soulmate and I will cross each other's path and will fall madly in lovr with each other. But that didn't happen. It didn't happen, and I was frustrated. I wanted to be with you so I did what I did, and I made myself believe that it was the right thing to do.

"I kept telling you before, It was your fault that I lied, but I realized, it wasn't. The fault was all mine because I couldn't handle rejection well. You had every right to be angry when you found out, because I betrayed your trust. I was so wrong to believe and to try to convince you that it was a shallow thing to be angry about. I was so wrong to call it shallow even when I didn't even know the reason back then. 

"I was so wrong. I never respected your decision when you said you needed space. The only thing that mattered to me then was that I needed you back. I never cared enough to consider your feelings. I only cared about mine. 

"And then… and then I started ruining my life. I started missing classes. I ruined my relationship with my family. And then I proceeded to blame everything on you instead of having accountability of my actions. I hated you so much that I wanted you to suffer, without knowing that you're already were suffering. I'm sorry Mark for everything I did to you, and for everything I told you. During the arguments, during the event…"

Donghyuck tried not to scream into his hands as he remembered the amount of hate Mark received because of the video that circulated online. It wouldn't have happened had he listened to Mark and stopped talking that night. 

"I'm sorry, " Donghyuck said once again. "I'm sorry about the video, I am sorry about that trouble. I'm really sorry! I honestly don't know what to do for you to forgive me. "

Donghyuck flinched when Mark gently pulled his hand away from his face, only to relax as Mark hold it firmly. 

"You did enough, " Mark replied. "You corrected your mistakes, and I honestly feel guilty for judging you and believing you couldn't be like that— self-sacrificing. You didn't have to, Donghyuck. I didn't want you to. But still, thank you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to go through that in order to defend me. "

Donghyuck shook his head. "I deserved it. You on the other hand, you didn't do anything wrong. "

"That's far from the truth, " Mark denied immediately. "You didn't record and upload the video, so I don't hold you accountable for that. And I had my fair share of mistakes and shortcomings. I am as guilty for hurting you as you are to me. For that, I am sorry. I really am. I don't know what else to say other than that."

Donghyuck was feeling a sharp pain in his chest. A good pain. It felt as if a large thorn was being pulled out of his heart and finally setting him free, like he was getting the only thing he ever needed. Peace of mind. 

"I forgive you, Mark, " he said, and Mark gave out a sigh in relief before nodding. "I forgive you, and I understand you. I don't blame you anymore. I wish you could forgive me, too. "

"I do, " Mark replied, squeezing Donghyuck's hand firmly. "I forgive you. Right now, I want nothing else but for you to be happy because you've been through a lot. You deserve a break. You deserve to be happy. And I guess, I guess I couldn't be part of that happiness anymore. "

Donghyuck smile bitterly as he nodded. It wasn't like he was expecting anything more. With everything that happened between them, it was more than enough that they were able to talk like this and settle everything once and for all. It was more than enough. Donghyuck wouldn't dare to ask for more. 

"I wish you the same, Mark. I hope that one day, you'll find someone who would treat you the way you deserve. "

"And I also hope that you'll find someone who will treat you right, Donghyuck. "

"So…" Donghyuck pulled his hands away. "I'm guessing this is goodbye? "

Mark nodded. "I guess it is. And if we ever cross each other's path again, maybe we can even be friends. One day. When we're both ready."

Friends. Donghyuck nodded. He liked the sound of it. "Maybe. "

"Maybe. " Mark mimicked. 

It was the end. 

It was not the ending Donghyuck envisioned when he was young, but it was everything this new Donghyuck needed as an ending. 

●●●

Donghyuck came home feeling lighter than he used to, the heavy feeling burdening him was already gone. He was relieved and somewhat happier. He didn't realize how easy it was to be happy once he let go of the unnecessary hatred and guilt he was harboring. It was all good. He was getting better. Step by step, and he's so much closer to being a new person. 

He couldn't wait to tell his cousin about everything. Unfortunately, his excitement was met with a surprise when he encountered another person who wasn't his cousin, lounging in their sofa like he belonged there. 

"Oh, there you are! " Ten exclaimed. "Welcome home! Doyoung went out to get something and left me here to wait for you alone. So I brought you a lot of gifts. Do you want to open them now, or later? "

His initial peace was disturbed by Ten's rambling. That and the large number of boxes littering their living room. 

"What in the world…"

He turned to his attention to Ten who was mostly staying oblivious of his reaction. Donghyuck wondered if he couldn't or if he just refused to. 

"I'm really hoping you'll like them. If not, you can tell me anything you want and I'll get it for you. Or how about this? I'll give you my credit card and—"

"Wait, wait, wait, hold up! What are you trying to do? "

Was this still his way of apologizing like Doyoung initially mentioned? This was getting way out of hand and a little overwhelming for Donghyuck. 

Ten sighed. His pupils began to shake. "I guess Doyoung and Johnny were right. Lavishing people with gifts wouldn't magically fix things. "

Donghyuck couldn't but snort. What a rich brat. 

Ten raised his hands in the air in defeat, while dejectedly slouching on the sofa. Donghyuck maneuvered around the mess to settle on an empty chair. 

"I couldn't help it, " Ten commented after a while. "That's just how I was raised. 'Oh, you're upset I missed your birthday? Fine, pick a new game' or 'I wouldn't be able to take care of you even if you're sick. Please take this cash and buy anything that will make you feel better'. That's just how I was raised and I honestly thought that's just how things really are. It's honestly hard to get out of my system. "

Donghyuck almost made a comment about how he would kill to be able to experience that, but then he realized that that would be so insensitive. He already knew better that sometimes, other people's wishes were other people's curses. He remained silent and allowed Ten to talk. 

"I kind of adapted that behavior growing up, lavishing people I have wronged with gifts with hopes that they would forget that I did something wrong. I'm probably over-sharing already, but the thing I wanted to tell you is that, I'm really sorry, and how I don't know what to do to make it up to you. "

Ten straightened up and turned to his direction. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pressured you to do it. They were all right. It wasn't my business, and I was just irrationally angry about you and Mark's situation. It's just that you reminded me so much of who I was before and I couldn't help but be reminded of how awful I was, actually, still is, and I wanted to punish myself. I hate myself so much that I kind off lashed all of that anger on you. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I had no right to do that. "

So he was projecting. Donghyuck nodded to himself. He probably should be angry about how Ten treated him, but honestly, he wasn't in the mood to be angry, not when letting go felt so much better than being consumed with hatred. 

Besides, it would be hypocritical of him to be angry at something he was guilty about. Projecting, and interfering in other people's affairs. His mind immediately flew off to Renjun, wondering if he would ever get the chance of apologizing properly to his friend. 

"Okay, " he said after a while. "I forgive you. "

Ten sighed. "I know. It's definitely hard to forgive me. I wouldn't hold it against you if… wait… really? "

Ten looked at him with shocked expression. Donghyuck sighed. 

"I forgive you. And honestly, whatever I did was not anymore your fault. You gave the suggestion, true, but it's still up to me whether I wanted to to it or not. I made my own choice. I am accountable for my own actions. "

"Wow," Ten exclaimed in disbelief. "I never expected it would be this easy, but, thank you. Thank you for accepting my apology. "

Donghyuck shrugged. "It'sdifficult to be angry. After settling things with Mark, I honestly don't want to be angry anymore. At anyone. "

"Wait, really? You met up with Mark? So are you guys okay, now? Are you back together? "

Donghyuck winced. "I thought you're sorry for interfering? "

"I'm not interfering or anything. Just… inquiring? "

Donghyuck puffed his cheeks to look annoyed. Nevertheless, he thought it would be harmless to feed Ten's curiosity. 

"Yes, I met up with him. Yes we're okay. No, we aren't back together. I think it would be an absurd thing to assume. "

Ten frowned. "But why? Just curious again. I am not trying to interfere. "

Donghyuck exhaled loudly. "It's highly unlikely to happen. We… we're just going to destroy each other. I'm not good for him. "

Ten just stared at him in response, making him feel self-conscious. 

"What? " he asked and Ten shrugged. 

"Nothing. You just… you just remind me so much of myself. I honestly thought about that, too, in the past. I thought, because of how toxic I am, I could never be good for Johnny. But well, Johnny had this unrivaled patience. I don't know why he's still putting up with me, but I am grateful he does. And the only thing I can do to repay him is to go through therapy to try and make myself be a better person. "

"Does is help? " 

"Hmm? "

"Therapy, I mean, " Donghyuck clarified. "Does it help? "

If Ten was surprised by his sudden interest, he didn't show it. He shrugged. "I guess. Johnny said I am improving. At least, before I decided to, you know, interfere with you and Mark. Sorry again, by the way. He said I am improving, although it's really a difficult process, especially if you're me who refuse to acknowledge my mistakes. "

Sounds familiar, Donghyuck commented in his head. 

"But I guess it's helping. I feel better, and I guess I'm making the people around me feel better. Are you, are you interested? I can recommend you my therapist if you want. "

"Is this still an attempt to gain forgiveness because I already told you that I forgive you. "

"No, no, no, " Ten immediately denied. "Just me trying to do something good for a change. So, what do you say? "

"I'll think about it. "

Ten nodded without pushing the subject. "So about Mark. "

"Mark will be fine on his own, " he immediately shot down whatever Ten was going to say next. "So I know what you're trying to say. You and Johnny worked out fine. Good for you. But I highly doubt that that would also be the case for me and Mark. He's been through a lot, and honestly, I don't think he deserve to put up with someone like me. He deserves better. "

Ten opened his mouth to argue but was quick to realize that it wasn't his place. "Okay. I wouldn't interfere. "

It was better that way, especially when it was all that Mark ever wanted.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays! Let us all enjoy this season while being mindful of the health protocol, especially in high risk areas. Let's be happy, safe and healthy. A new year is comkng our way. Let's be hopeful and prepared.

"You look different, " Nana commented as he sat on the chair opposite Donghyuck. He was wearing the beautiful smile that reminded Donghyuck of their high school days, when everything was fun and games, and the biggest trouble they had were exams and grades, along with Renjun and Jeno's petty fights. Those were the good days, the good days when Donghyuck still had his friends. 

Donghyuck was a little ashamed to admit it, but he missed Nana. He missed Nana when didn't come to their unofficial meet-up places, and was a little disappointed while thinking that perhaps, since Nana had already said what he wanted to say, he didn't have the reason to meet Donghyuck again. It was saddening, but he figured he wasn't in the position to demand anything from Nana, especially when he hadn't said or done anything to apologize and make up for the things he did. 

It came as a surprise, a pleasant one, to see the other in the cafeteria, trying to accompany him once again. He couldn't even hide the smile in his face the moment he realized that he wouldn't be spending his lunch break alone. 

It was getting lonely, Donghyuck must admit. Most of the time, Donghyuck found himself drowning in solitude as he waited for the long hours to end, when he could finally go home and talk with Doyoung about each other's day. Admittedly, while it was doing something good in his relationship with his cousin, he still wished he had someone to spend his long days with. 

Someone like Renjun. 

Renjun couldn't avoid him forever, that was for sure, especially since they were in the same program. Their paths were bound to cross. Donghyuck encountered him several times, and several times did Donghyuck tried to approach him. Several times, Renjun rejected him. Several times, Renjun pretended he didn't exist. 

Donghyuck would be lying if he said that it didn't frustrate him. He wanted to talk, and he wanted to do it so badly. But forcing what he wanted on Renjun would just pull him back to the old habits, and Donghyuck at this point already knew better. 

Boundaries. They were there for a reason. What he wanted wasn't the only important thing in this world. Other people's comfort were, too. Donghyuck had already gone too far to go back to his old habits. 

"So anything happened while I was gone? " Nana asked. "Something that made you feel a little better?"

Donghyuck would never know how and why could Nana talk to him so casually about anything, as if nothing happened, as if they were still the Nana and Donghyuck from way before. 

"Maybe, " he replied. Something about him wanted to share his encounter with Mark, but he didn't know if it was appropriate. He wasn't sure if Nana would be interested to know, or if he was just trying to be chatty. 

Nana nodded. "That's good. Nice. We all deserve those little moments at times. "

Nana smiled. Donghyuck smiled back. He could see that he wasn't the only one feeling a little better after those situations and problems they went through. Initially, he felt jealous that Jaemin and Jeno easily reconciled with Renjun, while the latter continued to avoid him like plague. But then again, it was their relationship. It was something that was beyond Donghyuck's control. There was no use being bitter about it when it had nothing to do with him in the first place. 

"How are you, Nana? "

Nana looked a little taken aback by his sudden question, and Donghyuck, for a moment, thought it was probably wrong for him to ask. After all, he wouldn't be surprised of Nana wouldn't want to share anything about himself, much less about his relationship between Jeno and Renjun. It would be understandable for him to fear that Donghyuck would try to do something again to ruin the relationship they were trying too hard to salvage. 

Nana smiled again after overcoming his initial surprise. "Good, I guess? I've been going through therapies to overcome my issues and to be a better person. Renjun and I are getting along better. I don't think he trusts me fully, but I guess that's something I have to work on. I did something wrong. A lot of things actually. I'm actually lucky that Renjun is still willing to give me another chance after everything. "

Donghyuck felt his heart aching at the mention of his bestfriend's name. He really missed him, but sadly, there was nothing else he could do other than to miss him, not until Renjun decided that he wanted to talk to him again. 

"Can I ask you something else, Nana? " 

Donghyuck played on his chopsticks, as he looked at Nana curiously.

"Hmm? " Jaemin hummed in response. "About what? "

"About Renjun. " Jaemin raised an eyebrow. "What about him? "

"How… how is he? Is he feeling better? How is he doing? "

Jaemin smiled fondly. "You miss him so much, don't you? "

Donghyuck nodded. Of course, he missed Renjun. He missed his bestfriend. He missed his family. It was the longest that him and Renjun had been in no contact, and he couldn't help but wonder how Renjun was faring. 

"He's doing well, " Jaemin commented. "Not perfectly well, but he's getting better. He lives with Yukhei and Jungwoo at the moment, which is actually a little far from the university. It's a little hassle for him to commute everyday, but we figured it was for the best. It wasn't like he could live on his own or with Jeno and I. "

Or with him, Donghyuck silently remarked. 

"I guess he's not yet back to his old self, but that was understandable. I… I broke him so much, and I feel like it's going to take long to fix him. But, I can see him smiling again already, so I guess it's a progress. The only thing I want right now is to see him happy again. "

Donghyuck found himself agreeing. Deep inside him, he was still ashamed for being part of the reason why Renjun became unhappy. He was even more ashamed that it took too long for him to realized that. He didn't know if the time would come again when the two of them could return back to how they were before. Regardless, he really wished that Renjun could find his happiness back even without Donghyuck. 

He felt Nana reaching out to touch his hand. He looked back at him to see the other giving him an encouraging smile. 

"Give him time, " Jaemin said as he squeezed Donghyuck's hand. "I know how much you mean to each other. You're his closest friend. It's not gonna be easy, but I know that he missed you dearly. Maybe in time, you'll be able to be friends again. "

Donghyuck shoot him a grateful smile. "I wish. "

Renjun had been one of the most important person in his life and it hurt to think that he might lose him forever. But it hurt more to think that he couldn't do anything anymore. 

At least, Renjun wasn't alone. He had his brothers, Jungwoo, and his soulmates. 

"Nana, " he called the latter, his hand falling on top of Nana's which was holding his other hand. "Will you promise me that you will never do anything to hurt Renjun? You and Jeno? He really loves both of you, so much that he's willing to risk getting hurt again just to give both of you a chance. "

There was sparkling wetness on Jaemin's eyes which were threatening to unravel, that Donghyuck realized he was probably digging on wounds which were trying to heal but weren't old enough to bleed at the slightest prodding. He was probably overstepping boundaries again. It wasn't his place after all, and he had seen how much damage he could do when he tried to interfere into something that didn't really concerned him. He attempted to take back what he said, but Nana replied before he could. 

"I will not, " Jaemin answered while staring straight into Donghyuck's eyes, as if trying to convey his sincerity. "I promise you, Jeno, Renjun and myself that I will not. I didn't want to go through the nightmare of losing him again. "

Donghyuck smiled. Maybe he was wrong indeed. Maybe he was wrong from the very beginning. Maybe Renjun and him were never the same. Unlike Donghyuck, Renjun still had a shot at having the relationship they both dreamed about. And maybe, maybe he deserved it better. He deserved it for being the best person in the world. 

Donghyuck was the first to pull his hand away, to wipe the tears which were rolling on his cheeks. Why did he have to be so emotional? Everything was going alright so far. He should be happy. 

"You know, I haven't apologized to you, yet, Nana, " he began to say again. "I haven't apologized for the way I treated you, and I just want you to know that I am really, really sorry. "

"Really? " a booming voice answered back instead of Nana's soothing one. He jumped on his seat in surprise as he looked for the owner of the voice. 

Jeno. 

The said person stood behind Nana's chair, shooting Donghyuck his angry glare despite his boyfriend trying to reprimand him. 

"You're sorry? " Jeno let out a sarcastic laugh. "Is this a joke, or you're just planning to do something to take control of our relationship again?"

"Jeno, stop it, " Nana warned his boyfriend to no avail. 

"What? " he asked again, his eyes never leaving Donghyuck. "Are you tired of being miserable that you're back again to ruining other people's life for fun? "

Donghyuck didn't have the energy to argue back. He only bowed his head in shame. 

●●●

"This is crazy, " Doyoung commented as they both stared at the laptop screen, scanning photos of designer suits and trying to choose among them. Donghyuck found himself agreeing. 

It was crazy indeed, how the prices could already equate to a year of rent payment, including utility bills. He felt even more ashamed that Doyoung was planning to get him one, when he was freeloading too much already. Maybe renting a suit, or getting one from the on sale rack would be enough. It wasn't like he was going to wear it to be the center of attraction anyway. He could maybe afford to be cheap about. Jaehyun would probably not mind. 

"I can't believe Jaehyun is getting engaged already! " Doyoung exclaimed as he angrily scroll down on the page. "In such short notice? In just so little time? How does he think we'll manage to prepare fast and be able to attend his engagement party? This is insane! "

Donghyuck chuckled. So they were thinking about different things. "Relax, hyung. We just need to be present, and to came up with a good present. It wouldn't be that hard. "

"I am not prepared for this! "

Donghyuck sighed. 

It was understandable that Doyoung would be surprised by the sudden news. Donghyuck was, too, if he was being honest. It wasn't even long before he had told Jaehyun an information about a Lee Taeyong who could possibly be the person he was looking for as his soulmate, and yet, a couple of nights ago, Jaehyun called Doyoung to relay the information that he found his soulmate, and that they're going to be engaged in a couple of months. 

It was a fast, whirlwind ride. He could hear Doyoung trying to talk Jaehyun out of it, asking him not to rush things, but Jaehyun was dead set on making his soulmate his fiance already. 

Despite sharing the same surprise as his cousin, Donghyuck must admit that he was happy about the news, especially with the amount of credits Jaehyun was giving him when all he ever did was to tell him about Jeno's cousin. 

Still, Donghyuck was happy. It was as if for the first time, he did something right for another person's life. He actually helped instead of doing what he was best at, ruining people's happiness. 

His latest encounter with Jeno had left a dent in his mind. It had stayed there, making him spend most of his time wondering just how many people he had hurt because of the way he behaved before. It was probably not just Mark, not just Renjun, with his inability to recognize his mistakes, then Jeno might have been right all along. 

He never saw Jaemin again after that day, and Donghyuck could only wonder if he had accidentally caused another fight among those three. He would never be able to know. It wasn't like he could approach them or anything. He could only hope that that wouldn't be the case. As much as Donghyuck hated Nana for log while, he could actually feel his sincerity and his desire to change and make up for his mistakes. He really wished he hadn't ruined anything anymore. 

Donghyuck sighed. At least, he had Jaehyun's engagement party to be excited about. 

He heard his cousin groaning in frustration. 

"Seriously, who decides to get married on the first day of their meeting? Don't you need to get to know each other more before making a huge step in a relationship? What if his soulmate is a psycho? "

Donghyuck laughed. "Relax, hyung! "

He began massaging the back of his cousin's neck. "I met Taeyong before when he was still tutoring Nana. He did seem like a nice guy to me. Definitely not a psycho. Besides, don't stress out, too much. You're not even the person getting married. "

The last part was obviously a joke, at least that's how Donghyuck intended it to be. It was a joke until something in his cousin's expression shifted almost immediately. He tried to mask it fast, but what Donghyuck saw was enough to get the gears in his head to start rolling. 

He stared at his cousin with a bewildered expression, as now realizations dawned upon him. 

"Doyoung-hyung, do you like Jaehyun-hyung? "

"Haha, " Doyoung faked a laugh, the corners of his lips shaking as he tried to play it off as if he found it really funny. "Are you kidding? Why would you even think that way? Who likes Jaehyun anyway? Hahaha. "

Donghyuck continued to stare at his cousin, who reluctantly turned to him and gave him a dejected smile. "Am I that obvious? "

Donghyuck shook his head. "No, hyung. I wouldn't have realized it had I not asked you the right, or maybe the wrong, question. "

He didn't know if his cousin was just good at hiding his feelings or if Donghyuck was just so focused on himself to notice anything around him. He suddenly felt guilty for making a joke. 

"Hyung, I'm sorry. " Doyoung chuckled and waved it off as if it's nothing, even though Donghyuck could see the sadness painting his eyes. "Don't be. It was a stupid thing to be upset about anyway. Jaehyun was never mine from the very beginning. He was Taeyong's ever since he was born. "

Donghyuck didn't know what to do other than to wrap his arms around Doyoung's waist and to place his chin on the latter's shoulder. He could only imagine the pain Doyoung was feeling at not being able to get a chance to be with the person he loved. 

"Sometimes, I can't help but think that it's unfair, " Doyoung commented as he patted Donghyuck's head. "Why do some people have soulmates, and why do others like me don't? What kind of crime did we committed in our past life to warrant this punishment? "

Donghyuck looked back on the days when he always brought up the issue that Doyoung didn't have a soulmate tattoo, with the intention of hurting the older. He succeeded in that purpose, that was for sure, and he was regretting it already. He was so cruel in pouring salt to an already painful wound. 

"Hyung, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have told you those things before. I was so inconsiderate. "

"It's fine, " Doyoung brushed it off. "I mean, it kind off hurts but I guess that's just the truth. I don't have a soulmate. I am not Jaehyun's soulmate. It's unfair, but, that's just life, I guess. "

"Is there anything I can do to help you? I'll promise I'll do anything! "

Doyoung chuckled. "It's fine. I'll have to get over it on my own. But if you insist, then just stay by my side and make sure that I wouldn't ugly cry during the engagement. "

Donghyuck nodded. "Okay, hyung. I promise I will not leave you alone. I will be here for you the same was that you were there for me. "

Doyoung bumped their head together. "Okay. I guess I'll be counting on you from now on. "

The two of them ended up watching movies all night as a distraction, but among the list of movies they marathon, Donghyuck could barely remember a single story. His head was off to something else. 

That night, Donghyuck wondered if things would have been better had there been no soulmates at all. Maybe the world would be a much better life. Everyone would be free to love anyone they wanted to love. Everyone would be free to fall in love and to not fall in love. Perhaps, things would have been better that way. It would have saved a lot of them from a heartbreak or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Justice for Sonya and Frank Gregorio](https://www.change.org/p/philippines-department-of-justice-justice-for-sonya-and-frank-gregorio?recruiter=887607906&recruited_by_id=dbb816f0-7ff5-11e8-badf-630bb0cb1320)


	34. Chapter 34

Donghyuck began to wonder if perhaps, it was too soon. Perhaps he wasn't ready yet for such interaction. Perhaps he needed more time. Perhaps, he needed more preparation. 

And yet, it was clear to him that it was too late to back out, when three faces, two of whom looked like they didn't want to be there either, were looking at him expectantly.

Donghyuck never imagined that he would find himself in this situation soon, face to face with the people he then called friends, for the confrontation that was bound to happen. 

Donghyuck never expected to be in contact with any of them again, especially with how Jeno reacted upon seeing him with Jaemin. Moreover, he never expected to see Jeno waiting for him and asking him if he had time to talk later on, on their usual place, or rather their usual place before everything happened. 

Unsurprisingly, Donghyuck initially felt wary. After all, it was Jeno, and Donghyuck could dare say, Jeno hated him the most. He couldn't help but doubt if Jeno was telling the truth that Jaemin and Renjun would be there, too. 

But Donghyuck was mostly counting on the opportunity to talk with Renjun and apologize to him, for real this time. He wanted to apologize because he genuinely felt sorry and not just because he wanted to keep his friend. 

Nevertheless, Donghyuck felt at disadvantage. He was out-numbered. Three against one. Initially, when he called Doyoung to tell him about it, his cousin offered to be present. He wouldn't involve himself in the conversation, but he would just be there just in case things get too overwhelming. But Donghyuck figured that this was his problem. He created this problem. He must deal with it alone. 

Henc,e he found himself walking through their usual place, greeted by Kun, who probably sensed something brewing between him an his friends, the latter hoping that they wouldn't be loud enough to disturb other customers. 

For a moment, Donghyuck remained rooted to the floor, unable to make a step further as anxiety sunk in. He had half a mind to turn back and run away, but he decided that he couldn't afford to be a coward. To be a coward could mean that he would not be getting this opportunity again. 

And so he walked towards their direction. He walked, despite the stiffness of his own legs and the sudden coldness embracing him. He walked until he reached their table, where Jaemin asked him to sit beside him and across Renjun. It was an uncomfortable position to be in. For the first time in his life, he wished he was facing Jeno instead. Jeno's angry stare would probably hurt less than Renjun's empty eyes. 

"New ice cream cake recipe! " Kun arrived at their table to give them something they didn't order. "It's free. Something to cool everyone's head. "

Jaemin was the only one who was able to react by thanking Kun. The rest of them were focused on the silence, and what was waiting after the silence. 

"Why did you do it, Donghyuck? " Renjun asked after a while. He didn't raise his voice. He didn't shout angrily. Yet, despite him speaking in his soft tone that Donghyuck missed so much, Donghyuck could hear him hurting. 

"Why did you lie when I asked you if they ever tried to look for me? Why did you block them on my phone? Why did you stop them everytime they tried to approach me? Why… why did you hurt me by lying to me? "

Donghyuck felt different than he did before. If before, he wanted to be defensive and deny everything or rationalize his actions, it wasn't the case anymore. He just felt guilty about everything. He regretted his actions. If he could, he would undo everything, just so he could spare Renjun from being hurt by a betrayal from one of the person trusted the most. 

"Renjun, I'm sorry! " He said but Renjun shook his head. 

"I'm not asking you to say sorry. I am asking you why. Why did you do it? "

Renjun's voice was beginning to tremble. Jeno immediately covered his boyfriend's hand with his own. 

"Please answer, " Renjun asked him. "I really want to know. Do you secretly hate me that you would go to that extent just hurt me? "

"No! " Donghyuck exclaimed. That was far from the truth. He never hated Renjun. He never had the reason to hate Renjun. Jealous, maybe, but he never hated Renjun. He made mistakes, but his actions were not fueled by anger, at least nit towards Renjun. 

"I, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting you. I thought that my decisions were the best for you. "

Renjun didn't react. Neither did Jaemin or Jeno, although the latter was looking away, most likely to control his temper. 

No one said a word in response. They were waiting for him, asking him to finish. Donghyuck gulped before opening his mouth and speaking again. 

"But I guess, I wasn't really doing it for you. I wasn't doing what was best for you. I was choosing what was best for me. 

"You said it before. You said it the night you stopped being friends with me. You said that I was projecting my life on you. I didn't want to admit it then, but I guess you're right. That's what I was doing, thinking of you as me, and of Jeno and Jaemin as Mark. 

"I hated Mark. I hated him so much and I kept on comparing Jeno and Jaemin to him. I kept on comparing our relationship with yours. I kept thinking that it was similar. No I firmly believed that it was similar that I refused to believe that that might not have been the case. 

"Jeno had mentioned it before. " The said person shifted a little after hearing his name, but still refused to look at Donghyuck. "He said that it was probably killing me that my soulmate wasn't running after me like yours were doing to you. I guess it's true. I guess I was envious. I wanted Mark to grovel for forgiveness, for much longer, probably even forever. I wanted him to beg while I continue to refuse to give him my forgiveness and to take him back. I guess, I was that vindictive. I wanted to hurt him that much. 

"But it didn't happen. It didn't happen and I was so angry and disappointed. And then there's Jeno and Jaemin trying to win you back. I saw them as Mark and I saw you as myself. I wanted to do what I wasn't able to do with Mark. I wanted to make Jeno and Jaemin suffer because they didn't deserve to be happy. I wanted to hurt them so much. "

"I knew it, " Jeno commented for the first time, while shaking his head. "I fucking knew it. "

"Jeno, " Jaemin called out to his other boyfriend. "Baby, please. Let's listen. "

Jeno took a deep breath to calm himself before nodding. Jaemin turned to him to encourage him to continue. Donghyuck gave out a shaky breathe. 

"But I guess, in the end, I ended up not only hurting them but hurting you as well. I told myself I was doing it for you, but I guess I did it more for myself. I told myself I was protecting you, but I believe I was really trying to protect myself. 

"You, you have always been there for me. You're always on my side. I guess I have gotten so used to that that I didn't like the idea of you being happy with your soulmates. I didn't like the idea of you prioritizing them. I guess I just didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be the only one who's alone. "

He tried to gauge Renjun's reaction, but Renjun remained hidden behind a mask. Donghyuck sighed. 

"Those are my reasons. It's unacceptable, I understand. I don't know what else to say other than I am sorry and I regret everything already. I know you'll find it hard to forgive me. You might never forgive me at all, but I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I never intended to. It wouldn't change what I did but still, I want to tell you that I never hated you. You never gave me a reason to. I care about you, but I guess, I just chose the wrong methods of trying to show you. "

All of them remained silent after Donghyuck finished everything he wanted to say. He felt a little bit lighter, but the weight of being the culprit for their ruined friendship was still heavy on their shoulder. 

Renjun heaved a sigh. Donghyuck watched as the stone cold emotion he was wearing slowly melted into sadness. "For a long time, I kept on wondering why you would do such thing. I wondered if I ever did anything to make your hurt me, but all I remember is me trying to be there everytime you needed me. "

"I know, " He replied in an attempt to console the other. "I know, Renjun. I know. You've been a good friend. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be like you. I really am."

"Please, let me finish, " Renjun asked. "I also have a lot of things to say to you. 

"You really hurt me, Donghyuck. You can tell me over and over again that you didn't mean to, but it wouldn't change the fact that what you did really hurt me. I never needed your lies. I never needed you to make decisions for me. What I needed for you then was to be there the same way that I had been for you. I didn't want you to try and take control of my life and my relationship. 

"If I am going to be honest, you scared me. You scared me because I couldn't believe you would go to such extremes just to deceive me. I was scared of what else you'll be able to do if I continue to be around you. It was more than just about me picking Jeno and Jaemin over you. It was more about me, not wanting to be around a person who would stop at nothing to do what they believed would be right for me without my consent. You aren't my parent, and even my parents knew that I am entitled to my own decisions. Suddenly, I couldn't anymore see you as the Donghyuck I have to take care of. I can only see you as the person I have to run away from, for my own sake. "

It was painful to hear. It was painful to know that the person who once was like a real brother to him already had a change of heart. And yet, as painful as it was, Donghyuck couldn't blame Renjun for feeling that way. 

"Honestly, it pained me so much to be separated from you, " Renjun admitted. "I care about you. I love you! It was hard to accept that you of all people could do this to me. Most of all, it was hard to accept that back then, you didn't feel remorseful of your actions. You weren't genuinely sorry about it back then. It was hard for me to know that you wouldn't even acknowledge that what you did was wrong. I kept wondering, what did I ever do wrong to be treated that way? "

Renjun took a deep breathe again. He wiped his eyes before tears could even slip down from them. "But hearing you today, I can't help but feel relieved. I'm relieved that you didn't hate me like I thought. I'm relieve that you're finally acknowledging that what you did was wrong. I honestly can't say that it made everything less painful, but I guess I feel a little better for listening to to you. And I, I forgive you Donghyuck. It's not easy, but I forgive you. "

Donghyuck stared at him i surprise. He didn't expected to hear those words from Renjun. He was hoping, but he wasn't counting on hearing it this soon. 

"You forgive me? " he asked again, wondering if perhaps, he just misheard everything. 

Renjun nodded. "I do. Although I can't promise you that we'll be back to how we were before. I am not sure I am ready for that. "

Donghyuck wasn't counting on that. He knew that despite his forgiveness, it's going to take long before Renjun could trust him again. But just the idea of Renjun forgiving him was already satisfying. He was just glad that Renjun didn't hate him anymore. 

"And with that said, I wish you could forgive me, too. "

Donghyuck felt a little confused, unsure of why Renjun was apologizing to him. He didn't remember a reason why Renjun should. 

"I am really sorry for abandoning you, " Renjun replied sincerely. "Especially during the past days when you had it rough. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be the friend that you needed. "

Donghyuck shook his head. He contemplated reaching out to touch Renjun's hand, but he wasn't sure if Renjun would appreciate that. He ended up not doing it in fear that Renjun would just push him away. "I understand. You don't have to be sorry about it. I did miss you, and there were time when I wish I could run to you, but I understand. At least, I do now. My feelings aren't the only important thing in this world. So are everybody else. I couldn't expect you to sacrifice your feelings because of mine. You don't have to be sorry about it. "

"Still, I have more things to apologize for. " Renjun turned to Jeno, much to Donghyuck's confusion. "Jeno had called me out on it before, and I didn't listen. Just like you, I just thought that I was doing the right thing. I'm sorry for not being honest and calling you out on your actions until the time came when they finally brought a huge impact on me. I feel like by being silent, by not calling you out, I reinforced the ideas you had inside your head. I was just so afraid of offending you. I was so afraid of what you'll do to yourself if I ended up hurting you so I kept quiet. I didn't realize that I was doing more damage by enabling you. For that, I am truly sorry. "

Donghyuck give him a tight-lipped smile. "I forgive you, then. I forgive you, even though I honestly don't think of it as it's your fault. Still, if this is what you want to hear, then, I forgive you. Please be assured that I never blamed you for who I became. "

Renjun and him shared another smile. Donghyuck then remembered that it wasn't just Renjun he owed an apology to. 

"Nana, Jeno, " the other two turned their attention to him. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry, not only for the lies and for trying to rob you the chance of reconciling with Renjun. 

"Nana, I'm sorry for everything I told you. For calling you selfish, especially when I of all people had no right to say those things. Sorry for making you feel like a horrible person. Sorry for forgetting that you are my friend, too. "

"But I was a horrible person, so you weren't exactly wrong," Jaemin replied with a chuckle but Donghyuck could hear the underlying guilt and remorse. "But I forgive you. And also, thank you. Thank you for those times when you called me out for being an asshole to my boyfriend. Thank you for being there for him when my stupid ass couldn't. I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that as your friend, I wasn't able to be supportive when you needed me. "

"You had your own issues to deal with. I am not holding it against you. "

"Jeno." The said boy averted his gaze when Donghyuck called him out. This was probably going to be the hardest, but Donghyuck needed to apologize regardless if Jeno was willing to accept it or not. 

"Jeno, I'm sorry. I know we've never really been close, but it wasn't an excuse for the way I treated you. Sorry that I always try to pick a fight with you, sorry for everything that ruined your efforts in trying to fix things up in your relationship. I know you hate me, and I'm not going to expect anything from you. I'm just, I'm really, really sorry. "

Jeno sighed. Beside Donghyuck, he could see Nana shooting his boyfriend a cautious look. 

Jeno rubbed his face before sighing once again. "I'm not gonna lie. I never liked you, Donghyuck. I never liked you from the very first day I saw you, which was when we were younger and Nana introduced you as his friends. I never liked you, but back then, it was more out of pettiness. I didn't want to share Nana with anybody, exactly the same reason why I initially hated Renjun. 

"As you and Renjun became closer, the petty hatred goes on. I didn't like how you get to live with him. I didn't like how you get to take his attention away from me. But that was all on me. Nana and Renjun weren't properties for me to monopolize. For that, I should be sorry. I am sorry. 

"But then, I realized you were something else. I didn't like how you're trying to interfere so much with our relationship. I feel like for some reasons, you were desperate to break us up. And I guess I was right all along. "

Donghyuck looked down in shame. 

"It wasn't the only thing I hated about you. I hate how you had no problem bringing up my family issues in an argument. Jaemin, too. You would always pick on his insecurity about him not being able to fulfill his dreams. And yet, you're so quick to cry that it's unfair of I bring up your own insecurity. You're so hypocritical. I found it really difficult to stand you. "

Donghyuck didn't know what else to do but to bow his head down and apologize again. He remembered those days. He remembered those days when he felt so entitled to lecture people to get over their issues, but refused to acknowledge that he wasn't doing it as well. He remembered feeling that Jeno was treating him unfairly without him acknowledging that he was treating him the same way. 

"I really couldn't stand you. But I guess, I am not innocent in all of this as well. I should have known better than to argue with you the same way. I am as guilty as you for the way I treated you. I am equally sorry. And sorry for not acknowledging you as an important person in my soulmates' life. "

Jeno finished his apology, both Renjun and Jaemin sending him a proud look. It was probably the first time Jeno had apologized to anyone other than his soulmate. Donghyuck never expected he would get one from him either, but it also felt nice. 

"There, " Jaemin commented. "We already apologized and forgave each other. I feel so much better now! "

Donghyuck couldn't help but agree. It felt nice to finally get things off of his chest. He never realized it before, but it was better this way, to ask for forgiveness, and to forgive, than to hold on to the anger that would, consume his entire being. 

"I missed you, " he blurted out suddenly, unable to hold his feelings in. 

"I missed you, too, " Renjun replied. "I missed you so much. "

"So does this mean that Donghyuck can hang out with up again? " Jaemin decided to ask. "I kind of miss our group of four already. "

Donghyuck wanted to say that they didn't have to include him again. It was enough that they were in much better terms with each other. 

"Just as long as we'll still have date nights to ourselves, " Jeno unexpectedly replied causing Jaemin and Renjun to smile. 

"Of course! " Jaemin exclaimed. "Dates are dates, and friend hang outs are hangouts. "

Jeno shrugged before turning to Renjun. "Injunnie? "

Renjun turned to Donghyuck with another smile. "I guess I am okay with that. "

And Donghyuck had never been relieved and happier than before. In the end, he really didn't lose anything like he expected he already did. If anything, he only gained something more, the willingness to be better in order to protect what's important for him.


	35. Chapter 35

"What about this one? "

Doyoung stopped in front of him to parade another dark gray suit he was wearing. Haechan pretended to think, but it wasn't all that different from the previous ones he tried on, all thirteen of them. Maybe Donghyuck was just not into formal clothings hence why he couldn't formulate and actually helpful opinion. 

"It looks good on you, hyung, " he replied, choosing the same words that he said before. Doyoung sighed at his unhelpful response. 

"Can you at least give me a variation of your answer? You keep on saying the same thing. " While he wasn't exactly mad, Doyoung looked tired of fitting several suits after suits while continuously failing to make a decision. 

Donghyuck huffed. This had been going in for so long already. They had been hopping from one store to another after Doyoung picked him up from his last class for the day. Admittedly, he was tired too. He just wanted to go home and take a nap. He didn't understand why his cousin was being picky. It was just a suit, and it was an engagement party, not yet the wedding. 

"Hyung, everything looks good on you, I'm being honest! How about we settle with the one you're wearing? It looks fine. Besides, it's not like you're the one getting engaged. "

Him and his big mouth. Regret came to him instantly as soon as he said those words. Doyoung's expression melted into a frown, and while he quickly masked it with a neutral one, he wasn't quick enough for Donghyuck not to see. 

Why was he so insensitive? 

Donghyuck shrunk to his seat while clutching the paper bag of his own suit next to his chest. He stared at Doyoung's reflection on the mirror as the latter silently scrutinized his appearance. 

He shouldn't have said tha because already knew about how Doyoung felt about this whole engagement and about Jaehyun in particular. And yet, he had been so tactless and careless about his cousin's feelings, all because he was feeling impatient. 

He didn't have the right to be impatient anyway, especially with how patient and forgiving everyone was to him. He shouldn't feel that way about something as small as shopping. More importantly, he shouldn't feel that way about Doyoung of all people. 

Donghyuck bit his lips as the guilt began chewing him. Doyoung remained silent, until he decided to call for the sales assistant to tell her that he made up his mind on that suit. 

"Hyung. "

Doyoung turned his attention to Donghyuck once the latter called him. He didn't look angry, but Donghyuck didn't need to guess in order to know that he was hurt by his previous statement. 

"I'm sorry, " he told his cousin. "I shouldn't have said that, especially the last one. You can look for something else if you want to. I'm really sorry. I should have known better than to say those things. "

Doyoung smiled, but wasn't the kind that reached his eyes. "It's fine. I mean, it's just a suit anyway. The suit wouldn't change anything. "

Donghyuck felt even more guilty. Why was it so hard to control himself? He just kept on hurting people with his thoughtlessness. 

"Relax, " Doyoung told him upon noticing his internal conflict. "I'm not mad at you because of what you said, although your apology is really appreciated. I'm just stressed out by this whole engagement thing. I'm still trying to deny reality, I guess. "

Doyoung chuckled but it was obvious that he was far from joking. 

"Hyung, do you really have to attend? " he asked. He could only imagine how painful it would be for Doyoung to be there. "I can help you make up excuses not to be there, if you want. "

Doyoung smiled. "Thank you… but, no. "

Donghyuck frowned. 

"I wouldn't miss my friend's engagement for anything. But, you can help me make up reasons in case I need to excuse myself and cry in secret. "

Donghyuck got up from his seat to hug his cousin, Doyoung sighed in his embrace. It was going to be hard, and Donghyuck knew it. It was hard enough to know that you wouldn't get the person you want, how much more seeing that person with another one? 

"Okay, okay, enough, " Doyoung laughed while lightly pushing him away. "Let's stop before we cry and embarrass ourselves here. Let's reserve the crying after the engagement. Then we can eat ice cream and chocolate. "

Donghyuck smiled fondly at the memory despite understanding that it wouldn't be as small as Doyoung's first heartbreak. The least he could do was to be there the same way that Doyoung had been there for him. 

Doyoung patted his shoulder. "I'll go pay for it, then we can leave. "

Donghyuck nodded before sitting down once again as his cousin went to the counter to pay. He pulled out his phone to make himself busy while waiting. 

He smiled upon noticing a new message. It wasn't even that long when his phone had nothing but messages from Doyoung and his network provider. There had been no one who wanted to contact him, but it seemed as if it changed already. 

Hey, Hyuck, do you think we can meet up, tomorrow?  
Jeno and Renjun will not be there. Just us two.  
Please?  
=) 

It was from Nana. Donghyuck still couldn't believe they were friends again after everything that happened. After all of those hatred he harbored for the other, all of the lies he did and all of the pain he caused, it was unimaginable to think their relationship was fixable. 

Donghyuck began typing out a reply. 

Only if you'll treat me to ice cream. 

Donghyuck immediately deleted everything once he was being too comfortable. Although they had forgiven each other, he felt a little ashame to act the way he used to. Maybe in the future, he would, but not this soon,when they were just trying to patch things up. 

Sure.  
See you. =)

Donghyuck hoped he didn't sound so cold and uncaring, although it was too late to regret his choice of words when he already pressed send.

Donghyuck sighed. It was really hard to act around Nana and his two boyfriends. Sure, apologies and forgiveness were already given, but things weren't simply the same anymore. All of them were trying, even Jeno, who wasn't used to caring about anyone else other than his two boyfriends. They were all trying, but they were all still cautious about making the same mistakes again. 

In Donghyuck's case, he didn't want to be involved too much in the trios' relationship, in fear of doing something he might regret again. While he missed being around them, it just didn't feel right to be with them all the time like before. 

Things just really did't end with forgiveness. There's moving on and moving forward after that and honestly, Donghyuck was still trying to map his way. 

Okay, see you at lunch time.  
I really have something I need to ask you. 

Donghyuck quirked an eyebrow. He suddenly felt nervous about meeting Nana. He wondered if there was something they left unsettled. Was it something they had forgotten to talk about? 

What if Nana changed his mind? What if he decided he still didn't want to forgive Donghyuck? 

He was anxious to ask what it was about. It couldn't be that bad. After all, it was Nana who decided to approach him first. He should probably just stop himself from overthinking, especially since overthinking did him no good in the past. 

He pocketed his phone just as the door opened for a new customer. He made a mistake of checking curiously, only to see a person he recognized immediately. 

He was a little drunk back then, but his memory still served him right to remember the elegant curls and pretty face. 

Donghyuck immediately turned to his cousin, who disappeared from the counter. He was currently out of sight. It was highly unlikely that the older had left him alone, regardless if Donghyuck offended him earlier. That wasn't his style at all. Still, Donghyuck couldn't help but panic as he tried to avoid another confrontation from happening. 

Donghyuck tried to make himself less noticeable, but his uneasiness made him attract attention even more. The girl turned from checking clothings on the rack to looking at him curiously, until recognition flashed in her eyes. 

"Oh, it's you! " she said in a amused manner. Donghyuck wanted to run away immediately and maybe just message his cousin to tell him what happened. 

"Oh, stop worrying, it's not like I am going to attack you or anything, " she replied before turning away and busying herself again with the dresses on the racks. "I'm just here to pick a dress for myself and a suit for my boyfriend. "

Donghyuck temporarily relaxed. The girl, who's named he couldn't remember, really left him alone after that. She didn't try to pick a fight or anything despite what happened during their first meeting. Donghyuck still wanted to melt in shame at the reminder of how he came and tried to start an argument, all because he didn't like seeing her with Mark. 

He also remembered that he was yet to apologize to her properly. 

He probably should, considering how he had no right to even treat her that way. It wasn't like he had the right to decide who'd get to be with Mark. 

He stood up from his chair to approach her. 

"Uhh, Miss, " he called, causing the girl to turn to him. "About what happened during the party. I'm really—"

"Yerim! " 

A familiar voice interrupted Donghyuck. He quickly turned to see the person. 

He wasn't mistaking. It was indeed Mark. The other, however took long to notice his presence with his focus still fixed on Yerim. When he did though, Donghyuck immediately recognized the surprise in his eyes. Surprise and something else— panic. 

Donghyuck immediately stepped away from Yerim, realizing that Mark probably thought he was trying to pick a fight again. Although that was far from what he was trying to do, he understood that Mark had reasons to think that way. Sure, apologies and forgiveness were exchanged between them, but doubt still remained. Donghyuck had a record of acting on impulse, so it was just easy to believe he would do so again. 

Mark walked towards their direction. 

"There you are, " The girl, Yerim, said with a hint of disappointment. "I was starting to think you're going to ditch me. "

It took Donghyuck quite longer than necessary to understand why Mark was suddenly there, until he remembered, Yerim was there to get a dress for herself and a suit for her boyfriend. 

Her boyfriend. 

Donghyuck's thought travelled back to the party when Mark denied that Yeri was his girlfriend. Something inside of him suddenly boiled. He wanted to call Mark out for the lie he made back then. He was irritated and borderline angry about. 

But why? It was all over, and they had forgiven each other. Everything between them ended long ago, and it was highly unlikely that they would end up together anyway. For sure, Mark was going to date sooner or later, and honestly, Donghyuck didn't have the right to prevent him from doing so. 

Still, something about it didn't sit well with him, but he knew better than to say something about it. He knew better than to confront Mark about it. That would be like redoing every mistake he did in the past. It would be best if he would just stay silent about it. 

"Sorry, " Mark apologized. "I was stuck in traffic. "

Mark finally decided to acknowledge him. "Hi, I uh, I didn't know you would be here. "

Even his greetings was stiff. He was probably uncomfortable to meet Donghyuck there. 

Yerim rolled her eyes. "We'll, we aren't the only ones in a rush to find something to wear for Jaehyun-oppa's engagement party. "

Mark's eyes grew wide. "Oh… You're also going to be there? "

It was only a question, but Donghyuck couldn't help but think that it was Mark's way of telling him that he wasn't comfortable at the thought of seeing Donghyuck there. It was understandable, considering the last party the two of them had been to. 

"Yeah, uhm, Doyoung-hyung, " He simply replied. He had to be there for his cousin. A much as he wanted to elaborate, he couldn't just spill Donghyuck's secret feelings towards Jaehyun. 'But we'll probably not meet each other since there's going to be a lot of people attending. "

It wasn't really a helpful reasoning, and he could see it only confused Mark. After all, he was sure there were more people at the previous party than what they were anticipating for Jaehyun and Taeyong's engagement party. But that was just Donghyuck's way of subtly telling Mark that he would stay out of his and his girlfriend's way through out the night. He wouldn't be doing it for them anyway. He would also be doing it for himself and the confusing and agonizing emotion he was feeling at the sight of the two of them being together. It would be best if he would stay away. 

"Sorry, " Yerim decided to interrupt whatever staring contest Mark and him were having without any of them realizing. "As much as Mark wants to have a chat with you, he needs to do something that he promised me, right Mark? "

Donghyuck suddenly felt embarrassed and unable to say anything in response. Mark was the same, although he shot Yerim a confused look. 

Yerim sighed. "You need to try on the suits like you promised! "Mark only seemed to remember why he was there. 

Doyoung chose that moment to finally arrived with an extra paper bag in his hand. It was probably the reason why he had disappeared suddenly. 

"Sorry, Hyuck, I decided to get my mother a new scarf as a peace offering. Did I make you wait for too long? Oh, hi Mark, Yerim! "

Donghyuck had never been that excited to see his cousin. 

"Hyung, I'm hungry! " he immediately declared before his cousin could even try to start a conversation with the couple. 

Doyoung looked at him, a little surprised at urgency in his tone. But Doyoung was Doyoung, and when it came to Donghyuck, he had a special talent in understanding his hidden thoughts. 

"Oh, right, " Doyoung nodded knowingly. "So am I. I guess we'll get going?"

They both bade their goodbye to the couple. In his hurry, he left the paper bag of his suit behind. He was a little embarassed to have Mark ran out to hand it out to him. 

"Poor Mark, " Doyoung commented when both of them made it a few corners away from the shop. "Yerim's been dragging him to places these past few days. "

"Hyung, I think I want chicken, " he decided to change the topic. He didn't want to listen about how the two of them were always together. He was being unreasonable. He was being selfish. But he just couldn't do it yet. He just couldn't be genuinely happy for Mark's new relationship yet. 

●●●

"Do you think we should just skip altogether, or should Jeno and I go together? Will Renjun feel like we're ditching him if we pick the latter? Will he feel left out because of it? Maybe I should just let Jeno attend on his own. Ah, but he'll feel anxious on his own? What do we do?"

Donghyuck gulped down his drink while listening to his friend attentively. It turned out, what Nana wanted to talk about with him didn't really concerned him but a certain someone they both cared about— Renjun. 

A part of him was relieved, although he couldn't grasp why of all people in the world, Nana decided to ask Donghyuck for advice about how he should deal with their current situation. Considering the things that happened before, Donghyuck should be the last person he was putting his trust on regarding the said matter. 

"Why are you asking me? " he asked, voicing out his confusion. It wasn't that he didn't want to listen. He just thought he was the last person Nana should turn to for advice. 

They were invited by Taeyong of course. Jeno, despite not enjoying gatherings, had been close to Taeyong enough for him to make an exception. Jaemin and Renjun were also invited as Jeno's dates. 

Of course, Jaemin wanted to go, as he was close to Taeyong from when the older was still tutoring Jeno and him before. The problem lied on Renjun. 

Donghyuck had been wrong all along. He had been wrong to assume that everything was going well with their relationship. He was wrong to feel envious of how Renjun had forgiven them fast. 

It wasn't that easy at all. There were just a lot of things and issues in their relationship that were yet to be resolved. To put it simply, Renjun was still cautious regarding their relationship. He didn't really trust them enough not to break him again. Jeno and Jaemin were walking on eggshells while trying their best not to hurt him even in the slightest bit. 

According to Nana, he had a feeling that Renjun wouldn't trust them, or him in particular, enough to go to a formal event with them, especially in an occasion where he wouldn't know anyone else. Well, Donghyuck would be there, but Donghyuck thought he wasn't much of an ally to Renjun as much as he used to before. 

Nana had a feeling Renjun would decline, hence the dilemma. 

"You know him well, " Nana replied before adding a bit dejectedly. "You know him better than I do, so I guess I just want your opinion. "

Donghyuck used to think that he knew Renjun the most. He used to think that he knew what would be better for the other. Well, they could all just look back to see what happened. Donghyuck didn't know him well, and he probably wasn't qualified to answer on Renjun's behalf. 

"You're over-thinking, Nana, " he replied. 

"Am I? " his friend asked and he nodded. 

"You're only assuming things, and you're creating a whole lot of scenario based on assumptions. Why don't you and Jeno ask Renjun? If he say yes, then it's done. If he says no, then that's when you'll decide what you'll do about it. "

Nana remained silent. He contemplated for a bit before nodding. "You're right. " He then sighed. "Sorry about that. " Nana tried to laugh his insecurities off but even the sound of it was a little off. "Well this is harder than I thought. Redeeming myself, I mean. I know this is going to be hard but, I am going crazy already. 

"I'm just so scared everytime that anything I will do will fuck up this chance that Renjun has given me. I'm afraid of ruining this chance for us, for Jeno especially, since it's really me who got him in this situation after all. Hadn't it been for me, then at least, the two of them could have been happy with their relationship. "

Nana sighed again. "I know, it was already done and that the three of us already talked about it. I know I am trying to fix myself in order to fix things, but still, if it wasn't for me, then things wouldn't even be this hard. "

Donghyuck remained silent to allow Jaemin to just vent out his frustrations. Somehow he could understand where he was coming from. It wasn't really that easy to get over their past mistakes. 

"But still, I feel like I don't have the right to complain, " Nana continued. "At least, I am still given a chance. People like me don't usually get a second chance. "

Donghyuck's paused from breathing. For a while, he had to remind himself, that no, Nana wasn't doing it on purpose. No, Nana wasn't trying to take a swipe at him. It wasn't meant for him. He wasn't being attacked on purpose. 

Nana didn't remain clueless for long, he instantly recognize the change on Donghyuck's expression. 

"Oh, Hyuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine, " Donghyuck cut him off with a smile. "I know you didn't mean to. I'm not taking offense. "

He really wasn't, although there's something inside of him that felt upset at the reminder. 

He shouldn't feel that way. After everything that happened between him and Mark, rekindling a romantic relationship was so out of the option anymore. He knew that. He understood that. He could clearly see why, hence he was even more upset with himself for feeling upset about it. It was something that he should push to the side and forget about, something that he shouldn't be entertaining. Thinking about it was dangerous as it might lead him back to his previous behaviour. 

"Maybe you should call Renjun and ask him, " he suggested to change the topic. 

Nana shook his head. "I guess we'll just ask him personally. It's better that way, although I would most likely need to go with Jeno as his brothers are scary. Sometimes I feel like they both want to skin me alive. "

Donghyuck would have offered to be there as support, considering how Xuxi used to adore him. But then, he figured, it probably wasn't the case anymore. 

"Good luck, then, " he replied. "If it helps, make sure Jungwoo is there when you visit. "

"Ah, yes, Jungwoo-hyung, " Jaemin said fondly. "A real life saver. But so are you, Hyuck. "

Donghyuck look at the latter confusedly. "But, I didn't do anything. "

Nana shrugged. "You listened to my rambling. I have forgotten what it felt like to talk to people about the things that are bothering me. I used to bottle things up until I explode or be angry for the wrong reasons. I don't want those things to happen again, so it's really nice to have someone I could share my thoughts with. Thank you, Hyuck. "

Donghyuck found himself smiling. It felt nice to be thanked for something he did, even if it was something small. He had forgotten what it felt, too. He had forgotten what it felt like to be a good friend to someone else. 

"Now, as a form of gratitude, please order more, as I'm going to pay for it. No objection, okay? I do know your appetite. "

Donghyuck tried to act offended but Nana just laughed at his expression. He simply shook his head before turning to the counter to look for something to order. Fine then, but Nana should not complain about the bill later. 

Just as he was about to check the menu, his eyes caught a familiar figure,making him double take if he was seeing things clearly. 

The girl was familiar, and seeing her the other night only made Donghyuck's memory of her certain. 

And yet, despite it all, he wanted all of it to be a mistake. He wanted her not to be the person he knew, especially when she pulled a person's head down in order to kiss him— a person who wasn't Mark.


	36. Chapter 36

Donghyuck took his chance to check his phone for the first time that night as he began to walk away from the, table he was sharing with Doyoung, Ten and Johnny. There was a single message from Nana, telling him that the three of them were currently stuck on traffic and they might arrive late. They already were, actually, although Donghyuck didn't feel the need to correct his friend. In fact, he was actually tempted to tell them to just stay where they were and have fun and not bother to come anymore. 

It was a disaster. If anyone would ask Donghyuck to describe Jaehyun and Taeyong's engagement party, then that's the exact word he was going to use. Not that he would blurt it out loud. Not that it was needed, when everybody else seemed to be thinking the same. 

What kind of engagement party was it if the supposed to be engaged couple was missing? 

Everyone was stressing out, the organizers, the parents, the friends— most especially Doyoung, Ten and Johnny, who were currently being bombarded with questions, asking where the couple was. Johnny was keeping his cool in contrasts to his boyfriend, who was seconds away from picking a fight with the next person who would ask him where Jaehyun was. Even Doyoung was reaching his limits, as he tried to contact Jaehyun from time to time, only to get absolutely no response. 

They were stressed out, and Donghyuck figured that he could be of use by trying to calm them down with a few drinks hence why he walked away. That and the fact that he was trying to figure out a way to avoid someone. 

Mark and his girlfriend were late as well, thankfully, although based on what he learned, they were going to sit with them, and Donghyuck wanted to find a way to avoid that. He could excuse himself and just sit next to his friends but if he decided to do that, then he would be leaving Doyoung behind even when he promised to be next to him all evening. 

He couldn't do that to Doyoung, even if staying meant that he would try to endure Mark's presence all night. Hopefully, he would be too preoccupied with his girlfriend for him to not notice Donghyuck. 

Oh, what kind of girlfriend she was! 

Donghyuck was still praying that his eyes had only played a trick on him, but the sight had been way too clear. It was Yerim. It was her whom Donghyuck had seen kissing another guy. 

Honestly, it wasn't his business. It was something that shouldn't have concerned him. So she's probably cheating with Mark. So what? Why was he so affected by it? Why was he so concerned that he found it difficult to face Mark without having the urge to tell him what he knew? It wasn't his place to say anything. It wasn't like him and Mark were friends. 

But still, it felt so wrong. It felt so wrong to know about it and never say a word to Mark. It's just that Mark didn't deserve being treated that way. He went through hell with his parents he went through hell with Donghyuck, and the last thing he deserved was to be cheated on. 

But what could Donghyuck do? It wasn't like he could say anything. Besides, it wasn't like Mark was going to believe him anyway. With their past issues, he had a feeling that Mark was just going to think he's trying to pull something, again. 

He could tell Doyoung, and then his cousin could tell Ten, and then Ten could tell Johnny and Johnny could tell Mark, but then, it wouldn't be fair for everyone around Mark to know before he could. Donghyuck sighed. What had he gotten himself into again? 

He was so busy being lost in his thoughts that he didn't saw another person coming his way until their bodies collided. 

Donghyuck almost fell to the ground had it not been for the person holding him up. "Oh, sorry, I wasn't looking. Are you okay? Wait, Donghyuck? "

Donghyuck looked up to realize that luck wasn't really on his side. Great! Just the person he was trying to avoid. 

"Mark. " Donghyuck froze for a moment, just to look at the person in front of him. He looked a little ragged, a few strands of his hair not combed properly, tie loose around his neck. And yet, it didn't make him look less mesmerizing. Donghyuck convinced himself to stop admiring before things lead to something else. 

Mark must have been shocked to see him, too, for some unknown reasons, as he knew that Donghyuck was going to be there. Still, it took too long for him to recover and let go of Donghyuck. 

"Sorry, " Mark apologized again. "I wasn't looking. "

"Sorry, too, " He replied. "I was… thinking. " About you. You and your girlfriend. But he couldn't say that out loud. 

"Oh, okay, " Mark replied. "Did it start already? "

"Not yet, " Donghyuck replied while looking around. "The couple are still missing. "

"Oh, thank God, " Mark exclaimed before realizing what his statement could imply. "I mean, I am not happy they aren't here, but just glad I didn't miss anything or else I'll never hear the end of it. "

It wasn't like Donghyuck was judging him, as he was too busy trying to look for Mark's girlfriend. They were supposed to arrive together as a couple, weren't they? That's how it should be. But Mark was on his own. 

Just then, his eyes caught the sight of the very person he was looking for. To his surprise and utter shock, she wasn't alone. She was with the very person he saw her with, hand intimately attached to the latter's arm. For a moment, Donghyuck felt lost, and somehow a little angry. Why would she bring the person she was cheating on Mark with to the party? Was she planning to embarrass Mark? 

He was lost on what to do. A part of him wanted to do something to distract Mark from noticing them. But then, if he do that, then, he would just indirectly help her to hide away her act. But then, Mark didn't deserved to be embarassed in public again. He had just recovered from repercussions brought on by Donghyuck's own act. He didn't deserve any of these. He didn't deserve another heartbreak from anyone else. 

He had to do something. 

"Hi, Mark! "

He hadn't realized how Yerim and the guy had gotten next to them until she spoke. 

"Yerim, " Mark greeted back. Donghyuck was confused by the calmness of his tone, especially with how his girlfriend was leaning her head on another guy. Was he missing something? How could Mark stay calm about it? 

"I guess you're meeting Jisoo for the first time? "

"Uh, yes. Hi, Jisoo. I heard a lot about you from Yerim. "

"I hope it's all good things. "

"It depends on her mood. "

"Hey! "

Donghyuck was so confused about the lighthearted exchange between the three of them. Was Mark really that dense for him to not notice anything? 

"And this is…" the guy, Jisoo, said while politely looking at him. 

"Oh it's Donghyuck, " Yerim replied. "I'm surprised you didn't know him especially with everything that happened. He's Mark's—"

"Friend! " Mark supplied while giving Yerim a scolding look, to which the latter only rolled her eyes. A part of him didn't know what to feel about the title that Mark had just given him, but the greater part of him was trying to focus on how Mark was acting. 

"Right, his friend. " Yerim turned to Jisoo to give him a meaningful look before turning back to Mark. "We'll to our table first. "

"Oh, okay, " Mark replied immediately, and Donghyuck was shock at how clueless and naive he was being. "Enjoy yourselves, I guess. But beware because I think Ten-hyung and Doyoung-hyung are ready to blow up this event. "

"Argh, what's new about that? "

They headed towards their table, the same table that they would share with Donghyuck, and most of all, Mark.

Donghyuck couldn't help but pity the other. Not only was his girlfriend cheating on him, she was also having fun doing it right in front of him. Why would someone like her do that to someone like Mark? 

"I guess, I'll go follow them before Ten-hyung notice I am late as well, " Mark said causing him to jump in surprise. Mark looked at him, confusedly, although he didn't say a word. "Uh, see you?"

Mark was about head towards their direction, when Donghyuck impulsively stopped him by touching his hand. Mark turned back to him in surprise. 

"Uh, yes? "

Mark asked, and Donghyuck realized, he was holding on to Mark's wrist firmly. 

He let him go, slowly, and let his hand fall on his side. 

"Donghyuck? "

Donghyuck took a deep breath. This was going to hurt Mark, but either way, he was still going to get hurt. Donghyuck just couldn't stand there and watch as his girlfriend make a fool out of Mark. Mark might hate him again after this but that was the least of his concern. He deserved to know. 

"Mark, Yerim is cheating on you. "

He could have worded it better, but he didn't have the time to formulate a more proper sentence. He just went direct to the point. The initial shock on Mark's expression was predictable, but the next thing Donghyuck saw was the look of disbelief. He had a feeling that Mark would less likely believe him of all people. 

Mark sighed before shaking his head. "Look Donghyuck. I know you have this ideas in your head, but I'm telling you, they're wrong. "

"Wait, Mark, listen, " he replied. "I know I am the least person you would most likely trust after everything that went through between us. But, Mark, I swear. She's cheating on you with Jisoo. I saw them! I saw them kissing! I'm sorry, Mark, but I swear, I'm telling the truth! "

Mark massaged his forehead with his fingers as he shot Donghyuck a tired look. He sighed once again. 

"Listen. She's not cheating on me. She couldn't possibly be. "

Donghyuck tried to argue but Mark stopped him. 

"She couldn't cheat on me if she's not dating me. She's my cousin, and Jisoo is her boyfriend. "

●●●

Donghyuck was confused, but his confusion was nothing next to the embarassment he was feeling. 

"What? " He asked. "But I thought… but she told me she was getting a suit for her boyfriend when I met her at the shop… and then… then you came. "

Mark sighed again. Donghyuck couldn't tell if he's annoyed or amused. It was probably the former. 

"That's right. Jisoo couldn't come because he had this appointment. We're sort of similar in built so Yerim asked for my help. "

Oh, heavens. 

Donghyuck wanted to run away immediately and to never return. His cousin might never forgive him for his abandonment, but Donghyuck just wanted to hide away or else he might melt in shame. 

All those assumptions. All those ideas. Oh, heavens, how embarrassing! 

He was also angry at himself. He knew how dangerous assuming things could be, especially for him, and yet he fell back into the same pattern of creating scenarios in his head. He shouldn't have bothered. He shouldn't have said anything. He should have minded his own business. He didn't only make a fool of himself by his stupid assumptions, he also bothered Mark with it. 

"Oh, God, I'm… sorry. I'm really sorry. I just… I don't know what I was thinking. "

Mark gave him a polite yet awkward smile. "Yeah. It could happen. I can see why you can get confuse about it. "

Donghyuck knew that Mark was only trying to be nice about it to avoid conflict. In reality, he wouldn't be surprised if Mark was annoyed with him for making assumptions again. He already told Donghyuck before that he wasn't dating Yerim, but Donghyuck refused to believe him. Instead, he chose to believe himself. He chose to believe himself again and tried to create his own version of the truth. He thought he was getting better at this, and yet he made the same mistake again. 

"Are you okay? " Mark asked, concern manifested in his tone. 

"Yeah, " he replied. "Just, sorry about that again. I'll, I'll just go find my cousin and talk to him. "

Donghyuck was about to make his escape and find their table in order to tell his cousin that he couldn't stay anymore, but his way was blocked by another person. 

Donghyuck looked up to meet the person's gaze, and was greeted with Johnny's friendly yet concerned gaze. 

"Children, "he said, addressing both him and Mark. "You aren't fighting, are you? "

"Hyung, no, " Mark answered on both of their behalf. "It's … a small misunderstanding. "

"Oh, thanks, " Johnny sighed exaggeratedly. "For a second I thought you two are arguing, and I'm not sure how to handle that and this entire party all on my own. "

"Wait, what do you mean by that? " Mark voiced out the same question that Donghyuck wanted to ask. 

"Jaehyun called up, " Johnny replied, sounding distressed and concerned about it. "I didn't catch a lot about it but it sounded like it was an emergency hence why Doyoung and Ten rushed out and left me alone. "

"Doyoung-hyung left? "He couldn't help but panic at the thought that he was alone. 

"Well, yes, " Johnny replied. "But he would be back with Jaehyun, at least that's what I heard. In the mean time, we can just wait for them and pacify the guests. But first, let's eat. I am starving. "

●●●

It was awkward, but Donghyuck wasn't surprised. Everything between him and Mark were already awkward after they finally settled things during their conversation before, and Donghyuck just had to do something to try and make things even more awkward between them. 

It was crazy to have the two of them opposite each other while sharing a meal. Donghyuck didn't want to touch his food but it's either that or staring into space. Between the two, eating was more normal, so he began to eat silently. 

A part of him felt betrayed that Doyoung would just abandon him like that. He had to reassure himself, that no, it wasn't because his cousin didn't care. It was probably an urgent matter that Doyoung had to leave like that. In fact, Doyoung texted him a minutes ago, apologizing for not saying goodbye as he was really in a rush to look for Jaehyun. He also reassured Donghyuck that he was coming back and asked him to stay with his friends for a moment. 

Except, his friends weren't there yet. Nana stopped answering his messages, and Donghyuck could only wonder where they were. 

"Is it really okay to serve the food already even without the couple? " Mark asked. Donghyuck had a feeling it was mostly to fill in the silence in their table. 

Johnny nodded. "Yes. Ten texted me. Jaehyun told him that we should, and that they would also be here soon. Besides it's late. The guests are starving. Let's just hope they'll be here before the guests began to leave one by one. "

Donghyuck sighed. He also wanted to leave already, but he was scared that doing so would also encourage the rest to do the same. It would have been unfortunate, considering as the goal was to keep them there until Jaehyun and Taeyong arrived. 

He was stuck. Quite thankfully, it was fortunate that Yerim and her boyfriend found some acquaintances and decided to stay at their table. Had they been around then Donghyuck wouldn't have known how to act in front of them. 

"Are you okay? " 

Donghyuck took too long to realized that it was actually him that Johnny was talking to. He also realized that he had stopped eating while zoning out. Quickly, he forced himself to smile in order to reassure the other, hoping that Johnny wouldn't be as pushy as Ten. 

"If you don't like the food, it's fine, " Johnny replied, hopefully, he was really oblivious of what's happening to him. "Or do you want something else? We can ask for it to be prepared. Wait do you want black bean and corn jalapeno poppers? I think the chef is famous for this, I'm surprised Jaehyun didn't add it to the menu. "

"Hyung wait, " Mark interrupted just as Johnny was about to stand up. "Donghyuck hates spicy foods. "

It was a simple statement, and yet the emotions it made Donghyuck feel was far from being simple. 

He remembered. After all those years, Mark remembered. After everything they went through, Mark remembered. 

Donghyuck wondered what else Mark remembered about him, other than the pain he caused the older. He wondered if Mark treasured those memories despite everything. 

Yet, wondering about those things was a dangerous path to walk on. There was no use. It didn't matter anymore. It wasn't like there was something going to change between them. 

He made the wrong decision to glance at Mark's direction, to see him mirroring Donghyuck's surprise. "I just, well… I just remember. "

"Oh, okay, " Johnny replied before claiming his seat once again. Whether he was sensing something or not, he was good at hiding it. He turned to Donghyuck. "Just ask if you want anything. "

Donghyuck smile and thanked him. He needed a break. He pulled out his phone to try and check for messages from Doyoung or his friends, only to get nothing. "My friends are here, " he decided to lie. "I'll go meet them at the lobby. "

"Go ahead, " Johnny replied to him. He didn't bother looking at Mark, in fear of doing or saying something he shouldn't once again. 

As it turned out, the lie he made came true. He found Nana, Renjun and Jeno at the lobby where he intended to hide away from Mark. He ended up staying with them as the trio decided to stay there and not mingle with Jeno's family inside. Soon, Doyoung and Ten, along with the couple finally arrived. Donghyuck didn't have anymore reason to interact with Mark during that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Asking me when Mark and Donghyuck are going to get together will never convince me to write about them kissing and making up the next chapter. I'll still stick to the pace I have in mind. I've also answered questions about the ending many times before, and I realized, I really didn't have to. Endings are supposed to unfold and not be spoiled so I wouldn't answer questions like that anymore just to reassure anybody.  
> Thank you!


	37. Chapter 37

"Hyung… what are you doing?" 

Donghyuck didn't mean to sound so judgemental about it, he just couldn't help it. It wasn't everyday that he'd get to see his cousin that disorganized, documents discarded and neglected on the table as Doyoung focused on his phone. He was definitely not checking his email, as Doyoung only did that with his laptop, so he couldn't help but be curious about what his cousin was currently preoccupied with. 

Maybe he was putting so much thought about it. Maybe his cousin was playing some games, highly unlikely, but still possible. It was still a little bit concerning when the said cousin ignored the knocks on their apartment's door and even failed to notice as Donghyuck passed him by in order to answer the door. 

"Huh? " Doyoung pried his eyes away from his phone for the first time to stare at him, looking a little surprise at his sudden presence. "Do you need anything? "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes playfully upon confirming that yes, his cousin had been lost in whatever world he found on his phone. He waved the white envelope that the messenger had delivered at their door step. 

"Jaehyun-hyung and Taeyong-hyung's thank you card already arrived. "

Doyoung rolled his eyes in response. "He could have given it to me in the office. He didn't need to be so formal about it. "

Donghyuck shrugged. In his mind, it was probably better off that way rather than to have Jaehyun give it to his cousin personally, to thank him for attending the engagement party. It probably hurt less. But then again, Jaehyun had probably done it already without the card so Donghyuck wasn't sure anymore. 

Still, his cousin didn't answer his question. "So what were you doing? " he asked again as he walked towards the sofa and sat next to his cousin. He made sure to put an important looking folder back on the table along with the envelope he was holding. He held himself back from peeping on his cousin's phone, not wanting to be pushy if in case Doyoung refuse to let him know. 

"Well, uh, " Doyoung stammered a little. He eyed Donghyuck warily before heaving a sigh. "It's a dating app. "

Donghyuck quirked an eyebrow in surprise, causing Doyoung to be defensive about the whole thing. 

"What? There's nothing wrong with it! " His cousin said with a laugh. "Almost everybody is doing it this days, I mean almost everybody without a soulmate. "

"Hyung calm down, " he replied while raising a hand up. "I am not judging you or anything. Just… I guess I am just surprised. "

Doyoung shrugged. "I guess you could feel that way. I mean, it's the first time that I am trying this stuff. I guess I am a little too late in the bandwagon but there's no harm in trying my luck, I guess. "

Of course, there was nothing wrong about it. Dating apps like that, after all, were created with the people like Doyoung on their mind. With about majority of the people having their destined soulmate's name on their wrist, it's hard to find someone who's free and available to ask out for a date. It was pretty normal. What wasn't, or maybe it was but still a little concerning, was the fact that his cousin decided to do it after his bestfriend became engaged. while Donghyuck wasn't one to know what a good coping mechanism would be after having one's heart broken, he doubted if jumping into a relationship was one of them.

"Is that… safe? " He asked warily. "I mean, there's a lot of news about this stuff going wrong. I'm just trying to make sure."

Doyoung let out an amused chuckle before seting his phone down and ruffling Donghyuck's hair. 'It's nice that you're trying to look out for me. I appreciate it and I understand your concern. Which is why I tried to use the safest system I could find. And don't worry. I don't have a plan in meeting up with sketchy dates on a sketchy place. "

Donghyuck decided not to argue with that. After all, his cousin was smart. He probably wasn't going to get scammed or anything. He knew how to make himself safe. 

"So… you're really giving up on Jaehyun-hyung now? "

Doyoung stayed silent, and Donghyuck immediately thought he might have overstepped boundaries with his question. Then his cousin sighed. "I should have done that long time ago. "

"Even if they weren't even getting married yet anytime soon? "

After their late arrival to their engagement party it was obvious that the pair had realized they were rushing things too soon and decided they should take things slow. Hence why they didn't announce a wedding date yet. By doing so, a lot of things could happen, like maybe them falling out of love and falling in love with somebody else. 

"I know what you're thinking, " Doyoung told him with a fond yet bitter smile on his face. "No, I wouldn't try. I didn't try then, and I certainly wouldn't try now. Sure, they're probably not that ready to get married, but that doesn't mean that they ren't in love, that Jaehyun wasn't in love with Taeyong. He's my friend. My bestfriend, and I refuse to do anything that I know would hurt him. "

"So you'll just date someone else in order to forget about him? "

Doyoung laughed nervously. "If you put it that way, you'll make me sound like a bad person. "

Donghyuck opened his mouth to explain, but Doyoung cut him off. 

"It's fine. I guess, somehow, you're right. But who knows? Maybe I'll find the right person for me in this dating app, and then I can finally move on and be happy. "

Donghyuck nodded. Somehow, it made sense to him. Maybe, if Doyoung would find the right person to be with, then, he'll stop being hurt. He'll stop thinking about what it could have been had his name been the one on Jaehyun's wrist. 

Because really, the what ifs and what could have beens were a pain to think about, but it was even more painful to realize that that was all there was to them, missed chances and missed opportunities. 

"So what app are you using? "

He decided to ask while fishing out his phone from his pocket and going to the app store. He stared at his cousin expectantly, only of his cousin to stare back at him in confusion. 

"Why do you ask? "

Donghyuck shrugged before avoiding eye contact, instead focussing on the list of free dating apps. "I'm no different that you anymore. I don't have a soulmate. "

It wasn't far from the truth. It wasn't just because he already erased Mark's name from his wrist. He was quite sure that with or without that, Mark and him had no chance of being together anymore, not after everything. He was sure that Mark would never have the intention of rekindling his relationship with Donghyuck. Nothing beyond the friendship he could offer. And it was fine. It was understandable. It was acceptable. 

Which was why Donghyuck should know better than for his mind to wander off in the past, when all could have gone better between them had the circumstances been different. There was no point. He wouldn't be able to change anything. It wouldn't do him anything good to dwell on it, or to even consider a future with them ending up like how he initially wanted them to be. He was just going to risk falling back into the same toxic behaviour once again. 

He shouldn't do that. He needed to move on and accept that it wouldn't happen anymore. 

"Are you sure you're ready for this thing? "

Donghyuck shrugged. "I guess so? I can just run away when a creep ends up showing up on a date. "

Doyoung shook his head. "Now I feel like I am being a bad influence. "

At that, Donghyuck chuckled. "It's fine. I mean, it's just a date. Nothing serious and just a casual meet up. "

"If you say so. But you know you can talk to me about anything, right? "

"Yes, hyung. And I can say the same thing to you. "

●●●

Maybe he was rushing things, Donghyuck realized as he sat down nervously on a restaurant where he was supposed to meet with the guy he had been chatting with on the dating up. It wasn't that he was scared or anything. After all, they chose a very public place to meet up so that he could avoid all the horror stories he found online. 

He wasn't scared. More like nervous and unsure. How was it again to enjoy a date? He hadn't been into one in a long time. A really long time. He was quite afraid that he would end up embarrassing himself. 

He looked on the right side of the restaurant, where his cousin was currently engaging in a conversation with his supposed date, a guy named Moon Taeil whom like Donghyuck's date, Doyoung found on the online dating app. They decided to do this at the same time and at the same place, just to be extra cautious in case something decided to go wrong. 

His cousin, like him, had been initially nervous, although it seemed as if he already relaxed a bit to enjoy whatever conversation he was having with his date. At least, one of them was enjoying this. 

His phone on the table lit up indicating a new message, which came from the very person he was waiting for. 

"Hi, hyung, sorry! I promise I am on my way. My professor gave me hell so I couldn't leave fast. Sorry! "

That's right. He was a student as well, Donghyuck's junior by a year. At least, that's what Donghyuck knew. Of course it wouldn't be the truth if he was being catfished. Hopefully, he wasn't, or else, he might be traumatized to try the dating up again.

So he'll have to wait more. He made a quick reply, telling his date to take his time, even though deep inside, he was already feeling too anxious to wait. It was a blessing that his social anxiety died down a few weeks ago, or else, Donghyuck wouldn't be willing to face a complete stranger or to even be in public at all. It was a blessing that people seemed to have already forgotten that internet drama he created, and if they ever recognized him, the issue was too old for them to make a big deal about it. Everyone was bound to move on. 

And maybe, that was exactly what Donghyuck was trying to do, moving on and moving forwards. 

It was unhealthy for him to be stuck in the past, to keep on remembering how happy him and Mark had been. It was even more unhealthy for him to keep feeling uneasy at the thought of Mark being with another person. 

There was nothing between them other than memories, good memories that would forever be overshadowed by the bad ones. At some point, Donghyuck had to do something to stop having those thoughts before it reach a point where he'd end up wanting so much more than he's allowed to take. 

He had to move on. 

Of course, he knew that jumping into a new one wouldn't fix everything. And maybe, he wasn't really trying to jump into a new one this soon. But going out on a date, or dates, was a start, asign that he was entertaining new possibilities, possibilities of being with someone else in the future. 

Donghyuck felt a shadow looming over him. He must have been too lost in his thoughts to notice someone approaching him. 

He looked up to meet the person's gaze, only to immediately recognized him through his profile picture. 

"Lee Donghyuck? " the person asked while huffing to catch their breathe. "Hi! Sorry I am late. It's me, Jung Sungchan! "

●●●

"And then he told me that if I am feeling so smart about it, maybe I should just take his place as the instructor. Well, I guess I was pissed and extra dumb that I said, sure Sir, I will. Just don't disturb your classmate with your vacation abroad stories as I teach. Well I guess I had to say goodbye to my passing grade. "

Maybe, in the end, all the worries that Donghyuck had about feeling awkward about the date were all pointless. He was quite sure that Sungchan's behavior, namely him, venting about his professor to his date, wasn't really a textbook first date behaviour. 

And it was fine. It was quite entertaining and not to mention, relatable. Besides, if he was to be completely honest, Sungchan was kind of cute, handsome even. What's even more funny, and weird, was that it seemed as if he's looking at Jaehyun and Taeyong's love-child. It made him want to snap a picture of him, just so he could send it to the said couple. 

Overall, Sungchan seemed like a nice kid. Talkative, fun and definitely not boring. And harmless. Definitely harmless. Which was why, when Doyoung sent him a message asking he'd be okay with him moving to some place with his own date, Donghyuck said yes, although not before asking his cousin if he'd be alright as well. 

The problem was, Sungchan was a good kid. A kid. Despite his overwhelming height, Donghyuck could only see him as a dongsaeng, the same way he saw Jisung. But maybe, that wasn't much of a problem at all. After all, in wasn't like he was counting on finding a romantic relationship on the first date. At least, it was still a fun date and if Sungchan was up for it, then Donghyuck might earn a new friend in him. 

"So uh, I have a question, " Sungchan said, and Donghyuck was slightly startled at the change in his tone. He went from childishly complaining, to wanting to talk about something more serious. Donghyuck could see that the younger was a little hesitant. Donghyuck nodded to urge him despite his own apprehension. 

"Sorry, I really don't want to ask, but I can't help it. You are Donghyuck, right? I mean, that guy from the video that went viral? "

Donghyuck just stared in surprise and embarassment. Of course, Sungchan had to recognize him. At worst, he even had to bring it up. 

"Sorry, I am not calling you out or anything, I promise. I really don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, " Sungchan said in panic. "Will it help if I tell you I actually think you're cool? I mean when you mustered up the courage to defend him and own up to your actions? "

Cool wasn't really an adjective that Donghyuck would describe himself but it was far better than the other words people used to describe him with. 

"Yes, it's me. Is there a problem? "

"Oh no, "Sungchan replied. "I mean, not really. It's just that technically, you do have your soulmate, right? "

Sungchan stared at him, anticipating for a reply which Donghyuck found hard to formulate. 

"I guess not anymore. "

Sungchan nodded. "So I'm guessing that what you two have couldn't be repaired anymore. "

"Is that important? "

He suddenly felt uncomfortable, like he was being placed in the spot to confront his feelings in front of a person he just met. 

"Hmm, " Sungchan thought for a moment, comically placing a finger on his chin. "Yes. I think it is important. "

"I really don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but maybe it will help, too, if I'll explain to you why I asked? 

"You see, there are people like us who don't have a soulmate's name on our wrist, and being a minority, it is a little hard for us to try and look for an available someone who'll interest and be interested in us. A lot of us are wary of dating people with real soulmate for that reason. "

"Because you think they're being ungrateful for the privilege that they have? " he asked. 

"Oh no, far from it, actually. We're just being cautious. Yes. Cautious. 

"You see, there were cases before, at least stories relayed to me by my friends, who ended up dating a person with a soulmate's mark because he thought it was really over for that person. Well, maybe you get what happened next. Friend ended up abandoned because his boyfriend and his soulmate reconciled. And I guess, I just thought it's unfair. He invested too much time, effort and attention, only to be set aside for the real soulmate. So I guess I just want to make sure. I mean this is our first date, right? If we ever choose to have a second third or more, I just want to know if I wouldn't just be wasting my time, if you're not just doing this to make someone jealous or if you're sure you're ready to be with someone who wasn't really your soulmate. Sorry, is it too much to ask for a first date? Oh my, I guess I just embarrassed myself. Sorry. "

If Donghyuck was to be honest, he'd say it was a fair question. Things like that could happen, and based on Doyoung's history with falling for someone with a soulmate, he could see why people like him, like Sungchan, would feel that way.

And maybe, the question was a good way for Donghyuck to reconsider going out on dates in order to move on from Mark. For all he knew, he could already be being unfair to someone without knowing it. 

"It's fine, " He said. "I think you have a valid reason to ask. To answer your question, I think what I have with my soulmate is beyond repairable. But…"

He left his sentence hanging to gauge Sungchan's reaction. The latter nodded to urge him to go on. "To be honest, I guess I am just trying to meet new people at the moment and not eagerly wanting to find romantic involvement. "

"Hmm, " Sungchan replied. "That's fine. Thank you for letting me know before I even decided to propose to you and marry you in Switzerland."

"Uhm, what? "

"A joke. Yeah, sorry. A not so funny one. That's fine if that's what you want. I mean, we all want different things in using dating apps. "

"Sorry to waste your time, " he said apologetically. 

"Not really. I think you're cool and actually fun. Maybe we could hang out some time. Hangout not date, unless you change your mind? "

"I would like that. I think you're fun, too, " he admitted. 

"So, I guess we'll just finish the food and call it a night? "

Donghyuck decided to agree. They ended up finishing their meal while melting in another friendly conversation, which mostly involved their university life. It was very lighthearted and comfortable, at least until Sungchan decide to bring up his soulmate again. 

"So before, we order for the dessert, "Sungchan said. "Can I ask you again one thing about your soulmate? Like, what makes you say it's beyond repairable? "

Donghyuck took a sip of his water before answering, trying to make sure he wouldn't sound emotional about it. 

"You watched the video. You heard my explanation. I did a lot of bad things to him, and I am actually lucky that he still chose to forgive me. But that's the most he could give. Nothing more. "

"So that means you're still interested in, you know, the possibility of getting back together? "

Donghyuck tried to laugh it off bitterly. 

"I guess that's not important anymore. "

Sungchan hummed meaningfully. "Will anything change if I tell you that I think I saw your soulmate on the table on the left and that I can feel his stare drilling holes on my head? "

Donghyuck had never turned his head that fast. His eyes landed on the very table Sungchan had told him about to see if he was right or was only mistaking Mark for someone else. 

And he was right, because the moment Donghyuck set his eyes on that table, his eyes were met by Mark's own intense gaze. 

●●●

His eyes had been focused on Mark and on him alone, that Donghyuck failed to notice the girl he was with until she finally stood up and walk away, because apparently, her date wasn't focusing enough on her. 

Date. She was Mark's date. Donghyuck didn't want to, but somewhere inside of him, where he's pushing his feelings to hide, began to ache at the idea. Mark went out on a date with someone. Donghyuck knew that he was allowed to, but it didn't stop him from stupidly feeling hurt. 

Sungchan was gone not long after, but at least, he didn't leave with the same amount of hostility as Mark's date. Donghyuck and him separated amicably, with Sungchan telling him they could hang out some other time. Donghyuck must have been delusional when he thought he heard Mark scoff. 

And then there were the two of them. Only the two of them. Of course there were a lot of people in the restaurant, but it was just so easy for Donghyuck to focus on one person, the said person occupying the space that Sungchan vacated. Although unlike Sungchan, Mark wasn't trying to drown him with huge waves of conversation. Instead, he was drowning Donghyuck in a suffocating silence. Between them, there was only silence. There was always silence. And if Donghyuck would like to think about it, maybe there already ran out of words after all those fightings. Or maybe there was just nothing to talk about either than their anger for each other which they already resolved. And maybe, without their anger, there was nothing more left between them. Hence the silence. Hence the emptiness. 

At last, the silence finally grew tired. Mark opened his mouth to speak. "Sorry, I ruined your date. "

And maybe, just maybe, Donghyuck was really delusional. He was imagining Mark's word to taste bitter and sour. Maybe that's how he wanted them to be for some reasons he would rather not name. And yet, it was impossible. Why would Mark be bitter about it? 

"It's fine. I guess I'm sorry about your date, too? "

It was a question, as he wasn't sure if he was reason why Mark's date left. Maybe they just didn't mix well together. There was no reason why it could be his fault. 

"It's… not an actual date, " Mark replied defensively, catching him by surprise. "Yerim set me up with her friend and I declined. But they pushed through with the date so I showed up… just to be polite. "

Just to be polite. It wasn't an actual date. Mark didn't plan the date. 

And yet, should it matter? Should it really matter to Donghyuck? 

Mark was free to do anything he wanted to do. He was free to date whoever he wanted. The sooner that Donghyuck began accepting that wholeheartedly, the better. He should stop seeking comfort in Mark denying any romantic involvement. 

Donghyuck was lost in his thoughts, scolding himself for thinking about things that he should avoid, that he failed to notice Mark's expecting stare. When Donghyuck finally did, he was confused. Was Mark expecting him to tell him something about his own date? 

"It's Sungchan. I met him on a dating app. "

And again, Donghyuck was probably imagining things once again. Because he thought he saw discomfort in Mark's face, although it was gone too fast for him to be certain. Or maybe it didn't exist at all. 

"Ah, dating app? " Maybe it was judgement he was hearing on Mark's tone. After all, maybe it wasn't just him who heard horror stories because of it. 

"He seemed nice, " Donghyuck replied trying to defend his choice, but Mark only seemed to be dissatisfied with his answer even more. 

But why did it matter? Why was he trying too hard to seek Mark's approval? He really should stop thinking so much about Mark. It wasn't healthy. So much for moving on. 

Why were they even together? What was the point? It wasn't like they were meant to meet that day besides coincidentally having the same dating place. 

"It's late, " Donghyuck said while looking at his wrist, belatedly realizing he wasn't even wearing a watch and was making a fool out of himself. He decided to push back his embarrassment as he mustered up his courage to look back at Mark smile. "I think I better get going. "

"Stay. "

It caught both of them by surprise, but even more, Mark, if his blown wide eyes wasn't enough indication of that. 

If Donghyuck was observant enough, then he would have seen Mark fidgeting with his fingers. But he wasn't, or maybe he was, but he chose not to decode whatever action Mark was doing. For his sanity. For his peace of mind. 

"I, I have something important to say to you. "

Was it out of curiosity or suppressed hope that Donghyuck decided to stay and listen? Because he thought all of the important words were said when they talked before. There was nothing more left unsaid. After all, everything was suppose to end then. Or maybe not yet. Maybe Donghyuck was yet to feel what an actual end would be. 

"I'm leaving in a week. "

Donghyuck refused to react, maybe because he didn't know how. He didn't even know if he was entitled to react. 

"I'll be handling a business venture in Canada. Johnny-hyung is sending me. It was supposed to be Jaehyun-hyung, but at the moment, I am the better choice. I don't have enough reason to be here. "

He tried so hard to look unaffected, because he knew he shouldn't be. But still, he couldn't help his fingers from pressing hard against his own knees, hidden from Mark's view because he didn't habe the right to show it. 

"Why are you telling me this? "

"Because this time, I want to say a proper goodbye. "

And maybe that's the thing about goodbyes. There wasn't a proper way to give them. In the end, every goodbye would still taste the same.


	38. Chapter 38

The first time that Mark decided to leave, he didn't say goodbye. He was just gone all of a sudden and Donghyuck didn't have a clue where he was or when he was coming back— if ever he was coming back. It left him in distraught and in pain, pain that he nurtured into anger that proceeded to ruin him. 

The next time that Mark decided to leave was after they finally met again after a long time. It was when Mark had decided to find him only for him to decide that he wanted to leave again. It left Donghyuck angry, because he thought it was unfair. Unfair that Mark wasn't giving the best effort he thought he deserved. 

And then everything happened, he learned the truth, not bit by bit for it came rushing to him faster and in whole, more than he could handle. He realized his mistakes. He learned more about why things happened. He learned about the truth. He learned to accept the truth rather than creating a version of it. 

Maybe this was the last time, that one final time that Mark was going to tell him goodbye. It was the last, and all Donghyuck could feel about it was unexplainable emptiness. 

"It's late, did anything happen? "

It was the first question that his cousin asked him when he returned. Donghyuck briefly checked his phone to look at the time. It was pass eleven. It was indeed late. He didn't realize he spent so many time just walking around to clear his head which was void of thoughts anyway. Moreover, he failed to noticed the amount of worried message that his cousin had been sending him. 

"Sorry, I lost touch with time. "

"Oh my God, are you okay? "

Donghyuck didn't know what it was that Doyoung saw on his face that made him sound even more worried than he already was. He didn't know what he looked like. He didn't want to know what he looked like. 

In a few steps, Doyoung was already pulling him inside, pushing him to sit on the sofa while asking him questions again if he was okay. 

"I knew it, we shouldn't have left! Did something happened? Did your date do something to you? What's his name again? Sungchan? "

"I'm fine, " he tried to reassure his cousin with a smile. "And Sungchan is nice. We had a nice evening. He even asked if we could hang out again. "

"Oh, " Doyoung said in a mixture of surprise and confusion. "Then, what happened? "

"Nothing happened, " he replied, quicker than necessary, raising suspicions from his cousin even more. Doyoung opened his mouth again to pry more information from him, but Donghyuck decided to cut him off. 

"How was your date? "

Of course, this was Doyoung, amd he knew exactly what Donghyuck was trying to do. This was Doyoung, and he would not stop easily from trying to look out for Donghyuck. But that night, he relented, and Donghyuck was thankful for that. 

"The date went well, " Doyoung replied, non-comittal. "Taeil is nice, two years my senior. We went to see a movie after we left. We had a good time, and we intend to meet each other again. Do you need anything? "

"Water, " he replied, as he felt his throat uncontrollably closing up. " Just water. "

Doyoung immediately went to the kitchen to get him some. Donghyuck could hear him rushing, as evident by the sound of things clashing and falling. Donghyuck couldn't help but feel guilty about it. 

"Do you know that Mark is going to leave for Canada soon? "

The glass of water almost slipped out of Doyoung's hand when he emerged out of the kitchen. He managed to hold it, before carefully setting it down on the table before them. Donghyuck picked it up and took a sip, as Doyoung reclaimed the space beside him. 

"I do. Jaehyun mentioned it to me once in the office. It was supposed to be him, but Taeyong came and he was hesitant to leave. After all, Taeyong always comes firsts. Mark's taking his place instead. "

Donghyuck nodded as he place the glass of water back down. "I know. Mark told me about it. "

"You met? "

"We did, " he replied again. "At that restaurant. He had a date of his own, you know? Although he told me he didn't initiate it. Just someone Yerim set him up with. "

He didn't know the importance of the last part, but he had the desire to include it. If ever Doyoung was weirded out about it, he didn't say a thing. 

"Sorry that I didn't tell you," Doyoung apologized, "I just didn't know how to tell you. "

"It's fine, " he said with another smile that was hurting the corner of his lips. "I am not even sure why I had to know. "

Nobody owed him any explanation, not Doyoung, and certainly not Mark. The both of them already cleared up everything in that conversation they had where they both chose to forgive each other. It was already over then. Mark was free to do what he wanted. He could leave if he wanted to, if he needed to. Donghyuck didn't have the entitlement to stop him. 

Why would he even try to stop him anyway? 

"Hyung, it's late. Can I go to sleep? "

Donghyuck could see that his cousin was a little hesitant to let him go. Like he was afraid. Like he was unsure. 

"Don't worry, I am fine, " he reassured him once again. "I have no reason not to be. "

Doyoung gave him the look, the look that could be translated into disbelief, the disbelief that made him feel uncomfortable in his own skin. And then he relented, but not before giving Donghyuck a hug and telling him that he was there, and he would always be there in case Donghyuck decided to talk. 

But there was no reason to talk about anything. Donghyuck was okay. There was no reason for him to not be okay. 

At least, in front of an audience. He didn't feel comfortable showing people that he wasn't okay, because he was ashamed to show them that he wasn't okay. 

But in the comforts of his room, within the walls that were blind and deaf, and above the pillow that porous to his tears, he allowed himself to not be okay. 

Mark was leaving one final time. He wasn't okay. 

He tried his best to let it all out while trying muffle his voice. He wanted to let it all out even if it would take all night, if only in the morning, it would all be gone and he would learn to be okay again. 

●●●

But sometimes, a night wasn't enough. One night wouldn't magically take away everything in an instant. One night wouldn't take away the sadness and he would face the next morning with the same shame.

Donghyuck thought it was for the best if he would avoid everyone else in the mean time, because the fear of being confronted with his feelings once again was strong and growing even more uncomfortable. He though distance would be his only hope. 

So he avoided Doyoung all morning as they both prepared to leave. He avoided Ten's messages when the older was simply asking him if he had time to meet. Because Johnny was boring and so was Doyoung, and he was trying to get close to Donghyuck for some unclear reasons. 

What Donghyuck wasn't able to avoid were his friends, who were most likely oblivious to what was going on with him at the moment. 

It was only the three of them, Donghyuck, Nana and Jeno. It was a little strange to have the three of them together and not witness an argument start. But then again, they were over that. They settled their differences. Still, it felt strange to be with Jeno and not have Renjun with them. After all, they mostly just sat together for the said person. But Renjun was nowhere to be found. He was late, still in a conversation with a professor about a job opportunity he should probably take. 

"It's got to be a big of an opportunity, " Jaemin commented as Jeno and Donghyuck listened. "I mean, Renjun is smart and talented, whatever you give him, he could do it while exceeding expectations. He had always been amazing. He's the best. "

Donghyuck let Nana carry the entire conversation by himself even if he was mostly just drowning them in praises intended for Renjun. Donghyuck somehow believed he was doing it on the wrong audience, as nobody else other than Renjun would love it best to hear those things from him. 

It wasn't like Donghyuck wasn't happy for Renjun. Of course, he was. He loved Renjun. And maybe that was the reason why he was feeling a little guilty. He wasn't able to focus enough on being happy for his friend, because his mind was somewhere else. Maybe that's just him. Maybe, no matter what he do, no matter how he tried, he would always be the selfish one, unable to push his own worries aside to give way to another person's happiness. It's fault in his character, something he might not be able to change. 

"I mean, I've always known he's special, " Nana added after a round of compliments for his soulmate. "He had always been. It's just that my insecurities made me want to think otherwise. It made me want to convince him otherwise. I know, I sucked big time. "

"It's over, Nana, " Jeno immediately replied before Nana could wallow in self-blame once again. "We're done with this. We talked. We're all trying to get over everything. "

"I know that, " Nana replied, while patting his boyfriend's shoulder. "We talked and Renjun said he's willing to forgive me. But still, I know it's hard for him to trust me again. And I understand. I did a lot of things wrong so it's not like I am trying to hold it against him. I just wish I was different person then. If I was, then I wouldn't have hurt him. If I hadn't, then there wouldn't be anything to get over with. The three of us could have been happier. "

Jeno let out a sigh as Donghyuck decided to just listen to their exchange. After all, it wasn't like he could contribute to anything. It wasn't like he had to contribute to anything, especially since the last time he did, they all knew how it went. 

"It wasn't just you, " Jeno decided to argue. "It wasn't all your fault. If I hadn't been that way when we first met him, then I wouldn't have given him the reason to think that I'll always put you first, over him. "

"But we both know you had issues then, " Nana tried to reason. "You were scared of the change. You scared of him. "

"That's true. But it didn't change that I did hurt him. In a way, it's my fault too why we are like this. So don't be to hard on yourself, Nana. It wasn't just because of you. "

Nana sighed. "I guess we weren't prepared enough when we met him. We weren't the right person when we met him. "

In some ways, Nana words made perfect sense to Donghyuck. What was the point in having a soulmate if you would meet then under the wrong circumstances? What was the point in meeting them, when you weren't even the person they deserve to be with? 

And maybe that was the glitch in this system that Donghyuck used to believe was perfect. It was the ugly reality in the fantasy that they were made them believe in. Having a soulmate wasn't enough. Meeting them was never enough. It was always more than that. People shouldn't be focused in looking for their pair. Rather, they should try to work on themselves, to be a better version of who they were.

So that they would be ready. 

So that they wouldn't ruin their chance. 

Donghyuck hadn't been prepared then. He was so busy looking for his soulmate that he failed to look at himself. He fucked up his chance, and that was the end of it, because no, not everybody would be given another chance. 

Not everybody would be lucky like Jeno and Nana, and Donghyuck knew that if he would allow himself to dwell on this matter longer, he'd fall back into the same pattern. Maybe envy was a natural thing, but to people like him, he knew the severity of such poison. He knew what he could do if he feed so much on it. 

So he tried to ignore it. He tried his best to be happy for them even if he knew, he wouldn't ever receive the same chance as them. 

And that was fine. Mark wasn't obligated to give him another chance. Donghyuck would daresay that it wasn't so much of an option anyway. He never considered it to be one, although maybe, he hadn't crushed the tiniest bit of hope he had in his head. And maybe it was fine. It was fine as long as nobody would find out about it. 

"Donghyuck? "

Donghyuck looked up to meet Nana's eyes, which were looking at him with concern. Even Jeno was looking at him, although it was more filled with curiosity. 

"Hmm? " he asked, silently asking him to repeat whatever it was that Nana said that he failed to listen to. 

"I was asking if perhaps, you know something. Anything that could help us redeem ourselves? "

It was a little ironic that he would received such question. Him of all people who didn't even feel like they deserved a second chance. It should be him asking them what was it that they did that they were given the chance that he wasn't offered. But then, that would be his envy speaking and he's tired of being envious. He's tired of feeling bitter about anybody's happiness. 

"We're already doing it, Nana, " Jeno thankfully replied instead. "We're doing everything we can, but we have to accept that it might take time. We just need to be patient. "

Nana sighed. "I guess you're right. Time heals, right? "

Yes, time heals. It's just that people heal differently. 

●●●

Goodbyes didn't usually end with just the goodbye. To some, it was a long process. People needed to come into terms that it was really happening. People needed to learn about the aftermath it would come with. They had to deal with the grief. 

And maybe, Donghyuck just didn't know how. Not when he couldn't even properly grieve for the goodbye. Not when he was even ashamed to grieve for the goodbye. 

But maybe, he wasn't alone. Maybe it wasn't just him who was grieving this goodbye. Maybe it wasn't just him who needed help in order to deal with it. 

"Do you have a moment to talk? "

It was nostalgic to see Mark waiting for him outside Doyoung's apartment. It brought back a lot of bitter memories. 

It felt like it had been a long time since Mark began chasing him and following him around, waiting for the moment to explain. Those were the chances. The chances when Donghyuck could have listened. When they could have talked it out. When things could have still been repairable between them. But Donghyuck made the choice. They were given so many chances, but he chose the same thing over and over again. 

"Can we talk? At least one last time."


	39. Chapter 39

Doyoung was visibly surprised once he opened the door to see both Donghyuck and Mark waiting outside. His eyes switched between the two of them for a while, before finally settling them on Donghyuck for a silent question. 

"Sorry, Hyung," Donghyuck said with a tired smile. "I think I forgot my keys this morning. "

Doyoung immediately tried to get over his surprise by blinking consecutively. He cleared his throat before answering. "Oh that's fine! Although I am almost leaving already. You're lucky you're still able to catch me. "

Donghyuck didn't miss how his cousin emphasized that he was about to leave. Donghyuck treated it as a silent message and a question at the same time. 

I am going to leave. Why did you bring Mark here? Would the two of you be fine on your own? 

The past had given Doyoung all of the reasons to be worried about this interaction, and while Donghyuck understood his concern, he wasn't the same as he was before, and he was sure that so was Mark. They didn't meet for the purpose of hurting each other, or at least, not in the same way they did before. 

"It's fine, Hyung, " he quickly reassured. "Mark and I just have something to talk about. Can we come in? "

Doyoung, who finally realized that he was blocking door, stepped aside to allow both of them to enter. "Sorry. I'm just… nervous. Yes. Nervous. "

"I know, " Donghyuck chuckled as he made his way in. "Second date, right? " He supplied helpfully, even if they both knew it wasn't what Doyoung was nervous about. 

"Uh… right." 

Mark closely followed him, stopping only to politely greet Doyoung who acknowledged him with a nod. 

Donghyuck turned to Mark with the most polite smile he could muster, before pointing him towards the sofa. "You can sit down, " he offered. " I'll just get us something to drink before we talk. "

Mark nodded before complying. "Okay. I'll just… I'll just wait for you here. "

Donghyuck smiled back again before retreating inside the kitchen. Once he was alone, he finally let out the sigh that he was holding. 

Being around Mark, during this time, was harder than Donghyuck imagined. An inner part of him was telling him to avoid the Mark while he still could because he was scared of how he would behave in front of the latter. 

But they had something to talk about. At least, Mark had something he wanted to talk about. Donghyuck didn't know what it was about, but it felt right for them to have that talk. 

Doyoung followed him not long after while still carrying the same look on his face as he did before. "It's still early, " he said, which temporarily confused Donghyuck. "I can still call Taeil and cancel the date. I can just stay here. Just in case…" He clarified and Donghyuck finally understood. 

Donghyuck appreciated it, but he shook his head at the offer. "No, " he answered, and he saw the panic in his cousin's eyes. 

"No? " Doyoung asked, as if not expecting the that as an answer. 

"No," Donghyuck affirmed. No, because that would be unfair. Doyoung's existence shouldn't only revolve around taking care of him. "I'll be fine, Hyung," he insisted. "We aren't going to fight. We are long over that phase. We're just going to talk. "

Doyoung stared at him, still slightly unconvinced, so Donghyuck proceeded to say. "I'm a lot better than I used to be. Trust me this once, Hyung. I'm not going to hurt him. I'm not going to get hurt. "

Doyoung let out a reluctant sigh, and for a short while, Donghyuck couldn't help but chuckle. Doyoung was clearly not just his cousin. He was acting like a brother, a parent-like brother. And maybe despite everything that happened in his life, Donghyuck was lucky that he had three instead of just a set of two. 

"Fine, " Doyoung finally relented. "But you have to promise me that you'll call me if you need help! "

Donghyuck shook his head once again "I'll call Ten. "

Doyoung stared at him, offended, and Donghyuck felt compelled to clarify. "Or Jaehyun. Or anybody else. I will not call you, and you should not expect me to call you, otherwise, you'll not be able to enjoy your date. I'll be okay! I wouldn't need to call anyone. I'll be fine. "

Doyoung sighed again. "I guess you're a lot stronger than how I see you. I'm sorry. "

"It's fine, Hyung, " he replied. "I'm stronger now. Thank you for being with me until I am, but… I guess it's time to let go little by little… Mom. "

Doyoung rolled his eyes at Donghyuck's teasing before pulling him into a hug. "Never, " he replied. "I'll always be here even when you become stronger. I'll always be here, and you can always come to me during your weak time, okay… son? "

Donghyuck smiled. He didn't need to reply in order for Doyoung to know what his answer was. 

When Donghyuck finally emerged from the kitchen, carrying a tray of the drink that he had promised, Doyoung had long gone out of the door, leaving just Mark and him to have the conversation they wanted to have privately. 

"Sorry, " he told the other as he placed the tray on the center table. He pointed at the pitcher of orange juice. "That's all I can offer. Nothing much can be found in the kitchen. We're supposed to go grocery shopping tomorrow. But we can order though? "

"No, it's fine, " Mark immediately waved his hand for emphasis. "I like this. We don't need much. I don't think I'll stay for long. "

Of course. This wasn't a casual hang-out that friends would have. They were hardly even friends. Just exes, exes with a lot of history together, a not so good history to be exact. 

Donghyuck hesitated where to sit, until Mark scooted to make even more space in the sofa. It wasn't like it was needed, as it could fit at least four people, but Donghyuck took it as a silent invitation that he decided to accept it, albeit cautiously, by sitting on the farthest end and avoiding any form of contact. 

Donghyuck poured on some juice on one of the glasses he took with him, in order to help himself. He contemplated doing the same for Mark, but he decided against it. He didn't want to look like he was trying too hard. 

Mark didn't seem to mind as he followed Donghyuck's action. Donghyuck waited until Mark finally placed the pitcher back down before speaking up. 

"So what do you want to talk about? " he asked before lifting the glass to his lips, not wanting to just stare at Mark while waiting for his answer. 

"I want to say goodbye, " Mark replied, once again, copying his action. 

Donghyuck grimaced as he place his glass down. "It's a very sour juice, " he commented before looking at Mark. "You already did, right? "

Once again, Mark copied him by setting his own glass down with the same expression as Donghyuck. "It's really sour. And yes, I did. But I think I need to give you more than just goodbye. No, that's wrong. I think we need more than just a simple goodbye. "

Donghyuck hummed in response. He wished Mark could go straight to the point and go on. It wasn't like goodbyes were going to hurt less, and the more time they spend together, the harder it would be for Donghyuck to hide that he wasn't really not hurting. "Do you want sugar? " he asked, pointing at Mark's own glass. 

Mark shrugged. "It wouldn't taste sweet, I think? "

Donghyuck tilted his head to the side. "What do you mean? I think the juice can still be saved with a few spoons of sugar. Sorry, we don't have honey, if that's what you prefer. "

"The goodbye, I mean, " Mark clarified, catching Donghyuck by surprise. "It will not taste sweet ever. At least, not for me. "

Donghyuck leant back on the sofa's arm as he stared at Mark, silently demanding for the latter to elaborate. But instead, Mark just chose to stare back at him. 

"So what are you trying to tell me?" He asked, while trying to control his intonation. 

He didn't want to expect, he didn't want to assume, but Mark's words were giving him hopes, and he was beginning to be scared of that. 

"I'm trying to say, " Mark replied, as he copied Donghyuck's position again, "that being with you, when we're still together, are still some of my happiest days, and that I did love you and you mean so much to me. I just thought, I should let you know that. "

Donghyuck picked his glass back up and took a few gulp just to distract himself. It didn't taste as sour as before, combined with the only sweet memory Mark and him had with each other. 

"But it was all a lie, wasn't it? " He quickly reminded the other. "You only loved me because I lied. "

Mark didn't pick up his glass like Donghyuck did. Instead, he shifted and looked away. "I guess, you can say that. I guess, that's what I thought as well, which is why I found it hard to understand why I still wanted you and why I still wanted to come back to you. It was hard for me to accept that I really did love you. "

Donghyuck gave up on punishing himself with his drink, as the conversation was already enough of a punishment for him. 

"I did love you. I did hate you, but I also did love you despite it all. When we talked last time, I told you that I wish you happiness by meeting someone who will treat you in the ways I wasn't able to. I guess it wasn't entirely the truth. "

Mark let out a bitter laugh and Donghyuck felt like choking on nothing. It was as if he was hearing his own thoughts through Mark's words. 

"I don't like that guy, " Mark confessed. It confused Donghyuck hence he decided to elaborate, "the guy I saw you with at the restaurant. I don't like seeing you with him. I wasn't ready to see you with him. "

It was a confession that Donghyuck didn't want to expect but possibly hoped for, as it mirrored the same thoughts that had been haunting him day and night. 

"I guess, I don't like the girl, either, " Donghyuck admitted. "And Yerim, until I realized she's your cousin. "

Mark chuckled. "I had a feeling you felt that way, too. "

Donghyuck blushed. If it was in any other scenario, he would have called Mark out for being too confident, but doing so would be out of place at that moment. Donghyuck wanted this to remain serious. He wanted it to be serious in order to be believable. 

"I think I still want you. "

Donghyuck suppressed his gasp, and ended up choking. He picked up his glass again to help himself. 

"Are you okay? " Mark asked as he tried to come closer, but Donghyuck signalled him to stop with his hand. 

"I am not, " he replied when he finally recovered. He refilled his glass again with the offending juice. "You can't tell me that!" He warned. "You're not supposed to tell me that! "

"Because it's not possible, right? " Mark asked. 

"It's not, " Donghyuck agreed. It's not anymore possible after everything that happened between them. 

"I guess you're right," Mark agreed with so much reluctance. "It's not going to work out because I'm still carrying the same scars my that my parents had given me. I'm still carrying the same fear I had back then. I don't think I'll be able to treat you right, when I keep on seeing us as another version of them. "

Donghyuck shook his head. 

"It's because, I hurt you, Mark, " he countered. "I don't think I can be with you and not be reminded of everything I did in the past. I can't be with you and not look down on myself. "

"Not ever? " Mark asked, and somehow, Donghyuck could hear the hopeful tone in his voice. He wondered if he was being delusional, and if once again, he's projecting his own emotions on someone else. 

But Mark was looking at him as if he wanted to hear the same words that Donghyuck wanted to say. He looked at Donghyuck as if they wanted the same thing. Donghyuck found himself giving in. 

"Not yet, " he admitted, and Mark's expression immediately changed. 

For the first time during the night, Donghyuck was finally certain. He knew that he wasn't simply imagining things. He wasn't the only one feeling that way. 

"We really have a lot of things to do with ourselves, right? " Mark asked, a bittersweet smile playing on his lips. 

"We do, " Donghyuck agreed. Despite how he felt about it, he decided to add, "and we really need to say goodbye. "

"We do, " Mark admitted. "But if we fix everything, " Mark said hesitantly, once again giving Donghyuck a hopeful glance, "and if we meet again after that…"

Donghyuck swallowed audibly. "Then maybe we can…" he continued on Mark's behalf. "Maybe we'll be possible. "

"Just like before? "Mark suggested. 

"Except without the lies, " he added after a nod. 

"And hesitations, " Mark finished for him. 

They melted in silence, having already spoken the words they didn't know they both wanted to hear. With everything else spoken, Donghyuck knew that both them already came to an end. 

"I might miss you, " Donghyuck couldn't help but confess, knowing that this would probably be the last time they would see each other in a long while. 

"Honesty, I haven't stopped missing you," Mark admitted. "But I guess I am going to keep missing you for much longer." 

"Let's not think about each other so much, " Donghyuck suggested, despite knowing that it was going to be a difficult job even for himself. "Let's focus more on ourselves this time. "

"We should probably do that, " Mark agreed. "That way, when we finally meet each other, we will already be a better version of ourselves." 

Mark took a deep breath before exhaling loudly. "Can I hug you? " He asked hesitantly, biting his lips as he waited for Donghyuck's response. 

Donghyuck paused for a moment and did nothing other than to stare at Mark. Finally, every emotion that he had been trying to push aside and forget came to the surface and attacked him at the same time. He bursted into tears as he allowed himself to fall inside Mark's embrace. 

Mark received him warmly with his open arms, warmer than all of the previous ones Donghyuck had in his memory. Donghyuck made sure to take note and memorize everything, from the feeling of their hearts beating together as their chests touched, to the scent of Mark's cologne. He made sure to remember everything and engrave every little detail inside his mind. This would be the last time, the last until they finally decided to meet again. 

"It's our last goodbye, right? " he asked Mark, the words itself were painful to be spoken. 

"I hope so, " Mark whispered back. "Because when we meet again, if we meet again in the future, I don't want us to say goodbye ever again. "

●●●

Three years later. 

Donghyuck smiled as he got up from his chair while clapping his hands for the group of students who were standing in three lines on the stage before him. 

"Very good, children!" He complimented them. "Very good! You'll all do well at the recital tomorrow! "

They all smiled at each other before turning towards him and bowing. "Thank you, Teacher Lee! "

"You're all welcome, " he replied. "Now, please climb down the stage slowly. Don't push each other and get hurt, okay? Your parents will be here any moment now. "

"Yes, Teacher Lee! "

Donghyuck watch over the children as they climb down the stage like he told them to, making sure that no one would get hurt under his watch. The kids were normally obedient most of the time but they were still kids. They're bound to be playful, and accidents could happen as a result. The last thing that Donghyuck wanted was a crying child and an angry parent throwing daggers with their eyes.

Admittedly, while this had been what he had wanted to do for long, there were those times when he was actually hesitant to try out for the job, even after Taeyong had informed him about it. After all, there had been times when Donghyuck and the word responsible didn't match together in a sentence. 

It was all thanks to his family and friends who encouraged him to try out for something that he had long wanted for himself that he was there, working in the job he had always dreamed of, for more than a couple of years already. 

He had no complain about it, even if sometimes, days in school weren't as smooth as it normally was. 

Donghyuck dashed towards the corner once he heard a cry. Before him, the kids were already crowding at something, or at someone, whom Donghyuck presumed was one of the students. 

"Children, please move so that teacher can see, " he instructed. They all immediately and scattered away, giving Donghyuck a chance to look at one of his students, who happened to be sitting on the ground. 

"Oh, no, Shinhye, are you okay?" he helped the child stand up as she continued to cry. He quickly inspected her for any injury. Her knee wasn't scraped or scratched, but it was a little red from when it came in contact to the floor. He was hoping that she wasn't hurt anywhere else, and that she's crying out of embarassment like most kids would. "It's okay, Shinhye, you're okay. Accidents happen sometimes. "

"Teacher! Teacher! " Donghyuck turned to one of his students, who called his attention. The said student pointed an accusing finger at one of his classmates. "Jinri pushed her, Teacher! "

Donghyuck turned his head to the said student in surprise. The said student threw an angry glare at the one who pointed her out. 

"No, I did not! " she denied, before Donghyuck could even ask her. "Daehwi is a big liar! "

"I am not! You pushed her! "

"I did not! "

"Children, " he warned in a slightly scolding voice before deciding to turn his attention on Shinhye, again."Shinhye, can you tell teacher what really happened? No one will be mad at you, sweetie, I promise. "

Shinhye gave a cautious look at her classmate, which was enough for Donghyuck to figure out the truth, but he still waited for her confirmation. "Jinri pushed me. "

"I see. "

Donghyuck gently turned his attention back to Jinri who was angrily stomping her foot on the ground. Donghyuck tried to recall what he had been taught during his training about dealing with kids who are acting up. He had to make sure that his voice was firm, but not angry. 

"Jinri, what did we say about violence inside this classroom? " Jinri didn't respond. Instead, she continued to kick the invisible dusts on the ground. Donghyuck sighed. "Jinri, you know that we have to say sorry when we hurt people, right?"

"But I don't want to! " Jinri stubbornly replied. "I hate her, and her voice is so ugly! I don't like her here! "

"No it's not! " another one of his students chimed. "Her voice is pretty and clear, and that's why she's the leader! "

"But I want to be the leader! "

"You can't be a leader! You sound like a frog! "

"Sunwoo! " Donghyuck warned the other child who immediately deflated and apologized. "Sorry, Teacher! "

Donghyuck sighed before clapping his hands. "We still have five minutes before your parent's come. Why don't you play with each other for a while? Shinhye, go on, play with your friends. But no leaving the classroom, okay?"

"Yes, Teacher!" One by one the other children scattered around the room, even Shinhye, whose cries had died down to sniffles. All of them went to play except Jinri, whom no one wanted to play with. 

Donghyuck couldn't help but pity her for being casted out by his pees, but at the same time, he kind of feel that it was a little wrong to force the others to include her. It wasn't the first time that something like that happened in his class, and it wasn't the first time Jinri had been in conflicts with her classmates. They didn't feel comfortable to be around her. 

"Jinri, do you want to read a book with me? " He asked before waving The Nutcracker story book at her direction. 

"No I don't, " she replied, and Donghyuck winced at the impoliteness. As much as he disliked having to talk to parents about their children, because he knew what it's like to feel anxious as he waited for his own parents reaction when he was young, times when the child's behaviour was becoming too concerning called for such decision. 

The only problem was that sometime, it's hard to get parents to be on board with him. 

"Oh, please, " Jinri's father exclaimed as he pointed at his daughter, who was being coddled by her mother outside the classroom. They were the last parents to arrive and pick their daughter up, and Donghyuck took that as an opportunity to try and talk to them. Trying was the key word.

"She's a kid. You know how kids are! It's pretty normal for them to fight. " 

As much as Donghyuck wanted to agree, kids weren't going to be kids forever, though. If those behaviours weren't corrected at a young age, it would even be more difficult once they grow up. 

Donghyuck pressed his lips in a tight line. Even if he believed that the father's excuses were absurd, he needed to remind himself that this wasn't a debate. This wasn't about asserting who between the two of them were right. It's about being on the same page of wanting what was best for the child. 

"I understand, Sir, and I think you have a point. But this isn't really the first time that Jinri did something like that in class. First, it was the pencil that she wanted to have. Then, it was the notebook. Then it's about the voice. She has this habit of hitting people because she wants something they have. It's pretty concerning for her to behave that way and I thought it's worth informing you about, especially since parents are already complaining about her bullying her classmates. "

"Our Jinri? A bully? " he scoffed. "Oh please, she's a child! Why are people acting like it's a big deal? This is the first time I am hearing this! The other teachers are telling me that Jinri is a good girl! Your class is the only problem!"

Donghyuck didn't let himself fall for the bait. Contrary to what the father claimed, he wasn't the first and only one to speak about Jinri's misbehaviour. The father was trying to shift the blame because he's being defensive. He guess it was natural to some, but still, it was a little frustrating. 

There's only a few he could do to help Jinri, as he had only been around her for a few hours a week. It was the parents' job to guide her all the time, but they can't do that if they'll continue to excuse the same behaviour over and over again. 

"I think there's some favoritism going on, " Jinri's father accused him. "I'll make sure to tell the principal about this. I cannot accept this. I can't believe a teacher will bully my child. "

Donghyuck winced again, but the threat didn't have much bite to it than what Jinri's father probably thought. Donghyuck had a good record so far, and the testimonies of his co-workers and the complains of the other parents would be quick to dispute whatever accusations they were planning to make. 

Donghyuck's only concerned was Jinri. That kid. He could only imagine how she would grow up to be like. Her parents didn't know they're raising her to be entitled and to be a bully. It's going to difficult for her in the future, and that prospect deeply saddened Donghyuck. 

Jinri's father left the room, but not before throwing him another glare. Donghyuck chose to bow down politely at him as he retreated. Once he was gone, Donghyuck returned to his seat and groaned as he began to massage his neck. 

What a long day it had been. 

Donghyuck was jolted in surprise when his phone began ringing. He hastily searched through the pockets of his bag for it and when he finally found it, pressed the answer icon without checking the caller ID. 

"Where are you? "

Donghyuck was taken aback by the urgency and the tone of the person from the other line. He pulled his phone away from his ears to confirm who the caller was. Once he did, he immediately placed the phone next to his ear once again before replying in a scolding tone that he mostly exclusively used toward his students. 

"And where is your manners, Lee Jeno? "

"Fuck. " Donghyuck winced at Jeno's choice of word but decided not to call him out on it, especially since he sounded tired and panicky. 

"Sorry, Donghyuck, I didn't mean to be rude. It's just that it's already near five and Renjun will be here in an hour and I don't think we have things done. "

Donghyuck's mind short-circuit as he reached out to the calendar on his table. March 23. It wasn't that he had forgotten Renjun's birthday entirely. He hadn't, and in fact, he already got his friend a gift, which he happened to leave at home, about a good ten minutes ride from the school. It's just that his mind had been focused on his students that he had forgotten to keep track of the date. 

"Donghyuck, are you still there? "

Jeno's panicked voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Do you think you can come here fast? I don't think we're doing anything right, and Nana's sticking Moomin and space stickers on the wall, and I can't … help? "

So it was that bad, huh. "Tell Nana to calm down and wait for me. I'll be there in five. "

"Donghyuck? "

"Hmm? "

"Thank you. "

Donghyuck smiled. "You're welcome. That's why we're friends, right? "

●●●

Donghyuck couldn't help but cringe at the decoration while also blaming himself for allowing Nana and Jeno to pick out everything for Renjun's party. 

It was a jumble mess, and Donghyuck was sure everything didn't fit together, from the Moomin cake and the musical note cupcakes, to the metallic stars and planets cut outs on the walls and ceiling. Donghyuck could only wonder how they put it there in the first place. 

"This is like Moomin went to space and had a musical. "

"Nana got those alien ornaments he wanted to hang by the window. I had to beg him not to. Is it really that bad? "

Donghyuck turned to Jeno with a grimace, which pretty much gave his answer. Jeno sighed. "How do we fix this? "

Nana chose to emerge from one of the two rooms in the apartment, wearing a headband with a Moomin plush resting above his head and a space printed shirt. 

"He's a mess, " Donghyuck mumbled next to Jeno. 

"He's nervous, " Jeno quickly defended. 

"Oh, hi, Hyuck, I didn't know you're here already, " Nana said as skipped toward him. He then pointed at the decoration he placed around the apartment. "What do you think? Do you think Renjun will like it? "

Jeno nudged him to say something, but Donghyuck couldn't bring himself to crush down Nana's spirit, especially when he looked so proud of his work. 

"I think Renjun will love it! " 

Jeno threw him a betrayed look, but Donghyuck just shrugged, especially when Nana's expression brightened up. 

"Ha! I told you, Jeno! Renjun will definitely like it! "

"It's the thought that counts," he later on explained when Jeno confronted him about it. After all, it wasn't like Nana didn't put much thought in the theme and decoration. He had chosen all of Renjun's favorite. They just didn't match well. 

It was a few minutes after Donghyuck arrived that other people began coming in, namely Renjun's brother, Yukhei and his boyfriend, Jungwoo. 

"Wow, this looks like Moomin went to space and had a musical. "

Donghyuck almost reached for a high five until he noticed the look of horror on Nana's face. He turned to both Jeno and him with a questioning look. It was Jungwoo who acted first, by lightly smacking his boyfriend by the shoulder. 

"Be nice, it's actually cute! "

"Cute? " Jungwoo covered his mouth before Yukhei could even say another word. 

Donghyuck noticed the luggage that Yukhei had pushed inside before Jeno took it from him and pushed it inside the bedroom where Jaemin had emerged from. 

"Is Renjun outside, already? " he asked Yukhei, but Jungwoo didn't trust him enough to remove his hand.

"Guanheng is distracting him in a shop nearby, " Jungwoo answered instead. "We figured you might need more time to fix the place, and I can see that… you decorated well. "

"Thank you! " Nana beamed at the older before excusing himself and Donghyuck to the kitchen to check on the foods. 

"Thank goodness, you came before them, " Nana whispered next to him as they prepared the plates and glasses that they would need. "Yukhei can be scary at times. I still think he doesn't like Jeno and I for his brother. "

Donghyuck shrugged. "Yukhei is kind of okay, especially with Jungwoo around. He just hasn't grasped yet the idea that his baby brother isn't really a baby anymore. It's nothing personal. "

Nana hummed. "I guess you're right. "

"On the other hand, it's his twin brother whom we should be scared about. "

At that, Nana shuddered. "Guanheng. Well he really doesn't like Jeno and I."

Donghyuck shrugged again. "He doesn't like me that much either. I guess we'll all die together. "

Jaemin cringed. 

A few minutes later, Jeno came rushing to the kitchen, excitement plastered all over his face. "He's here, " was all that he said before all three of them dashed out of the kitchen. 

Renjun was sporting a mullet, which made Donghyuck wonder if it's back on trend. It made him look different. It was maybe the mullet, or the fact that he had only seen Renjun at least ten times in a span of two years. 

Renjun ended up getting a job back in China, which meant that he'd only been back for a few visits during those years. But this time, it was different. He was going to stay for good, and Donghyuck couldn't even be happier at the thought of spending more time with his friend again. 

The look of surprise on Renjun's face was enough of an indication that he was satisfied with everything, regardless if Guanheng had tease his brother's boyfriends about the mismatched decoration. 

"It looks like Moomin went to space…"

"And had a musical, " Yukhei finished for his twin as both of them high-fived. 

"It's not that bad, " Renjun quickly defended before giving his boyfriends a reassuring smile. "I love it. "

He proceeded to hug the two despite the noise of protest from his older brothers, about them not being ready to see their "baby" acting that way. Renjun only shot them a glare.

Finally Renjun turned his attention to Donghyuck. "Hey you!"

"Hey you, " Donghyuck said back. "What's with the mullet? "

Renjun rolled his eyes. "Manners, Hyuck. You don't tease people about they hair before hugging them. "

Donghyuck only snickered at the made up rule before opening his arms to receive the other. "I still don't the hair though. "

"Jaemin likes it. So does Jeno. It sucks to be you. "

Donghyuck faked cry while clutching at his chest once Renjun pulled away. "The blatant favoritism. This is unfair!"

Renjun just playfully rolled his eyes. "I can't believe I'll be seeing you around more often. "

Donghyuck stuck out his tongue. "Sucks to be you, because I missed you, and I'm going to keep on bothering you. "

Renjun pretended to be worried before shrugging. "It's not like I am complaining, though. "

Renjun and him didn't have much opportunity to talk, not when it's not only him who had missed him so much. Jeno and Nana did too, and they didn't want to waste time by not spending it with each other. Donghyuck figured he'll let them have Renjun this time. But some other time, he'll have his bestfriend to himself. 

As it turned out, Jeno and Jaemin didn't have a reason to be afraid of Renjun's brothers, as they too had let the past be in the past, although a little bit of teasing were fun from time to time. 

It wasn't just Renjun's birthday, but also a reunion, and Donghyuck was happy that everything seemed to be turning out well. Despite the years that had gone by, Donghyuck was reliving the good memories through that night. 

At around eight, a new guest had arrived as signaled by the door bell ringing. Jeno and Jaemin were both already roped into a consoling Guanheng as he cried at the reminder that Renjun wouldn't stay in China with him anymore, and that he would be the lonely brother once more. Renjun, Jungwoo and Yukhei on the other hand, were taking care of the leftovers in the kitchen. Without much choice, Donghyuck stood up to check on the newcomers, ignoring Jeno and Nana's plea of help. 

"There you are, " Donghyuck exclaimed once he opened the door and saw his cousin and Taeil outside. "I was wondering what happened to you already. Hello Taeil-hyung! "

Doyoung dangled a familiar paper bag in front of his face, which Donghyuck immediately took from his hand. 

"What was it again that you said about being responsible and independent? "

Donghyuck puffed his cheeks as Doyoung raised his eyebrows. "I failed one time, and you have to call me out on it. But, thank you. I guess it's a right decision to give you a copy of my apartment key in case of emergency. "

"Forgetting your gift isn't an emergency. "

"It is! "

Donghyuck looked at Taeil for support and the latter didn't disappoint him. 

"Don't scold him too much. It happened only once. "

Doyoung gave his boyfriend a betrayed look before rolling his eyes. 

"Wait, why are you still outside? " he realized belatedly. "There are still a lot of foods left. Want to come inside?"

"We're going to have to pass, " Taeil answered. "We already had something planned for tonight. "

At that, Donghyuck turned to his cousin with wide eyes. "Why didn't you tell me? Now I feel guilty for asking your help. "

"It's fine, " Taeil replied nonchalantly. "We still have thirty minutes before our reservation. "

"Besides, " Doyoung took two envelops from inside his coat and handed them out to Donghyuck. "I figured I'll give this to you and Jeno as well, since Jaehyun again made me his messenger. "  
Donghyuck flipped the invitation to read what's written in the front. "A wedding? For real this time? "

The three of them enjoyed a few chuckle before Doyoung decided to lightly slap Donghyuck's arm in a scolding manner. "You're being mean. "

"What, I'm just asking? I mean Johnny-hyung and Ten ended up married first even if Jaehyun-hyung and Taeyong-hyung planned it first. With them snubbing their own wedding three times, I thought you and Taeil-hyung would end up beating them, again. "

Doyoung blushed before glaring at him. Donghyuck just shrugged before giving Taeil an encouraging nod. Taeil only laughed. 

"They also want to spend time on Saturday night, " Doyoung said to subtly change the topic before Donghyuck could tease him further. "Like a bachelor party, but a very tame one as Taeyong worded it. They want you there along with Jeno and his boyfriends. You think you can make it? " 

Donghyuck nodded while he mentally try to recall his schedule. "I'll be there. I also need to unwind. "

"There's one more thing, though, " Doyoung added which caught Donghyuck's concern. "I just thought I should tell you, just so you wouldn't be surprised. "

"Surprised? " Donghyuck let out a chuckle. "About what? I once saw Johnny in a tiger costume, nothing will surprise me anymore. "

"Mark is returning, " Doyoung said while giving a worried look. "I know that you and him had a conversation before he left, but I still want to make sure. Do you think you'll be okay with meeting him? "

He stared for a couple of minutes without saying anything in response. The worry on Doyoung's face grew as each second passed. 

It had been what, three years? Donghyuck didn't try to keep track of the days that passed. He wasn't supposed to as doing so would ruin the entire purpose of it all. 

It had been too long since that day, that's all that Donghyuck was certain about. It had been too long, and perhaps, it was already the time. 

Donghyuck found himself smiling as he shrugged. "Do I really have a reason to not be okay? "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck: The juice is sour.
> 
> Mark: It really is sour. 
> 
> Chenle in the background: That's a bad orange juice!!!! 
> 
> Additional end note: For people who asked me about the NoRenMin side of the story, the first chapter was already uploaded a week ago. You can check it out if you want clicking the next work i in the series.


	40. Chapter 40

Saturdays to Donghyuck were supposed to be easy. It was a day in the week that he was supposed to spend for himself or with his friends, to unwind and relax after five days of work. 

This one specific Saturday was anything but relaxing, especially since he was called to school early in the morning to answer a complaint filed against him by one of his students parents. While he honestly anticipated such complaint, he would have been more than ready to address it during his work days. 

It was Jinri's parents of course, living up to the threat they made by reporting him for favoritism and bullying his student. It was a very stressful conversation, and even if it ended with the school administration backing him up, it ruined the entire mood of his Saturday, even until the evening when he was supposed to celebrate Jaehyun and Taeyong's (hopefully the last) coming wedding. 

"Well that sucks, " Doyoung commented after listening to his rant. "It sucks when parents act like that. It's better to address their behavior when the kids are still young. "

Doyoung placed a plate of pasta on the table in front of him. He sighed at the sight of food and decided to eat his stress away. He pick up a fork and shove some pasta in his mouth and chewed in delight. Satisfied, he proceeded to go on with the conversation. 

"My thoughts exactly, " he replied. "That's what I tried to tell them, but according to them, I was just making it up because their kid couldn't have possibly do such thing because they raised her to be a good girl. I am not sure if they're defending their kids or their parenting styles. "

"Both, " his cousin replied as he took a serving of his own and sat in front of him."You know those kinds of parents. Their kids are their identity. Their kids success are their own and so are their flaws. Therefore, their kids should be perfect so that they could be the perfect parents that they wanted to be seen as. I kind of sympathize with that kid, you know? I know what it's like to have a parent like that. "

"And you managed to grow up as a good person despite it, " he commented to cheer the older up, and also to show him how much he looked up to him. 

"I had your Mom, " Doyoung replied with a chuckle. "It was stressful to act like the perfect child my own Mom want me to be. At least, with your Mom, I could act freely. I guess that's what keeps me grounded. "

"If it helps, I'll let you borrow my Mom for as long as you like," He offered, which wasn't really needed as they're already like brothers. 

Nevertheless, Doyoung humored him with a chuckle. "Well thank you! I appreciate that. "

Halfway through finishing his plate, Donghyuck sighed again. "I feel bad though. As his teacher, I really wanted to help Jinri. But now, her parents are transferring her to another school. I guess I wouldn't be able to help her like you know, the way you guys helped me. "

Doyoung reached out to pat his shoulder. "Don't blame yourself too much. I get that as a teacher you want to be there for your students. But there's only so much you can do without the parents' support. "

"I just wish she wouldn't grow up like, you know, like how I did. And I wish she'll find the right people to help her like I did. "

Donghyuck just couldn't help but think about what his student's future would be like if she would continue with his way. He could only hope that since she's still young, a lot of things could still happen. She's probably not going to be as worse as Donghyuck feared she would be. 

He hoped. 

"Okay, okay, enough! " Jaehyun suddenly clapped behind them, surprising both Donghyuck and his cousin. Doyoung sent him a scolding glare as Taeil, on the other hand, decided to sit beside him and patted his shoulder. 

"What? It's a week before my wedding! " Jaehyun explained. "We are supposed to be celebrating and not talking about work. "

Donghyuck must admit, Jaehyun was right. The coming wedding was an event that they should all be happy about, and he shouldn't be dampening the mood with work related drama. 

To be fair, it wasn't like he was talking about it to everyone. He just told Doyoung because his cousin noticed his tired expression and interrogated him for it. He actually mistook it for something else, hence why Donghyuck decided to explain what happened. The rest, Donghyuck presumed, were oblivious to the conversation. 

They were all celebrating fine, especially Jaehyun's groom to be who might have reached his limit of beer for the night. 

Taeyong was across the room, sitting and fawning over his own cousin, as Jeno sat and tolerate him while blushing in embarassment. Taeyong wasn't one to drink and party every weekend. He was, in Donghyuck's opinion, the epitome of responsibility like his own cousin. But there were times though when Taeyong would let himself lose, only with the people he trusts of course, his soulmate, and his soulmate's friends who also accepted him in their small tight knitted group. And of course, his own cousin. 

Jeno was still not much of a people person, which was fine as that was his personality. The thing was, Donghyuck could see him trying his best to at least interact with other people and stop narrowing his world to just him and his soulmates. Everybody was really capable of change. Donghyuck wasn't the only one proud of him because of it. His soulmates were too, if Renjun and Nana whipping their phones out to snap photos weren't enough proof yet. 

"I mean, I'm not sure, I guess I'll be celebrating more after the wedding, you know?" Johnny said, suddenly popping out on the seat opposite Donghyuck's. "I mean, if it really happens. "

Jaehyun shot Johnny a betrayed look after his statement. He didn't seem offended in the slightest bit, though, even when all of them reacted with a laughter. 

It had been a running joke for all of them for a while now. After all, among their friends group, it's Jaehyun and Taeyong who wanted to get married first. After almost cancelling their engagement party and canceling their wedding twice, it became a group joke to wonder if the future wedding would still be a prank or real. 

Of course, it didn't mean that they were treating it less seriously. That would be like crossing the line. Besides, cancelling their weddings before was probably the best choice that they made. They both admitted to not really being ready, and perhaps, the universe did them a favor by making them realize that. 

"Oh please! Johnny and I got married before you, " Ten commented to back his husband up. "At this rate, Taeil and Doyoung will get married before the two of you could. "

"Ten! " Doyoung shot his friend an annoyed look although he looked more embarassed than anything. "Stop that! You're pressuring us. " Taeil just laughed a little awkwardly. 

"Oh, I wouldn't mind a double wedding, " Jaehyun said as he handed each of them a can of beer. "After all, Doyoung also deserves to be happy. "

There was a meaningful smile playing on Jaehyun's lips as he did that, and Donghyuck couldn't help but wonder if perhaps, he knew something. 

"Hey, you're good. You and Taeyong are, " Taeil decided to answer when Doyoung looked as surprised as Donghyuck was. "But I want us to have a special day of our own. So enjoy yours… if it actually happens. "

They all laughed again in response. 

Donghyuck silently watched as Doyoung and Taeil stared at each other lovingly. He couldn't help but be happy for them. In this world where more than half of the population have a soulmate or two, they found themselves alone, until they finally found and picked each other. They were soulmate's. No need for a tattoo to validate that. 

Donghyuck wondered if it was also the work of the universe that lead all of them into being connected. His cousin Doyoung was dating Taeil, while Taeil's cousin Jungwoo was the soulmate of Renjun's brother, Xuxi. Renjun's soulmates were Nana and Taeyong's cousin, Jeno. Taeyong's soulmate was Jaehyun, and Jaehyun's friend's with Doyoung, Johnny and Ten. 

He was pretty much amazed everytime he thought about that, but not more than he was thankful to have met all of them. He credited those people for helping him become the tperson that he was at the moment. Honestly, he would probably still be the same had it not been for all of them. 

The door bell chimed, distracting all of them from the friendly banter.

"Oh, do you have more visitors, Jaehyun? " Ten asked, absent-mindedly. 

"Obviously, " Johnny replied. Ten looked at him confusedly before having a belated realization. 

"Oh my, how, could I forget about him? "

"And here I thought he is our first born, " Johnny replied in mock disappointment as Jaehyun went out to answer the door. 

Doyoung shot him a questioning look. He shrugged in response. Of course, he knew who they were talking about. He knew who was coming. 

"Look who's back! " Jaehyun said excitedly when he returned, a new person, or a person from the past, trailing after him. 

Donghyuck observed him silently as the others fawned over him.

Mark changed a lot, although Donghyuck couldn't point out what changed exactly. Maybe it was the dress shirt and the loose tie. Or maybe it was the hair that he had messed up by his own fingers. 

Maybe Donghyuck just hadn't seen him for long. Or maybe, the changes were something more than what his eyes could observe. 

"Why are you late? " Ten asked in a playful scolding manner. "I thought your flight was last night. "

"Ah, yeah, I arrived last night, " Mark admitted while scratching the back of his neck. "But I had works needed to be done today. "

Ten scoffed. "You're over working yourself too much! " he scolded again before turning to his husband. "Why are you overworking him? I thought he is our child? "

More banters were exchanged as well as questions of how they had been. Donghyuck decided to not to participate and instead decided to wait patiently until Mark finally scanned the room for him. 

Their eyes met, flashes of recognition where shown on Mark's expression. They locked gaze, silently sending a message to each other that only the two of them could get. Then they smiled. For a while, only the two of them existed, until they finally nodded at each other, their own form of greetings. 

Donghyuck let Mark be taken in a conversation by his other friends. They greeted each other enough. 

●●●

A few more beers and conversations and they were all ready to call it a night. Renjun, Jeno and Nana went home a bit earlier through a cab while the rest were busy putting the chaotic couple to sleep. Donghyuck found himself with an armful of Ten, as the latter drunkly professed his undying adoration to him. 

"Have I already told you how much love you, Donghyuckie? " Donghyuck didn't know whether to be amused or be annoyed at the same question asked for the nth time already that night. He decided to go with the former. After all, it was pretty harmless and admittedly, he was kind of enjoying it. 

"More than Johnny? " he teased the older, only for the latter to squint his eyes as he looked at Donghyuck. 

"Don't push your luck too much, kid. Johnny always comes first. "

Donghyuck chuckled before clutching at his chest. "Ah! I feel like something broke inside. "

"Nooo! " Ten whined as he pulled at Donghyuck's neck and squished their cheeks together. "But I like you! You're like… my other half. Not in a romantic way, of course, but, yeah. You understand right? Am I making sense? "

Donghyuck wanted to say no, because Ten was just randomly spewing drunk nonsense. But really, he made perfect sense, and Donghyuck understood what he was trying to say. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know, " he replied in an nonchalant manner before guiding the older's head to rest on his shoulder. "Want to know a secret? I think you're mine too. "

"You do? " Ten momentarily looked up to him with glossy eyes. Donghyuck nodded. 

They were much more similar than how Donghyuck initially wanted to admit. They were like twins born on different mothers and on different time. If there's anyone out there who could understand what Donghyuck had gone through the most, that person would be nobody else other than Ten.

They initially hated each other, so much that they didn't realize they were hating on the reflection of themselves. But when they finally came to that realization, it made things easy. With Ten, he could talk about a lot of things without fear of getting judged. Ten knew what it's like, and Ten knew how ashamed he was of his past action, because Ten felt the same way, too. 

He was thankful for everybody's support, most especially his cousin, but he cannot deny that it was Ten who influenced him into making a decision that was the turning point of his life. 

Therapy was difficult and financially straining, and Donghyuck knew that somehow, Ten pulled some strings for that so called "discount" that his therapist was charging him. But that wasn't the only thing he was thankful for. The thing was it was Ten who managed to convince him by telling him it would be worth a try. That it made him better, and that it made him feel better, and maybe it could help Donghyuck, too. 

And Donghyuck wanted to be better, but it was a little difficult, especially when it was just so easy at times to just go back to how he was before. Ten had been there to guide him. To tell him that sometimes, things happen and they can't control themselves. And while they must strive to be better, failing to be one, once in while wasn't a reason to beat themselves too much. It was like he was never alone. They grew together. 

"You know how thankful I am to you, right? " he asked, even though he was sure Ten wouldn't remember the conversation in the morning. But it was fine. They talked about it a lot of times before. He was sure that Ten knew. 

Ten hummed, before randomly replying. "I think I want to adopt you. "

Donghyuck laughed heartily. "You do now? "

Donghyuck felt the older nodding. "But I can't tell Johnny that. He likes Mark more. I guess I'll just adopt you in secret and then he can't do anything about it anymore. "

Donghyuck chuckled once again. "You're going to have to fight Doyoung-hyung for my custody. I think he will not let me go that easy. Will you be willing to co-parent? "

Ten gagged and Donghyuck almost nervously pushed him away to save his clothes, only to realized that the older did it as a reaction, disgust written all over his face. "Yuck! I don't want to! "

Donghyuck shrugged. "too bad. I think I like Doyoung-hyung more. "

"But I have the money! "

Ah yes. Ten was still a brat. But it wasn't a problem because he was a tolerable and caring brat. 

Ten tried to convince him some more to be picked as his parent, and Donghyuck decided to listen just to humor him until someone finally decided to take Ten away from him. 

"There you are, "Johnny said with an amused tone, as Mark and him finallybemerged after taking the chaotic couple upstairs. "I've been looking for you everywhere! "

Ten had immediately forgotten about his proposal once he heard his husband's voice. He turned to his husbands direction and angrily crossed his arm. "Aha! Why are you home so late? What have you been up to Mr. Seo? "

Donghyuck smacked his forehead as Johnny laugh. "Relax, babe. This isn't even home. We are at Jaehyun's remember? "

"We are? " Ten asked confusedly. "But why are we here? "

Johnny sighed before turning towards Donghyuck's direction. "I guess it's his time to sleep. "

Donghyuck shrugged. "I realize that too when he started offering to name me his heir. "

Johnny guffawed. 

"What's funny? " Ten asked in a very confused manner. 

"Nothing, Babe, " Johnny said while shaking his head. He slowly began gathering his husband in his arms. "You're just too cute, I love you so much! "

"I love you, too, husband! "

Ten didn't make a protest when Johnny carried him. The two of them bade Donghyuck goodnight. Johnny turned to Mark with a meaningful look that Donghyuck pretended not to see. 

"Good night, " Johnny said out loud before adding in a whisper, "Good luck, Mark. "

Johnny and Ten disappeared upstairs, leaving Mark and Donghyuck for the first time that night. 

Donghyuck was wide awake and so was Mark. It's like the two purposely stayed sober for this moment. 

Donghyuck looked up from his seat as Mark remained standing. Neither of them seemed planning to say the first word. 

It wasn't that Donghyuck didn't want to be the one to start. Honestly, he just didn't know how to. It's been too long, and he knew he waited for this moment. He was just not sure how to act when the moment finally came. 

When it seemed as if both of them were willing to wait forever for the other person to speak first, Donghyuck finally decided to give up the competition on staying silent. He sighed. He took a deep breath to speak first, to ask Mark how he had been, only to be stopped by Mark outstretching his hand to him. 

Donghyuck was baffled, even more when Mark decided to speak first. 

"Hi. I believe we haven't been formally introduced. My name is Mark Lee. And you are? "

●●●

The chances of Mark having an amnesia was very minimal. Moreover, if he was involved in a incident that caused something like that, he was sure that words would have traveled fast, from Johnny, to Ten; from Ten to Doyoung; and finally, from Doyoung to Donghyuck. 

Even if they had chosen not to be in contact with each other, Donghyuck had a feeling that the others wouldn't keep something as important as that to him. 

That lead him to his question: What in the world was this game that Mark was trying to play on him? 

Donghyuck remained staring at Mark's outstretched hand. He arched his eyebrow in a silent demand for Mark to explain. Mark, however, simply feigned ignorance. He just chuckled nervously. 

"Sorry. Are you the type who'd refuse to talk to strangers? I'm pretty harmless though. And I am friends with your friends. "

Strangers. Donghyuck found himself laughing. Admittedly, it seemed to be a pretty accurate description of who they were to each other already. Strangers. 

Donghyuck decided to play the game with him by reaching out to the other's outstretched hand. 

"I'm Lee Donghyuck, " he introduced himself, finally reaching out to shake Mark's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Mark Lee. I'm guessing you're not from here?"

Mark chuckled knowingly. "Yeah. I guess the name pretty much gave it away. I was born and raised abroad. May I? " Mark asked, pointing that the seat Ten had abandoned. Donghyuck scooted a little to give more space. "Sure. "

Mark sat next to him in a respectful distance. He then proceeded to ask, "So, why are you alone? "

Donghyuck almost groaned and laughed at the same time. "Because my friends either went home already or are fast asleep upstairs."

Mark paused for a moment. "I mean, I believe you didn't come with company? "

Oh, Donghyuck almost said, realizing what Maro actually meant. He decided to shrug. "That's a very assuming question. "

Mark looked surprised. "Am I wrong? " He asked, and Donghyuck could he hear a bit of uncertainty in his tone. 

"It's not a requirement to be double, " he simply replied, knowing that there's no point in pretending that Mark was wrong. 

"Fair enough, " Mark replied with a relieved sigh. 

"So why are you alone? " Donghyuck asked in return before correcting himself. "If my assumption is correct, that is. "

Mark shrugged back at him. "I tried to focus on myself. I had to throw away a lot of excess baggage before I can be ready to be with someone. "

They locked gaze with each other. "That's deep, " Donghyuck commented. 

Mark said nothing in return. 

Donghyuck thought for a moment before deciding to finally pop the question he had been wanting to ask.

"How have you been, Mark? How's Canada? "

"Woah! " Mark said in mock surprise. "Are you a psychic or something? We've just met. How would you know I am from Canada? "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. Fine then. If Mark wanted to keep playing that game, then he wouldn't have a problem playing alone. "Just a wild guess, " he answered. "I guess I can turn that into a career, huh? "

"Maybe, " Mark replied amusedly before relaxing on his seat. "I've been good. Canada feels good. You probably don't know, but, I actually went there for work. Well, mostly. I mostly did it to, you know, heal myself from a lot of thing."

"Sorry, I didn't know you were sick." 

"Sick?" Mark let out a sigh. "I guess you can say that. I also wanted to look back to lot of things. "

"And how did it go? " He asked, inable to hide his curiousity. 

Mark sighed again. "It brought back a lot of memories. " He laughed bitterly. "But it's not all bad. I mean, I initially thought everything about my childhood was bad but I reconnected with a lot of people, and I guess, a lot of good things happened, but they were all overshadowed by the bad once. "

"For a stranger, don't you think you're giving me so much information? " he teased. 

Mark chuckled. "I guess I can feel a connection. Maybe we knew each other in our past life. "

Donghyuck cringed. 

"Is that to cheesy? "

"Yes, and my fingers are curling. "

Mark cringed back.

"So stranger," Mark arched his eyebrow. "Would you like to tell me more about yourself? "

"You mean, if I also want to over-share? " He teased again. 

"Maybe, " Mark replied, curiousity sparking in his eyes. 

Donghyuck took a deep breath and allowed his mind to go back what he had been doing ever since that night. "I'm doing good, I guess. Wait, that's wrong. I am really doing good, so much better than I had ever been before. I got the job that I wanted. I teach kids music by the way. I'm surrounded with good people who love me and care about me. I'm living the life that I wanted. I guess that's the perks of focusing on me as an individual. "

"That's even more information than I gave, " Mark commented with a laugh. "And I thought I was over-sharing. "

Donghyuck shrugged again. "I guess I am just proud of myself. I don't have to lie anymore to force people to be with me. I just have to be me, a better version of me and they will come automatically. I'm contented."

"That's nice, " Mark commented with a nod. "I'll be proud of you, too, if we aren't strangers. " Donghyuck snorted. 

"So is that the reason why you're not dating anyone? " 

Donghyuck arched his eyebrow again. "What an assumption. How would you know that? "

"Because you haven't changed your social media status. "

Donghyuck stayed silent before smiling in surprise. "You're kidding me. "

"I'm not though. "

"You don't have a social media account. "

"I used my friend's, " Mark admitted before before deciding to ask him back. "How would you know that I don't have one? "

Donghyuck paused as he bit his lips. "I might have looked for yours online as well. "

Mark looked equally surprised before laughing in amusement. Donghyuck proceeded to join him. 

"I guess we both didn't live up to our promise?" Mark suggested.

"I guess we didn't, " he agreed. 

"Let's just think of it as diet, " Mark suggested. "Let's just say we had cheat days. We broke the rules sometimes, but it didn't really ruin the effect that we are trying to achieve. It didn't, right? "

Donghyuck shook his head. "It didn't. I think we fulfilled the things we wanted to fulfill. "

"It's good to see you, Donghyuck, " Mark said with a genuine smile on his face, and Donghyuck realized they were finally dropping the act. 

"It's good to see you too, Mark, " he said in returned. "You look…"

"Older? " Mark finished for him, making him roll his eyes. 

"Happier, " he finished. "And more mature. So I guess you can say, yes, older. "

Mark looked dejected. "Not everybody is surrounded by children everyday. Try working with temperamental business men and let's see if you'll stay young. "

"Oh, are you calling my job easy? "

It was supposed to be a joke, but Mark didn't seem to get the memo as he looked panic panic-stricken while trying to come up with an explanation. "Hey, it's a joke, " he clarified. "I know your not trying to insult me. "

Mark finally relaxed. "Yeah. Sorry about that. "

Donghyuck waved it off as nothing. "You know being mature is actually a good thing, right?" he said after they both became silent for a while. "Maturity takes a lot of effort to achieve. It has nothing to do with age. "

"I agree, " Mark replied with a nod. "And I think you became matured since the last time I saw you. "

"You're not just saying that to subtly call me old, right? " he teased, but Mark's seriousness was unfazed. 

"No. I'm saying it because I can see that you're a lot better now. You look happy. That makes me so happy. "

Donghyuck nodded to himself. "I guess, we made the right choice after all. '

"I guess we did. "

They did. Otherwise, they wouldn't be able to talk that way with each other. They made the right choice of focusing on healing on their own, separately. They achieved their goals. Donghyuck knew he achieved his own. Only one question remained unanswered. What was going to happen next? 

The locked their gaze once more, both just contentedly observing one another. Mark was the same, but also different, and that difference made Donghyuck appreciate him more. 

After contentedly staring at each other for a while, Mark finally cleared his throat. "So stranger, " he began, and Donghyuck found himself rolling his eyes. "Do you have a soulmate? "

Donghyuck was a little taken aback. It took a while for him to formulate an answer, until he finally decided on what he truely wanted to say. "I don't have one. I lost mine years ago."

Mark looked surprised and conflicted, like he hadn't expected the answer. 

"But I guess it was for the best, " he added. "It was best for us to part back then. How about you… stranger? Do you have a soulmate? "

This time, Mark seemed to have caught on quickly on what he was trying to hint. "I don't. I guess we can say that I lost mine, too. I wasn't ready for him back them. "

"He wasn't as well. "

"How would you know that? " Mark asked with a teasing tone. "Are you friends with my soulmate? "

Donghyuck decided to humor him. "I guess you can say that. "

They laughed in unison. 

"So, " Mark cleared his throat once again. "A random question. Do you think you can give someone who's not your soulmate a chance? "

Donghyuck pretended to think. "The choice is all mine now. "

"Then, " Mark paused as he swallowed hard, subconsciously moving closer to Donghyuck. "Do you think you can choose to have a coffee with this stranger tomorrow? "

Donghyuck's breath hitched. "It depends. " Mark quirked an eyebrow. "Only if the stranger will not be taking unnecessary baggage tomorrow. "

"I already left everything in Canada, " Mark replied instantly. "I have no intention on having them shipped back. " 

"Then, if that's the case, " Donghyuck replied in a serious tone that had Mark worried. "I'll be more than happy to have coffee with that stranger every morning. "

Their faces both broke into a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!
> 
> This, my people, is the end. I believe, I've finally reached my limits as a writer in writing the MarkHyuck storyline for this chapter. 
> 
> I do wish I could write more about them getting together, but I am at the point where this is the only thing I could write about them. Admittedly, I did focus more on them being individual persons rather than on them being together. So yeah, it is what it is. 😅
> 
> Thank you for supporting this fic until the end!

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated. Thank you 💚  
> 


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